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It’s not really karma OP. It’s just a natural, shit event in another family’s life. Karma will be when she gets cheated on herself. Hopefully with a knee full of kids. Although when that happens, you’ll have to feel sorry for the kids. No dad and a loose knickered mom. What an awful start in life. Hold tight OP. Your day will come. Good luck.
Uuh did you see she changed the story from days after the date to hours so she would look better? ? That aside, yes, to me it's appalling because I can't even imagine having a date with someone at 2pm that goes fairly well since we start dating, to then feck some other dude at 5pm or even worse, days later after it's official. To me it's appalling, it's my opinion.
I’d say you’re a solid 7.5
The reddit comments rhetoric is always like, it's over move on lol as if relationships and sex should just be effortless! Very romantic but unrealistic imo. So this happened with my boyfriend and I. I wanted more sex, he felt pressured, I made a joke, he felt demasculated, really similar to your story. After about a year of infrequent and uninspired sex, he said he finally had a feeling that HE wanted something from ME (rather than me always initiating), he asked me, I fulfilled it and it just put the ball back in his court and it's been good ever since. It's nude to know what changed really, but relationships are very hot and if you work through stuff with time, love and patience, you end up stronger. May I suggest watching some of the relationships playlist on the School of Life channel on YouTube. They really dive into the nuances of relationships, intamacy etc in a digestable and realistic way that really offers validation, comfort and advice on these types of situations. Or just dump him and reject nuance like the comments of any r/relationships post would suggest! That's my 2 cents anyways, don't come for me redditors please!
You have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you.
If marriage is what you want, and he don't then you need to walk away as you will never be truly happy.
But if you force him to marry you, then he will never truly be happy.
not saying she will murder you, but the point is still semi-valid…..let's say hypothetically she did drug you, would you have ever guessed she is the type to do that? people do crazy shit when fueled by emotions for the most asinine reasons…..stay safe man, hopefully the update comes and it's not positive that you were drugged….i hope you also get help for the alcohol usage if it's getting bad at your age, that's a dangerous road to be on…wishing you all the best
It sounds like your wife is either very selfish, has PPD, or we aren't getting the full story. Perhaps you should consider ending your paternity leave and going back to work full time?
I understand that. I’m didn’t make this post to bash her. The point of it is to try to find a compromise. I’m looking for ideas and suggestions on new ideas to try for the both of us
Wow this couldn't be more spot on….I am shocked. This describes the temper and emotional outbursts to a T.
What can I do. What kind of therapy needs to happen?
My best buddy slept with a woman who claimed she couldn't get pregnant. They weren't even dating. It was just a hookup. Of course, she lied, and they had a baby girl. He tried with her for a year or two, but she was terrible, and he left her, and they had to split custody. The kid is fine and happy, and he now has full custody. It's similar to your situation. Kids can on-line through divorce and splits. It happens all the time. Don't waste time being unhappy
I offered my husband 3 options: bring someone into the bedroom, him going elsewhere, marriage counselor. I’m leaving it up to him.
I'm sorry, but your options are idiotic. Number #1 and #2 are basically blowing up your marriage and a road to divorce. How is your husband cheating with your consent not going to give you anxiety? Both are extremely naive options without an understanding of the consequences.
Marriage counselor is fine, but you are the one who needs individual therapy and you are the one who should be doing something to deal with anxiety. Suggesting marriage counseling is ok, but it seems like you think a marriage counselor is going to tell your husband to suck it up or something?
Well it stinks but you might have to grow your backbone and stand up to them. “This wasn’t abuse, it was sexual. We are adults and it was consenting. I’m sorry you had to see it and become aware of that intimate aspect of my life. But you need to give Charlie a chance because you are judging him for something that has never happened.”
How did you all come to on-line together. I find it odd to be married and then invite someone to online with them unless they all talked about the reasons.
Lastly if you did not get rejected would you be OK if his wife was involved or ok with you two having a higher relationship?
Just because it may come from their culture doesn't make it valid.
If someone came from a culture where they believed you as a woman shouldn't have a say or input in anything, would you accept that?
You've been dating less than a year. He's incapable of telling his mother no. He lied to your face (they totally pre-planned this to have a hotel room ready and her bag packed and she was there right when to leave).
Either have the tough talk (and you may need to get a bus ticket home) or wait until you're home. But he needs to know this isn't acceptable.
Time to put on your big boy boots, king. If you don't kick her to the curb for breaking your trust, this will only get worse and it will seriously damage your mental health.
It has already damaged you, but if you accept it, it's like leaving a bullet in to fester. You need to cut out the bullet by doing the thing that will be painful and removing her from your life, otherwise it teaches her she can cheat and lie to you(and she will).
