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This isn’t something to tiptoe around. Sit him down and say something like “I feel unappreciated and that you don’t want me when you’re masturbating to other women and turning me down for sex. I feel disrespected and we need to talk about this. This is not something I will put up with any more.”
You need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. If he won’t care about your needs and feelings, you need to care about you enough to stand up for yourself.
Sometimes splitting up is for the best. My father has cheated on my mother before they even married, learned about a whole secret step family i never knew about till i was about 6, then later on figured out that happens because of cheating, my mother would end up staying with him anyway because of us kids but it made our life a living hell. He'd continue to cheat, shed continue to cry and get depressed, and us kids would continue to see this broken house and stay out with friends, work, or school for as long as we could just to stay away. She would've found someone she deserves if she had left the first time she knew he cheated, we all would've been so much happier, we all would've had the choice of who to stay with, we wouldn't have to hear the yelling, threats, infidelity, crying, screaming, or death/suicide threats every day.
If you didn’t do anything. He doesn’t need to know
I (27f) lost my libido about 3 months into my relationship when I started birth control. I didn't realize it at first either because shortly after that I moved out of state for college. The year after that he moved down to be with me. Living together for the first time we were having sex nightly…but I was just kind of going through the motions because that's what you do when you first start sharing a bed with someone. But soon enough the lack of libido really started to hit. I was NEVER in the mood …. until I was doing it. So I made a little agreement with myself. I recognized that I don't want to be penetrated all the time, and that I don't even want the sexual release for myself, so I decided that every few days I would satisfy him with oral. This kept him happy, and it made me feel more confident being able to do that for him (sometimes I would watch the clock and keep track of how quick I could make it happen). Then once or twice a week I would try to have sex with him. This was partially for him, but also to remind myself that I don't mind sex, I just don't like switching from a relaxed state to an excited state. I have problems getting myself in the mood, but once we're there and doing it, it's fantastic!
I'm not saying this will exactly work for you, but find some sort of system that does. Talk with him and explain that you are trying to make more of an effort and to please not laugh at you or push you away when you do. The first few times might feel awkward for you both. But keep with it and soon it will feel like a natural part of your relationship. And don't be afraid to try things! I don't think I mentioned this, but we've been together for 10 years now and we're married. You'd think that after all that time we've learned everything about eachother. But just last month I decided to be a little forceful with him. He was taking a nap and I just grabbed him and rolled him over. He tried to speak and I covered his mouth. I got real dominant with him and he told me after that was the most turned on he's been in a long time. I'm the most submissive person there is, so being dominant was way out of my comfort level. But I did it and it paid off. Chase those little sparks. Talk and find out what you like. But really, I guaranteed any effort will be appreciated, even if it's not the hotest thing in the world. You just have to show him that you're trying.
Yeah same. This dude is a real gem. Jesus.
Have you ever done anything that would cause her to feel this way? I'm sorry but people don't just write this things out of the blue
That is something you should have brought up before or starting dating her. You can't assume her stopping it.
I see people talking about boundaries, but what it means is that it is okay when this is your boundary, but it means that you either accept it or break it off with her. It does not mean you telling her this is your boundary and she should stop it because of that. Just to be sure. See so many people using boundaries as an excuse to control their partner's behaviour on here.
Honestly, if you text him and tell him you want to make out with him again, he’ll probably get hot just from reading your text. 😉
Can you guys make it kinky? Lol
Y can't I have both tho just cuz I want the physical doesnt meant I don't want the emotional too but this is a complex topic anyhow
Since forever thx
You cannot come back from breaking the trust, just let bygones be bygones and learn from your mistake for your next relationship.
Girl…this marriage is over. It is only a matter of time before they cheat if they haven't already. Why are you settling? This should be a deal breaker. You cannot stop this if he wants to be with her.
You’re the asshole, get therapy, stop making other people live! their life to your “trauma”.
If you move out you might as well consider your relationship with him over it's that simple. It's either him and the relationship you now have or …… What do you really think is out there that you are missing. Maybe you should read what happened to women who did what you are contemplating and see how they feel when they reached their mid 30s with no husband no relationship, no children and no prospects. Only you can decide if you have a good relationship or not, or if this relationship still works for you. There are a lot of changes mentally from the time you met until you are the age you are now. If it's no longer working then break it off clean and do as you wish but don't be surprised if you try to go back that he isn't interested anymore and has moved on.. PS I heard almost exactly what you are saying from my ex wife boo hooing she missed having her fun in her early 20s because we married young and kicked her out when I caught her cheating. I remarried 3 years later and am still with my wife 35 years later. My ex has never had a successful relationship and is currently alone and likely to remain that way.
I'm trying not to. It just brought up so many concerns. Like the contact between them a year or so ago. And why she shouldn't be contacting him. Like what did they do, that made him so defensive on making sure she knew she shouldn't have messaged him. Idk, I'm tryin to not let it get to me. It's just confusing
I don't know. I don't know any the specifics of your guy's lease or mortgage or financial situation. That's for you two to figure out.
How long have you been together? If you are a solid and established couple then it’s fair to say that you don’t like it and ask him to stop.
As a wife who has been in a similar situation,if wife is upset,PAY ATTENTION! You never mentioned it. Consider how that looks. Consider wife doing the same with a man. Still no big deal? How much time are you with this woman at work? More time than you are with your wife,per day? With different shifts,you probably see her more than wife. Do you also pick her up for work?
If it hurts your wife,it matters. Or should. Let me guess. You don’t want to tell your coworker to make other arrangements. Her feelings should NEVER carry more weight than your wife’s.
