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Model from: es
Languages: en,de,es,ro
Birth Date: 2002-08-03
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Are we sure it’s by accident? Those are many coincidences
friend you are just an excuse, not even a worthy rebound, if I were you I would end it all once and for all, it's not worth it and will do it again later if you continue in this relationship.
If I lie, it’s about innocuous things like when a stranger asks me how I am, and I say “fine thanks,” because it’s a social convention and they don’t really care. I don’t lie about important things. I definitely don’t lie then blame the other person.
Good Morning:) Not an ultimatum but more of a healthy nudge to allow for your relationship to flourish further. At the moment you are in a Groundhog Day situation and eventually this will lead to becoming stale and eventually even resentment. Communication is key in any relationship so convey your feelings about this situation in a positive manner but have that undertone of it really needs to be sooner rather than later. The festivities usually has families getting together and being more oriented so who not in the next 2-3 weeks to finish 2022 on a high. I promise that the weight will be lifted into 2023 and by the end of January your partner will wonder what all the fuss was about. Please let us know how you get along and any feedback or constructive criticism from you the OP would be most welcomed. Have an awesome weekend buddy and stay strong ?
Time to bounce. Lies and drunk texting the EX. That's 2 strikes.
Stolen from u/Old-Relief5873
Tagging u/R_Amods
Is your relationship monogamous?
Is your relationship monogamous?
But this is what that guy is doing.
Doesn't seem like you could've tried harder. He made it clear he didn't want contact and you respected that, best possible move. I would only advice restraint when you meet him, if you become too much too quick he may want to distance himself
Has he done anything in “your” relationship for you not to trust him. How is your relationship with the friend who tipped you off?
Bravo, OP. Now steer clear. This is a man that would have zero qualms intentionally knocking you up in the hopes of locking you down.
No way! But I am always confused when I do.
My boyfriend of one year also did this. I would've, but I wanted to be able to show my friends pictures of him since I didn't have his other socials yet lol. I didn't even notice for weeks until I went to show the pictures and his profile was gone.
Some people just like to put their time and energy into one person at a time, dating and being in multiple talking stages is just exhausting.
I used to get nervous when people were honest about how much they liked me too, until I realized I just had some commitment issues to deal with. I'm so happy I managed to get over it though, because I would've missed out on the best boyfriend ever if I'd given in to my initial apprehensiveness.
Like girl…he's into you, isn't that what you want?
Seriously, I can’t figure out why you would even be interested in a second date with him. You are better than this.
Somebody please share the original post ? this sounds juicy but op deleted
Thank you so much and very well put. I appreciate your insight.
This whole post is so sad and lacks self awareness. If it wasn’t the incomplete chores that day it would have been a different day with same end results.
i don’t have advice but sorry about this commenter, they’re completely wrong, an asshole, and their username indicates just what type of person they are lol. you deserve to follow your dreams and not let your husband control you anymore 🙂
Feeling betrayed makes sense here. Feeling upset that people hid this behind your back makes sense here. Feeling uncomfortable that the two of them were raise from infants in the same household now are dating is fair and makes sense here.
You are feeling very valid emotions, that are all appropriate and sensical in this situation.
Now, you need to understand also that everyone else involved doesn’t feel so harsh about this and that they may never feel as uncomfortable as you.
Also, they are now adults, unrelated by blood, have been raised by the same parents so probably have a deep connection on a multitude of facets, are attracted to eachother, and most importantly liked by you and your husband (assuming you like sage and your kids). Relationships can go all sorts of ways, but a the very least you know they both have good hearts and aren’t abusive and toxic. Let them learn and grow from eachother and if they end up together then do be it.
Why didn't you just break up with him before you decided to hook up with someone on Tinder… I mean it's not like you just fell into the app. You made a concious choice to cheat. What are you asking here ? Break up with the guy he deserves better.