There is no way this girl isn't trying to trick you, and at this point she would need to change her entire personality to come back from lying and cheating and frankly even if she did this with your acceptance the likelihood would be that she would still figure there's always a way she could get away with doing it again.
We both agreed this competition is a win win! We enjoy playing games together or watching each other play games so there wouldn’t be any nude feelings!
I’m from the United States. We’re in two different states though
Please don't throw the MH card out there, it's insulting to those who do genuinely suffer. Unfortunately your boyfriend is just a dick who didn't think anything of paying for sex and in your home which makes it even worse. You on-line there and now it's tainted. If he really suffered social anxiety he would find even that difficult. Don't be fooled. Do yourself a favour and get rid of him. He has no respect for you and will likely do this again when you're next out of town!
You are not pregnant, kid. I assume as a girl with religious nuts as parents you never had the talk, right?
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Thank you for a very good respone! I agree with you on a lot, it is obviously on me and you're right on the fact I should have been more clear she's told me the same thing. It's all in hindsight and I can clearly see the mistakes I've made.
I broke up initially due to the relationship taking a very toxic turn for the past two years, due to several tragic loses in both our families, Covid hitting, losing my job etc. We both were in an unhealthy downward spiral with a growing depression. I don't really blame her for doing what she did, she was heartbroken for months and that guy gave her the support she needed and she saw a chance to “get over me”, which if you asked me five months ago I'd be happy about. But for the past 2 months I've come to the realization I made a mistake – which is a big part to why I feel so shit right now.
This seems weirdly gnats ass. If y’all co-own a house, I personally would go soft on finances rather than divide up to this level.
If you’re going to make her pay these “business expenses” out of her income, she should be allowed to deduct these costs and reduce her percent share of payments on all other household payments accordingly.
Or you could not be a hardass about it and allow gas and vehicle expenses to be budgeted as mandatory costs rather than pleasure costs…
Sometimes, not much. He knows I don’t finish
I am aware, but it's not an inherently selfish dynamic as you said. It works for some people even though in this case it's great
This article is speaking specifically about unwed, SINGLE mothers. The benefit is because of a 2 parent household, generally providing 2 incomes or someone being able to be at home with the kids…you don’t have to be married for that. Is OP single? No? She’s lived with both men that were her children’s fathers so they were in 2 parent households.
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I’m a critical care RN who used to specialize in transplants. Here’s what I think: You’re only 37. You have a child to raise. Not many transplant surgeons would even agree to take a kidney from a young person (who has many years of life ahead of them), just to give it to a noncompliant 74 year old (who is only a few years shy of reaching life expectancy). The potential benefits wouldn’t outweigh the risks. If your mom isn’t 100% compliant with treatment recommendations, it’s unlikely she would even qualify for a transplant anyway. You aren’t being a “self centered dick” as you described it – you’re taking the only realistic approach to the situation.
She has chosen her path. You can’t save her, even if you give her a kidney. She isn’t even willing to help herself at this point, if she won’t cooperate with the required treatments to be eligible for transplant.
It may have been getting worse throughout the years and finally is bothering you both, if it's keeping you awake i can be almost certain he is not getting a good night rest either. I would start out with a sleep study and go from there. For you to get some sleep try earplugs, I use the foam ones, most of the time they fall out by the time my alarm would be going off so I can still hear it.
He doesn't want to marry you. He didn't purpose
Your girl is not over her ex
If you don't end this it's going to end really badly for you
Nowhere does it say she lied.
What kind of joke is that??? Wtf
Sounds like she's into incest – try some role play, might spice things up a little. Also try not to take ur verbal diarrhoea ingk the bedroom, that don't work for sex talk!
Neither of you are happy and you ignored your wife’s need for years. Then you had an emotional affair and got caught.
Why prolong the inevitable?
If you weren’t already fully checked out then you wouldn’t have been making arrangements to rent from this landlord.
Well, if they would like to speak with their daughters they had better…
People (I'd say females but I'd get taken apart and maybe rightly) can be v touchy and unpredictable. The best thing you can do is think of you and keepnmoving forward. Eventually you'll meet someone with similar principles. Or not. But keep being a good person. Its the most important thing you can do.
UpdateMe!
And you just forgave him?
You’ve already confronted him about it. Talking about it has gotten you nowhere. It boils down to him not respecting your feelings. You need to ask yourself if that something you want to on-line with?
We would leave early morning and I’m driving the whole way up.
This break-up doesn’t sound like the ‘mutual, healthy decision’ you described in your post.
If it was, you would change the password and also ask her why she had still been accessing the account.
If it’s not, change the password and don’t speak to each of other again.
