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  1. You're right, it doesn't entitle him to the full history.

    He is entitled to am amswer to the question. That answer can be “I don't want to talk about it”. She didn't say that.

    She gave a half answer. That's not acceptable. Either answer the question as asked or say you don't want to. Lying by omission is not ok in a relationship when asked a direct question.

  2. Lie? I'm assuming you're a man. This happens more than you think. Men, quite a lot of men, will get upset when rejected. Not all men. But quite a few, violence can happen, verbal abuse can happen, ect ect. Get out of here with that 'most guys want to protect' bullshit. The amount of REAL crime cases that have happened because a woman has rejected a mans advances is just fucked up and you claiming it's a lie is just offensive to everyone who has died, been harmed, or had to do whatever was necessary to protect themselves from a potentially bad situation. This is a absolutely disgusting comment. Please go fix your view on reality

  3. My experience has been that the TV-standard “OMG, more than one person at a time likes me!” thing is pure fiction. If it ever happened to me, I never knew about it.

  4. Trust your gut. If it feels like he’s giving her the attention and energy he should be giving you then it’s not ok.

    If you’re not ok with it, he should not be ok with it. If Jackie is such a lovely person, he’d have told you all about her. He’s in denial – if he thinks this is ok because they’re “only friends” then his defensiveness at your questions is very telling.

    He needs to make a choice – and he may resist – but he needs to decide is he all in with you? Because the friend needs to go. And I think you and him need to see a marriage counselor to sort this out. I’m sorry this has hurt you. It sucks.

  5. Regarding the pics, honestly, just don’t ask him for pics if he can’t handle it. While his reaction is obviously not that of a mentally healthy/stable person, there’s no use trying to force pics.

    Regarding the rest of his behaviour, he’s either a manipulative AH or in urgent need of professional help. Decide for yourself whether you want to be treated that way. I know leaving is naked when feelings are involved but at some point you need to ask yourself whether his tantrums are worth it.

  6. Turns out I’m wrong thinking he’s reluctant to spend money on me. And our meeting also depends on his acting/producing schedule, while I work from home so I think it’s fair enough that it depends on him.

  7. It definitely sounds like his heart isn’t in this relationship enough, being super passive about something like that definitely isn’t a great sign. I don’t wanna judge your relationship from just this instance alone but it definitely seems weird to me, this feels like the reaction you’d have to an acquaintance getting in a car accident, not your girlfriend.

  8. I love sex, before I was married I would usually have sex within the first 15-30 mins with the women I was with………IF THEY initiated the sex.

    What he did was out of line and you need to drop him. Respect yourself and cut ties while you can.

  9. Sounds like you have some work to do healing from that relationship. I used to date someone who was incredibly suspicious and stingy and had a ton of money. He always thought I was trying to take advantage of him even though I never asked him for anything outside of the norm. For instance I once asked him to watch my cat for three days when he lived 15 minutes away. He sent me an itemized bill of $23.46 for his labor, gas and “wear and tear” on his car. Meanwhile he would drop $1,600 on a coat for himself. He always made me pay for myself on our “dates”. Later in this five year relationship he gave me one generous gift of a limited edition Nintendo switch valued around $350 which I was incredibly grateful for. When I ended the relationship he forcibly took it back from me. He always made me feel like I had done something wrong and was undeserving.

    My current boyfriend makes less money than my ex, and I still never ask him for anything outside of the norm. He insisted to take care of my cat free of charge when I was gone for a few days. For my birthday, only six months into our relationship, he gifted me $300 headphones. He always buys our meals, buys me coffee, picks up random little treats for me, all without me ever asking or expecting these things. His generosity makes me feel so special! He also does things for me like opening doors, doing chores in my apartment without being asked, cooking, and other acts of service.

