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You fucked up big time. Don't fuck it up anymore. Behave like an adult this time. Sheesh.
This sounds like a beginning of a psychological thriller and it's giving me anxiety
Leave him thats it dont ask him to do better dont ask for counseling just leave him he only consoled u for 20 min so he get some thats it he doesn't care
Leave him thats it dont ask him to do better dont ask for counseling just leave him he only consoled u for 20 min so he get some thats it he doesn't care
He changed himself for you and then he didn't make the effort and you equate your attractiveness to his weight. Your post sounds like that. Yes any person should take care of themselves but if you knew he had mental problems beforehand shouldn't that be addressed with therapy? Have you suggested and encouraged him to go exercise or develop an active hobby or sport together?
If he doesn't care how he looks and you do. What made him try to change himself back then?
That can only happen so long as the ex in question doesn’t hold onto what could’ve been and chooses to hold resentment towards the man or woman in question.
You could do everything right and have the most understanding conversation before parting ways, but love and hatred are the deciding emotions over the reality that yes, a good and healthy relationship ended, you’ve learned from it and can now take the steps towards seeking out romantic interests who can give you a similar experience.
But the other person might not be willing to see it that way or be willing to accept it at first and try to hold onto those memories and thus be seen as the bitter ex.
If it bothers you, bring it up to him. You know him better than a bunch of random Redditors, but here’s an idea on how to bring it up:
“I love this ring, and I think it’s absolutely beautiful. But I’ve always imagined myself wearing a diamond or something similar to a diamond. What are your thoughts on getting the stone replaced with a diamond in the same cut?”
Yup. My mom made me see her therapist to validate her. Why on earth she thought I would do that is beyond me. I asked the therapist if mom ever mentioned x, y, z, etc incidents and she was shocked and said no. Then she asked me pointed questions unrelated to the incidents I mentioned and she just sat back and was kinda dumbfounded. Probably just realized how manipulative my mom can be and how she had been lied to. My mom therapist shopped until she found one that fit the bill for her too. This therapist didn't know that either. Lol. I hope OP documented everything and continues to do so.
Husband and brother are identical twins not in the post but a comment.
Edit: don’t suggest dna testing that’s not an option
WTF? Why? You can't just say it isn't an option without a legitimate reason for why it isn't an option. If you are faithful a dna test would, legit, solve this entire argument… So why not?
Also, the whole point that the DNA test wouldn't be able to distinguish between twins falls apart pretty quick after a simple google search…. AKA, YES THEY CAN DISTINGUISH BETWEEN HIM AND HIS BROTHER.
Definitely needs to tell wife everything about friend and family issues. Especially the friend because if it ever comes out you knew and kept it from her, you will only have more problems. If you value your marriage she needs to know.
I understand Samantha is a good friend, but keeping this is putting that relationship over your marriage.
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I’d be hard pressed to get past the hypocrisy. It’s called oral sex because it’s still a type of sex.
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Thanks for asking. No, my boyfriend doesn't play with it all the time, only when we're in the pool or tub. But that's not really the issue for me. It's more that I feel like the chicken is more important to him than our relationship. It's like he values the chicken more than he values me, and that's what hurts. I understand that it might seem silly to some people, but it's something that's been weighing on my mind and causing me a lot of pain.
I don't understand why it's not possible to just ignore his calls and ignore when he knocks on your door.
We both had bad relationships in the past, and I know her ex cheated on her a few times. She never properly healed from it and since the beginning of our relationship, she has been kinda afraid of happening again even though I always made sure she knew that I would never do such a thing.
It’s because he knows how men can be and he probably feels better knowing she would stay away from them. Also he may have a fear of her getting pregnant. But he shouldn’t be saying it seriously or often, that’s weird.
I actually disagree with that. I think individuals set boundaries and communicate them to their partner and then it’s for the partner to decide if they’re going to follow those boundaries. If a partner crosses another’s boundary then the person who’s boundary was crossed has to enforce it to a level of extreme that they feel is right (like have a talk or breakup if that serious). I don’t think you need to agree boundaries, just communicate them. If your partner cares about them then they will follow them.
