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Abu | AubriLee | AubriLuv | ABUUB, 22 y.o.
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Pack your things and leave.
Don't even bother trying to have a conversation about it.
Trust me on this.
While you may not want your family to split, that may not be the healthiest path for you all. Your younger siblings will learn to tolerate unhealthy (or even toxic) behaviours, if your family home continues with this kind of betrayal being accepted by you and your parents.
I had a drunken 1 night stand with a friend whom I’d already fallen for before we spent night together. I regret it so much as it was just too awkward and uncomfortable to stay friends. So, I lost someone extremely important to me .. that was 20 odd years ago and we haven’t spoken since. Still makes me sad to think about it.
You get a roommate who you both mutually find attractive and are both in the same field so to speak? If anything it can be a very comfortable living situation where you guys are friends for a while benefits maybe included later on and you both can study and chill while you finish uni? Who knows maybe even start dating when you’re both done? If you’re getting your phd as well as her I’m assuming you’re very smart and her as well. Generally people at your intellectual level tend me partner with someone of somewhat similar like doctors generally marry other docs psychologist do that etc??
This made me tear up ? you described the exact kind of love I’m looking for, the kind that I thought that I had. And you’re absolutely right; money will never buy that kind of love. It really does feel like your attitude is a rare one, but maybe I just date the wrong type of men.
I’ve moved on from whatever we were, if that’s what you’re saying. I mean I always have to delete my bumble because I can’t handle all the messages I get, lol. I’m an conventionally attractive woman with a lot to offer. But I chose him because I liked and trusted him. Felt we were friends. Genuinely had feelings for him. I think a random bumble dude would have treated me more respectfully, and that’s sad.
DEAR WOMEN AGED 18-25:
How many cautionary tales do you people need? If you have a 6+ year age gap, HE IS MOST LIKELY NOT GOING TO BE STAND UP GUY WHO LIKES YOUR PERSONALITY. He just wanted a younger girl who makes him feel better about himself.
Maybe you weren't groomed, but seriously! He was 32 and you were 20. Do you ACTUALLY think he cared about your personality and how “mature” you were? Be real. There are 20 stories a day on reddit about young girls who get together with waay older guys. They almost ALWAYS end with he stopped liking or caring about me once my body changed or I aged.
He sounds like a douche. I'm sorry you didn't see that at age 20 (WHICH IS WHY OLDER WOMEN ALWAYS TELL YOU NOT DO DATE THIS KIND OF GUY!!) but now you're stuck raising a kid with this asshole. I really hope you don't have a daughter. That would honestly just be the cherry on top of this suckfest.
Depending on your country, search for a domestic violence hotline to get advice or if you leave to another country, find a women’s DV shelter there. I would leave when he is away or at work. Often abusers will be the most violent when and after you leave.
Please stay safe and stay strong.
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Guys often get bored of the sex and beyond a certain point only keep a gf for companionship, it’s the the small print they don’t tel u about
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sitting down with her and asking what she likes for the future. I told my now husband I knew what ring I wanted and he asked to see it. I had no idea when he planned to propose though.
It's like him telling you “I'm glad you don't have big titties because they hurt”
You might think to yourself “It doesn't have to hurt if they do it right, and then you'd prefer them” or something like that.
A girl once told me “I don't like skinny guys because they're too bony and leave bruises” and didn't think it was a real compliment; until I lost weight and she wanted nothing to do with me
And if youve had this scare for over like, 20 minutes and didnt go to the pharmacy then youre purposely not testing. A week of pregnancy symptoms could literally be Pms. And youre a woman so im sure you know that. I think you’re just testing him to see if you should purposely get pregnant. And its so weird to even bring up your friends pregnancy like that does not have anything to do with you.
How is this relevant to the question? I'm asking about the phone
They literally kissed. Once. Then she told his wife. It reads to me like she didn’t know he was conducting an emotional affair with her until it turned physical, she told his wife, who then accused her of destroying their marriage.
I mean, you broke up less than a month ago, right? It will take time.