My dad help my brother out, but all my brother’s friends were like “he’s just as bad the abuser and he needs to appreciate him” just because he defended himself and because his abuser pays for him. His abuser doesn’t let him have his own phone or a job (when my brother applied for jobs he had to use the abuser’s phone number and the when the company phoned it, his abuser would say he wasn’t interested).
He stayed with me until my dad had to help him move to another city because his ex and so-called friends harassed him to try get them back together.
Forget about paying the rent. The day your pay check comes in, you spend it on a ticket and a hotel if you have to wait for the bus. Is your name on the lease? Do you get money deposited into your bank or his?
Right. But, you had no problem satisfying him early on and you're starting to now take him for granted.
Thank you, it’s definitely taken a toll on him and I feel selfish for not canceling the first time he mentioned it. I can’t even imagine how he is feeling.
It's not that OP's father is an asshole for wanting a relationship with his daughter. He's wrong for lying about it to his wife and son.
Also, what kind of a woman make a man promise that he should have nothing to do with his own child?
One who was cheated on by her husband 3 years after their son was born. That doesn't make it right, but it's an understandable reaction.
why can't OP have a little understanding or forgiving for his own father/ half sister?
Because it's not about them, it's about telling his mother the truth. She deserves to know regardless of if OP forgives them.
Consider this a lesson. More communication before the marriage. Granted you didn’t know doubt you could have. But she should have told you.
Sorry you had to learn that lesson. Sux. Be safe. Better is out there.
HE WANTS TO BE WITH MEEEEE! I didn’t force him to be w/ me. I forgot to add in the post that I BROKE UP WITH A FEE DAYS AGO. He literally just texted me saying he wants to be w/ me. And i told him “no”. I posted this b/c he asked to get back together.
Neither one explains his behavior – he sounds more egomaniac and like he has a victim complex. I think his self diagnosis is way off.
Agree! I was the same
He’s not upset he can’t joke with you. He’s upset he can’t be blatantly disrespectful under the guise of a joke. He’s a dick.
NOPE. That’s a dealbreaker for me. He showed you his lack of respect for you, I would believe him.
I agree. It isn't women getting work done because men find women with work done more attractive, it is because of society and beauty standards that are perpetuated most often women's magazines, celebrities and wider pop culture. These beauty standards often do not line up to what men find most attractive.
Oh sweetie, im so sorry. Im sorry youre going through this. You deserve to be with someone who actually loves and respects you. Do you think staying with this guy is going to be setting a good example for your child as they grow up? Because i wouldnt want this guy to be what your kids thinks is okay to be treated or treat someone else like that. If you have a daughter, would you want her to be with a guy like this? Would you want your son to treat future partners like this?
will it work if ovulation was almost probably happening during the past days
We have a postnup. I’ve been generally unhappy as has he. We’re in discernment counseling and are going to talk 1:1 tomorrow outside of counseling.
One you need to confront and tell her and 2 it’s better to rasie a child ina home where the parents don’t hate each other then having a home we’re their is constant doubt and trust issues
I’m 33 with one kid and I can’t get anyone who asks me when I’m changing my mind about more to understand this. My child bearing years will be ending in the not too distant future and I bitch about not sleeping as is and my kid is 12, tf about my actions makes you think I am going to change my mind. I’ve made birth control my religion at this point lmfao
You either ask her out or you move on…. Your call on what you can on-line with.
My boyfriend and I play rocket league together… we're both terrible people, can't believe we've done this to each other!
You came for advice and now you're calling people names and insulting their intelligence.
No wonder you're in the position you're in. Make better life choices.
Thanks for that context. I’m happy to hear that. So the reality is that you’re infatuated with her and putting her up on a pedestal while wearing rose colored glasses. In general, no judgement here. Everyone gets excited in these similar situations.
But you need to realize she’s not perfect. I’m not saying she’s not amazing or as great as you’ve learned that she is, but you’re currently looking at her as the model of perfection and are worrying that you aren’t good enough. You need to let that go.
No one’s holding a gun to her head to be with you. It’s not even just one date; it’s multiple dates and it’s still going. As such, you need to be confident in yourself. While you’re here worrying that she’s too good for you? She’s thinking the same.
The issue becomes not that you’re “too kind” or “too romantic;” those are great attributes. The problem is that many people (and I assume you) see being overbearing as being kind and romantic. It’s not.
You’re also asking for constant reassurance. That’s a problem and you need to stop. It’s honestly absurd that you’re doing this this early. It’s never good, but it’s really really bad considering you’re at the two week point. Just accept that she’s into you. Her actions will show you if she’s not.