    I would caution against making your current girlfriend pay for the toxic situation you went through with your ex. I see your trust was damaged and I encourage you to seek some counseling because surely, you went through some difficult things that had an impact on you and I’m sorry for that. My hope for you is that you have healthy and happy relationships moving forward and that you make your girlfriend feel the way my current boyfriend makes me feel, not the way my ex made me feel. You might push your girlfriend into feeling the way I did with my ex if you’re not careful. There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting to be treated well. My boyfriend tells me all the time I deserve to be spoiled. He makes me feel really special. If you don’t feel like your girlfriend is worth the effort, let her go.

  10. Hello /u/LatterCamel9573,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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  11. Hello /u/CompassionateHeart12,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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    Posts must:

    include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and

    request advice in real situations involving two or more people

    We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:

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  12. Woah. He has the serial cheater mentality. He will never stop and it sounds like he doesn't love you. So love yourself and leave him. Respect yourself and GO. 12 years and that's how it's like, him still constantly chasing other girls?

  13. It seems like you’ve largely settled it at this point but I will add, the soap may be what is causing problems if you are using it inside. Soap is for external parts ONLY. Everything else just needs a good rinse but the actual vaginal canal is self cleaning. There’s a whole micro biome in there that keeps things healthy so soap can really wreak havoc when introduced. You might have given yourself an infection.

    Second, You are not required to give oral or any sexual act you choose not to. It is not selfish to say no to something you are not comfortable with! Same goes for him though. Oral can be off the table for him, you’re allowed to take it off the table for yourself too. There are other things you can do as foreplay and it may be worth exploring other options! Like, my husband loves massages. Some enjoy making out, others like toys… finding what works for you can be fun! What isn’t fun is being used as an object, so speak up when you’re uncomfortable.

  14. OP, you are not wrong at all. There’s a lot of toxic comments in here telling you in essence that your GF is traveling the world in order to get laid. That might be how some people are, but I think you would not be with her if she were that kind of person.

    I think it’s perfectly fine to stay in a committed relationship AND to stay flexible, depending on how the relationship seems to be going. Long distance texts and letters can be very romantic.

    I also think that part of your feelings about this are about you wanting to have an adventure of your own. Why not start saving and planning for your own trip? It’s easier than it’s ever been to travel cheaply.

  15. I think you did the right thing, I am actually impressed that you got those words out. I don't blame you. And if this is how she feels, it's for the best that you not date her. It would be a minefield of terror every time you touched her.

    She's certainly entitled to her feelings, but you don't have to date her under these circumstances.

  16. My guy it sounds like you already know your answer and yes relationships has their ups and downs but the one things you should never compromise on is boundaries, and trust if those are broken then it’s no point in being in the relationship because it’s a ticking bomb just waiting to explode

  17. My boyfriend (at the time) was like this. I ignored it, I trusted him to just stop. Now, twelve years later, I am married to a porn addict who shopped for escorts. (the same man. Never changed. Only got worse) I'm heavily considering divorce due to the depth of his addiction. Seriously think about it, before embarking on a relationship with someone who heavily uses porn.

  18. Yeah it’s a super interesting read.

    He doesn’t quite fit because the political stuff isn’t there particularly. But it’s that sense of ‘well I’m smarter and more knowledgable then everyone else even when I’m actually wrong’.

  19. They have been together for a year and a half and she cheated on him. The relationship should have ended before she decided to sleep with someone else. It’s no wonder he isn’t happy in the relationship. He decided to stay and now they are both in a situation that has major impacts on the rest of their lives. They are both going to Reddit instead of having the conversation with each other. This isn’t a healthy relationship and hasn’t been.

  20. Are benefits included? What about a pension plan? How does the taxation structure work? Is it sustainable to pay her this amount year after year? In all probability, it is not. When the housing market shits the bed, she'll be out of the job and SOL when she could've found more pragmatic work where she isn't being bullied by her boss. Disagree away; we all have our opinions (and quite frankly, our subjective experience in relationships affects said opinions).

