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Whose idea was it to become exes?
Your comment was very helpful. Thank you!
I do believe in her trauma, I'm not trying to minimalize it. But it doesn't seem like her trauma is on the 'cannot have sex, to upset to touch a D' stage since she had such an amazing sex life with this man.
TBH it reads to me like you entered some kind of caretaker/therapist/PLATONIC-friend-who-listens- to-my-FEELINGS dynamic with her. And not a sexual/romantic partnership dynamic. I think it would be best for you and for the relationship if you stopped being her therapist. That's just not healthy, seriously. I get being there for her, but stop being her sounding bored to THIS extent. It's not a fair expectation from a partner! This is putting too much on you and will affect your own mental health badly. You two need boundaries.
Also, she got so upset when you told her on facetime, because she didn't like what you said. It's a classical manipulation tactic: if someone dislikes WHAT you say, then they get angry at you for HOW you said it to derail and make themselves the victim. It happens to women all the time when they reject dates. It's always cruel and bitchy and bad, bc she said it wrong, it was not kind enough, it was on the wrong day, it was not direct enough, it was too direct… At the end of the day, it's about them hating WHAT has been said and trying to villainize you for it somehow. That's what she did. She flipped the script, now SHE is the one upset because your method of communication or wording or timing or whatever wasn't pitch-perfect. Treat it as a manipulative tactic and derailing it is.
we got a live one!! everything from the title to the edits to the lying….full fledged narcissist here
I’m tryna talk to her abt boundaries rn and she won’t
No, you’re 100% right in feeling weird about all of that.
He’s clearly avoiding/downplaying talks about his relationship with you, avoiding having his son become close to you, and still loves his ex.
He values her feelings above yours, for sure.
If I were you I wouldn’t even have the whole fight and “work through it”, you shouldn’t have to work through being a priority in your partners life if you are their romantic partner long term. This isn’t worth your time. If he WANTED to make you a part of his family, he would.
If the only purpose of this party is to get drunk, I have to wonder how much your boyfriend is supporting your sobriety. I’m not really a drinker but my daughter is recovering and lives with me. I don’t keep any alcohol in the house. It’s a pain to have to get some wine etc from my sister where I keep it if I want to make a recipe but I do that because I want to support her sobriety.
You can laugh off one time. You have the right to be pissed at a repeat. But 4 times….you need to respect yourself here dude. I understand it's your first relationship, and your inexperience is maybe driving your reaction (or lack thereof). You need to stand up for yourself, or you're going to be walked over. That doesn't necessarily need to mean breaking up with her, but honestly – if I found myself in the same situation, there is no way I would be hanging around. Staying in this relationship is probably going to hurt you in the long-run.
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Wait, what country is this? A machete was such an unexpected detail to this.
That’s an instant dump for most men. If it’s not for you you need to look at yourself and ask why.
i can accept the splitting hairs argument, it has it's merit and it's part of why i created this post(to learn how to better communicate with my partner). But i nude disagree with your statement, there are many reasons why one might say something may be wrong. we have a clear disagreement here that i think is the crux of our discussion
We only see each other twice a week (another issue I brought up) but in terms of doing things together it’s nude to say we have been to look at things for the house a few times and the past 2 Saturdays we have flew his drone. But I would say the majority of the time we spend together is just watching movies
⚠️⚠️HAVING CHILDREN WILL NEVER FIX A RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!!!⚠️⚠️
Get a paternity test
Go to couples counseling so YOU BOTH can be good parents to your kid and behave well as your kid grows up.
WALK AWAY FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP, PERMANENTLY.
Sounds like a role play kink. Like acting like one of you is someone else. It's pretty harmless.
Or you could try actually reading what was written. They weren't expected to carry everyone's water bottles. Someone else offered to carry the backpack.
Your friend is probably upset because she realized that her fiance falls into a category she herself calls a pedo, warranted or not since they may have both been in college at the time depending on when your friend started. So this likely really makes her have to confront her own accusations and feelings. Now her statements are rude and weird, especially since she was the one that said this 20 yr old was her type… but now she's probably ignoring you to avoid confronting her own feelings.
By her definition her fiance is a pedo how does she get past that? Does she confront those opinion, even if said as a joke she clearly has some feeling about it? Or does she just move on and cut out the person that made her ask a question?
