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alex luke and damian, 22 y.o.
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I remember when we got posts on here that were super wild with cheating and craziness and now we have “my girlfriend cuddles stuffed animals sometimes” and stuff.
Manipulative/abusive ex’s have done this before to try to break people up or push them away.
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So I (19f) want to break up with my bf (22m) after I was in a car crash after work. I am physically fine and the accident wasn't my fault (stupid van with a trailer thought he could over take 5 cars and a tractor on a blind turn and hit right into me on my lane) and I, after calling the police and a family member, messaged my boyfriend to let him know what happened. He didn't even open the message until an hours aftewards whilst I was talking to the police. He then was asking me some medical questions as he's a nurse, but so is my mum who had already checked me over and said I seem okay but might have slight concussion. As soon as I told him that he instantly stopped caring about the situation and started talking about his work.
He didn't bother to call me. I was pretty shaken up and it would have been nice for him to at least call, he also didn't offer to come over and see me to make sure I was fine.
I was telling how upset I was about the car being wrecked, becuase its my first one which I bought with all the money I had gotten from my first job, and as its an old car there's a high chance they'll just write it off. He didn't even reply to the message.
Everytime I tried to talk about what had happened he just replied “oof” or “smh” which I thought was ridiculous.
I dont know if im overreacting here for wanting to break up with him after this, but I fully think he should have acted differently about this situation.
Edit: Some people blame this on his autism which I previously forgot to mention as I didn't think it was related to this. Yes his autism does affect how he reacts and views things but it's also something we have talked about alot so I have a faiky good understanding of how it effects him in a situatuon such as this. I know for a fact that this can't be blamed on his autism as he has come to my aid before when I was physically hurt and had to be hospitalised.
So the argument I guess progresses into the fact that it has something he has done before and has just chosen not to in this situation
Slight update: I asked him if there was a reason why he didn't call or ask if I wanted him over, and he said he was tired and was watching a stream. Not too sure how I feel about this becuase of course he has a busy day at work everyday its medical stuff, but then to tell me he wanted to watch a stream instead of calling me diesnt feel right?
L advice
Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Every red flag you ignore in the initial stages becomes a massive problem later on. Don’t offer justifications for the actions of others, take them at face value. Everyone is more than capable of being equal domestic partners if that is what you expect out of a relationship. If you let your expectations slide or push them to the side for a shiny new relationship, you will be disappointed every time. Don’t hesitate to leave a relationship that isn’t working for you. Your don’t owe anyone your time, energy, or compromise if they aren’t the one for you
In all possible honesty, you are actually doing him a dis-service by Not
standing by his decision to Break-up with you when he did. He absolutely
Must learn to take rersponsibility for his decisions, especially if he plans on being
at all successful in his Military stint. More than most occupations a lot rides on
a persons' ability to assess a situation and act upon efficiently and effectively.
He might as well start learning right now that Virtual Reality is for video games
and the Real World does not work like that. Just sayin……
Wait who the F argues that the very yellow B car isn't yellow? That one of you is a sore loser
Thank you for your advice, I certainly didn’t act well, and looking at the all the responses I’m certainly in the wrong, my boyfriend does deserve the best, he’s amazing, and I’ll try my best in the future ?
I will usually give it three attempts to be around someone and that includes if they got shit going on. I can accommodate as needed like going to there house or somewhere child friendly or they feel safe. After that it’s on them to want to see me. After a while tho I’d they don’t reach out I just let it die. Sounds like she gave you every opportunity to see her.
You depressions explains but does not excuse your being a shit friend. Sounds like she surrounds herself with positive people who want to spend time with her and you haven’t been one of those people in a long time.
Yo bro, this is a tough situation for sure. I feel for ya, depression and unemployment can really take a toll on a person. And it sounds like you're really into this girl, which makes it even harder.
Based on what you've told me, it seems like ghosting her was a mistake. I know you didn't wanna hurt her feelings or whatever, but it's not a cool move. And honestly, it's not even that she might've lost interest or whatever, it's that you straight up lied to her. You had no intention of seeing her again and you led her on. That's not cool, bro.
Now, that being said, it's not all hopeless. She's still single and you're back in the same town. But you gotta be real with her and own up to what you did. I know it's gonna be tough, but you gotta do it. And honestly, even if she's moved on and isn't into you anymore, at least you'll have closure and can move on yourself.
As for messaging her, I'd say go for it. Just be honest and upfront about everything. Let her know why you ghosted and that you're back in town and would love to catch up. And if she's still not into it, at least you tried.
And as for the social media break, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Just wait until she's back on and hit her up then.
Good luck, bro. You got this.
You need to see your doctor right now. This could be hallucinations or brain damage or a tumor or something else. It's probably nothing that serious, but it's worth having it checked out
Some people just don’t want to be helped. Your friend is one of those people. Not your problem either way. Let her keep making piss poor decisions
Saying that it exists isnt defending. OP might not be aware that 80% of porn has the tag “teen” regardless of content. It is gross, yes, but the truth
Don't forget you dad is very bias in this situation and his advise comes from his own failed marriage. I think that considering you have a baby on the way and an upcoming marriage you owe it to your fiance to at the very least participate in marriage counseling.
Can I ask before I got married we had to go though many classes about marriage and learned a lot of ways to deal with conflict etc.
Also please remember that during pregnancy hormones can play a big part and it can be a very stressful time for both Momma AND Pappa.
I am not saying that you are not ultimately right and maybe you do need to break up, but I would first suggest therapy and perhaps this might be the way you tell her you don't want to continue with the marriage.
Genitalia is not the only way to be intimate. Take him to a specialty store and choose some toys together. Maybe a different pace or change in the bedroom will spice things up. Although you two are young, you have already been together for 9 years. Since he was also on medication, not sure for how long? He may be having residual side effects from it still or he may just be in his head thinking he cannot please you anymore. It may possibly be all mental, so spice stuff up sister! And if that doesn’t work, it may be time he talks to a professional to get to the root of what is causing his slump-if there is one or it may be that just is who he is.
Oh. He’s paying for what your dad did. That makes sense. You equate porn with cheating because that’s what you saw growing up. That he doesn’t respect that or you enough to either stop or be honest about not stopping.. that’s a problem.
Girl… don't escuse yourself, please!
Most of us would have been the heck out of there with these “xan you help me…?” “Yadayada…” “Blah…..” texts in the FREAKING MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!)
Thats so darn invasive on a relationship. Calling his attention away from you and onto herself!
And he doesn't even SEE how messed up and invasive this is!
When people live! together they typically share costs and responsibilities. But he wants you to share all costs and responsibilities equally and also pay him an additional fee on top of that. This is weird and I wouldn’t agree to it if I were you. But if you do end up deciding to pay him rent, make sure you get a lease and all the legal benefits of tenancy. And don’t pay/contribute to yard work, maintenance, repairs, etc.