Yes, he just scoffed or laughed when I said I'd leave. I'm getting scolded by 2 female members. (Mom and friend) if I don't get married. But it's up to him. I feel like after 3 years hes just messing around…
Honestly, you need to set boundaries.
“Your music is disrupting me to the point where I can't sleep, study, or relax. I don't object to you listening to music, but I live! and pay rent here too, and I deserve the right to have quiet hours. You need to respect my needs and not play music loudly between the hours of [times when you are home and need quiet- at minimum, 8 pm to 8 am.].”
If he refuses, you may need to decide- can you live! with this forever, or is it time for an ultimatum? If so, you need to say “okay. I understand that you are not willing to show me this basic respect and consideration. In light of that, we clearly aren't compatible to online together. Are you willing to stop playing music during these hours for a couple weeks while I find other housing?”
Or, if he isn't on the lease and you are, tell him he will need to find other housing.
This should either a) make him understand this isn't a joke, you are seriously in need of change and b) if he really doesn't care about you enough to stop playing music to keep you, you just learned a really important lesson.
I say the one who invites you out pays
Thank you! I will add, ultimately the end goal is to let emotions and chemistry play out naturally over the period of us becoming friends again. Not sure if that changes any aspect of the flower gift 🙂
you would get the idea behind mentoring and raising a kid and watch him make something out of life if you werent such a shallow judgemental 304 but alas. so, stfu and keep your moronic opinions to yourself.
The fact that you would even list future wife is so funny to me. You ARE like a 20 year old. You can't commit to the mother of your child to make her your wife the same way you can't commit to the original agreement of 2 kids without dithering away about whether you feel 1000000% sure
Yeah you can’t really hold it against the fwb, but I’d be pissed at the friend!
Thank you for responding and reminding me that it’s okay to trust myself.
Your parents are wise. And it’s possible to love the wrong man
Divorce. That's a huge omission/lie.
Leave her. She lied to you about something major. How can you ever trust them again. Eventually you will move on and meet someone whom you can build a relationship with. If the foundation of your relationship is based on a huge lie how can you ever have a meaningful and strong relationship that will last through difficult times. You also have to think about the future and what you want from your life.
oh. you again……
I'm disgusted with my own thoughts i swear, I don't even want them to be true but it's just i don't know what to do. I have asked her if he's abusive to her with the assurance to make everything good nobody will be hurting her, but she just says there's nothing like that to worry about.
Yaaaaas ? give this an award!!!
I think it’s pretty different though. If my close friend got really rich and bought be a car, I would not assume that my bf would be mad about it. But if I was gonna by my mom a car and I was married, ofc I would talk to my partner first about it. Taking money that we might need as a couple is more serious than being able to accept a gift.
But yeah sure, it would have made sense to give him a heads up.
Yeah this is a huge ick to me lol I do not understand the people saying it’s sweet. It’s fine to update that privately to a good friend but on a public story? No thanks. Seems like the type to love bomb you.
He got her pregnant so good chance he was fucking her raw and then came home to you and put your health at risk without a care in the world. Is that someone you want to be with? Get a STD test and a good lawyer.
First thing I thought was that this OP totally misplaced responsibility for growth and betterment on “motivation” from a partner. That’s a cop out IMO. Your partner sounds delightful and if you want to be better, then you be better and improve yourself. Blaming her is a cowards way in all honesty. If you’re not bettering yourself, that’s on the guy in the mirror
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Screw your ex.. glad it’s an ex.
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So, he is more over weight than you and is bitching to you about yours>
Ummm, no nope not happening ever.
Tell him to F off!
This is a narcissist. He’s hiding something, or you from someone.
Then he should find a partner that has those priorities, instead of harming his depressed gf that is already having a tough time and might have mental health more as a priority right now than physical health. And if she is doing nothing to handle her depression and only keeps drinking, that really sucks and it is okay to step out if he can't support anymore. But it is kind of stupid he doesn't recognize that someone with depression might not prioritise and choose his lifestyle, when she made it very clear he needs to stop.
