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I mean, yes, he needs to deal with it. Therapy taking to long to get into is a real problem, however, if you never book in then you will never start. If he had booked in 12 months ago he probably would have been seen (depending on where you are obviously).
However, you can fix this immediately.
If I'm tired he will encourage me to “watch one more episode” or offer me an energy drink. If i insist on sleeping he will tag along but usually it's already too late at that point
Just insist on going to bed and don't let him persuade you to stay up late. Tell him in advance, this is really impacting me, from now on I will be going to bed at x time (whatever works for your classes and grandma), then just go to bed. If he doesn't join you for a few hours (or more), those hours will legit be your best sleepy because he isn't snoring right next to you.
Why would you want to stay in a relationship with someone that you admit you don't find attractive, so much so that you're uninterested in being physically intimate?
It is completely selfish to stay in the relationship only because you view him as being safe and are afraid you won't find anyone better. How is that fair to him? What do you actually like about him besides the fact that he provides a sense of familiarity? Have you even considered his feelings at all?
I would say talk to him about it, but there is no reason to stay with a cheater.
He clearly doesn’t care about you enough to delete dating apps.
However someone mentioned on one of your past posts you work as a stripper, so I’m just saying wouldn’t it be fair or equal?
Your mom needs to be seen by a doctor. These violent mood swings sound to be much more than just “loud yelling”.
Do not see her again until she has been seen by a doctor and is in some kind of treatment/recovery program.
She might be a baiting you. You said she was a master manipulator but she’s also a master at baiting you.
Yes that last paragraph was too good an opportunity to pass up. But the first part was legit
Good luck OP.
I come to the comments section to feel better that I’m not the only person being psychologically impacted
You are creating your own misery by not being a decent friend. She told him the truth and told you what you wanted to hear. Grow up. You are not setting boundaries when it comes to telling her what she can and cannot do. You are trying to be a manipulative dictator. A boundary is asking her to not talk about him to you.
Have you told your wife that you're at the end of your rope? That without any constructive help on her part you are thinking about ending this marriage?
I think I'd sit down calmly and try to have a serious mature conversation with her. Tell her you're lost and hurting and you don't know what else to try. Tell her how much it affects you to not be able to hug her or have any intimacy on that level (I'd leave the sex out for now, you have much bigger issues to tackle first)
I think I'd probably circle back around to couples counseling. I'd to explain that you find benefits from your therapy. And how you hope it can help you find better communication. Because it doesn't sound like you two are effectively communicating your needs. I might ultimately tell her it's a condition of your two remaining married.
You mentioned your wife has seen doctors but didn't like them. Has she talked about the possibility of PPD?
So far the only feedback you've mentioned from her is that the housework may be unfair. Can you come up with a chore delegation? What concrete steps does she want you to take in regards to household chores? This could be a real factor. How do you set up chores now? Who does what?
Having to raise a child as isolated as she is I can absolutely see how it could be a huge factor if she feels she is also having to parent you and clean up after you. That can kill attraction for sure.
I also noticed you say your wife doesn't “believe” in a lot of things. Therapy. The gym. Etc. What does that mean? Does she seriously think that working out at a gym doesn't equate to improved fitness? Does she think therapy and psychology is a quack science? Or is this something she says more hyperbolically?
Also your wife used to do sex work. Now it sounds like she enjoyed her job but there can be a lot of toxicity in sex work. Is there possible baggage from this? That could obviously be impacting intimacy.
We don't. But doctors scientists came out and said a lot about it a few years ago. Women were mad but we do hear story after story on here about people waiting till later and discovering they have become infertle KNOWING women are MOST fertile at a certain age range.
Accept it you must. Get a lawyer, find out what your rights are and sadly, you need to get your daughter DNA tested and your son once he’s born.