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Birth Date: 1998-09-15
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No you don't. Tell her you said no. And no means no. Tell her you will see them again when you feel better resourced and are actually in the mood. P.S. Families where people have to feel forced to spend time around them versus want to genuinely do it on their own usually have major emotional abuse issues. Like enmeshment, codependency, and narcissistic type of stuff going on.
Either 1. He has a medical issue, which needs tending. Or 2. This is some weird f'ed up controlling sleep torture.
Orgasms basically consist of two parts:
The release of hormones. The release of semen
Not releasing sperm can be triggered by a lot of different causes, almost always biologically related that has nothing to do with you. If dry orgasms happen multiple times, he should see a doctor.
Look at it this way. When you orgasm, do you cum at the same time? If you're a woman, the answer is probably no. It's the same thing with him.
Of course, communicate your fears and concerns with him, have him teach you or show you what he likes, experiment, and all of that. Good sex comes from great communication!
Leave it alone
Yeah, the reactions on here are all about bringing out the guillotine.
Did the bet also include dating and then eventually marriage? If the bet was to fuck her, then he did. That bet was over before their relationship started, and yet everyone here is crying blood.
We're judging someone today, on who he was 6 years ago? Shit, was this also before or after #MeToo? Because for a lot of us, it took that movement to open our eyes to our own toxic masculinity.
Such a good way to put it, I’m sorry you’ve been through the same. That’s all I’m looking for, like minded people. I’m sending you good ass energy, thank you for this ???
Cognitive behavioral therapy. There's nothing you can do
Did he go to therapy or he just stopped without problems?
So, this is a bit of a longer story. I messed up really bad the other night with my bf of a year. I totally admit to having absolutely messed up and I’m ashamed and embarrassed by what I was told. I wanna start by saying I’ve never been cheated on or cheated with someone, etc, and I didn’t cheat or do anything physical with anyone on this night. So, it was the end of finals, my bf, me, and some of our friends went to a club to celebrate. I had too many shots too close together and wound up blacking out, so I can’t recall anything after we entered the club. My bf stayed with me and he recounted what happened after he took me out of the club when I started swaying too much. He told me I said I wanted to make out with other guys because I like doing that when I’m drunk, and that I wanted to go home with my friends back in the club. He said I was mad and crying and started vomiting everywhere in the parking lot, and that he, rightfully, considered breaking up with me, but didn’t because he recognized I was plavacuum.
It sucks, but most people have had embarrassing nights like this. Actually my early 20s were full of this kind of behavior until I woke up in a bathtub of running water with enough pain in my lungs to let me know I had inhaled some.
I’ve never had an experience like that night. I’ve decided for myself to stay away from drinking because my bf matters more to me than getting a buzz on. I’ve also never, and I mean never, cheated on or kissed another guy while drunk or thought about it while in a relationship with someone else. My current bf i really, really am serious about, and so learning i said those things to him leaves me feeling ashamed and embarrassed and horrible for him because I can only imagine how traumatic that was. I don’t know where those comments came from truly. I love my bf a lot, and I want him to be around for a long time. The next morning I was really hungover. He helped take care of me despite what I’d said. I didn’t remember much aside from entering the club, so he caught me up to speed and I cried and apologized and asked if we broke up. He said no, and I was and am very grateful for that.
Honestly. This is where I wished the post would end, because unpacking the next bit is gonna suck for both of us.
Since then, he’s started calling me names. He says it’s punishment for my comments. He calls me derogatory names/swear words in a joking tone, refuses to use my name, has changed my name in his contacts to “dmb btch”, established no physicality, and he’s established a rule that I cant drink save for if I’m around him.
This is a man dealing with deep embarrassment, if left unchecked it will fester into resentment and kill the relationship (as you already suspect) what he is saying will do the same to you.
The thing is, I had a gf who did this to me once too. I was able to see that it was more or less this uninhibited vulnerability and need for validation that came from shame conflated with self worth. In otherwords: the thing that is normally filtered out is this underlying unmet desire to be desirable by all of the attractive people out there. Lots if people instinctively wish that being desired would be reciprocated. Because that shit feels good on a really base level. That “I wanna make out with other guys, because I like to do that when I am drunk.” Is a very poorly worded version of “I can't help that other people are attractive. I know that kissing attractive people feels good. I want other people to also consider me attractive. I am unable to filter these thoughts when I am drunk. I know being drunk isn't an excuse. But this is why I am talking. It's not what I do. But I do like kissing when I am drunk. It feels good. I want to feel good. Feeling like a stranger thinks I am very hot won't ever stop feeling good, because I am a normal healthy human.”