I was literally an alcoholic. I know what I’m talking about. Going to the gym and workout then going directly back home and slamming down alcohol WILL NOT FUCKING HELP. She needs professional help, from an actual doctor. Not from her dummy boyfriend telling her to go to the gym. It’s pretty obvious if she has told him SEVERAL times that she is not willing to discuss her weight with him – why doesn’t he take the hint and just…Shut the fuck up about her body? Many commenters have told him exactly this. And also told him that if he was TRULY worried about her health and not just her appearance; he’d be talking to her about her mental health. Her depression. He’d ask many questions that aren’t directly related to her weight. This whole post is about her weight. Not her health, her weight. He doesn’t want to be with a “fat girl”. You can scream about this all you want, many people will tell you different. And yes, it does scream “I want my girlfriend the way I want her and I don’t care that she has put a boundary down around HER WEIGHT”
I want to break up and have said so many times but he won’t leave my moms house and just keeps insisting it’ll be fine. I’m not sure what to do?
IMO he's gonna dump you the second he can move into that new apartment. And now he is not “allowing you” to dump him because then he won't have a place to go. You need to either wait it out while accepting the relationship is pretty much over and he's only here because of the roof over his head, or be assertive about it – tell him nope it will not be fine, you are done, and kick him out.
If you physically can't remove him… yeah that is a problem I have no resolution for. Give him the shortest notice it's legally allowed. If he doesn't move out, then I guess google what one has to do with an illegal roommate squatting in your place.
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Polyamory is a real thing however, it is important that you do what you and your partner agree too. If that’s staying together and not seeing others at the same time that’s what was agreed upon. As well yes it’s possible to love many people like that but it’s commitment that makes a relationship a relationship.
He is trying to be encouraging . You are in an impossible spot but he is trying.
I just Dont think this is a fight you should pick.
Assault.
Or just shove his weiner in your pie hole. He'll get the hint.
You could say, “hey, could we try this with sage tonight?” That's not rude. Or use a scale: “on a scale if 1-10, I want Chinese at a 6. How about you?”
Those are simple and accommodating to both parties' feelings. It's really not that complicated.
He should probably get tested if he’s hooking up with random women from Reddit anyway, which seems to be the case.
You are her whipping post
Updateme!
its so stupid to pay mortage i'd rather have them write up a rental agreement and pay via that so im not sol
Yikes
Sometimes when you’re so into someone, they look like the most attractive person in the world to you.. but once the infatuation fades, or the rose colored glasses come off, or some fights or annoyances happen.. that feeling can change
You can be a nice person but still stand up to people who have lied and abused your trust.
The 2 are not mutually exclusive.
Ok, well I’m going to stop going in circles with you. But you need to admit that it isn’t rational or in any way about what she wants. It’s all about your ego and it’s not healthy.
OP punching air rn because she's getting slammed in the comments LMAO
I'm was thinking that it was likely that there would be some concerns there, because typically people who go to church are highly correlated to force-birthed.
No I don't think religious people are unable to support reproduction rights, I assume that most religious people who attend church are against reproductive rights.
You are trying to bridge 2 cultures. Difficult and with challenges. I’d go for it and hope your parents come around
I sincerely recommend moving into the place on your own. You already know it’s going to be a disaster just by having to lay all this out.
If he haven’t contact you for a week then that’s your answer already. You’re not important enough for him to contact you back and not let you worry
No point; just get a new job, everywhere is looking for waitstaff nowadays and your boss knows he shouldn’t talk to your dad. Even if he tells you he won’t, he absolutely will keep doing it, and if by some miracle he doesn’t, your dad is going to lose it because he has lost control. Just get a new job.
What reasons did she give you?
Well sh*t then. At least that's how i tought it could have gone down from how i read it. Some people below advised you to leave, i second that. Your relationship might not be safe for you and your child.
WTF my god that’s terrible. I’m so sorry. This really is scary but it’s reality….
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Set some ground rules, just to be safe. You have value, remember that.