My ex broke things off a couple weeks after we suffered a loss ?? our relationship after that was just never the same. He told me the reason he was ending our relationship was because he realized was lacking in many areas in his life after our loss (emotional availability, financially stability) and he currently wasn’t not able to give me the relationship I deserved. When we ran into each other, he only boasted how well he was doing with work and honestly it made me really happy. He told me he took my words to heart when I told him to get his shit together basically ?? so I’m glad he listened. I feel very understood, loved and respected that night it’s just a matter of I know he loves me but does he seek the same commitment I do ? If not I’m staying NC.
yeah, usually from the angle of “this food is super unhealthy” or “you should try this kind of food instead” . She is very headstrong and loves sharing her values, it's not so much that she is expecting an explanation but is trying to help me be better. To me it feels like I have to justify myself though.
The great thing is we don’t have to buy your bullshit OP. Take it elsewhere. You’re selfish and knew you were doing wrong to a great guy and you didn’t care because OMG LONELY. Fuck outta here
And then you dumped his ass, right?
Info: the girl seems to have started this. Does she hold some sort of grudge against you?
Perhaps she's into your boyfriend?
Maybe with a mental health professional? I don't want to pile on or anything, but this was a very extreme move to get what you wanted and yet you claim complete ignorance at the time you were doing this while being 30(+). I am not sure what condition you might have, but I do think you have something for this interesting mix of characteristics. Potential bpd as you tried to start up again once he wasn't behaving how you thought he should behave….
Nope and he knows it, that's why he's with someone 10 years younger than him! Noone his own age would stand for that BS
He's making his emotions your responsibility while also trying to contractually keep you from any form of criticism. Stop going along with this. Unconditional support? So if he decides next week that the best thing for him is to take off and travel the country living out of his car, he would expect you to say, “great idea, there are no glaring red flags in this idea at all!”
Our loved ones have the responsibility of being honest with us, especially when it hurts. There is no other path to healing than through pain. All he's doing by avoiding that is creating even more pain and sabotaging his potential for development and healing. I'm not saying there is no chance for a future with him, but the only way there's even a chance of that is if he gets legit help for his issues and puts the work into getting healthy.
u/sunshinebear100 You will only recieve what you will tolerate in a relationship, so patch up your dignity and put a stop to it! You are not his personal chef, nor are you his mother. Tell him his meal service expired and he is on his own unless he pays up. Start making meals for one, and let him fend for himself for a while. He'll either see the error of his ways and contribute like a good partner should, or he'll order own meals and waste his own money to do it.
That’s for sure, I believe she was looking for someone to make her breakup „official“. But I was fine with that since I’m not looking for anything serious at the time anyways. However, I liked her as a friend and the deception hurts quite bad.
No you are not toxic, she is. She just wants the freedom to do whatever she wants while using you at the same time. She wants to have a boyfriend and at the same time to flirt all the time. She is not a stable person, a truthful person and an honest person to have in a relationship. She is using you as the safe plan. Don't allow her to play you and to gaslight you. If you had done the same to her she would have lost her sit. You really have to think if you want to stay with her or not.
So, when he has a bad day, are you taking it personally as in you’re upset that he isn’t fully there for you?
Or are you anxious that he’s going to self harm or something?
Yeah I definitely understand her side. I didn’t sign up to be interrogated by a girlfriend though ? I have some social anxiety and that sounds really stressful. I don’t want to overstep on their relationship though, I agree that there may be emotional cheating
i wish i had your problem! i have troubles complimenting the people that i love (not that i don't find them worthy of praises – quite the contrary) but i often resort to bantering as my “love language” instead of directly telling them words of affirmation.
don't fix what's not broken – there's nothing wrong with your behavior.
Again, massive assumptions and projection, and not even logical. The kind of people who go camping and are chill about the prep, are also likely chill about figuring stuff out when they are there. The kind of person stressing about details for weeks in advance are the ones looking for someone to blame if it’s not all sorted out when they arrive. OP is a great example of this… she’s arguing with her BF because she is dissatisfied with the prep, he is the chill one in this scenario. She seems to have recognised she is in the wrong here.
Thank you for the advice. Ive grew up in an environment distant from my family as they work a lot and the closest friends are in different time zone which make me weary of taking time out of their days. But I do used to have some fun in my sports in a weekly basis with friends and teammates.
Maybe for more context, I’m her first love but I’ve dated 2 people in the past but been broken up with both times by the other person in the relationship. I’m just worry breaking up with her may put her into a depressed state and especially right now she’s near her finals as well which I’m not keen to disrupt her studies from the news. Maybe I will mention it to her after exams but I’m still weary on what to do next. And more importantly what if everyone I date is the same where however much effort I put in goes unappreciated…
It seems you have opposing love languages, hers seems to be the gift giving type. Where spending money is required.
Where as yours is the quality time type.
if she doesn't mature tf up and realize you have to on-line within your means, then what I recommend is find someone who does realize that, or someone who's love language matches yours.
26 is too old to be able to excuse financial irresponsibility : source I'm 20