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A lot of couples seem to be “generally happy” until a real test comes along. In this case, your husband has revealed a few red flags about himself: 1. he doesn’t take your word over those of others, 2. he doesn’t think what happened to you in the past was a big deal, 3. he pursues his dreams at your expense, 4. he lacks empathy for you. Sorry you had to find out this way that he’s not the supportive partner you thought he was. For the record, no, you do not have to be happy about this situation. Tell him he’s free to go but you won’t be supporting his band or helping promote their music at all, and anyone who asks why not, including all your mutual friends and family, will get the full story on how his bandmate is a total piece of shit. (Seriously, of all the bands in the world, this is the one he had to join? It’s fucking pathetic.)
I know like we already have the tickets and they were expensive and now that my gf said she would find it disrespectful if I went with my friend girl even if my brother went in a random conversation. I’m kinda confused on what to do. I love her and I don’t want to be that guy hiding things but I don’t want to hurt her feelings I feel like both outcome would hurt her feelings either way
It's the medication. I'd be adamant with the doctor that she should be seemed off of it. ADHD is better than psychosis. Look up natural supplements that can help people with adhd. I read somewhere that l-tyrosine is a good one. Doctor's mean well but sometimes they accidentally cause illness instead of remedying it. If the current doctor is too proud to change something I highly recommend asking another one because she will need help lowering dosages.
Shouldn't have gone back to him.
You can leave again, anytime. Just saying.
Yeah, I've noticed that happens a lot. And then when they don't get the validation they thought they would, [deleted]
Brilliant! Maybe toss in an anecdote of how she's a nice person at work and call it a day.
A few things. Off the bat I’d suggest you walk away. But I get that’s not going to happen so we move on.
Does HE want to make it work? You haven’t mentioned that at all. Also, what reason did he give you that he cheated?
Regardless, in situations like these, the person who cheated needs to be transparent and work to show the partner that they can be trusted. On the other end, you need to actually allow yourself to forgive and trust him.
If you can’t do that, no one would ever blame you. But it means your relationship is over. Healthy relationships don’t work without trust. You just need to be honest with yourself about the situation. Good luck.
She wouldn't listen to my suggestions (funny videos or informative reviews of lesser known stuff)
You should definitely have a talk with her. Coming from someone who had a step mom that clearly showed bias towards her own children, it’s very hurtful. I don’t think I fully realized how hurtful and damaging it was until having children myself.
What kind of garbage is this? Yikes on bikes man.
Already did with your choices. Have some respect for him at least now to allow him to make his own decision if he wants to reconcile. You unilaterally opened up your marriage.
Your title makes it seem weird and then you describe an incredibly private property. I would absolutely pee outside too.
Asking someone if they have STDs is NOT a way to make sure they don't have any. It's very likely he's done this before, and asking this only means he doesn't use protection. Protecting the wife and the baby is the only decent thing to do.
Thanks a ton? I'll use your exact lines lol
What if I say “I'm not up for it” then he will call me selfish?
I share when I feel like but I don't want to have the burden on me to feel like I need to think about him and his food and to want to share – I'm unemployed and I'm relying on food stamps for my groceries so I want to use what I have wisely
I like that idea – thank you
Do you want her children abused in foster care and given incurable diseases lol
So I didn’t understand that oral herpes and genital herpes were the same thing for a long time, but when I did I talked to my family and apparently my mother, sister, and brother have oral herpes. There are different strains, but the possibility of the strain that affects your mouth affecting genitals as well is completely possible. I just thought those were called cold sores before, and thought I was just immune to them or something. I think your boyfriend is reacting emotionally because he feels like you’ve purposely not disclosed something life changing to him, when in reality you just didn’t know it was the same thing. And the thing is, if it’s a certain strain, he could have got it just from kissing you. I think what might help you both is to get educated about it and try to talk about it without the judgement you both already feel about it. I’m really wishing you luck, I think a healthy relationship can make it through this.