Now, is this a threat to the relationship.
Well, while drunk you proved that you are unable to navigate your own Id in a way that your life will survive. So don't make it a habbit.
I understand the last two rules, but the name calling makes me feel further from him. He said initially it’d only be a week of that, but now he’s saying twohabit.
I get being butthurt about what you said. But this isn't a punishment. This is cruelty. When it comes to forgiveness, this asshat needs to put up or shut up.
To make things right, I’ve been treating him to coffees, flowers, and dinners, etc., and I’ve been planning a party for him for the past few weeks that I’m still working on.
Stop. Right now. Make a plan to spend the night at a friend's/parent's house.
The next time he says something terrible, you need to give him an ultimatum. Tell him that while you understand that he was embarrassed, and that he has every right to be embarrassed, this idea of planning to punish some one for a length of time is weird, manipulative and can't last. Tell him you need a night off from the punishment. If he continues to be a dick about it, this is your red flag. If he accepts your appology, forgives you, agrees not to bring it up in future fights and changes your contact name he is a good dude. If not, this is the kind of behavior you can expect (and now much more easily) from future embarrassing mistakes.
I’ve asked for the party if he could not call me those names, and he agreed. I know I messed up majorly the night we went out, those things I said no matter how untrue, I can’t erase, but I’m now just trying to figure out how to make things right. I don’t want our relationship to be further damaged, and I want to make things okay. What can I do to make things better or do I just have to wait for time to pass for things to get easier? Is there a way to come back from this?
He has already had enough time to accept your apology. You fucked up. You owned it. You apologized.
Side note: A man who has his insecurities revealed is just as confused as he is dangerous. He is lashing out and being controlling out of fear. Your behavior scared him into no longer being confident in your loyalty, your attraction to him ect. To some extent, this is his self esteem issues. You don't have any responsibility or agency to cure those. But if this does resolve, and you do continue, therapy is such a good idea.
when reddit stops arguing and starts violently agreeing…
One bit of your phrasing left the one question in my mind – was he planning to move both of you, or was he clearly looking to live with his friend? (alone?) Ive seen so so many fights start with the opposite assumption. But, if he isnt trying to do something nice and surprise you, gtfo.
a) ask him.
b) separate your feelings of betrayal. conflicted implies you want to make a horrible situation work, if its horrible, your effort could make something that isnt already horrible, pretty damn good. start with not horrible. there is a very kind, shy guy out there for someone that is so quick to forgive. that guy wouldnt take it for granted or use it against you. find a person like that.
Guys sitting alone at school are there because they want someone to talk to them or they'd be sitting alone somewhere else. If you see a cute guy (like aww cute) sitting on the side of a big open area, that's your guy. You can be really sneaky and wait for something altruistic – like the guy that tells a cute girl that she dropped something but is too shy to start the conversation. THAT'S your guy.
but he gives her children the same amount of money as his kids? so what extra money does she need for her kids that his doesn’t need?
lol okay, thanks for the heads up.
In a Muslim country where I once lived, two men could openly hold hands and embrace. As you surely know, in many societies, Muslim or not, male friends are free to do either thing. But there, for a married couple, doing either was taboo!
The adult women there didn't live as independently, nor get around as freely, as they do in the USA, for example, and their unexplained absence from the family home might not go unquestioned. Single men sharing apartments was common enough. Single, divorced, or widowed women stayed in the family home until (re)married.
I didn't go looking into the gay scene, and never heard local men or women speak of their forbidden desires. I'm only relating what was certainly unequal opportunity – gay men having a lot, gay women relatively little.
Then say “eat me out.” and leave if he doesn't wanna do it. Otherwise no blowjob and no sex. Two can play that game.
Are you trying to force open communication.. well done that works well for abusers.
I don’t play video games either… does that make me worse…
Go secretly get a vasectomy and then agree to give her a baby.
Checkmate.
Honey you can get free std screenings, it’s not very hot. It’s not an insurance issue, lol. He obviously lied, he slept with someone. Idk why you need to hear it from him, bc it’s clearly what happened
You give your advice, I give mine and OP can act accordingly.
You know the answer then. While I enjoy our weekly get togethers I will continue to live o. My own with my girlfriend. End of story
It sucks but I live in rural area of an Island in the Mediterranean Sea, I don't have access to counseling or therapy. I'm considering online videocall options though. Thank you!
I would have dumped him over the drunk driving thing, tbh.
Like straight up, driving drunk is one of the worst things you can do as a person. It kills SO MANY people every year and it's 100% avoidable.
