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I’m just asking. I find it weird.. and I’m sure I’m not the only one person who thinks it
You can't control who your partner hangs out with, or whether your partner lies to you.
You can control whether or not he's your partner.
If has to see the messages then the relationship is over. He doesn't trust her, he's letting some one else's word override hers in his head. If she offers that's different but if he asks there's no going back. Hes making an accusation that he can't take back. A reasonable partner who has been with some one for 6yrs wouldn't have to ask.
If she implied she’d prefer to meet up with other mutual friends as well, I’d go with that. “Sounds great! Let’s ask X and Y if they can make it!”. She may want to spend time with you in a group setting to ease back into being friends, before potentially hanging out one on one again. Make the next time you see each other totally, unambiguously not-a-date.
Could also be just a distance thing. I’ve been a bridesmaid twice now and I live! the furthest away. It’s been a massive hassle to organise and I feel bad for my friends. Maybe they are considering that? I also have friends that I absolutely adore, but can’t have as my bridesmaids because you can’t have everyone.
Exactly my thoughts, I was in denial at first but it is honestly so weird. I'm just gonna distance myself from her completely. But not make anything big out of it for my families sake. Thanks for your view on this.
If she trusted you 100 percent, she would have had an adult conversation with you about the fact that she may have needed reassurance.
She said people, not women. Your misogyny and projection is showing.
Your bf needs to get over it. Once a month? And his issue is because he’s basically got ADD? Please. You get one dad and who knows how many SO’s in a lifetime. I wish my dad could come over just once. So what if he wants to spend time with his daughter? There was worst things in the world. Has your bf never been lonely?
Agreed. The whole situation is weird.
It sounds like your friend is in a difficult situation with her arranged marriage. It is understandable that she wants to make her parents happy, but it is also important for her to be happy and fulfilled in her own relationship. It is clear that she has some doubts and concerns about her fiancé, and it may be helpful for her to take some time to consider these carefully before moving forward with the marriage. As her friend, you can offer your support and listen to her concerns without judging her or pressuring her to make a decision. You can also encourage her to talk to her fiancé and her parents about her doubts and to express her needs and wants in the relationship. Ultimately, the decision about whether to move forward with the marriage is up to your friend, and it is important for her to make a choice that is right for her.
Are you going to live! with your friend and fuck his girlfriend for the rest of your life?
Reasonable dealbreaker.
It sucks, but you’ve talked to him numerous times and he still steals your meds. He doesn’t talk to you about how he can get diagnosed, he doesn’t talk about having a drug problem, he just steals your meds. It’s bad and I’m sorry.
. Long story short, a guy in the parking lot called me a “bitch” and my husband confronted him about it
Why was he not able to walk away?
Honey, this guy isn’t your bf. You only met him 4 months ago and he hasn’t spoken to you in a month and a half? It doesn’t matter about any argument. Whatever developed between you in the 2 & 1/2 months you were going out is gone.
This is decision for you alone to make. And I agree with you, 20 is very early for such decision. Vasectomy is reversible but with very low rate of success and it is also 5 times more expensive than vasectomy itself.
It is your decision alone! I'm 34 without kids and with long-term relationship and I don't feel doing vasectomy right now. Condoms are safe if used properly, not super comfy but ok.
Your body buddy your choice. Don't let her force that on you. It is reversible but it's gotta be your choice.
She is one big red flag do what you will with that info
Thank you. Even though that may have hurt his feelings, you ultimately still chose him and to resent you over this is while still being in a relationship with you is not justified. I think you’re better off single for your own mental health.
I’m a female gamer and I used to surround myself with people who would degrade me, sexualize me without my consent, mock me, harass me, etc. I let it happen for so long because I thought that’s the only way I’ll have gaming buddies until I got tired of it and realized that I wouldn’t tolerate it anymore. If I catch someone acting that way to me now, especially someone I thought to trust, I just cut them off. It’s helped me a lot in valuing my self worth. I’m not saying you need to do that but it is healthy to evaluate how necessary a toxic person is in your life.
That makes absolutely no sense.
There are a couple of ways. Depends on upur relationship with the person who made it:
A trusted lover: “Can’t you come yourself?”
A newish lover: “Dude, WTF? Now I can’t sleep alone”
Random stranger:
Someone you know and loathe: “Just FYI, Inlet the cops know, and if you do show up at christmas, I’ve got some surprises for you too”
Shes cheating on you. That was gaslighting and she did it because she was caught.
Im sorry OP
I know two very happily married people, and this year, their wedding anniversary fell on Thanksgiving. I texted my friend saying, “Happy anniversary and happy thanksgiving!” And she told me that she and her husband BOTH forgot their wedding anniversary was that day! It happens. Just saying.
Id just get a bidet..