I agree. To keep you on ice is pretty cruel. I get what you are trying to communicate about being a good partner, helping, taking initiative around the house.
I am not married so my relationship does not come with the baggage and trappings of a shared household, legal obligation or kids.
I've anecdotal surveyed anyone who will tell me and there seems to be a shameful trend of “well I wanted a family” . Not, “I was in love and over the moon and wanted all that with this person.”
You may need to ask some hard questions as well.
I wish you luck, you sound nice.
I think you should start by asking his husband what he wants to talk about and what his thought process is, and what his real expectations are. He wants to revisit the rule, but what does that mean? And why? So get a baseline of what he is thinking before responding.
And then, I think you are just clear- there is no way you are letting anyone have your child unattended who has an expectation that when they see your child, you are not around. Your child will never be in a space that you are not welcome in. It is remarkably disrespectful for someone who won't even speak to you, or visit with you, to expect a relationship with your child.
I think you can also point out that his mother even now, knowing you are pregnant and wanting to have time with the baby, said on that call that she expected you to not be around. So she doesn't want to mend fences, or show you even the most basic respect, but wants access to your child. That's not gonna work for you.
Cheating is not about the sex. It is about the emotions and lying. The lying is what matters. You can no longer trust your wife. She has proven that she will lie to get what she wants and has zero respect or on-line for you. She is more important to herself than you are and she will lie to you whenever it is convenient. That is why 90% of what you wrote are actually irrelevant details.
She cheated on you, lied to repeatedly, and proved she is not remorseful for it. She regrets getting caught, not what she did. Those are all the facts that matter. What you do with those facts are up to you. Personally I would kick her to the curb.
This is highly relevant.
I mean, if he we’re over her, awesome, but if she’s constantly hanging around laying low-level claims to him, bail. That’s a fight you might win, but the casualties will be off the charts.
That doesn't make it hurt less when someone you love calls you boring and talks about missing their more exciting ex. None of these comments about boyfriend's mindset and experiences are technically wrong, but damn, some of them are lacking in empathy for the OP.
Go to bars, festivals and single vacation trips but leave that attitude home. You are 26 stop being so dramatic. Keep an open mind and just go out have fun.
Thanks, that’s great advice 🙂
She’s practically a child, cut them both some slack.
You are definitely hurt and it sounds like you guys equal parenting, and you are trying to make up with what you cannot help with.
She should absolutely have not made you feel like a pervert or monster for loving your own wife's body and you need to talk to her about it. Counseling is great if she agrees, but this really can't continue.
She says it hurts in certain positions now? Both you and her can talk to the OB and see if she can get PT for her pelvic floor. It will make her feel so much better
You obviously love your wife, and she definitely has post partum going on.
Recently, my husband and I had to make a schedule for once a month, one weekend a month, we have a date night. It's what we needed.
I cannot do a dead bedroom, and I am sorry for the both of you going through this. Being a parent is so hard.
I would just have a serious one on one conversation with her and tell her she can’t do shit like that again and that their are other ways to wake you up. I would also tell your friends not to convince her to do shit like that again. All in all if I was in your scenario this would be crossing a pretty big boundary for me, i mean she fingered you through your pants hard enough to make your ass hurt a while afterwards, that took a lot of effort.
I would definitely talk to her about it when she’s sober too. Tell her your concerns about her drinking around you and be 100% honest without trying to come off too angry or accusatory.
Good luck mate
You do seem like a great catch. If I were to guess, especially from the texting too much comment, you may seek commitment a bit too soon or you may seem too keen early on. I have been guilty of both and when I did it didn’t work out. You probably need to slow down a bit early on and seem interested but not keen.
The other thing that is likely to be happening is that you have a poor taste in men. We’re the 10 out of 100 men you were interested in commitment phobic? Where they insecure? Did they have other priorities in their lives (like 3 kids??)
Where on-line do you meet these people? Is it tinder or match? I do think that makes a difference too. Paid sites, and the ones that ask for long personality tests may help weed out time wasters. I also find that online dating makes people think there’s always someone better around the corner and stopping them committing.
You may want to try taking up a new hobby where you Amy meet new people more naturally. A sport that doesn’t just attract women for example.
