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It might’ve been longer but idk it felt really long with how tired my arm got
I wish you the life you deserve for leaving a comment like this ??
I'm so glad to hear this— especially that you two are capable of communicating openly and successfully about these things. It's a promising sign for your relationship 🙂
Google conversational narcissism. It does NOT mean the friend is a narc (though she could be that too if she has other characteristics) it just means that she’s super bad at conversation and thus only knows how to talk about herself. Lack of emotional support skills (easy to google and most people learn or don’t learn these skills from thei social environment growing up) depression, and self esteem issues often makes this habit worse. If you read up on it you’ll find potential solutions for it.
But in your specific circumstances, if you feel resentment, then you’re ignoring your boundaries. So figure out how much you’re willing to support her with out getting support back, and do that. Or before you get upset, let her know youre cool with listening but need emotional support yourself like you offer her and ask her if she’s open to listening to you for a bit. And if she’s not good at it, you can offer to coach her. But that can be a lot if thankless work so might be best to just set limits that keep you from resenting her and hopefully you can keep the friendship since it does sound like she has other good qualities.
Yes
Maybe it's jealousy or some other feeling that actually drives her decision, or it's a genuine fear that the kid will actually be damaged by this age difference. It's not smart to invalidate her feelings, that will just make her double down.
You could try to talk to her just you two, tell her that you feel hurt and hopeless when she said this and ask more about her reasoning and what specifically is so inappropriate about this age difference.
yeah unfortunately him eating out is another problem, figuring out how to teach him how to do it to my liking without embarrassing him
Ah, but what did your girlfriend say when she was introduced like that?
i would personally stop paying for everything….
Everyone's hating but you can find a partner that hasn't had sex or has had less partners, just be up front about it. You'd be surprised at how many other people are still more traditional, it's just the people that sleep around that broadcast it to the world.
If that's what you want, good luck. Can't believe some of these comments here. You can find yourself someone who shares your views on sex.
So is breaking up
I see a non miserable person zero percent of the time post taking back a cheater
I don’t know, but it’s weird and confusing. If he wanted to say something to you, he has had every opportunity. But he’s not saying anything. And the silence is deafening.
I did offer to pay the 20% lol, I also told him the night before we didnt have to go anywhere fancy
You were the rebound.
Report to the police and gtfo
It’s no problem at all, I worked with a rape and sexual assault charity a number of years ago and so had to have such an in depth understanding of the differences. Otherwise totally agree with your advice and agree he should absolutely seek advice from a legal professional over what crime, if any, has been committed there
Quick edit: by “if any” I mean if they think he has a legal case, clearly some sort of crime has been committed, it’s whether it could be proved
How do I move forward? Do I try to make things work or do I let go and never see or speak to her again?
it didn't work the first time, ti wont work the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth or seventh time (now maybe the 13th time it will though)..You move forward by stopping looking at the past and getting with someone new.
People grow apart.
As far as letting him down gently….
You should just do it as there's not an easy way to soften it. You also should be happy and not settle
I’m sorry OP, I’m a similar age to you but your daughter is justified in going NC.
What you said is awful. I felt it in my guts.
I think it’s great you’ve come to realize you’ve made a grave mistake, but she’s on a healing journey. What you said was so traumatic likely.
I’d say mail a letter to your ex addressed to your daughter in a sincere, heartfelt apology recognizing and acknowledging how you’ve fucked up. Give the option of contacting you when she’s ready if she wants.
Be prepared though, she doesn’t owe you anything. She may take years still to potentially overcome the trauma of you telling her you wish she wasn’t born. Ugh, it felt so gross writing that phrase. I honestly don’t believe she will forgive you, she doesn’t owe you that, even if she reads your apology.
Unfortunately, in your case actions have consequences. Be prepared to never see or hear from her again.
I’ve done the same thing with my father. I tried to maintain a relationship and was blown off for friends, music and substance abuse. He’s no longer in my life 10 years later. I was subjected to abuse in my young childhood and I had to explain to my kids why we don’t see him.
They’re older now and understand, 10 years ago they were really young still and it hurt telling them grandpa had something come up, so they were blown off too. Their disappointed faces each time hurt my heart. I could only imagine how your daughter looked when you said that.
It sounds like you made your choice. Your new young wife over your child. Priorities man…
more likely
I said “more likely”. I'm referring to that pesky thing known as statistics. I'm not saying he's going to, only that, based on the behaviour of a lot of other men in similar circumstances, he is more likely to default on child support if he has more kids than if he doesn't.
He hasn’t been this way before but I would consider our relation still new. We have been together just less than a year so I feel like this is his true colors coming out. Thank you, it helps to see my feelings reinforced
That’s quite a lie. There’s nothing to be done except ask him what else he’s lying about.
That is literally unbelievable!
I agree it’s all strange overall but if this co worker sees him on a regular basis without ran and whiter teeth to go through all these changes seems off to me as well.
Yeah, but the fact that it manifests in other areas (like stubbing his toe) means vestibular issues is probably not the root cause.
You are putting off some major “But i'M a niCe Guy!” vibes.
when I saw her in person I was more focused on myself than her
Oh, yeah, that's attractive
I watched for people that might have been an issue. As a protective way. I kept her close to me while we were in public that and when we were far apart I kept an eye on her.
To be fair there were some instances where I let her do her own thing…
Dude, she ain't even your girlfriend and you're sounding really possessive and controlling. You “let her do her own thing ” in “some instances”? And the instance you describe is when there was an actual problem….that you were too wasted to help with if she HAD needed help because…
I can’t really function while I’m high
Again, not real attractive.
I absolutely hate the phrase “real man” but if you want to be a “real man”, one of the first things you need to do is learn your limits with intoxicating substances and not exceed those limits when you're out and about. You come off like you want to be all protective and shit but get yourself in a condition where you can't even trust yourself? How's any woman supposed to trust that?