Whether you choose to stay or not, still talk to a lawyer, you need to be ready if things do go south. This was a huge and seemingly sudden shift, so be prepared to leave if it comes to that.
It will cost her nothing to throw it in the washer. She's being ridiculous.
You’ve been with someone for half a year and they’ve already resorted to demeaning you with name calling and you can’t make yourself tell them that they make you feel special because they don’t.
I think you know the answer here but ill add some more words, from the perspective of a married mom to 4 girls.
You are special. Everyone is special. The partner that chooses you should at the very least be able to value your unique specialness. It’s okay to have specific needs and it’s GREAT to know what they are and even better to be able to communicate them. You’ve done all that, which is a gift. Any partner would be lucky to have such transparency.
I’m not going to guess what’s going on with your boyfriend bc honestly? It could be a lot of things. It could be coming from toxic media messages geared for guys just age around partnering, or it could be immaturity, it could be abusive…but all of those things have one thing in common: insecurity. A person who doesn’t feel secure in themselves is incapable of being a source of security for others. He can’t light a flame for you when his is burned down.
Don't get back with her. Just move on.
I know you love your mom, but I can’t get over the fact that she has let all this happen to you, and never once shielded or protected you from it. Your mom seems to have made her choices in life- she values a spouse more than her sons and it’s sad. I wouldn’t hesitate to tell her this.
You can feel that way but the simple truth is that he doesn't. He wants his children to be raised according to his cultural norms and he is making that clear.
Multicultural families can and do work, but it relies on atleast one partner being flexible. Usually both. In this scenario neither of you are really.
I'm sorry but it just isn't going to work.
We are a family-oriented culture. Not like America where you dump your child on streets at 18 and the children dump you to care homes when you get old.
I’m not sure why you really want to be with someone who thinks so poorly of you.
Yes! Also no one wants to be with someone that has no life.
Get a hobby, go out, do your own thing without him. He probably thinks you are there for him every time since you do sound needy
I don't want to make you feel bad. But honestly I don't get the “strangers looking to hook up” vibe from people interested in ham radio. Ham radio people, I think, are the kind of people who want lots of interesting friends.
You're 100% right that her insecurities are not your problem.
Don’t date people with different political views than yourself… just a recipe for problems
??^
Sounds like he was looking forward to being useful to you.
Now he’s hurt and even more useless as he recovers. Seeing everything he can’t do, and also knowing his help to you, is done. Having you help him more with recovery as he can’t much but feel frustrated. He’s lashing out with pain and general frustration.
Hey man, sexual compatibility most definitely is a thing.
However, the way you're presenting this is a bit concerning. Sounds like you're operating at a 90%, that needs to be brought down to a 75%. A tad more tame.
Sex is not an obligation, it is a gift.
In saying that… it sounds like you two are complete different wave lengths on the sex spectrum and you may be better off someone more in tune with your sexual desires.
She's is at a 0% right now… you would be more suitable with someone who functions at a 50% and above.
The thing is… you cannot force your GF to have sex with you. And intimacy delivered through sex can make or break relationships. So, please don't take this as me harping on you. There are many woman who want to match your energy.
Although, she needs to work at a pace that is comfortable with her… and there is nothing you can do about it.
Either you accept it, or leave.
Even the situation:
We're breaking up. Okay I will have sex. Alright, lets do it!
Is not right. That was forced to save the relationship.
So, if that happens, just be proper and decline. It won't save the relationship if you go through with it. It will be something you take advantage of and she regrets down the road.
You cannot navigate relationships being sexually frustrated. If you are, go find someone who is more up to speed with you naturally. Placing sex as an expectation on someone whose reluctant, wrong thing to do.
The internet. Inconsistencies in conversation. It's stupid shit but it adds up.
Maybe the problem is that his dick is too small, nonetheless, dump this utter pos there's nothing wrong with your vagina except the unworthy inconsiderate asshole you are giving unfettered access to it. He is not only sexually abusing you, he is also verbally and emotionally abusing you by making you feel there is something wrong with you and destroying your self esteem in the process. You deserve so much better, show yourself some love and get out of this situation.
