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My grandmother was like this. She was bound and determined to have her kids take care of her when she got too old to care for herself.
And then other things happened that burned bridges with my mom and her two siblings who would have been able to, so now she's in a very nice assisted living facility because none of her kids can put up with her.
Not exactly comparable I know. But you need to flat out tell your boyfriend's mother “We will not be able to be his primary caretakers once you are unable to care for him.” Don't give his parents any potentials. Not one “maybe” or “might”, just flat out “No, this will not happen”. You can say “We will help arrange care, but we will not be able to be his caretakers”, but don't say anything that sounds like a possibility.
Speaking of arranging care though, you can talk with a home health provider and see what they do. You may be able to find alternates, though someone will have to pay for it.