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Lmao. The devil really is in the details.
I always thought my husband was klutzy too. Thought our banging heads was a spatial relations issue. After an MRI we learned it was multiple sclerosis which was getting worse without treatment.
Pick your future. You’ll find someone better who wants you to succeed.
Since I last talked to him he’s told me it’s a financial issue. I’ve told someone else here this, but I’m having a nude time because I hope it’s just a money thing and not some thigh that he cannot admit to himself. He is the only one out of the both of us with income and he’s saving for a child, paying rent, has student loans, car payments and more…that’s rough. You just hear about so many broken families and as time goes on I hope I didn’t dig a hole for myself and my growing family. That’s a lot to pay for. I wouldn’t want to drop money on a ring when I’m paying for all of that.
Tell her no. Reschedule, take your friend, or, if your GF is willing to reimburse at least half the cost, it could even be “gifted” to her sister from the two of you, and she can take someone else of her choosing.
But you going on what was supposed to be a date with your GF’s sister instead of your GF? Um, no. That is just … it could cause a lot of issues way too easily, even if you both behave and nothing happens. It only takes one stray, jealous and potentially paranoid thought to cause enough trouble to ruin a relationship, and this kind of thing could easily lead to such a jealous, paranoid thought.
How did this situation come up?
Did you ask for a threesome or even make a joke and she just casually said she would be open to it and leave it or did she come to you saying this was something she wanted?
If she just said it casually, then you're probably investing more baggage into it then she ever intended.
Take a deep breath and just tell her plainly that this comment bothered you more than you realized it would and give her a chance to address these concerns with you in a healthy way.
I was that husband who was told I did not know how to communicate. Until we reached marriage counselor. In front of him, my then wife admitted that I have been telling her things in clear English that she chose to ignore, and when the counselor asked him why didn't you address the things he has been saying for several years – her reply was “I don't know” followed by a smirky laugh.
Lesson I learned was: I was communicating very directly whereas she was not used to such communication. She was used to people talking to her with a lot of cushion words like um, ah, maybe, probably etc and a lot of sentences that needed to be “read between the lines”.
The counselor told her that men will sometimes say few words, but will repeat the exact same words again, and women sometimes find this style very “turn offish” and want the message to be delivered like a poem so she can read between the lines.
Obviously the counseling did not work. Our communication styles were incompatible.
I was still labeled “my husband does not know how to communicate” on all social media and I was the bad guy.
Maybe you guys could can read into my story and probably take some hints here and there likely?
It seems like there’s more issues in this relationship then her weight. I would try to sit down with her or go to couples therapy. I’m also guessing she said she doesn’t care about her weight gain because she’s emotionally drained from trying to diet all the time. I suffer with disordered eating and while I’m at a healthy weight it is a constant battle for me to stay at a healthy weight. I’m a bit scared of how little I would have to eat at 45 to stay healthy.
If you don’t think she can ever be physically attractive to you then I would leave for both your sakes. I can’t imagine how self conscious she feels about your opinions on her body when she probably deep down doesn’t like it too. And I wouldn’t to be with someone I didn’t find physically attractive.
The pain doesn't go away. Sorry
He is literally cheating on her and has been since 2018. But god forbid she get a condo in her own without consulting her cheating, conniving, manipulative fiancé? What is this 1842? All because they’re engaged to be married does not mean Jack squat. She owes him nothing seeing that he has completely shattered and disrespected their bond.
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Think is a fair point tbh. OP even says she didn't think much about the breed/size/type apart from sitting on it a few months.
From my own experience I was hesitant a getting a cat but my partner has had one all her family life and she spent a lot of time alone at home working while I was out at work, so we both agreed might be good company. My brother has a dog who is well looked after too – but OPs wife is clearly both too impatient and dare I say a little immature to look after an animal in her own. Sad butt it happens.
Would you be able to have your dad there digitally?
Not sure how tech savvy he is, but it would be an option other than choosing “his side or yours”. That way he would still be in on the festivities in some way.
I don’t think he owes you much of anything after only 4 months. If you never had the specific, we are exclusive, and now boyfriend and girlfriend talk, then this never really got that far especially since sex never happened.
Or you can just not be a shitty person and leave the man to find someone that actually wants him for him and not his money…
You're not responsible for that, his choices are ruining his life.
Did you only read the first sentence?