Agreed, he knew he crossed a line. I'm sure he didn't realize it was such a big fat line, but that doesn’t make it okay.
You don’t even need to say anything. Non-answers work great for those questions: “No idea! No one is memorable since I met you.“
In a full body massage you typically talk about the areas you want targeted most beforehand, and usually yes, when they’re working on your legs they’ll work around your glutes and will massage your thighs. But they’re not cupping your cheeks, or putting their hands anywhere inappropriate.
You need to attend therapy immediately if you think in any way shape or form that that relationship is “okay” just because he hasn’t hit you or cheated on you. Neither of those need to happen for you to be in a hellish, abusive relationship (which you are).
I’ll repeat this again and again until everyone who needs to hear it sees it- if a man who is much older than you goes for you, it’s because he’s been rejected by women his own age for being an asshole or immature as fuck. It does NOT mean he’s mature or alluring, in fact- it means he’s unacceptable to women within his own age range, and is only with a younger woman because they are easier to manipulate in his eyes.
I'm all for folks on here dating older people…. But can you all at least date emotionally stable mature older men?! Ha ha How is a 40yo give silent treatment and running off to his friends when he's upset. Stop allowing these old childish men to project their lack of coping skills on you
Ooh, imagine being so insecure you can’t date someone who’s doing better than you. I mean do what you feel is best for you but honestly if someone thought badly of themselves because I got an apartment before them I’d just think they need to get over themself before I hang out with them again. I don’t want to associate myself with someone who blames my accomplishments for their sadness. Veeeeeery toxic energy.
My sons father completely understood that sex was out of the question for me after I had our child. Until I was ready. He was super supportive and we had a little joke that it might not happen until Julaugust 37th. Because that makes no sense and I couldn’t give him a time frame of when. He was so patient. It took me a while. I just didn’t feel right down there yet. But it did come back so don’t worry. What I would be worried about is your PPD. Doesn’t mean you are sad…like me I was frustrated a lot. He needs to support you in all of those things. Your body just did some amazing shit and if he can’t see that, it’s truly unfortunate. Congratulations knew mama. I know you’ve got this. Im glad you have your brother who helps you! Lean to him if needed. Would having a family meeting with more than just your husband work? Have your brother there? Maybe mom and dad too? Maybe his parents as well? That way y’all are all on the same page! Try and have a conversation with your husband. I only had one child for a reason…. Please know how amazing you are and know that you are not alone in your feelings or physical. Our bodies are so amazing and you just grew a whole human inside yours!
Are references not a thing where you are? Surely he needed to wait for a reference from current employers to be requested and received by the potential new employer before a formal offer of the job is provided? I've always known the first offers mention “dependent on references”. It's why we don't all leave our jobs in this fashion, as satisfying as it would be!
I'm getting a low empathy/no empathy vibe and that is not good. If this is what he does in front of an office full of workers, I'd worry about setting him off. OPs SO is like a car with no brakes, and has no self awareness. ????
There really isn't anything to question here. He is actively looking for other men to eff while you're gone. When he gets up tell him you found the messeges and it's over. Unless your going to have an open relationship of some type, it's over.
i mean i’m sure you’re girl wouldn’t like some of the shit you got going on on your profile but a twitter rando is what you’re upset with her over? ok
New iCloud means the old iCloud is gone forever and you can never see everything that was there? Because I’d be dissecting every single thing he ever did on that phone. So I’d have the receipts after I dumped him. Sometimes the receipts help you stay strong when time makes you less sure and less angry and occasionally lonely. Can he just get a second phone with a different iCloud and up his secrecy game?
It sounds like you were talking about actual relationships and not her number of partners. This sounds like a simple miscommunication. If you're that curious, ask her how many people she's had sex with. Then ask her how many people she's kissed. And then how many people she's dated. She likely has a different number for each (if she remembers), like a lot of people, because they're not the same. You don't always go on dates with people you sleep with. You don't always end up in relationships with people you've dated. You don't sleep with every person you've kissed.
You've based your opinion on her on the fact that's she's only slept with 5 people, when we're not sure that's exactly what she told you. Stop assuming things. If you can't get passed it, talk to a therapist.
No she hasn’t! You are still together so she is definitely enabled by you and she absolutely gets her way because you take your daughter out of the house when your wife throws a fit, which is EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS! Your daughter doesn’t actually get to spend “family time” in your house when you remove her from the house because of your wife. Honestly you are the only family she has in your house. In about 1-2 years your daughter is going to stop visiting and your wife will rejoice. Your BS about being a coward for divorcing and your sons missing out is sooo delusional you need therapy (just you). You can’t see that your sons don’t need a marriage to be your kids. They are going to treat your daughter like shit and you are going to sit on your throne of lies that it’s better for your 3 kids and toss the 1. You are a coward now.
Omg so relieved. Did/doing all those things and have told my bf to ask them about dinner so they don’t feel pressured. Thank you! I’m just nervous af.
Shoot it’s only been a few months. You might be able to get the marriage annulled.
Yikes. That's NOT how you treat someone you love. This guy is being really mean to you.
Well if you are so cool about it Why do you think is rude to ask age? Cool person. He is a man with standards then.
If your current therapist isn't helpinf with your self worth issues, you need to find a different therapist or start applying yourself and working towards changing your mindset
Right now, the only thing stopping you from being happy is you.
Look. You have two options. Either divorce or therapy together. If you BOTH want to make it work, then therapy. Otherwise, divorce ASAP
search for his NPI number if you're in the states. also look to see medical school graduation records