Good luck!
I’ll be damned if I ever have a partner sitting their lazy ass at home on my couch in my house I pay for while I work all day and they do nothing. That was going to be my life if I married my ex and I’m so glad we broke up before it happened. Divorce her.
You can confront him but he a liar. He’ll lie & then switch the whole situation on you. Call you insecure, broke his trust the whole (cheater caught in a lie spew) he was never over his ex, plan your exit & be on your way out the relationship.
I mean honestly with the timeline, they likely called his place of work for a reference after his display. It's just one of the many reasons you wait until you're actually offered the new job before you quit in any capacity.
from certain strains of HPV you do
She needs to see a doctor. An adult penis can’t grow.
Another possibility is that she no longer wants to have sex with you (faking arousal) and making crazy excuses just not to have sex with you.
Don’t ask again. Sounds like you’ve made her uncomfortable, and she’s avoiding you as a result. Also, if you are initiating every conversation with her, it’s a pretty big sign that she’s not interested in you. Leave her alone. Be a polite coworker when you see her, but beyond that, take the hint and leave her alone.
childish to fight about ketchup tbh
Agree, unless my partner is bringing home that Hunt's trash. This is a Heinz house, honey!
Could she be developing a condition?
I might be going through ppd but doctors don’t care until you hurt yourself. I’ve let them know how i feel and never heard back ??♀️
I think it would help if you indicated a country very similar in culture to the one into which you were born.
And if you indicated which country you and your son now on-line in.
I could hopefully provide advice based upon non-synergy of certain values. I need a sense of where we are culturally.
I will also say, if you are truly f70, then you clearly care very much about your son, and this is a very delicate subject that I would never take lightly.
Honestly after being cheated on five times, I would go full ghost. Block him on everything, tell family and friends not to talk to him/give him updates on you, move out while he’s at work or with the 6th woman, and never let him see me again.
Use “I” statements to express how you're feeling. State your needs and boundaries. She either lines up with them or she doesnt. Look into “nonviolent communication” to help you build those skills.
and I hate thinking that I'm going to add to her overall heartbreak.
The way you feel currently is VERY unlikely to change, so given that constant (to put it in math terms), this will only get worse the longer you wait.
Since you are aware now, you should tell her now. If you wait say another year, that's a year of you keeping a secret from her. And the heartbreak will be even worse.
It might be possible to remain friends with her, but I do think it's best to start with a clean break first so that you both have time to adjust to not being together anymore. Going to being friends straight away could confuse the break-up.
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Ah the post was getting a bit long, I didn't mention that she usually tries to flaunt her situations, so I, humbly, mentioned good stuff that happened to me too occasionally. Her reaction to it was not what I expected haha.
“This girl has already essentially decided to not be your friend”. I agree I think about that now. She sees me as competition and that's it.
Not OP, but was the person who originated this thread. First, I know it's silly, but you made a mistake with your wording at the top. I assume you meant “it wasn't very likely that it WAS just a kiss.”
Regardless, I unfortunately do agree that you're more than likely correct in your assumption, although I don't think the sub's experience is all that relevant as much as just saying people in general, which would more than likely be true.
I agree that it just doesn't make much sense and that it was probably a lot more than she's suggested. I don't, however, really agree with your argument after that. I mean, I do absolutely agree that if a person (colleague or otherwise) pursues someone that they're not logically going to be happy with just a make out session. That's just not at all an argument supporting that OP's girlfriend probably had sex with the guy.
Again, I do think that's exactly the scenario. But I think your assertion here actually minimizes OP's girlfriend's role in the end result (which is still nothing more than speculation). Your assertion suggests that the guy would never be happy with just making out and as such he's going to push for sex. On its own, that's certainly logical. But him pushing for sex doesn't mean she has to agree to have sex.
I need to stop though because this is such a silly argument to have. I fully agree with you big picture, as well as your premise on trust.
No
He conveniently forgot to tell me that she's already paid for two more sessions so stopping immediately isn't an option. Can't make it up! Thank you for your advice.
She could easily decide to charge and he couldn’t stop her
Natural Selection
Good lord I hope so! Haha he’s actually a good kid, so you’d win that bet.