A lot of people reference how when people say they wouldn’t date someone who is trans, they are transphobic, but I personally don’t see how that is solely because I don’t want to date that. I’m not excluding them from anything at all, the only preference I ever had with trans people is that I wouldn’t date a person who transitioned from male to female, that is it.
People are allowed to have preferences. If we were to use that logic, then would we agree if someone doesn’t want to date a certain race, they are racist? I’m black, if I don’t want to date a white person, am I racist? If I don’t want to date someone who is blonde, do I dislike all blonde people? I’m just trying to understand people’s logic when they call other people transphobic because they have a preference on not dating someone because they are trans. People have preferences for every single thing when it comes to dating. Height, weight, money, status.
Preferences are okay, and I prefer not to.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, buddy. But unfortunately, I have no good news for you:
She doesn't owe you any closure. She isn't obligated to answer your questions or reply at all/in a certain way to anything you tell her. As such, telling her how you feel means that you are putting yourself at her mercy – a mercy she doesn't need to have. The reply you get, if any, might make you feel much worse.
As such, you need to consider if you want to take the risk. If you feel a bad reply or no reply (and no answer is an answer) would also help you, as it would cement that it's good you're rid of her, then do it. But if you feel like you might feel worse if she doesn't provide you with what you wish from her, then don't.
Someone can break up with their partner for any reason. From finding someone new to not liking the partner's nose anymore, from different life goals (like children or not) to something petty like the partner not folding socks correctly.
There is no obligation to stay in a relationship and there is also no obligation to remain single for a certain amount of time after you have broken up with someone. Especially the “dumper” often moves on quickly, often because they had checked out of the relationship since a long time and thus emotionally moved on while it is all new and fresh for the person dumped. Not that this makes it any easier – for all we know, she might have emotionally cheated on you (at least) with this guy. Or he is just a rebound. Or whatever. But the fact alone that she told you about dating him is bad enough and you seem to have insight even into their sex life.
Telling you such things rarely happens out of courtesy. It usually is to either shut the other person and any hope they have of getting back together down – or to rub it in if there was any resentment.
As such, I would recommend completely cutting her off. It will prevent future pain much more effectively. If you want to try talking to her before that is your decision – I am also someone who needs to get things “off of my chest” (and not just in a “I write a letter and then burn it”-way, but in a way that puts it in the hand of the one meant to recieve it), but I could also stomach a no-reply – I just like knowing where I am at and getting the feelings out. But everyone is different and your emotions are right now raw. Maybe write a letter, then take another week or two and see if you still want to send it then.
Honestly I would just text her that lying about her age and using old photos of when she was younger and in shape isn't going to get her anywhere in life and then never speak to her again. No point in trying to start anything with someone based on lies before you've even met in person.
First – good on you for confessing your feelings. Doing that is pretty brave.
You may have to cool the friendship off for a bit to get over your feelings (if you think you can), but I see no reason why you can't keep being friends.
If him being affectionate is confusing for you, then let him know. Tell him that that behaviour is sending the wrong signals.
Oh well yeah I'm not a dude so I don't have that perspective
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Yes they are adults and people have differing opinions, but the world is pretty unanimous on cheating.
Your dad showed his true character and colours from the start, he has no problem with cheating and has done it to your mum before, the real betray is the bff. I would tell your mum and cut them both off. I know you might love your dad, but has he done anything to deserve that love? Give all that love to your mum. She deserves it and needs it when she finds out what her bff did.
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Girl, 124 is well within a normal weight range at 5’4. When I was 117 my doctor told me that I was borderline underweight.
Dump the dude.
Huh??
I never said what you said was untrue. I asked “what do you suggest he does if he has no motivation or desire to apply for a job in his own field?”
I love dogs. Absolutely love them, and mine’s half-laying on my legs as I type this. With that as a preface: your husband’s dog needs to be euthanized.
Not because it’ll make you “even” or anything silly like that, but because it’s proven it can’t be trusted and will get violent with no provocation. You mention it took several minutes to get the dog and cat separated, so I suspect this dog is on the larger size. If that’s the case, how much damage could the dog do to you if it turned on you? What if it somehow did the same to the child of a neighbor, friend, family, or your own kids? Do you want that liability hanging over your head?
I personally wouldn’t stay in the same house as a large-ish dog with a history of unprovoked violent outbursts. Stay at your mothers and talk to your husband into seeing the light and the dog is euthanized, or he refuses in which case you file for divorce.
Yes it’ll absolutely suck for your husband. His fear of loss and the sadness behavioral euthanasia will bring are both understandable. His refusal to act on the new information he has is not.
I love dogs. Absolutely love them, and mine’s half-laying on my legs as I type this. With that as a preface: your husband’s dog needs to be euthanized.