Connect with friends, focus on your work, school, friendships, family, and hobbies. Eat good food, get fresh air, stay hydrated. What she's doing now isn't any of your business.
both! i mentioned it around other people but jokingly – at first i didn’t think about it too seriously, and then i thought that maybe he lost it and feels bad or something so i kept on mostly joking.
i’ll talk with him alone for sure, i have another thing to talk to him about anyways, so why not do both!
and lastly, he doesn’t really act like he doesn’t know what i’m talking about. he does acknowledge it, but jokes about it or just changes the topic to the id card for example. or to some drawing he just made, etc.
SIL knows, MIL does not know.
Is this behavior new with your girlfriend? How long have yall been together and living together?
Having her phone on silent isn't as alarming to me as her constantly putting her phone down as you enter a room. Though I personally try to keep my screen only for my eyes around everyone. I also don't like people hearing my conversations either. ?
I honestly wish I could have my phone on silent but thanks to immediate family health issues I can not.
Exactly – plus all her hormones are screaming at her “Lactate! Nurture! Take care of baby!” and not a single hormone is saying “Hey, let's get it on and make another one!” – OP has unrealistic expectations.
Also, vaginal tearing needs to heal and is painful for MONTHS! Add to that the exhaustion, plus the pressure from OP, and his fiancée probably wants to buy a chastity belt with a steel lock.
OP, get off her back and let the poor woman recover! And check parenting forums (or r/parenting) to find out how long it takes on average before a woman feels sexy again post partum.
This is pretty stalkerish. I’m kinda confused why your lawyer is saying you can’t do anything, you should be able to file at least a no-contact order. Does your university have a police office? You should go down there and talk to them, usually the campus police are a little more chill than actual cops IMO.
I don’t know any marathoners or triathletes who eat rice and beans. What’s he on about?
Complex carbs are what help you in long distance. You’re doing it fine according to the medical professionals.
I’m not sure what advice you’re after. You’ve asked him to stop. I suppose if he doesn’t then you have a choice to make.
I wouldn’t be comfortable with someone commenting on my eating habits and diet. I have no history of an ED either. I just think it’s inappropriate to offer an unsolicited opinion about food or weight.
That’s not a bad point.
I think my hangup here is that it’s been like a week and it feels like the appropriate to confront him about it was then, and I feel like I have mentally pulled myself back from 100% certainly since that time, like telling myself “idk maybe I did use that razor that way” even though I know I did not. Like I’m gaslighting myself if that makes sense.
Which feels really stupid of me but I feel like I am looking for an opportunity to address something directly as it happens, or as close to it as I can get. But again you have a great point.
Leo DiCaprio strikes again
I knew that we’re OK whatever our size thing would not last that long. And on Reddit it has not. I’m not sure how you talk to her but what you can do is say I’m going to get into a healthy, eating phase in a workout face and I would love for you to join me you can start there.
Re read your post like your mate just asked you for advice about his situation. Pretty clear what to do right
U were 19 and he was 27 when u met? Wtf…
Why haven’t you blocked him and put him in a time out for his behaviour? I think it’s time to tell him you don’t want to be his friend (and why) and permanently block him
Wouldn’t that seem a bit strange after 5 years of no communication? If it’s that easy, I’ll do it, I just don’t want to scare her off
We all struggle. Some more than others. It's not an excuse to use people. She is using you. Protect yourself. You are all you have. Trying in her own way is only benefiting herself and wearing you down. If she can't even take care of basic chores and cleanliness than she doesn't truly value or appreciate you imo. A person can do laundry with anxiety. A person can fold laundry while depressed. A person can sweep a floor with bipolar. I do it and so does a million other people everyday who struggle with mental health issues and the ones who don't try or don't do it or just give up need professional help….not family or lovers enabling them and trying to help. There isn't anything you can do. You have done it. You take care of her and look it's not working.
