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Great advice, thank you
That sounds hopeful. I know it’s going to be hard, but try to hold onto the clarity you have now. You are going to need it to determine if this guy is actually capable of real sustained change. What is more likely is temporary effort and love bombing to keep you hooked in. And when you have low self esteem, it can be really hard not to be codependent in relationships, but it’s a good sign that you already have self awareness and an ability to seek improvement and better for yourself. I’m so glad you have been able to find counsellors for yourselves. It sounds like your boyfriend is going to need help if he wants to change, and you are doing a good thing in supporting him to discover that, even if ultimately he is not the right one for that( keep your mind open to that possibility so that you know if you stay it is because he is actually supportive and loving partner to you, and not because you are unhealthily enmeshed). I hope for your sake this guy is able to lift his game and give you all the cherishing and support and respect and protection and care that you need and deserve, so that you can give generously without feeling ripped off. And I hope you are able to grow your self respect and practice your boundaries so that you don’t have to feel apologetic or fearful about demanding you be treated with equal kindness and consideration. This has been painful for you I bet, but it sounds like an encouraging start to 2023. I hope this year turns out to be your best one yet.
Before you make any decision on what to do here go get yourself into treatment for anxiety. “Severe chest pain” as a response to someone else's words isn't normal. Until you're in the headspace to where you can contemplate this without physical distress you may not be able to know what moves to make.
When someone threatens suicide you call emergency services. Full stop. You’re not equipped to deal with it if they’re telling the truth, and if they’re using it as a manipulation tactic they’ll learn not to.
Tell him he needs to leave.