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  1. 75% he is these traits but when we fight he is a different person. Very deflective and mean, but then the next day he pretends it never happened and we carry on until the next cycle.

    if that doesnt sound like an abusive relationship, then idk what does.

    Him treating your children well, being supportive (which is arguable bc he doesnt seem very supportive to me), loyal, etc are not “amazing traits”. They are the baseline of human decency within a healthy relationship. As gently as possible, your standards are low.

    He has improved in his daily chores after all the fights these past 2 years, but it is bare minimal and far and few. So I think he wants to change but he can't…

    Its likely that he's simply doing juuuust enough to keep you hanging around. Doling out little breadcrumbs of hope to make you think that he's some sad sop. Even if he is truly trying, that doesnt change the fact that your needs arent being met and that he is adding to your pile rather than sharing the pile. He could be the sweetest guy in the world (which he's not) but if being with him is adding to your stress and impacting your health negatively, then that sweetness doesnt matter at the end of your very long days.

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