And hits her on the top of the head and slaps her leg
Wasn’t it your friend who stopped the kissing? You would have continued down the path if not actively stopped by your friend? I bet 20 that the guy remembered everything. He he.
What does that mean?
I totally agree with this. He is well within his rights to be mad about her lying to him. However, that's not what OP is mad about. He's literally mad about the number. The fact that he isn't mad about the lying tells you that they had no business getting married to begin with.
And this dude has the audacity to ask you to post? Omfg, if you’re reading this dude, you’re ridiculous and toxic asf, leave OP alone. Do you seriously not realise how toxic you are to your gf (OP)? We’re about the same age btw and you sound like a real child, GROW UP.
OP, he is absolutely toxic and ignorant, this is not cheating. I’m sorry you had to go through such traumatising experience, I hope you are doing well and if not, seek help from a therapist or SA victim support. My heart breaks for you.
Why can't you use thin ones?
That's a red flag. She's way too jealous OP. She's obviously feeling guilt because she's cheating. You should go no contact and get a divorce.
Am I doing it right?
Then you may want to go read her comments. The door was closed and he went in after her. He wasn't watching her.
I'm happy for her, But his envy is detrimental to my mental health, my anxiety, and how I relate to it. Because I still have an inkling that maybe something could happen, even though I am trying to kill this passion/feeling
Yep.
Yep.
His blameworthy behavior aside, I think it is cruel to string someone along who you aren't sexually attracted to, a secret he won't find out until he's married you. Do him a favor and end this relationship.
I 100% agree misogyny isn’t to be tolerated but your OP didn’t go into detail on his other patterns of behavior which is why I tried to separate the two in my reply. I think it’s definitely a discussion to be had but I’d have that discussion around that behavior not the barber shop. (ie the problem isn’t the letting you or not letting you come to the barber, it’s his tolerance for misogyny)
Disclaimer up front: I do not – in any way, shape or form – condone him telling you to shut up, regardless of whether it's in front of other people or not (though I do think disrespecting you publicly is bad).
That said, you mentioned that you interrupted him multiple times, cut him off repeatedly, talked over him repeatedly and otherwise attempted to shut him up, without actually saying the words. That is barely better than straight up saying 'shut up' and is also very disrespectful and rude, particularly in front of other people. Seems like he, too, could be saying 'I'm not sure I want to marry someone who would treat me like that in front of other people.'
However, there is another element to all of this that I think needs addressing and that is, your Fiance insisting on pursuing a tense and uncomfortable conversation at an inappropriate time. But I wonder if you were straight with him and said, clearly, “I don't want you to discuss this anymore. this is my mom's birthday celebration and is supposed to be a happy time and it is not appropriate to pursue that conversation right now” or did you just continually attempt to interrupt, redirect, talk over and otherwise try to shut him down?
This is wrong on so many levels. You have nothing to apologize for. You need to reflect on what you are ok with and how he has really been your entire relationship.
Dude, either dump her and take the cat, or rehome the cat.
Either the cat suffers or your girlfriend suffers. You’re gonna have to pick one
… what? They both trauma bonded… but he groomed?
That's a huge leap.
Time to lose this ah bf is more like it. 6 months!!! And he wants to tell u this shit.. no girl
My friend went to a private, out of state university just for education degree. Just to be a teacher and make 30-50k. That university was likely 250k a year.
Not a smart choice in my opinion but she looks back at her college years as the best years of her life.
Walk away girl. I know you can do it.
I'm concerned with HOW he said it to you, even though he is right. Some birth controls do help with cramping.
I got the depo shot to avoide them, but don't recommend that option.
Recently got off the copper IUD (time ran out and giving myself a break ) and cramps have returned.
I think she should go meet if she wants. Yes, there is a risk, but risk is always present in life. Perhaps you should plan to have some calls at set hours to confirm her safety? If you also know his names you will be able to help if she suddenly goes no contact.
She needs therapy and you need therapy together. Why is this not happening?
Idk dude, if it was important to him and they had spoken about it prior then the respectful thing would've been to let him wait for the wedding day to put them in and see it. I think it's something kinda small and easily overlooked by op in her own excitement but that shouldn't invalidate his feeling, men are allowed to attach sentiment to thing too. I don't think over reacting is the right word here because he's just in having a reaction. I do agree that it shouldn't be something that lasts too long though but he's allowed his time to deal with that let down.
You are being abused! How long until you graduate?
You and your daughter need to be somewhere safe.
Can you look for a roommate?