  21. Ma'am, you're divorced. Why do you care about this man in any way anymore? The sooner you let go of the past,t he sooner you can get on with your future.

  22. You mean her ex-husbands wife right? At no point was she his mistress, she says herself they started dating after the divorce. I feel like saying that would make things EXPONENTIALLY worse.

  23. What part of therapy do you think will work for others, but won't work for you? Surely, your theory that they won't actually help because you're paying them thus they won't truly care about you, surely that applies to the people you recommend to get therapy as well? Or is it more a self esteem issue – you don't think you deserve therapy and help?

  24. While you wait for therapy, consider this. Your anxiety gets the best of you, yep, but your strategy to deal with it is mostly a good one, and with just one tweak it might work really well for you. Here’s why I say that. When you feel anxiety, a good way to address it, is to take action which relieves the tension. And you do take action, so that’s more than a lot of people do when they have anxiety. The only problem you have is the action you take. You break the uncertainty by causing what you think is inevitable, a fight. Instead the next time you get anxious, instead of initiate a fight to break the tension, do something that reduces the chance of fighting, so that you still take action to break the tension, but its action that brings you together rather than pushes you apart. Maybe try that while you wait for therapy, and see if it helps.

  25. It is still just your thing when you do it at home because you're the only one that lives with him, and the consequences of losing or the fruits of winning are only shared between you two with activities that you two do together or for each other or the household.

  26. Just because you caught him (or his friend), and they've stopped (for now), that doesn't mean it didn't happen and something really weird wasn't going on. You deserve to know what that was.

  27. Well…yea. Those are two vastly different situations and you had many alternative routes you could have went before settling with cheating. Sure she had role to play in the marriage failing but there's a difference between a place and a destination. You can always control where the plane ends up landing.

  28. People are being really harsh on your gf. Honeslty, I can see where she is coming from. You went into a black out rage, what would have happened if she hadn't stopped you? Given her past, that was probably very naked to see. Its still pretty fresh, let her process, give her space, and when she's ready, you two can talk out how to move past this. And maybe give yourself some time to process it as well. You experienced a traumatic event last night too.

  29. At the moment? Your friend sounds like he's lonely and found someone that would listen to him and his problems. That your gf is getting tired of the communications is understandable. From the sounds of it, she's not wanting to have the confrontation herself, ie, telling the guy to stop sending her DMs, which is what you state in your OP.

    – “she's getting very annoyed with him to the point that she wants me to tell him off.”

    In your situation, I would respond using her phone and to one of his DMs saying, basically, “this is OP. I get that you want someone to talk to and all, but, this is getting out of hand to the point she asked me to talk to you, so, here it is… just stop. You're flooding her with your problems, questions, etc, and she was trying to be nice at first, but, just stop, ok.”

    Then, go from there.

  30. That is something that popped up during our argument is that this seems to be a sexual addiction, I’d say close enough to exactly what you’re saying.

  31. I have, a few different times throughout the week and the answer is typically pretty vague. She avoids my question if i ask if things are ok, and if she still wants to see eachother. That’s why it’s naked cause i can’t really gauge it, and since i haven’t seen her in a week or so, i can’t tell what her body language is. But I’m gonna try again tomorrow and see what she says.

  32. Hi, I understand your comment. This is the POV I wanted to see from the other side. Prior to dating, he had been smoking and vaping since he was 16. I want to point out that, when he entered the relationship, he gave up nicotine. That is a choice of his own as well.

  33. This is our only issue actually. I mean other minor things that come up but are solved. But burden of chores has been a reason I almost left her a couple times. My biggest worry is getting married and her falling back to not doing any cleaning/chores again. I have worried about kids as well because that is obviously a massive burden that I’m not sure if she can handle.

    However, after arguing for almost 2 years and consistently having to point out what I am doing and what she is not, it seems to have gotten through. I guess time will tell but she keeps up her end of the bargain most of the time now.

