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Yeah, because a woman refuses to go through an invasive exam after a traumatic event, only to learn that she was raped, that means she is a cheater.
She's gonna divorce you. Find the best lawyers in the area and have consultations with all of them. From my understanding, this creates a conflict of interest that prevents her from retaining them.
She sounds like an unreasonable witch who is going to try to hurt you out of spite. By preventing her from getting goods lawyers, you're increasing your chances that you'll have a favorable outcome in the divorce. Unfortunately, in divorces with children, the women are virtually always favored. If you are not aggressively proactive about this, it's entirely possible you can lose your kids.
Save any and all communication where she communicates why she left. My non-lawyer thoughts are that she believes watching porn is the same as cheating (which is grounds for a decision in her favor) and once she learns it's not the same, she'll try to paint you as abusive or sleazy or whatever. Keep everything.
Basically, hire a lawyer yesterday and do exactly what they say. Keep your nose clean. If you drink even a little, stop until everything is settled. Become a fucking saint until this is all done.
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Ask your wife how exactly does she imagine she'd feel if you threw her physical looks in her face, comparing her to before and after childbirth. Add in that is the main reason you aren't touching her anymore.
I cannot imagine the backlash you'd get from her family, friends and the entire internet since we all know your words would most probably end up on blogs and tiktoks described as “sexist, misogynistic”.
Thank you for your reply.
You’re right. But I feel that it’s a little more complicated than that. It’s my fault for not giving enough detail and explanation in my original post.
My boyfriend had a very tough early life. His mum died suddenly when he was 9, and then his father didn’t really look after him properly. He didn’t have any friends growing up, and became a social recluse with severe social anxiety.
We met at university many years ago, and he was always kind towards me. I am also a bit socially awkward, so we got on really well and became good friends. That eventually developed into a relationship.
He was a lot more functional back then, but things have changed over the years. He became a lot more depressed, dropped out of his masters degree, and then got signed off work long term because he believed he could not work due to his anxiety and low mood. I understood and supported him as best I could, but it has been 6 years and he has developed a lot of really bad, lazy habits now. He is complacent about pretty much everything. I was doing a Doctorate and asked him to help by proof reading my Thesis. He went on and on about how the thesis was stressing him out and adding a burden to his life. I ended up sleeping in the spare room for weeks and just doing the work without discussing it with him. I eventually told him he had upset me, and he apologised. But his behaviour hasn’t really improved. He can change one little thing, but the general behaviour stays the same.
I have to add that he has recently started being assessed for high functioning autism, so it is likely this plays a big part in his behaviours. It makes me question how reasonable/unreasonable my expeditions are all the time. But I also know so many people on the autism spectrum who aren’t rude and entitled like him. So I don’t know. He said I need to be more patient with him. But it has been years. He can be a fun companion, but he doesn’t make me feel secure or happy in the long term. ?
Alright so something has been weight on me because I neglected to put it in the post. It’s MY gym pass with unlimited guest privileges. He can only go when I go. I did this because I work from home and I would love to use my lunch break to workout by myself and then workout with him again in the evenings. Also, he works out of town a lot (construction) and I need to be able to go to the gym when he’s out of town. There was no way I was putting the pass in his name because I wasn’t going to trap myself like that
He is insecure. He had no formal education, you do. Street smarts are likely irrelevant in your day to day life.
Maybe he didn’t have the opportunity to go to college, or perhaps the need. Please do not take his opinion seriously. Professors have commented on your intelligence…they are much better able to assess your intellectual capability.
This post makes me wonder if there is an income disparity between you and how that plays in.
This is why they say curiosity killed the cat. I truly believe in karma and this is a great example. You were unable to control your urges re: invading your gf’s privacy and now that you’ve done what you’ve been waiting to do you’re unhappy with what you read.
Genuine question: what EXACTLY were you looking to read in there? You either were looking for validation that you are the one for her and to read up on these romantic exaggerations of how good a partner you are, how respectful etc or you were looking to read about another man and her indiscretions. If the first was your intention was it really so difficult to communicate words of affirmation being your love language? Would it have been so terrible to request more validation from her? If the latter, why are you having trust issues so early into your relationship!?
It is not and will never be okay to invade your partners privacy like that. Like jeez
So it bothers you just because you think it's weird and not because it's having any sort of negative impact on her or your relationship?
I'd say approach it from a place of wanting to understand her better. Instead of telling her she's a weird lonely loser, make her feel like you don't think there's anything wrong with her, but you want to make sure she is happy and fulfilled in her relationships with people and to understand why she doesn't need more social interaction. Offer to help support her in efforts to make new friends if she wants to. Let her know that it is not weird at all for people in long term relationships to form friendships within their partner's social circle.
It sounds like she is a fairly introverted person who doesn't have high social needs to begin with, but that she might also lack the confidence to seek out new friendships even if she would appreciate them.
I think I'm just so nervous. I will quit it if he hates it. I don't have to do it. But it does help with some costs, so I will keep it if he's okay with it.
I so agree with you.