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i’m not trying to be controlling at all which is why i came on here before i even say anything to him . i’m honestly laughing about it now ?? he’s snoring and everything
You can't unfuck somebody.
You are in no way responsible for your mother. I have a very small understanding of Asian culture, but I do have am understanding of an over attached parent.
She is a grown Woman who needs to figure out how to deal with her own problems without involving you. Suggest therapy. Tell her that while you are grateful to her and love her, you can no longer be her emotional support human. Your life matters too, and she needs to be able to be on her own before she can ever heal from your dad.
She will never heal herself if she is using you as a crutch the whole way. You may have to be firm with her. You may have to suck it up while you watch her cry when you tell her. Be strong. Those tears are manipulation in the works only to get you to bend over backwards for every emotional thing she needs, and THAT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!
She may have brought you into this world, but that was on her. Now your an adult. Act like one and put your foot down, since your mom clearly can't.