Not because it’ll make you “even” or anything silly like that, but because it’s proven it can’t be trusted and will get violent with no provocation. You mention it took several minutes to get the dog and cat separated, so I suspect this dog is on the larger size. If that’s the case, how much damage could the dog do to you if it turned on you? What if it somehow did the same to the child of a neighbor, friend, family, or your own kids? Do you want that liability hanging over your head?
I personally wouldn’t stay in the same house as a large-ish dog with a history of unprovoked violent outbursts. Stay at your mothers and talk to your husband into seeing the light and the dog is euthanized, or he refuses in which case you file for divorce.
Yes it’ll absolutely suck for your husband. His fear of loss and the sadness behavioral euthanasia will bring are both understandable. His refusal to act on the new information he has is not.
This is actually very simple. A loving and trustworthy partner does not hide things and lie. Your GF multiple times, has lied to you about what she did. They were not something she forgot to tell you, she lied about the actions she took. She was trying to hide and cover up something she knew you would like.
There was no innocent reason to lie about what she had done. WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HER!
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Ding ding ding..
I used to do paternity tests for a living on the lab side.
Our science director, who had as long a history as you could have with this in 2003 was adamant that in the US, for 1 in 10 to 1 in 11 children the father of record was not the father.
This didn't mean 10% of wives cheated, but paternity often in older days, blurred by timelines or situations. So maybe 75% of that number was cheating.
Who knows, our science director guy never offered any precise proof of this. Just his gut from his experience.
That said, we would run into unintended exclusions a lot. Especially around immigration cases for chain immigration. “This is my son.” DNA test shows no relation, or worse, kids father likely a sibling of the man in question. Many times, this was unexpected, and many times the guy was 100% passing off his nephew as his kid for immigration purposes. Literally why it was done.
All I can say is you could start eating better and getting exercise. Maybe then she will want to join you or you just ask her if she would like to join you in what you are doing. My wife did this and I’ve started to eat better because of her and she didn’t push it on me but just nudged me a little and also made the meals for me to experience how good healthy food can be. But don’t you dare ever bring up her weight to her. You will stir up so much unwanted shit you’ll wish you never brought any of this crap up. Just be gentle and see if she like to try new foods with you and even just going for walks at first and then slowly move into a gym.
Touch starved vs SA and coercion rape are two very different things. His repeatedly getting too rough and repeatedly having to be told no about touching/ groping her and pushing for sex isn't something that can be 'soothed away'. It's not a woman's job to teach a 30 year old what consent means. Its not a normal part of the honeymoon phase to be in danger of injury, SA and rape.
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Update us pls. Not just bc were nosy, I feel so horrible for her (and you). She just wanted her happily ever after and doesn’t even get 3 years. We’re rooting for you. You seem like the friend everyone deserves
You are as stupid as you are arrogant. Bye.
First I’m sorry this happened to you.
She asked for a break, I don’t know if you’re Ok with breaks, if so use it too to clear your mind and you need to know that you did nothing wrong (according to what you wrote) it’s your personality and the way you live! your live!, you won’t change yourself because of somebody’s mom or friend.
Even if she don’t want to continue with you it’s not your fault, people like this mostly regret it after they lose the only person who cared for them over stupid critiques
Given the background in your post, I would guess that the chances that your dad doesn't know that your mom has a lover is around zero. At best, they have a don't ask, don't tell relationship. You can ask your mom, but I would stay out of it.
I personally wouldn't worry about the neighbors. They tried. You said no. Unless they bring it up again, I'd be cool with them.
The husband is the issue. It's like I get where he's coming from, but he also should trust you to take what happened exactly as you explained it.
Give him a day or two and sit him down. Just have an open conversation explaining again it was out of the blue. If he still doesn't believe you, then you two may have bigger issues than you thought.
they are easier to manipulate
Many older women are the same, men also just want younger women to feel good about themselves
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We dated for 3 years so far and I thought things were going great at first. She said I was her soulmate and was looking forward to marriage.
A month ago, she wanted to go on a spiritual retreat and I was very supportive thinking that a good mind reset is healthy. Since she came home a week ago though, she told me that relationships and sex are not meant to be restricted and that we should be free to explore it with others.
I told her that I wasn't comfortable with anyone else other than her and that I didn't want her to see anyone else but she's been pestering me for a week about being close minded.
How do I get her to change her mind before she sleeps with anyone behind my back?
Yeah all my sweet and caring friends threaten to stab me with a knife. One of them was so nice she even used a sword. It's such a great feeling. /s
I believe you. I do. But there’s a big problem here.
Imagine that you make a stew. You use locally-sourced, organic ingredients. You use the best cuts of meat, the most delicious vegetables, the most aromatic herbs. You spend all day making it perfect. It’s simmering away, and it smells delicious.
Then, just before you serve it, you take a small piece of dog poo and stir it in.
Is this stew edible?
Of course not. The entire stew is now shit stew. Now, the ingredients haven’t changed. They’re still wholesome and organic and flavoursome. But they’re ruined by that tiny bit of poo.
