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“…they seemed to dodge my questions..” –>> this is what OP's mutual friend did to her. And now, this is what I'll do to you. I believe you know the answer to your question ?
Up to you whether you stay or go. I would suggest leaving as this leopard has shown its spots .
You absolutely do not owe him an open and honest discussion beyond that you know he’s a deceitful creepy middle aged man who preys on young good hearted trusting women who think everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt and won’t confront him about being a predatory creep.
He has admitted to outright lying to you to get what he wants (sex) and shows no remorse about it, the proceeds to assault you AND potentially give you an STI or make you pregnant by stealthing. He does not respect you or care about you.
And now he’s manipulating you into doubting yourself. Trust your instincts and dump this loser.
If it's true love, it will be meant to be. Trust me, you'll regret not going to school. Please think about your future.
She cannot get pregnant again. I put 100 percent of my energy into my children but I am not married to her just to be her roommate that pays the bills. I want to cuddle. I want to hold hands. I want intimacy. I agree children are first. I have no argument against that but your partner should not always be last. Your partner is a PARTNER. not just another adult to have around to pay bills, clean, and do whatever you ask of them.
you are chronically live and don’t knew what eugenics actually means.
I hear you, I don’t expect a plastering, but if he does share some personal things wouldn’t it be appropriate for me to be included in that?
There's nothing more now, break up and let him do his thing, you'll find someone else who will be better and more deserving of you. Cut your losses, even though he doesn't sound much of a loss tbh.
Why, you already talked your lawyer about it?
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Yeah, I didn’t realize I was with a narcissist until well after we had split. He was a covert narcissist so it was subtle and harder to pinpoint. A lot of people think of the grandiose, Trump-like traits when they think of narcissists, but they are not all like that.
My ex was also excellent at crafting a public persona. His coworker (who I saw nearly every work day because I picked him up when his shift was done) said the same thing when we announced our divorce. “But you guys always looked so happy.”
I know you are hurting and its very hot when a relationship ends. But when it ends it really is best to cut all contact and move on with your lives. It just isn't realistic to “remain great friends” or be in one another's lives. If you run into one another, sure be kind say hi and be on your way. But you don't need to text and call each other. Delete her from your phone and move on.
I would tell every other girl to run. But because i’m in this it’s so different.
I wouldn't want to stay friends.
As an aside, I'm not sure why you took a drunk person to someone's house. You should have taken her back home.
You are confused ..
Stop remembering the moments that felt good or hopping for him being something that he's not..
If you don't feel loved, if you don't feel respected, if you are miserable with him.. only you can make yourself happy.
If he's blaming you, guilt tripping you making you feel bad about yourself it shows you that he doesn't love you. If he feels the same as you (blame shifting) then agree with him to move separate ways.
“I feel extremely uncomfortable with my girlfriend going to swim very hot with random men.”
She probably will tell you that you're overreacting or stop doing it. If she tells you you're overreacting then you decide how you feel about a gf that goes swimming with dudes hot and doesn't care about how you feel about it.
This is easily one of the most hysterical things that I have ever read. ???? I can barely stop laughing. Seriously tho, if “bokoblin mode” is enough to make you question getting married, then you should not be being married. You're not ready. How are you going to handle anything important in a marriage if THAT is to much for you?
If he actually has a reason, he could communicate it to her. Not neg her and then stonewall her.
If he actually has a reason, he could communicate it to her. Not neg her and then stonewall her.
Yes!!!!! Burnt once not twice
Thank you !
I will get therapy. I do know that’s not my true self but I will reflect how I behaved so poorly. Violence is never an option. It was all blind rage.
This advice is really, really lacking in nuance. There could be any number of reasons why she feels this way, and it's ridiculous to conclude it could never be better and that she's just trying to control him based on this one post.
Chances are that her feelings around sex and life in general are interfering with her sexuality in very negative ways. These are things you can absolutely do something about, and being 23 she is absolutely not “set in her ways”.
The only question is whether she wants to change or not, and they can only figure that out by talking about it.
It’s horrible that your trust has been violated in such a huge way. You must be deeply shocked and hurt by such an unexpected discovery.
The danger is that this deep hurt will derail you going forward because your brain will want to protect you from that pain reoccurring, and that you will develop and hold onto a bitter mindset that will limit your ability to trust a genuine relationship in the future.
You really need to consciously reflect upon the concept that your ex’s behaviour was abnormal and outrageous, rather than the norm, so that the impact of this hurt can’t steer you out of the potential for happiness with a partner. You see this a lot with people of either gender saying “ all women are …( fill the gap with something negative)” or “all men are… ( fill the gap with something negative)”. Few attitudes are less endearing than someone who has embraced a toxic attitude towards your gender, even if it was because they were done wrong in the past.
She hurt you big time, but don’t give her the power to ruin things for you forever. It might be crucial for you ti seek out therapy so you can process this healthily.
Yes, you have reason to be afraid, your bf is an abusive bastard who is using his childhood to gaslight you into believing that he can't help it and shouldn't be blamed for it. He can and he should.
The violence will only escalate, as he's learning that you will put up with it. He's not going to stop, and he's not going to get better, because he has no reason to stop, and doesn't think there is anything wrong with him.
