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1. Have you tried actively telling him what to do? “Listening to me and emotionally supporting me” might seem like the most basic and clear instructions in the world to you, but for someone who generally tackles all the problems with logic and action, it will seem really unclear what you want and why you’d want that. You might well need to just start at the very, very basics and take apart what you need.

   There is also the other side – his emotions in the situation. If he is uncomfortable with certain emotions, then having to sit there and let them happen, without being allowed to ‘fix’ the situation, can be super uncomfortable. It can make the other person feel useless and helpless. He wants you to feel happy and the problem to go away AND HOW IS LISTENING TO THE PROBLEM MAKING IT ANY BETTER DAMNIT?!

   If he functions heavily on the basis of logic, “The Chimp Paradox” might be a good read for him, to get his head around emotions and logic and how they need to be handled differently. Otherwise tell him that you need your amygdala to calm down, before blood can run back into the prefrontal cortex, so you can fix the problem yourself. His task is the calm the amygdala, not stimulate the blood-starved prefrontal cortex.

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2. Hello /u/Anyonymlus,

   Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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3. I am getting secondhand embarrassment reading these texts. This is cringe. Please leave this man alone. Your begging to give him a massage, and him firmly replying with his boundaries. This person does not like or respect you. You’re not “friends” with “benefits”, you’re his concubine. Also, what guy would turn down a blowjob? Are you serious?

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4. Bye Felicia

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5. Or how aggressive he got when he was interrupted.

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