    Outside of this issue, she’s a wonderful fun and loving person and I love her very much

  34. I love dark humor. That's not dark humor. That's sick.

    And btw you as a man have all the parts to breast feed a child. From your breasts. They just arent activated because of hormones.

    So it would be the same thing if you switched Male genitals to female genitals.

    I would leave you ngl

  35. Alright. I'll force myself to book an appointment today although it just seems like the timing is off… I'm moving to another city and it might get tricky if I officially online elsewhere but I'll see if there's something I can do

  36. So, she was in pictures with his family? Are you friendly with any of these family members? If so, you could always ask them.

  37. Thank you. The commitment issue is the only red flag, he is perfect in every other way and the best person I have ever met in my life.

  38. We’ll this will never get solved until you have a frank and open talk. It could be many things trama, love, hate, closure, maybe they were still in touch or worse she really though he was the one and they would eventually be back together. Regardless take a deep breath and have the conversation.

  39. You and I are very similar, I've made it very clear that my boyfriend has 100% access to my phone. He knows the passcode, will message my family back for me, etc. I know the passcode to his phone, but I don't have the guts to ask to go through it (as I would never do it behind his back). My gut has never been wrong, but I think I'm afraid of the answer if it is what I think it is. We have a beautiful relationship, and I'd hate to see it end. But, if he was taking a dick pic it certainly wasn't for me (he's never sent one to me before). And I can't go through something like this again, emotionally.

  40. . I keep that shit private unless I’m asked and that one moment just got to me and I was done and just got upset.

    I understand.

    but instead he acted like a child and insisted nothing was wrong for hours while making snide rude hurtful comments to me.

    He sounds immature…maybe he's really just not the one.

  41. I hope, for the future of humankind, that this is a fake one.

    But if it's not, then you are a creep, a pervert, a terrible father and a step back in the evolution of human decency.

    If she was your daughter's friend you knew her well before she was 18, that makes you a pedo with patience.

    I really hope your child-wife cheats with someone her age.

  42. Why can't he / you both have weekend adventures? It's what most people do. You pack the car, tow a trailer or roof rack it, etc. Go explore.

    Life usually has responsibilities.

  43. I’m not a super chatty type and frequently hold back on talking particularly because I’ve been ignored my whole life lol. He is dismissive in other areas as well, yea. It wasn’t a long story, I don’t even remember what it was now. No, he doesn’t have adhd. I simply pointed out how I was talking to him and how he talked over me, to which he apologized for. It wasn’t the first time though and won’t be the last.

  44. Why he needs to leave? She cheater, she’s the only leaving!

    Non of that oh have no where to go, i want to continue bullshit, you go online under a bridge, fuck do i care, you just gotta go

  45. Check out all the down votes I got! Lol.

    I'm thinking these are the people who read about a woman teacher who sexually abuses her male minor students and say, I would love to have my female teacher sexually abuse me!

  46. Ohhhhhh OP you have bigger problems then his political theories.

    I am not trying to judge you on that big of an age gap, but damn this is so naked. You have to really start to think of why your with this person. Is it for the money he spends on you?

    Everyone has a different opinions on politics and germs, genocide etc. If your political sides don't match up there are also other things that won't either. This is not healthy for any relationship.

    If he wants to get a point across to you, then he sits down and explains it to you so you can form an opinion, whether it is for or against what he says. But he put you down when he stated your asleep. Your really not that old to truly understand things because our teaching in our schools are not the same as when he was in school.

    It takes time for us to be able to form our own opinions of different things dealing with political aspects. Just like it will take you time to do also.

    Good luck

  47. Honey, he isn't the life mate you want! He doesn't ever finish anything and is 34. He still hasn't decided how to be a grownup.

    Time to throw in the towel on this relationship!