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Let’s be real. Most guys that are this guys age, getting with 19 year olds… there’s a level of immaturity necessary to allow yourself to do that. Sure it’s legal. Doesn’t mean it’s right. I’m 29. I couldn’t even imagine myself pursuing someone that young. But you do you. You’re an adult as well now and can make your choices, but guys like him tend to always be like him. Just look at Leo, he’s never had a girlfriend older than 25
No female partner “owes” vaginal, oral, or anal sex (last two go for male partners, too) for any reason. It’s a gift of yourself. I think you just saw his true colors and very much need to decide if you want this dynamic. Some ARE into it a power play dynamic but even then…it’s PLAY-consensual, and based on respect and trust. Anything else is not okay. I don’t know if anal is something you enjoy, think you’d enjoy, that disgusts you or if you’d be a first timer but I can assure you that’s NOT how to get your introduction to anal. It’s time to rethink this relationship I’m so sorry.
You dump her
Yeah. It could be innocent. But i once when on 3 days with a guy who told me he lived me after the 3rd date. Turns out he had just gotten out of a relationship with his ex-fiancee a month prior. I fled so fast. Something so wrong with that.
He is claiming zero responsibility for his actions of being on dating apps, then calls you names? Why do you even want to be with this man? He may have mental health issues, but if he is abusing his prescription drugs and not taking responsibility for his self care, then he cannot be a good partner in the marriage. Not sure that the marriage can be saved until he does. You may want to visit a lawyer to protect your financial interests and a parenting plan that is in the best interests of the child(ren).
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Wow, that is incredibly weird. What's gonna happen if you just say NO, I already got you something…. or I can't afford that much ? This all sounds incredibly controlling.
What do you even do in this situation?
Thank you, I appreciate your perspective
charity never decreases your wealth and it’s good karma. i still donate regularly and i think my school debt is separate from the way i will gift others
It lasted 4 months before I got blindsided again.
No. Come on now. There was no 'blindside' here other than you willfully, studiously and desperately blinding yourself.
You got on the rollercoaster, had a go-round and when it pulled up to the platform you said “Imma go again”. Repeatedly. And you're 'blindsided' by the ups and downs?
I guess that behavior worked for him somehow growing up so it became a part of how he reacts. That type of pattern is very nude to get rid of as an adult. For most people, it probably requires therapy over a long period of time. And some just can't get rid of it, ever. It's stuck.
I guess you could try having a conversation about how you guys can address problems with each other, that are less likely to lead to fights and hurt feelings. Maybe he will have some input as to how you can tell him things where he doesn't regress to a 6 year old.
At some point you have to realize talking, suggesting, peace meddling just doesn't work and move on, though. I don't know whether that's the case for you or not. I don't know what you mean he's “caring”, some people ave very low standards to what a caring person is. Saying hi with a smile, give a hug or compliment and saying “you can do it” to everything is minimum effort tier. Some even do those simple things to pretend they are more supportive and caring than they really are. They do the little things so they don't have to do the big things.
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Tell her its OK to go to the ex's party because you are going out drinking with your ex and some of her single friends who find you very attractive.
Change the locks….now.
Seriously, just end it. It doesn't have to be gentle, just not cruel. There's a lot of yardage between the two.
Sorry you're going through this.
Let me explain, he claims my daughter as his own and I didn't ask that of him. I did deposit the money in her account as a compromise.
Tried chopping it up some. When I originally typed it out the formatting didn’t seem as tightly grouped together. I realized I accidentally typed a page of words. My apologies.
You deserve to be with someone who cares about you.
why though? we are friends too
I’ve tried this. One time I had permission to work out. She was with our baby. It was a stressful hour for her, I came in from working out and made a protein shake. She walked in from the backyard with our baby and very rudely (my interpretation), said “what are you doing?” It was said with such disdain. I told her what I was doing, and that I could take baby. She said “whatever I’m just going to take her to my parents’ house.” She stormed off.
