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Condoms, spermacide, pill, IUD, long term implant (can't think of the name, usually goes in your arm) abstinence all are 95%+ effective. If you have an abortion you still have a baby coming out of you
that's very fair on your part! I know how you feel about the “always wondering what his intentions are” it's exhausting. 2 months is not too long! I'm not worried that I waited too long, he's leaving on a month long international trip for the holidays tomorrow 😐
The problem isn't her, it's your boyfriend. He might not be cheating, but he is enjoying feeling wanted by someone else. This doesn't seem like an innocent friendship at all. But, if you want to be sure, make him choose between her and you. See what he does. I'm afraid he won't give her up.
Well written
I’d go get paternity tests for the children. And frankly I don’t know why you’re so spending time alone with his brother anyway that’s kind of weird it would make me uncomfortable. And I don’t know about the doctor telling him his unfertile. I think there’s more to unpacked here then we’re getting.
Well for a start “aggressive and irrational” isn't fair to the man. She's acting sus, and any reasonable person would be suspicious and upset.
Secondly, paternity tests can absolutely distinguish between uncles and fathers, unless the uncle and father are identical twins. Regular siblings share similar DNA, it all came from the same parents after all, so the test would prove they're related, but not in a parental capacity. She shouldn't be so avoiding of paternity testing unless there's a chance the kids are not her husband's.
What are you supposed to do? Leave. It's the only answer.
Years from now you’re going to look back and wish you hadn’t wasted so much time and energy on this guy and his bullshit.
Seems like an odd thing to be hung up on. Sometimes its best to let sleeping dogs lie with stuff like this. If you were not exclusive i don’t see why there is any issue.
Seems like an odd thing to be hung up on. Sometimes its best to let sleeping dogs lie with stuff like this. If you were not exclusive i don’t see why there is any issue.
Reading this made me so angry on your behalf, OP. She is being so immature and unfair to you. She's turning your mental health improvement into something about her because she's anti-meds and can't practice empathy. That's so shitty. You deserve better than this.
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I genuinely think it’s uncomfortable for him
Lmao.
Dude jacks it too much ,and everything else is lies. Tell him to take a break until condoms feel good.
So that’s domestic violence and you should follow your advice and call the police to have him charged with a crime
I grew up raising my siblings, so by the time I was old enough to have kids I didn't want them myself.
I met my husband and he wanted to have at least one because he wanted to try for a boy. So I gave in. Lucky for him we had a boy.
Let me make this very clear. I love my son, and wouldn't trade him for the world. But when he lived at home, I always thought of the things I could do if I didn't have him. How I could just pack up and go anywhere anytime and not worry about school etc. I never resented my son, but I did resent the missed opportunities because I had a kid. I never let my kid know how I felt.
My advice is if you strongly don't want kids then don't have any. It's best to let her go and find someone who wants what she wants
If you did, she would only remember you as “that creepy guy that send me flowers a month after we broke up, when we only dated for a month in the first place” and could even end up scaring her.
I know this is probably me trying to justify myself but she blocked me after a huge fight we had. 3 days before that she was talking about introducing me to her family and coworkers.
She will not find it kind or cute or romantic or sweet, it will be seen as stalker-like and creepy
I understand, i won't do this. Thank you for your honesty
Nothing wrong with being focused at work. Your BF shouldn’t interrupt your work with his constant controlling behaviour.
I'm not enabling anything. I have written multiple times that OP needs to get sober and that she needs to be out of the relationship. I know that her children are victims in all of this and I am not excusing her drinking. I'm just saying that I can understand how this started, but that she needs to do something now before it's too late. You don't know both sides either so don't make the husband out to be holier than.
I’ve found that people who have been cheated on are more likely to cheat because well someone else did it to me.
ur response made it seem like u were saying that he can keep going after having an orgasm. lol
ur arguing with ur self here lmao. Toroic did not say any of this lol.
She is pushing your boundaries so she can use you for sex. Then trying to guilt manipulate you. Lovely way to treat someone you pretended to care about.
Her toxic behaviour needs to be removed from your life asap.
Yep, dump his toxic ass. He’s a hypocrite. Let me guess he thinks he’s an “alpha” male and men have a biological need to sleep around, but women lose value if they do and can’t bond properly with their mate.
You’re just a booty call when he wants something different from the other ladies.
Again though it’s not for you to decide what is and if any worth posting about. So I’m guessing you think I should change my plans then
Directly or indirectly?
Normally Valentine’s Day gifts are for people you’re romantically interested in. It may send the wrong message
821 children died of covid 19 from august 2021-July 2022. In 2020, 1,039 children died in car accidents. Should kids be buckled into seatbelts? Or is the risk so small that it doesn’t matter?
Not worth it. Had a girl do this two me twice in a row. Didn’t tell me “things came up” till I was driving to the date spot and texted her.
Find someone who gives a damn about your time
She might be, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s not up to you to fix her. She needs to come to the realization herself. I used to be deep into leftist Marxist nonsense where I overcensored myself and subconsciously picked fights with whoever said something “problematic” and it took me years to realize mental illness from trauma was causing me to look for “fights” everywhere and be in constant survival mode when I didn’t need to be.
You did the right thing. Fingers crossed she will too, in time.
So…not sure if this will help or just muddy the waters….