  48. There really isn’t much you can do. She’s the one in charge here. Hopefully she’s getting therapy for her issues and maybe, in time, she will feel worthy of a good man. Don’t put your life on hold if she continues to say she’s not available.

  49. I feel out of the loop – is ‘Glamping’ really a thing? Ive never heard that before? I assume its just a portmanteau?

  50. A few options:

    He is selective about who he introduces to his family / this means he takes his time He doesn't think his family will accept you for some reason Similar to above, but he is for some reason nervous about introducing you, whether that's internalized, or legitimate He has another girlfriend that they DO know about

    Can you rule out any of the above? Do any of the above stand out to you?

    It's been 2 months, so it's a bit soon to force the issue, so maybe give him another month before asking something like “When will you be telling my family about me?”

    If he is wishy-washy about it again, ask him to be more specific as to why.

  51. So maybe she got the condoms to protect u from whatever she has growing down there in her garden of Eden

  52. We had a talk about it last month, she said the right time is when she feels like she’s 100% ready to do it, which i don’t see that happening any time soon

  53. If you go over the text and other comments, i mentioned a cycling race/event, not a class.

    And again i used bad wording, when i wrote “quick class” it was “demonstration” what i wanted to write down.

  54. people deal with grief/loss in all sorts of ways. Give him some time to process. Maybe he's a sociopath and legitimately doesn't care at all that she died, but more likely he just doesn't know how to feel about losing someone who hasn't been part of his life for a while, but used to be very important. That's a weird situation.

  55. How does one get to a point where they're asking strangers if they should leave their husband? If you want to leave, do so. You know what your deal-breakers are.

  56. Hey.. I've been through this, opposite as I'm a dad.

    My kids were 3 and 5 when my wife decided she doesn't want to be a mom anymore nor support them. (I was a little upset because I felt the kids were the cause) I got therapy and never took my misguided feelings out on them.

    1st is not the kids' fault. You may feel that sometimes

    2nd set up a support network. Trusted friends and family. You need your time. Have time to do you things, and involve the kids with hobbies. I taught my girls how to work on cars and brew beer. Hahaha.

    3rd, it's going to be fine. Just do your best. It's not forever. My kids are all grown now and on their own.

    He's fucked up and is going to regret it. Don't take him back ever. Not even for the kids.

  57. Hyperpigmentation can happen with age. You don't even need to be or have been pregnant. And it's not like men are exempt. Certainly hope it doesn't happen to him or OP will be forced to keep him in the basement like a gremlin Quasimodo to shield the public. ?

  58. Three months into your relationship, he cheated on you.

    His sexuality doesn't matter here. He made multiple conscious decisions to find and meet with these people, have sex with them, and hide it from you FOR A YEAR! And also sending partial nudes to other people for who knows how long.

    Think about all the points where he could've stopped and turned back. After he found out about the couple. After he scheduled the meet up. After he got to the meetup. He deliberately took each step. Every conversation you had that year, he had it in the back of his mind that he cheated on you. He either was not sorry that he did it or could not get the courage to tell you.

    Now you know what he's capable of. And you want to stay because why??

    Staying faithful to you was a given when you got into a relationship. He was not supposed to cheat in the first place. What makes you think he'll follow your “rules” now?

    Your “forgiveness” here means there are no real consequences to his cheating. Because he knows you'll give him chance after chance, because you just loveee him so much. Even though he obviously doesn't know how to love YOU faithfully.

    And let's pretend he never cheats again after this (unlikely). How can you trust that he's being faithful, after he hid all of this from you, AND LET YOU MOVE IN WITH HIM, knowing what he did to you?!

    Jump ship immediately OP! It'll only get worse if you stay!

  59. why do you delete your other posts and invalidate yourself…they jump to troll cuz it is so fucking obvious, unless you are truly a delusional stalker/fan. Either way, you need professional help. There is your advice, go seek that..Feel free to tell your therapist your trolling habits or your obsessive fan behavior.Either way you need professional help….


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