I stopped her and said, “You cannot talk to me like that. It is disrespectful and dismissive. Stop it.”
She came back with accusations that what I said was emotionally abusive. It was definitely out of character for me, but I had been talking with a trusted friend and they recommended I be firm when she talks down to me. I was and it backfired and she became the victim.
I haven’t “told her what she can and can’t do” since.
Because her friend is telling her one thing, then insinuating another. She said she won't talk to him because she doesn't like him. But then told him that she won't talk to him because her friend told her not to. Which implies she would continue talking if not for her.
It's like if you and your friend didn't know what one plus one was, so she puts her hand up to ask and goes “razzledazzle doesn't know what one plus one is”. Now it makes you look stupid and the whole class thinks you're dumb. Like that.
So what happens when one of these 'hot' girls makes a move? Does his demeanor suddenly change? 'Nah bro I love my girl I would never…'
Delusional.
Well, it is not really about you. It is just that it is easier to get aroused through visuals. And besides, we all have the right to have our fantasies, don't we?
Don't know, my wife knows I look porn. It is not an issue because she knows I will only love her, and she knows is it unrealistic to expect from your partner to not feel attracted by beauty. She know that the whole of her and the significance she has for me is more than enough.
If you are looking for one of the best ways to ruin your life there is, be a bipolar who decides to be medication noncompliant.
Your boyfriend is on a path to certain disaster. He is not going to do well. In ten years he is extremely likely to be in jail, on the streets or dead. And estranged from his family. And with a substance abuse problem, because these types tend to try to medicate themselves with everything BUT the actual medication they need.
Please dont let this be you. Continue your meds and therapy, and discontinue this “boyfriend” who does not have your best interests at heart.
I work in the mental health field and i see your boyfriend every day. He is Legion, and none of the legion is doing well. Save yourself and dont be like him.
My thoughts are that he went out that night in hopes of finding other girls to make out with so that you two are now “equal”. I don’t think it was by accident,
You cheating first is what caused this whole thing, so I don’t think you should be upset at the outcome.
you two ended things and then got back together, this was never going to work out and be the same as it was before. There will always be the thought in both of your minds of what happened and it won’t go away. This is what leads to a toxic relationship.
My advice, you two are no longer a good match for each other as you have both cheated and made the other person feel awful, in your case you should have seen it coming (from your bf) and you did and you still felt awful about it.
Things won’t be the same after this, no matter how much you try and forget, it will be apart of your relationship. if you continue to date. I wish you the best of luck
But you know staying in an unhealthy relationship is the worst thing you can do! I know you know ?
That’s literally what I just did before seeing this!
Why are you still with her? Why are you still friends with him?
Yeah, whenever I imagine my future I can only hope and try to make sure that my household isn’t as stressful as mine is all the time. Thank you
I'm actually not but I often wonder if I should pursue it at some point later in life (I'm happy in my career at the moment).
To give you some context about me, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. I love love and I wish you and everyone else I give advice to nothing but the absolute best. I give advice on here, because I've been through it all and learned from it. So even if my advice might be negative in the sense that it's coming with an assumption that things won't work out, it's because the context legitimately suggests that to be the case. At least in your case you can still talk about it and the immediate advice isn't to end things. I really do hope it works out.
You’re bothered because you’re SO it letting his family treat you like shit, clearly is fine with their behaving and doesn’t give a damn about making you feel welcome. Honey this ain’t a relationship you wanna stay in. Find someone who truly values you and wouldn’t let anyone disrespect you.
If she clubs without you while in a committed relationship she isn't the one. Not even close
Let him have her, you deserve better.
No, you are absolutely not wrong. He made a clear statement that he will not support you – which is, after all, the purpose of your marriage.
And when you pointed out how horrifying that is, he dismissed your feelings, effectively said he didn't say what he said, and then put the whole situation on you.
Better to know now than if and when you are actually in a situation of dire need, but he has made clear he did not mean what he said when you got married. That can't be ignored.