Time for a talk.
For some people Drunk words are sober thoughts, But for me it is not true. When i get blackout i turn into a lunatic and say horrible things that ive never even thought. I no longer drink. The people i love are far more important than drinking & that person is not me.
I am sorry youre hurting. Drunk people suck.
Stop being patient. Leave as soon as you can and let him go to therapy without you.
Well, that is a dilemma.
You miss the person you thought he was. He doesn’t exist
Normal 36 year old men don’t want to date young women barely old enough to drink. He is a predator.
She wants a “situationship” and you’re not going for it.
Dude only one healthy solution?
You gotta move out and that sets the biggest boundary.
Living with her allows her to keep pushing this on you and it’s mentally screwing with you so much.
And it’s okay to call it quits for good, find someone who honestly WANTS commitment.
And do it for the kid as well! Do you want this child to grow up seeing you two in a dysfunctional situation where there is always arguing, resentment, toxic dynamics at play?
Would never expect a dinner date from someone who just worked for 24h non stop. If you showed up I'd think you're really invested into the relationship. And yet he's throwing a fit like a toddler.
It really doesn't matter that it was long ago and you were not that serious. Its rape,he passed you to his brother like it's nothing. You thought you were sleeping with him but it was someone else. That is actually so messed up and the fact that your husband even has the audacity to suggest the same thing now,just shows that for him it's still okay. He hasn't really changed his mind or values on this specific thing. I don't think I would be able to stay with someone like that,its totally messed up. Also thinking that he knew you're going to be drunk and sent his brother to have sex with you? Super fucked up.
That's important context. You want children.
But what are you nervous about? You just met this person. You don't have to pick out baby names today. Start by actually getting to know her.
Is he awake? I have sexsomnia, I’ve had it as long as I can remember, I also have night terrors. I’ve woken up 20 minutes into sex I initiated, would use my ex husband’s hand to masterbate myself to orgasm, general solo masterbation, grope people, hop on top and ride, etc.. I was always asleep but would open my eyes and I can appear awake. I do not remember any of this when I’m awake, he may not be aware he’s doing it.
It doesn't sound like he wants to change. His definition of a good husband is one who isn't a drunk or abusive. You need to let him know what you need in a husband. You may end up needeling couple's counseling because he doesn't seem very open minded. He may need help seeing that there is more to being a husband than what he thinks.
Listen, you’re going to have to put your family in their place when it comes to relationships. They don’t get to behave like that to people, family or strangers.
I know you’re accustomed to it because you have been subjected to it for a lifetime but it’s not ok behavior, especially if someone comes from a totally different cultural background.
Your parents already have expectations on who your partner will be, I mean your dad was already hounding about religious views to see if it matched with what they believe or worship, that’s no bueno.
I’m assuming your bf was white or at least, not if Latin heritage, so he probably also felt like a zoo animal with people gawking at him like their own personal entertainment.
You need to make strong boundaries to your family. I have a crazy family. They are loud, they are rude at times, they are in your shit… but I made some serious road blockers between them and my spouse because my spouse is my family now, they are back burner family vomited to my husband and my kids. If they don’t like that tough shit, honestly.
That’s how it goes and I’m well aware of how “faaaamily” works within Latino households but that’s just not how it works with a SO.
You really need boundaries because when you have a family if your own they will try and steam roll all over your new family that you created, you can not aloe that and be afraid of getting chewed out.
Yes you can absolutely choose to not have passwords or pins. At least on my phone.
Yes. She’s the same one
My brain immediately went BM = bowel movement, so essentially the same thing as baby momma in this case.
how many women have you raped?
No, her response to my post further confirmed that OP is to be blamed on this. And no, i don't have any stuff to deal with, i actually read the whole post. You just read the first half and then went off on that hence your misjudged comment.
There's no magical solution here.