He may well have C-PTSD as a result of his upbringing, but that does NOT give him the right to abuse you! Asl him this; if he is so damaged from being abused as a child, why does he now think it's ok to damage you the same way? If it was wrong for others to hurt him, then it is wrong for him to hurt you.
Get out. Get out now. You do NOT deserve this, and will be so much happier when you're no longer living in fear.
“Mom, there is something I need to tell you…”
He does deserve to know which people in your current friend group you used to have a sexual relationship with. So if he doesn't already, tell him that. The age gap is secondary here, it's not a big one, although 17 and 20 is the age where people mature a lot in a short time, so I do wonder what you two had in common.
Well. If you have experience on AITA, you know that “welcoming the sister that is fleeing a bad relationship” is code for big trouble ahead.
Why are you even with him? He’s a professional loser.
I just wanted everyone to have fun, she chose not to.
Mate, every human wants to be happy and have fun.
If you want to banish people from your life for times when they fail to achieve that, you do you I guess, but you're going to be left with very shallow friendships.
Totally agreed – trying to get my partner to see eye to eye with me on this is the very hot part here.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply and thank you soooo much for not putting me down/chastising me for dating someone younger like others have.
And well my life plan was to get physically stronger and possibly go back to school if I can. I don’t really like anything though career or hobby wise. My dream of acting was crushed due to it being too expensive. But I did well at it and went to conservatory and used to dance until my sciatica hit me. Everything other than fantasizing of making music videos is what bores me. My creative outlet was “taken” from me and although I like learning French, I realized it doesn’t matter to do it since I’ll never travel to a French speaking country. So I just like to be on reddit and watch silly YouTube videos. If I could I would travel the world, dance salsa professionally and make music videos and be an actor. But with my health issues and financial issues, it’s a pipe dream. I just try to be grateful for what I have.
Yeah, it sounds like OP takes great offense to her friend’s behavior, and I totally understand being hurt by it, but it seems super weird to me she’d think it’s “petty” not to invite a friend on a work trip. It kinda reflect the idea she thinks she should be invited on these trips and so not getting invited is also petty, which like you said, it sounds like OP is expecting a best friendship while this friend only considers OP part of her general friend group rather than a close/best friend. I’m pretty sure if OP tells the friend about the trip, there will be 0 expectation of being invited. I’d never expect even my best friend to invite me on this trip, personally. It’s meant to take a significant other, as reviewing a luxury resort for a week without your partner might 1. Reduce the experiences you take advantage of and 2. Might cause a worse experience overall as people like being with their loved ones on vacation, but it isn’t really meant to just give away a free trip.
Hopefully OP reflects and realizes maybe she isn’t happy with the state of her social life and works on getting that into a good place rather than projecting the dissatisfaction on her friends.
Ignore them.
I mean…what’re you gonna do? Tell her not to call you Dad? She gets to decide who she sees as her parents and you’ve done some work to earn it. Keep earning it. Three loving parents sounds wonderful.
I mean…what’re you gonna do? Tell her not to call you Dad? She gets to decide who she sees as her parents and you’ve done some work to earn it. Keep earning it. Three loving parents sounds wonderful.
That explains why she won’t stand up to her mom.
Make it clear she must, or you will.
No they have never done anything to make him think anything bad. i’m not just talking about going out to bars i’m talking about not even being able to go to they’re houses without getting into a fight.
That’s the attitude dude!
Entitlement and rejection on advice is ….who am I trying to kid … ya shitty, ya have a shitty attitude, that shitty attitude, and rudeness, is exactly why you won’t ever experience love,
Have the life you deserve.
Wow your mum really just tried to justify a racist. Not just that but she is picking him over one of the most important days of your life.
You made it clear that you’re not comfortable with it and that you consider it cheating. It went in one ear and out the other. She cheated on you bro, sorry to break it to you :/
I’d be ok with the partner if there’s trust there but I certainly would NOT be ok with the ex. I’d be thinking they wanted more than a friendship. I’d for sure let them know that if they give me anything to be suspicious about, there won’t be any questions. There would just be me walking away.
I think you need to rethink your entire relationship, it seems he wants everything his way and is quite controlling. While it is a bummer that u didn't bought tickets when they were cheaper, he could foot a part of it if he wants u to tsg along. Also the play sounds quite a heavy one and u shouldn't be expected to attend it if it's something u can't stomach, not everyone can.
Yeah, you should keep it if you see a future together. I’m sure she wouldn’t have given it to you if she didn’t. It’s perfectly fine to talk with her about it, how you feel about it and ask her why she gave it to you so you understand her intentions of the gift. As long as she did it because she loves you and wants to share her success with you no strings attached, I don’t see any issues. It is a gift and not a “payable upon breakup” loan.
Girl, break up.
And you want to have kids with him‽
He has some audacity. So he wants to go on vacation without you AND get your permission for him to cheat. Dump him and find a real man.
Nah dude people say the same thing when a woman tries to tell her male partner that he can't interact with woman if she's not present.
That's fine if you and your own partner agree to those rules. But well adjusted people do not assume their partner is going to cheat on them as soon as they're out of sight. People who want to cheat will cheat. People who don't want to cheat will not change their mind just because a potential affair partner is present and their partner isn't around. Otherwise they could never leave home. Or do you think your partner is going to cheat on you when they go to the grocery store or get brunch with their friends? You think your partner has absolutely no self control? That's exhausting.