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Are the twins no 12 and 13?
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My emphasis was in response to you saying he gets annoyed when you ask him for more information – that YOU are annoyed too!
Wrath_of_gawd and I both gave you some scripts. You can try them.
If he refuses to engage then I guess you have to decide if hearing “I don't know” is a reasonable expectation for every question you ask.
YOU get to decide if you're willing to put up with it.
I actually think you should have told her sooner than this. Just because it's going to take her a while to get her head around. 1 day before the banquet isn't long. Now she's going to have this news and your wifes pregnant belly in her face. No matter how everyones moved on or how amicable your divorce was it's still going to be painful for her. Shes going to relive a lot of emotions including the fact that you said you were fine being child free and now you are having a baby with a much younger woman. She will feel inadequate and hurt. She may not want to even attend the banquet after this. Hope things go OK. Best of.luck OP
Who ended that relationship?