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Yeah that was the plan, finish school, move out and then get married but if we're having all these problems before even moving in together…i feel like we outgrew each other.
Yeah this is the first sane response I’ve seen. No idea what’s wrong with Reddit today.
ALSO her automatic defensiveness and unwillingness to discuss is a huge red flag. AND it’s her birthday and she doesn’t seem to want to include him at all. I’d be hugely concerned if my partner didn’t want to spend time with me on my birthday.
Wtf.
Lawyer up
I'm white, so my opinion may not matter much. I'm pretty sure I'd lose my mind, though.
Context doesn't matter. Who it was intended for doesn't matter. He shouldn't be using racial slurs.
First thing I'd probably do is say “Excuse me?”, then I'd probably ask him why the hell he finds talking like that appropriate.
I’ve never understood why people think it’s so messed up to ask to look at your partners phone. This is the person you’ve chosen to share all your private moments with. You’re completely vulnerable with each other. You’ve had children together. You share your most private moments. Your entire life. It’s called partner for a reason. She’s not going behind your back. She’s straight up asking you. You shouldn’t have heaps of things on your phone that would cause a divorce should your partner see them.
Absolutely not, that is absolutely not OK.
I’d encourage you to consider how your next move impacts both your marriage and the safety and security of your children. You made it clear to him that you are not OK with that and he did it again. So if you stick around and keep the kids in that environment, All you’ve done is show him that he can do it with no consequences. You already made it clear, but it didn’t matter. If you stick around, it would be like you holding up a sign saying “yell at the kids if you want, obviously I’m not leaving you regardless of how you treat us“
I’d also encourage you to consider what that would mean for your kids. The most obvious thing is that it would keep them in harms way which preventing that is your literal primary job as their mother. But as a kid I lived through exactly what you are describing and my mom stuck around Regardless of what he did, and what that meant to me is that she cared more about not rocking the boat with her husband and she did about keeping me safe. I was very close to my mother at a young age, after that, that bond was broken and we have not been close since.
This is a really serious situation. Yes, parents lose their cool every now and then. This guy is not their parent. Also, cursing in anger at your partner does not happen in a healthy relationship, and a step parent yelling and cursing at their step kids, I can promise you that in my life that would be absolutely unforgivable.
You went from one abusive man to another. You can’t change those decisions, but you absolutely can change what you do next. Your kids had an abusive father, so that just leaves you. They cannot keep themselves safe, so they rely on you for that. Keeping them in this environment, as difficult as it is for me to say this, will be an absolute failure by you as it concerns your kids. Your job is to keep them safe, if you fail to do that, regardless of the reasons, that’s gonna be on you.
I’m not trying to be harsh here, and I’m certainly not trying to be insulting. I’m trying to drive home the point that this is serious and it is your obligation to your children to keep them out of situations like this. You came here for advice, and I’m trying to give it to you in a straight up way. It’s true, life is not black-and-white, but your children’s safety is. You have an obligation to keep them safe and if you keep them in this environment, you are failing to uphold your obligation to them.
Don't fall prey to that (stupid) belief that men and woman can't be platonic friends. These “some dudes” are just ignorant if they think it's a man's obligation to hit on every female he knows. If these female friends wanted to date you you'd already know about it. More to the point, hitting on any of them would destroy your friendship with all of them. Just don't.
Me and my brother are very close – he was there when my father wasn’t so you don’t know the circumstances and maybe you aren’t close with your family but I am. I didn’t live with him from the age of 16 to 23 so
Showereheads dont remove caked on grime, especially after a long day.
No wonder you dont smell yourself lol
I shower daily with soap and a scrubby loofah. But if I don’t spend a minimum 10 seconds scrubbing each armpit every day, I will start to have BO within an hour of getting out of the shower, even though I put deodorant on immediately. This happens no matter what brand of soap or deodorant I try, and I’ve tried so many. I’ve finally just accepted that this is how my body is and spend a little extra time on them.
There’s nearly nothing you can say about yourself and how your body/brain/etc works that is going to apply to 100% of the population.
Thank you for your feedback
Oh I'm gonna twist myself up. Feel like my heart could fall out of my chest. I don't think she would do that to me. I know anything is a possibility, but really she is the most faithful girl I've ever met.
Don’t respond. You owe him nothing. How did he respond when you needed him? By not paying child support.
Get YOU out of his parents home. He can grow up and follow or not, but you need to take care of yourself.
Obviously it is that’s why it’s addiction. I still don’t understand what the fact that he was addicted to it had to do with the fact that he lied to me and that in order to regain his trust I need clarity on his feelings. Making the point that I left that out just kinda sounds like trying to find a way to excuse a lie which caused lack of trust. I’ve been understanding of his addiction and don’t need help navigating that. But if it’s important for you to know her addicted then now you know ??
Bad bot
I know he isn't dating anyone, but idk if anything else is going on. He is busy with finals right now, so he isn't his usual self and very stressed. Like he has this other best friend which I don't get jealous of….cause like she tries to contact me. But, the one he posted with is a bit iffy. He told everyone he has a gf including her, and when he showed them my pic cause i am on his lock screen. She was like she has nothing to worry about LIKE OUT OF NOWHERE and he thought nothing of it. ??like don't you think it's weird she said that.
Yeah people yell
I mean, I'm in my 30s and outside of my abusive relationship I have literally never yelled at a partner in anger. It's not that hot to regulate your emotions without screaming at someone. I don't do yelling in my relationships because of my history with abuse and that's a perfectly fine boundary to have.
I agree that OP should work through her trauma. I don't agree that being upset automatically equals yelling.
He’s a mooch. Don’t let him mooch off of you.
He's 35 acting like he's 16. Drop the dead weight.
If she's your best friend, then show her the respect she deserves and don't interfere with her relationship. It will likely ruin your friendship. Even if you confess your feelings and she agrees to leave her boyfriend to be with you, do you want to be with someone who is willing to throw away their relationship once the next best thing comes along?