Everything else is a giant red flag and you should leave him anyway since he's also an abusive moron, but the driving drunk thing is probably where I would have gotten off that ride.
I wouldn’t be afraid, I’d be terrified. He’s testing boundaries to see what he can get away with and it’ll only escalate. Run while you still can and don’t look back. Abuse is difficult to get away from
5 hours is a while, tbf.
She doesn’t have depression dude. She’s literally living her best life. She went on four vacations this year alone and had an all expenses trip with her best friend. She is not depressed.
You are depressed. Your father is sick and possibly dying. Your body is suffering. You’re working yourself to death and still can’t keep up financially. Your life is a complete lie and you’ve decided all of it is worth it if you can just keep this relationship.
You should feel angry. You should feel resentful. You should feel angry at her for sitting back and watching you destroy yourself while she reaps all the benefits, and you should be angry at yourself for allowing it to get this bad.
But your self-worth is so in the gutter you feel nothing but the gradual overwhelming pressure that your life is a catastrophe and your relationship is a lie and you’ve done all this work for nothing.
You should be feeling a lot of things right now. But your coping mechanism for your depression is to redirect the effort you should be putting into yourself into her. The metric of your self-worth is how much you do for her. “I can’t be a flawed person, look how well I treat my girlfriend.”
You have some severe co-dependent and abandonment issues. Deep down you know the truth. She doesn’t love you and she’s not depressed. You know she’s taking advantage of you.
If you got injured and couldn’t work for six months do you seriously believe she’d go out next week and work two jobs 12 hours a day, pay all the bills, come home and cook for you and clean the house and be happy to not even get any gratitude, affection, or appreciation? You know she wouldn’t do any of that. She’d leave you in a heartbeat. She wouldn’t say that’s why, she’d come up with some BS reason she thinks you’d believe — but she would never do any of this for you.
That’s why you’re so afraid of confronting her. If she leaves that means all of this was for nothing and the only person you’re left with is yourself.
You need to start focusing on you. Quit the second job. Flat out. There is absolutely zero reason why she can’t work at least part time. Stop cooking for her. Stop paying for her vacations. When was the last time she paid for a vacation for you? In five years she couldn’t have scraped some money together here and there and surprised you with a nice vacation?
Start putting some of that energy into yourself. Chip away at your denial. Start seeing the truth for what it is and stop allowing her to use her mental health as an excuse to not contribute. Depression doesn’t prevent people from being grateful. She’s not.
I (f22) am starting to resent my bf(m22) after 2 years of being together.
At her age, the part of the brain responsible for critical thinking and reasoning is still developing and will continue to develop for years. There is no magic switch at 18 that makes you an adult. 18 was legal decision made by people who give not one f**k about brain development and how it affects behavior.
It’s completely up to you but you could always switch half way through the song. You can totally honor both dads since you are close to both. It’s messed up your mom tried to keep you away from your bio dad. I’m sorry that happened and continues to happen to you. It’s completely unfair to both you and him. There is nothing wrong with having two present fathers!
I live in a small city and we're involved in similar things. My younger brother tries to be friends with them, I guess it's for his career. When I transferred one person from my high school was in my transfer class and it led to this.
Unfortunately as soon as one person in the relationship asks to open it they have broken the relationship and it usually causes irreparable damage
Your boyfriend is misogynistic and gross.
If you don't want a kid it is enough, but you've only known her for 1 month so maybe she wanted you to get to know her not the mom side of her.
You sound very reasonable. Your approach resonates with me. And the answer is no, I would not be happier alone than with him. I look forward to seeing him when we spend a few days apart. I smile involuntarily when I see him, so does he. I ask him “How are you?”, he says “Better now that I'm here.” and it makes my heart melt. I enjoy doing things together, or just doing nothing next to each other. Yes, I need more from a partner in life and it makes me sad that I don't feel satisfied in multiple fronts. But also there are positives that he adds to my life and I actually miss them in their absence. That's where it becomes challenging to make a definitive decision.
Mate there’s 25% higher risk of cancer.
Not a death fear.
He is worried you might fuglify.
Let’s get this straight your fiancé and your mom stole this dress on purpose and withheld it hoping to force you into submission about what they wanted you to do. Take this as the giant red flag it is and break it off with your disgusting fiancé. I would also go no or very low contact with your mom too. Hopefully, they will give you back the dress though.
You don't she was a shitty friend, you should find new friends and not stay with a woman who used you growing up and went out of her way to sleep with guys you liked. Seriously with a friend like her who needs enemies and now your so gaslit you actually think your the problem. Lmao.