I mean you said it yourself there was issues with communication that he kept bringing up that you’d say you’d fix, but then you wouldn’t (or would for a brief period of time) that shows either 0 effort on your part or (and arguably worse) you had been lying and in a way gaslighting him into having hope that you’d change. IMO it’s completely reasonable that that he’s done having expectations and putting forth effort. You want to make him know you care? Show him, don’t just tell him you’ll change but actually do so, call him, lead conversations, move back to Canada (or move to Canada idk where either of you moved from and to). Stop telling yourself you’ve changed, and let HIM tell you you’ve changed.
You can't make her understanding about the situation. She's shown her true colours yet, you still hope that you can somehow change her. You can't. And in the long run if you decide to stay with her, you'll regret it eventually. And just because when she slapped you, it didn't hurt, doesn't mean that's okay! That's domestic violence and you should be running for the hills and not trying to marry this abusive and toxic woman.
Look. Sometimes cheaters can be forgiven and you can repair things – it’s an unpopular opinion (for good reason) but it does happen.
HOWEVER. Usually in these cases there are mitigating circumstances – chronic stress or problems that neither individual caused and someone cracks. New jobs etc making someone feel neglected. Substance abuse, all sorts of things. But again, usually the cheating itself is a one night mistake after drinking too much or feeling low – and the cheater feels just as crushed as their partner they betrayed. Even despite all this, there is no guarantee someone will be able to forgive and move on, but it can happen.
But a six month long concealed affair? While you were ENGAGED??? No. This was never going to be reconciled – she does not respect you, you are just the safe option. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but honestly OP you are just setting yourself up to be walked all over and used. Get out of there, heal, enjoy your life as a single person, and then one day find someone who actually loves you and will treat you as a priority
You gave it a shot and now she's going back to her old shit. It's high time you leave her – for your own well-being and mental and emotional health. Find your self-worth and self-respect and dump her.
First of all the risks are huge. Second it won't work. A knock out doesn't last long. Ex boxer here, did it for a living. If someone doesn't come around fast there's a huge chance of permanent damage. I've never been knocked out myself but if the opponent didn't wake up in seconds it was a serious worry and a trip to the hospital. Something that lasts a bit longer let alone a night… Now that's insane to intentionally do to someone you hate let alone someone you love. Not likely waking up ever at least not the same.
Here's the thing, if it had drunken one night fling, then maybe, just maybe, reconciliation might be possible. But she carried this on for several days.
“I even flew down twice to visit her…….They kept having sex the rest of the trip.”
So if I understand correctly, they were having physical intimacy after you had visited?
I'm sorry, but there is no way you're going to be able to just move past this, unless you plan on abandoning all your self-respect.
It’s not cheating but this is a weird boundary you guys have
don't think logically, because she isn't.
Consent can be withdrawn at any time, even partway through. However, I’d really not do this
You should go, you're young and shouldn't have to be dealing with this at your age. Either way, your dealing with an alcoholic or an alcoholic in recovery ( if he decides to get sober)
He has to want to stop for himself, you can try and talk to him about it but ultimately it's down to him to give a shit about his life to stop.
Daughter got academic scholarships to bring her private college down to the amount son's out of state college with scholarships were. We saved 100K in scholarships. Thank goodness our kids got them, or they would have had to get loans.
I came here to say exactly that. He chooses to drink, even though he knows he abused you when he drinks. He is not an angel, he is an abuser. You’ll see, you will only get better if you ditch the manipulator!
Yes.
Jesus lemme just reiterate a third time now since reading comprehension isn’t a valued skill anymore apparently. If you have the slightest doubt in someone’s trustworthiness then why the fuck are ya trying to have a baby with them? I don’t give two shits, go get a paternity test, but if you don’t trust someone maybe just don’t try to have a baby with them? Procreation is a big fuckin commitment and doing it half assuming you’re gonna have a bad time isn’t a smart idea for anyone.
You fucked around and found out. He's still talking to you because you're using manipulative tactics to keep him talking to you.
Him putting hands on your throat is the assault, your action was the self-defense. Defending yourself in court would be a hassle but he was the instigator.
Good points. Thank you.
GO. TO. THE. POLICE.