Personally I'd say good riddens but it's not that easy with a close friend like that so just message twice a week till she comes around if you want it to work. You can't make her see reason. Lead a horse to water can't make it drink. You showed her that her joke/belief is unreasonable she's gotta accept it.
Calculate again tomorrow plus a month!
Except, again, nothing in this post indicates that she will be unable to care for the child. Will it be a rough transition? Absolutely. Is it impossible? Absolutely not.
If the kid is born and she's not feeding or bathing it then OP can be concerned. As of right now, if he tried to take the case to court, he would not win. At least not unless he's trying for 50/50 custody. He's not getting full custody because she's being lazy in the home she has while working at a job that provides her income. Come on.
Yeah Reddit is brutal at times don’t let that run you off. We all make mistakes and we also can learn from them. I hope you can make amends and make up for the damage. Even my first comment was down voted because I guess I did not blast you.
Trash apparently took itself out
You should first seek advice from your friends, they have a good idea of who you are and what you will need beyond your stated intentions.
All they care about is height and whether or not he’s rich or nude. I think it’s so vague.
If your friends are no help, you could seek out fellow hobby enthusiasts that way you have something you can do together.
I think I’m going to do this!
Definitely refrain from dating at work. There might be a special exception out there, but a bungled work relationship, or worse, multiple failed work relationships, can really weigh you down and might cause you to quit a job you otherwise love.
Yesss yes yes, I work as a secretary and I definitely don’t need any work drama.
Beyond that, as a 20-something female you won't need to look for long or far for suitors, just be wary that everyone who approaches you may not intend to really “be there” for you, this is also true for males looking for serious partners.
This is true, already in DM’s I got a lot of suitors who just want one thing. Pics and hookups.
As a gynophobe myself I can relate with your situation and I wish you the best of luck, but don't pursue me as I'm way too old for you and very happily married.
Don’t flatter yourself too much Mr. Bernard Twohundrednfortyfive~ 😉
Yup, every morning I look in the mirror and say “I fucking LOVE myself!”
Pretty sure my kid will be just fine ?
Not with her tho
He may never come back. When you are betrayed by your best friend, it is impossible to tell just how much it will affect a person. He has probably been expecting it to happen again. You both need individual and couples therapy.
It's probably because she isn't 16 anymore. I heard a lot of women get a lot less attention into their 20s. Which by itself is pretty gross but unsurprising with the world today
Washing/showering before sex is like wiping after a shit, neither is a curtesy, it’s a damn requirement, lol
You’re going to go broke. He’s not stupid, he knows he’s bleeding you dry.
He is heartless.
I hope she files. I can't imagine how awful it would be to hear your husband hates you, invited his invasive family to basically live next door without discussing it with her, and is essentially looking forward to her death.
I get that. That’s why I’m even asking this question here. But safety is more important than it being unfair for him
he’d never agree to let me go
Not up to him
Therapy for all. Open and honest conversations.
He still has feelings for his ex.
Thank you for the extra context.
Break up with her. That’s what you should do. She only considers you as an ATM.
Dont know why you're being downvoted, your suggestion has the perfect mix of wicked and funny.
You have my vote
Except that he views something as sexual that no one else involved views as sexual. Otherwise, in good faith, they wouldn't be doing it.
Obviously yes they need to talk about it. But framing it as rational for him and irrational for her is not going to get him very far.
So your “friends” are both ugly on the inside, and out it would seem.
Drop them lmfao.
What culture are you both from? That might help?
Well, how long has it been? And if she is breaking up with you why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you?
Sounds like he's depressed. If you need to tell a man what to wear and how to look, you need to have a serious conversation with him and tell him this needs to change or you should both move on because you are not happy this way. At the end of the day, if someone doesn't want to look good and take care of themselves there is only so much you can do.
??
TLDR all of it, but…
he even went so far as to say I “traumatized him sexually,”
Why didn't you immediately break up with him when he said that? You should have.
Don't know if you're still with him, but if you are, break up. He's at the least, verbally abusive. He's saying things to hurt you.
he was simply looking for a word that would hurt me.
That’s what bank statements do- they log what gets spent on what & where- so time to get her’s out. Obviously will be things not entirely clearly labelled but you’ll be able to figure out with context clues.
Set a time limit and go from there. You'll figure it out, and letting go is a skill you can learn.
Not sure why you’re confused that he doesn’t want you dictating how he spends his money especially when you aren’t contributing.