In the same way, abuse ruins a relationship. A person can be sweet and caring and lovely, but if they come at you with a knife, then the whole relationship is ruined. The entire thing is a shit stew.
Don’t keep eating shit stew.
Okay but WHY haven’t you proposed yet? Like you want to right? You’ve been together 5 years, own a house, love each other, what’s the problem? 5 years is a long time to be together with no proposal in sight.
He says he wants to marry her, she says she wants to marry him, 5 years and a house later it seems like a perfectly reasonable question to ask
Don't burn it all down. Take a breath and think. She made clear requests about how she wanted you to behave while you did not and expected her to do the same without an agreement in place. A break is a break, broken, broken up, even if only temporary. Couples don't take breaks because it's too far, they take breaks to explore other options and see what the world has to offer. Enjoy your time together but think about doing the same thing, for your own benefit and peace of mind. Use a break as a tool for growth and maybe you'll never break up again. But; if you don't take advantage of the freedom and she clearly is, then you will resent her for it and have trust issues which would doom the relationship anyway. Communicate honestly and openly about your experiences and maybe you can both grow and learn from this and have a stronger bond together because of the exemplary signs of trust and maturity
You staying silent doesn't mean you consented. You need to figure out custody arrangements and drop-offs so you don't have to see him. Talk to a lawyer and call a hotline for sexual assault. You said no and he told you that he heard you. You deserve better.
That’s the guy she’s going to tell you not to worry about. You know how that goes.
How so?
My daughter has this. Like she sniffs everything and has to hold her hands away from her body if they smell wrong. She is especially obsessed with the smell of her hands. Do you have any advice for dealing with this? I am afraid she is going to develop a hand washing compulsion. (She has autism). Why is autism connected with smelling things more strongly?
I had a patient in labor and her mother in law was joking about us putting a husband stitch in while we were repairing her tear. I’ve literally never been so stunned before.
Divorce…or marriage counseling. These are the two choices.
If you are genuinely not bothered by it then fair enough. What she did was wrong, but if it’s something you can get over than thats okay. Don’t let people on the internet make you doubt your own feelings.
An absolute minority of men compares anyone to pornstars and most women certainly do not compare men with fictional characters. Your reality is twisted, seek help.
Do you think being a housewife is easy? I’m a housewife who is in college full time and has to take care of 6 animals and who takes care of the neighbors children. I cook and clean and make sure he comes homes to a clean and relaxing house. Making sure he had a naked plate of food ready for him when he gets home. I make sure that fresh clothes are in the bathroom for him so he can take a shower right away. I do every single one of the chores, do all the errands, and do almost every other thing. I have no time to relax until I go to sleep.
And trust me, I’ve tried to get a job. It’s kind of hard for someone who had been out of the workforce for a year to get a job.
No, don’t do that. Let him wrangle his own family.
ugh I agree, and I really wish he would because I’d think he’d benefit mentally and psychically. But he just has not gotten back to work after being out for 2 years due to hand pain and just anxiety i guess.
How would you feel if she went our with her girlfriends, got blackout drunk and got lapdances (and who knows what else – YOU said you can't remember) from one of the male strippers there?
Attractive only gets you so far. Are you assertive and proactive regards sex? Do you just like a short vanilla go and then you’re done?
If the only thing you’re bringing to the table after 9 years is “I’m attractive”, then I suspect you’re probably not all that enthusiastic or interesting in bed.
Happens to a lot of folks. Shit gets boring same old same old.
She already had one. He got her kicked out of it. She found a new 1. And he's angry about this, why? Was she supposed to move in with his brother's family, too? Ohh “It makes him feel inadequate.” That's because he IS. Ick yuck boo nope run
I had a couple (crappy) relationships like this in my younger days and I now have the power of hindsight and middle-age to say that he is an absolute tool who doesn’t respect her. There is no way in 20 years she will look back on this as a great relationship. One of my bf’s had a neighbour who he’d had previous liaisons with and I’d frequently catch him coming out of her place as I’d arrive at his. They’d only had a cup of tea and a chat though! (As he was adjusting his trousers and smoothing his hair). Yeah.
Personally, I have a scar from mine and the last year I had it, I was extremely suicidal. It was absolutely awful for me. So it isn't exactly “easy” and a great choice for everyone.
You told him you aren’t attracted to him?!?!
The male entitlement here is enough to make my blood boil. Your brother should be ashamed of himself for his selfishness in trying to make you choose. If he loved you so much, he’d move his wedding so that his only sister didn’t have to choose between supporting him and celebrating a major milestone in her life. And shame on your family for supporting his selfishness and making him think that it’s normal. I’m sorry OP, for what it’s worth, I think you should absolutely walk that stage. Send your brother a gift, tell him you love him, but go an enjoy YOUR day because YOU earned it.
