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Unless she's unemployed because she's a SAHM (in which case, she has a job, it just doesn't pay in the traditional sense), yeah she's being unreasonable. Also massive red flags for abuse. It sounds like she's co-oping feminist jargon to belittle you and your contribution.
Couples counseling isn't going to do much. The wife isn't the problem here. You are. You have no boundaries and you are a pleaser. You're going to therapy but doesn't sound like you're actually getting anything out of it because you continue to “let things happen”. Your wife and kids are your family. But you continue to be a doormat. That's a you problem and not a wife problem. Until yiu fix yourself couples counseling won't do much goid
I don't understand how it all went so wrong.
It was wrong the whole time because she was treating you like a dirty little secret to be ashamed of instead of a good partner to be proud of.
Have you asked him if he’s married? This is not to say you shouldn’t believe your friend, but if you ask him and he says he is, then just say you’re not interested in married guys.
Your choices in a relationship always come down to stay or leave.
You've said how you feel about this and she's making the decision that she feels is the right one, as is her right.
You need to respect that and make your own decision about whether you are going to stick around on those terms.