I have a degree in molecular genetics. I was accepted to med school, took a deferral and moved abroad as I was burned out. Had been working IT adjacent so got a job in that. Came home and saw how miserable all of my med school friends were and stuck with IT. Never did get more than a BS. But I still am interested in science and medicine and stay engaged through my volunteer work.
Meanwhile my partner has a masters and his CPA but works as a carpenter because he got burned out doing corporate desk life.
We have no shortage of good conversation around current events or politics or music or our hobbies.
But I don’t really talk human or vet med with him unless it directly relates to our fam or pets. And I maybe tell him about my day for 10 min when we get home but he has no real understanding of what I do now in tech. Conversely, I don’t know all the things about his work.
It’s never been an issue.
I always knew I wanted to be able to support myself as I saw how things went when my folks divorced. I never wanted to be financially dependent on someone. And when I was your age, I wanted to know that a partner had comparable earning potential.
But after dating enough assholes with money I didn’t need, I realized that I was prioritizing the wrong things.
I dunno. You need to do what feels right to you. But it seems there are bigger issues in the relationship than this grad school thing.
I'll rephrase myself,
If you have a girlfriend that was approached several times by a college that also has a GF. Doesn't get the gist of her not being interested and rejected. Does her not at some point whip out the boyfriend card not respected?
I’ve really been trying to get her to go visit an OB/GYN but she’s stubborn. She doesn’t want to.
Why the fuck would it be fake
Romantic dinners? Long walks? Sex? Seems kinda obvious.
I had something similar to this—I (29F) started dating a guy (36M). He told me was still friends with his ex, but it was platonic. Whatever, didn’t love it, but who was I to put an end to his friendship that predated me.
Then I saw a notification from her on his phone that said “Always❤️” and I was like wtf. I should mention they talked everyday and he still had a photo of them on his IG where he referred to her as his girl—it was old, back when they dated.
I ended up snooping on his phone and saw how much they talked and a lot of it was about me—I saw them making jokes about me—“Does your gf still hate me and my dog ?” “yeah lmao”—so I lost it and told him two things: he could be friends with her or he could date me, but he couldn’t have both.
He ended up picking me and deleting the photo of them on IG and he deleted her off IG. I didn’t ask him to remove her from IG, but it’s nice that he did. He told her they couldn’t talk anymore and that was it.
Had he decided to remain friends with her, I would have exited the relationship. The only woman you should be second to in a relationship with a guy, is his mother. And even then, after due time, you should out prioritize his mother.
Dear op I love going down on my wife. Your bf doesn't deserve you. And sounds like he was extremly disrespectful to you.
If you don't feel like your not in a loving suportive relationship. It's because your not in a loving suportive relationship.
And that's not a good thing. You know what to do.
I think maybe just mentioning how you feel to her might help you move on. however there’s truly no reason you should feel any type of way about it, it was before she even knew you after all. i’m sure she might have just forgotten about it if anything. I don’t remember every guy/girl i’ve dated or liked in my life after all. try not to beat yourself up over this. you’re the one she chose to marry and spend the rest of her life with after all !
I mean it's not unusual for friends to day my love and put ❤️ emoji onto texts. I would just have an open conversation with her, explain what you saw and your concerns and see how she responds. If he's gay then no dramas right
The only person who knows what happened is him. Obviously now that he would’ve realised I blocked him and didn’t attend a lot of events, he must know something is off. But who else is going to give me the information. I know I want to talk and get all the info so I can feel some relief or accept what has happened, right now this doesn’t even feel real because I only have flashes of what happened that night. I know I won’t contact him.
Look. I’m prior service. I get the fear. But there’s a reason there’s jokes about e-6 and above having multiple divorces, and it’s situations like these. She can be a great friend, but you’ve been pretty honest about the red flags in this relationship. Those red flags don’t change with marriage or living together, they just get more intense. Imagine not being able to have friends to your house, or having to go straight home and stay there all day. How is she going to handle deployments or underways or even duty days? So many of the dudes I was in with were scared of being alone, and very few of them are still with their first wife. I met my husband when I was active duty. I’m his 4th wife. For different reasons he rushed to marry his exes, usually because of a change of duty station or pressure; and you can see how those ended. We’ve known each other 13 years, we live! in two different states right now, but our marriage is strong. We were realistic about our situation, we established boundaries for our wants and expectations, and us getting married wasn’t dependent on a move. There are plenty of options out there, even in Alaska.
Great post, agreed. She should move on, unless he does a 180 wrt his character traits
My BFF and I met in forth grade – we had fall outs over the years but for the most part we were joined at the hip. When I got married but she and I still hung out weekly – she doesn't drive so I'd help her with groceries etc. She met someone and he became her universe and I was cancelled on constantly or he'd come along (my husband never did unless it was planned). By 36 I gave up trying to maintain the friendship and it became the odd text on holidays. Until last until I'd not seen her in 8 years. We hung out – talked all day and into the night for awhile we texted daily in never ending conversation – then it slipped back into a week between responses and since then it's back to holiday texts and I realised that's where are friendship is now it's okay – it's been 36 years of knowing each other at one point we were like sisters at this point we aren't. I guess my point is it doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing – go with the flow and realise this is where your friendship is now.
My mom and her best friend drifted apart for about 8 years in their mid-30s (they met in the hospital giving birth) – now they're in their 70s and closer to each other than either of them are to their actual sisters.
Girl be for reals this is the time when you should be all over each other. He is literally showing you who he is, believe him. This will be your future.