Tell him to hit the bricks cause he's a self-centered perv that'll just keep trying to push you towards what he wants
This has gotta be in America
It is time for some tough love, sit your friend down, and tell him to get it together or find some place else to live!. Sorry this is happening to you.
I read a lot of your comments and my take away is this. You say it is her father's house. Her father pays the phone bill. You have to beg for sex, and other stuff. It gives me the idea that she thinks you're beneath her (lack of better word). Is this guy her boss, manager? It is all giving a vibe that you're not exciting to her (I could be, or hopefully be talking out of my ass). If her dad is a stand up guy, you could ask him to ask for the carrier bill or whatever it is to at least put your mind at ease. Otherwise, this is a lost cause. Sorry man.
Getting coffee as friends is fine. But he's married, so best just remain friends.
He’s 27?? Wow. You’re supposed to have sympathy for him because you… masturbated after sex? Does he expect you to lay there quietly, as your duty is done?
Also you said you weren’t and it was a misunderstanding but instead he walks out. Without listening to a word you say. What a fragile ego.
I’d personally take this as a red flag and not stay with him. This could be the first of many “have sympathy for me!” events.
It goes both ways tho. I’ve seen parents bring their 2 y/o princess on 10 hour flights. no one could get any sleep because of the constant screaming.
some people just think they’re above anyone else
Well you need to bring it up. Now rather than later after she cheats and tells you why. It’ll be more difficult to deal with then.
She was also working up until 4 months ago.
It took me a few years to figure out, but I’ll take boring over high-drama any day. It’s just so damn nice to trust my partner with all my heart.
exactly & spot on! why do they do these crap? it really hurts everything
How does a 40-year-old man even meet an 18-year-old girl? I'm waiting for the reveal that his wife was one of his daughter's childhood friends.
Are you married? If not, look at other options for the house. Totally uprooting BOTH of your lives is a nuke. An you buy out her half? Take in a tenant to cover her portion? Explore the options, to include setting a time limit as to when you will decide it’s time to disentangle your finances.
Set expectations for this “break.” Ie., seeing other people, dog custody, couples counseling etc. if your relationship is truly doomed, couples counseling could help you to gracefully uncouple. The end of a relationship does not need to be destructive and dramatic, it can be amicable.
Not worth it, move on.
The gaslight is quite strong smelling with this man
Is there any way for us to build back our trust in our relationship?
The two of you don't need to build back trust, he needs to earn your trust. So he needs to be an open book. Only time will show if you can trust him again. Personally I'd break up with him. You deserve better.
Break up. Find a boyfriend who enjoys sex more than masturbating.
I don't think the issue here is that it's shameful more that the bus schedule doesn't seem to be convenient. Waiting over half an hour for your bus on the cold is not ideal.
I live! on s place where buses never run on time/often just don't come. I always offer people a loft after work if I know we're heading in the same direction.
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My boyfriend is a really gentle and sweet person and we have a happy relationship filled with laughs and cuddles. But this one thing is bugging me out and I could use advice.
There are a few facts I want to make clear to give a full picture here. You may or may not think they’re relevant:
He doesn’t physically force me onto the scale. He just says “c’mon, step on the scale..let’s see what it says.” One time I said I didn’t want to get on it and he said “c’mon just get it over with..”
When I weigh myself and he didn’t get to see the number, he asks what it said.
I am 5’4 118lbs. I am a size small or an extra small. I am not stick thin but I am a thin woman. I don’t need to lose weight.
He is 6’1 215lbs. I think he looks good but he has told me he is technically obese and that he has pre-diabetes.
I have mentioned to him that I feel like he cares too much about my weight and he has always said that he is just trying to support me because he knows I am afraid of weight gain (true)
Have you read the posts on here on how a threesome with a friend ruins relationships?
Otherwise why are you feeling so nervous about it?
Isn't that how everyone really operates, not just in romantic relationships, but platonic relationships? They're all transactional to some extent. To what extent is acting in self-interest sociopathic?
Those numbers are negligible differences when it’s taken into consideration that I take her out once a month on date night and spend usually $30-50 on her. I’ve had date nights that I’ve spent up to $100 on her before.
Like the first comment says, sometimes people just grow apart. There is never a good time to break up. You can still be friends and be supportive of each other.
Heads of State visiting disaster areas in their country absolutely is a straight-up PR op. It also takes away from immediate relies efforts in the visited zone because of security concerns around the VIP visit. Sorry – just something I have some knowledge of. But it is, unfortunately, a politically required PR op; the affected population expects it, and any opposition parties will absolutely attack if it doesn't happen (they will often also attack for diverting efforts for the sake of the visit, but fact is, the photos of the visit will survive longer than the grumbling against it). There have been disasters where the Head of State has been specifically advised NOT to come, because of the negative impact of this diversion of effort for the sake of their visit.
I understand why the organizations like the one OP is going with provide these opportunities; it does drive donations. I just like to be clear on what's happening: the supplies and money donated is the goal here. OP isn't actually “volunteering” on her lunchtime interaction with those kids, she is getting emotionally reimbursed for these donations.
This is the way. Bang his mom!!!!
The conversation revealed a number of things that proved my suspicions valid, and I guess after we spoke, he contacted her, because about 15 minutes later, she texted me cursing me out. I told her we'd wait right at her job for her. When she came down, she stormed in cursing me, and I created a scene. Basically saying, “hey fir anyone who is in earshot, this the woman here who stepped out on me” (I told you the convo with Platonic Friend revealed a number of things, including that his and her's dealings with each other went back to “maybe December”, and he moved in February 4 or 5)…
It git really boisterous, Platonic Friend came around but didn't say anything to she or I, someone called the cops, who came and asked people if any violence or damage of property occurred, once they were told no, they cane to us and said this was a civil disturbance, give the baby to her and go our separate ways. So I did, and we did…
We didn't speak much until late in the week that passed, and this past weekend was the first weekend in awhile where we had no tension. But when I asked her if the man is gone and if she truly ready to work on us, she said “I'm not ready to talk about this yet”. So I left it alone…
That brings me to today. No conversation, I told her while she needs time I won't talk to her unless she reaches out first. She's let it be known that her heart was broken, that's a quote, when I moved an hour out and didn't tell her, she heard whispers from mutual acquaintances and then my daughter confirmed it, and it damaged her. Then I also broke up with her, that bothers her, and she said she can't forgive that…
Surrounding her relatipnsjip with Platonic Friend, she admits it wasn't platonic but “I tried to spare your feelings but you kept digging and put my ***** on front street for everyone to know”. She's embarrassed and angry, and also has used phrasing that I may have messed up her thing with Platonic Friend…
From my end, I told her I'd been dealing with immense pressure from her to basically go broke to satisfy her, and I had no security that she felt the same about me, so that influenced my decision to leave I'm secret. Told her while I broke up with her, it wasn't a “real” break up, it was more a break and emotionally wr still shared some couple-isms in the time that followed that would lend credibility to us not being broken up. Also finding out she started this “situation” with Platonic Friend before I broke up with her messes with me, and the fact she just moved a man right in with my daughter and didn't tell me messes with me…
She hasn't told me she loves me since befire March 11. We aren't seeing each other. I definitely mistepped a few times here abd need to mature, and so does she. I'm growing with the acceptance we may not reconcile, but there's a feeling we can, if it's really time to work on ourselves…
At the same time I have accepted the man is still there, and that throws a wrench into anything we do. Is this relationship salvageable?
That's really mean. You didn't deserve that. If she didn't want you playing with her clothes she should have asked you nicely to stop.
Yes you should tell her. You should’ve told her 4 years ago.
bruh ever thought that maybe there’s a reason she doesn’t want to? like ppl don’t say no for no reason most of the time. maybe she experienced trauma from it? or maybe he got attacked in an elderly home and it’s really traumatic for him to care for old people???? like for the grandma scenario, it could also be because they’re lazy. but with sex, ppl say no for a reason. if my bf wasn’t comfortable with something i wouldn’t push the issue anymore. and my boyfriend isn’t comfortable with a lot of stuff and i don’t push the issue! and vice versa because i’ve endured a fuck ton of sexual, physical, mental, and emotional abuse in my lifetime. sex should be enjoyable for both ppl and if she says no then that means no. and if he says no then that means no. i haven’t been in the porn industry ever but i have friends that are and have been and that shit is fucking traumatic. not a single one of them have come out of it without any trauma. and even when traumatized, sometimes they still continue in the industry because you need money to live! and sadly sex work can be higher paying than a ton of jobs. but most ppl don’t do it for fun. if i’m a chef and cook all day long i don’t necessarily want to come home and cook. it might not mean i’ll never cook. but let’s say i got burned by the fryers at work very badly and it caused a whole lot of issues, that might be traumatic. so i might not want to fry stuff myself again. or if i was shot while being a cop, i might not want to be a cop again. there can be so many reasons they say no to sexual things they’ve done in the past. there was a lot of stuff that i loved to do sexually before some of my trauma, but now i will never do that. i can’t. at least not without being turnstiles further. and if my partner can’t live! without that? then that’s fine. we can break up. but i refuse to have a partner that will guilt trip me or make me feel bad because i won’t do something i’ve done before. no matter what my reason is. they’re not saying no for no reason. it doesn’t even have to have a reason! they don’t want to do it. so they aren’t consenting. you saying “well you’ve done it before” is guilt tripping and coercion. which is a crime. for a reason. your thought process is gross.
Repulsive and disgusting. She's sounds violent and irrational. I once had an Ex-boyfriend spit at me, after I broke up with him. NEVER AGAIN. That spit helped me to choose better people; rational, logical, kind, pragmatic, gentle men.
Set the boundary! Or boundaries I should say. I don’t think a general line of don’t touch me at home is doable exactly, as some people like more physical touch than others BUT having the boundary that you don’t want to be fondled while you are working, or you don’t like certain types of touch or you want to be asked before being touched are all valid. My husband still asks if he can kiss me/hug me/lean up against me when we have not been cuddling already because he knows I’m not ok with being pawed at.
Ma'am. If you don't want the contact, you have that right. 20+yrs later, I don't miss my family. They weren't there. And they're not missed.
There's a ten year backlog on testing rape kits. Where is the lab capacity going to be found to test every birth?
ON the other hand, it may be a good idea to have every fertile male's DNA in a database to test both for potential fathers and rape suspects. Terribly dystopian, but it may work.
He's showing who is truly is. He did not change. He's always been like this and has been hiding it.
His mother IS racist. Full stop.
The fact that your boyfriend won't call out her behavior is a problem. It's a sign that he won't stand up for you if his mother does that again.
You proved you were comfortable breaking her boundaries as long as she didn’t find out. She has no reason to trust you. Move on.
You should only need to have it once.
Maybe it's time to treat him like you would a dog. He gets one chance and when he refuses to behave you get up and go into another room.
What a piece of shit! So sorry this happened do you!
Get a lawyer fast, she abandoned her child, child doesn't know her,
So it's highly unlikely she will get any custody.
Get a lawyer to be safe, comfort your husband, but tell him you need to see a lawyer ASAP just incase,
I could never see a judge allowing her to see her seeing as the child doesn't know her and introducing her will only upset her
Get a lawyer fast, she abandoned her child, child doesn't know her,
So it's highly unlikely she will get any custody.
Get a lawyer to be safe, comfort your husband, but tell him you need to see a lawyer ASAP just incase,
I could never see a judge allowing her to see her seeing as the child doesn't know her and introducing her will only upset her
What if they don't touch themselves and just fantasize? Is that an immoral act?
A few questions to get started here:
Have you been intimate with this girl? Have you been on dates with this girl? Have you led her to believe that you might have feelings for her? Why is the age difference such a hang-up for you? Does she live! alone? With Family? Etc?
(Just an FYSA) A 23y/o dating a 19y/o does NOT have negativity associated with it. Teenager, while true, is not exactly the same vernacular as young adult. While she is a teenager, in the eyes of the law and the eyes of just about anyone I know, she's not a minor. You aren't breaking the law here. 4 years difference is not that big of a deal.
Happy for you OP. Lots of miserable people replying here.
Happy for you OP. Lots of miserable people replying here.
Hi thank you for the reply I really appreciate it. Unfortunately she won’t even speak to me and has blocked me on everything. I could ask a few friends of mine to message her and tell her that I’m super broken up and obviously would never cheat, but I’m afraid she’d think I put them up to it or something.
The frustrating thing is that she also knows I was cheated on in my first serious relationship. I’d never have done that to her, I don’t know why she thinks I’d even be capable of cheating.
I feel I may have to accept that she’s made her mind up and won’t be changed. She’s horribly naked headed and holds a grudge for absolute life. One of her ex bfs “scammed” her out of money like 4 years ago and she couldn’t even hear his name without getting angry.
Ugh this is just so heartbreaking. I’m still in love with her and our relationship was really great. She told me I ruined her life and I killed a part of her, but I can’t rationalize my feelings as I honestly didn’t even do anything wrong ?
Hi thank you for the reply I really appreciate it. Unfortunately she won’t even speak to me and has blocked me on everything. I could ask a few friends of mine to message her and tell her that I’m super broken up and obviously would never cheat, but I’m afraid she’d think I put them up to it or something.
The frustrating thing is that she also knows I was cheated on in my first serious relationship. I’d never have done that to her, I don’t know why she thinks I’d even be capable of cheating.
I feel I may have to accept that she’s made her mind up and won’t be changed. She’s horribly naked headed and holds a grudge for absolute life. One of her ex bfs “scammed” her out of money like 4 years ago and she couldn’t even hear his name without getting angry.
Ugh this is just so heartbreaking. I’m still in love with her and our relationship was really great. She told me I ruined her life and I killed a part of her, but I can’t rationalize my feelings as I honestly didn’t even do anything wrong ?
Alcoholic here. He will not change unless he wants to and absolutely nothing will change that I’m sorry. Until he hits bottom (and we all have different bottoms btw) he’s going to continue to do this.
I’m so sorry. There are programs and counsellors that you can talk to that may be helpful like alanon. There are also shelters and safe places if you ever need to really get out. You can try an intervention but if most of his friends are into drugs and alcohol that will be extremely difficult to get over. Your friends and family are your support system and if you have crap friends, family, or both it makes recovery difficult as well.
Focus on your children. There is happiness there. Also, look positively that you’re still very young. If you want to leave this, you can leave this and there is plenty of great things to look forward to.
Good luck
Do you have any respect for yourself? Any at all? Because this doesn’t sound like it. Why are you accepting such shit treatment?
Well, you were not born yesterday, so passed via birth is out of the options. The others are sexually transmitted or contact with bodily fluids of someone with such infection, would still required to be pretty intimate to catch it.
Face it, one of you two are playing the devil's tango but not with each other. You can't be this naïve.
Well, you were not born yesterday, so passed via birth is out of the options. The others are sexually transmitted or contact with bodily fluids of someone with such infection, would still required to be pretty intimate to catch it.
Face it, one of you two are playing the devil's tango but not with each other. You can't be this naïve.
Well, you were not born yesterday, so passed via birth is out of the options. The others are sexually transmitted or contact with bodily fluids of someone with such infection, would still required to be pretty intimate to catch it.
Face it, one of you two are playing the devil's tango but not with each other. You can't be this naïve.
As it's already been said, given that you're both in your 30s, he's very likely to have it already.
It is NOT a dealbreaker. HPV is the common cold of STD/STIs. I'm 40 and when I was in my 20s, received all 3 Gardasil shots. Yet I still contracted a strain of HPV that hadn't managed to clear itself by the time I had a pap smear. So it showed up in the test results.
Shit, my mom even discovered she had HPV when she had a pap smear 5 years ago. She hadn't been to the doctor in 30 years (long story) and she called me upset about it. My father was her only partner and he'd cheated on her several times over their 50 year marriage.
Anyways — as long as you tell your new partner in a way that your tone is not accusatory, but rather more out of concern, you should be fine.
Not the point, but I believe people in 1950's had more premarital sex than people in 2000's.
I can when she’s not asking about the wider conversation. Let’s answer the question she asked and not the question you’d like to answer.
OP solely asked for advice on whether or not to terminate the pregnancy because of how her ex feels about it. It wasn’t “should I have this baby?” It was “should I get an abortion because of this specific reason?”.
And more importantly, she only provided enough context to answer that question.Which means that not only is weighing in on whether or not she’ll be suitable parent not answering her question, it’s also not something we have the information to address. We don’t know her income, what type of support system she has, what country she’s in and what help that country provides, or anything else relevant.
Lol that is what I told him. Support is what I gave him when I didn’t know he was a cheater. It’s insane to think he would even think I would be supportive in any way. But this is also coming from a guy who pays sex workers for Hj’s..
Good Lord. Why are you still there? When does it become our responsibility for the way we allow ourselves to be treated?
You sound like you feel guilty but more for the fact that you are going to get caught. Listen you destroyed your family already by cheating on him. He deserves better than you and your disrespectful behavior. You need to tell him now or he’ll find out later
call your doc's office, find out if the county can offer you any free help/services. You need a regular break. xo from a granny
UpdateMe!
Oh for fuck’s sake.
Why did you watch the videos? There was zero chance you’d be happy about what you saw, so you basically deliberately upset yourself and then decided to make that your wife’s problem.
“Angry that she didn’t tell you”? It’s a job. You’re not automatically entitled to know everything about every waking moment she spent before even meeting you. She has every right to keep something that’s none of your business to herself, especially if she (correctly as it turns out) suspects you will have a ridiculous reaction to it.
You’re upset it looked like she had fun? Again it’s a job and if you don’t look like you’re having fun you don’t make any money doing it. Would you have preferred she looked miserable and forced to perform at gunpoint? Examine what’s actually bothering you here and then fix that about yourself because it’s a gross quality.
You leave. Get your stuff and block him in everything. He is abusing you and being an absolutely disgusting person.
You don’t have any idea about the specifics of her disease. I am a type two diabetic as well, and mine is pretty easily controlled with dietary changes and a low dose of metformin. But that’s me and I don’t assume that everyone is like me.
Not a medical professional but I wonder if they ruled out Addisons disease. My mum has it and there are some similarities here.
When I was taken to an expensive restaurant that was totally outside my comfort zone (total bill would have eaily been 2 weeks groceries for me), I asked the person taking me to recommend me things off the menu
He raped you. Go to the police then block him.
your call, OP. nothing to say.
your call, OP. nothing to say.
Do not let her persuade you into having kids if you do not want them. Do not persuade yourself into having kids to save the relationship.
At the end of the day, it has to be genuine and you want it for yourself. She has every right to feel the way she does, but that's up to you.
You’re young. I know it sucks, but this wasn’t your forever person. Remember the good times, throw his shit out into the lawn, and go be with someone who will treat you better than this.