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Allow about a week before sitting her down and telling her how she is making you feel. Tell her that you feel like the 2nd choice, that you don't feel wanted. Ask her if you passed right now, would she even notice? She needs to understand, even in her grief, that she is risking her marriage over this. She needs to come clean 'cause she has been hiding the truth and it is undermining the foundation of your relationship.
If she still refuses, I would suggest giving her some time to accept her loss and then press for marriage counseling. She may not be in the right place emotionally for any discussion for a while.
Something in your favor is that she obviously called you home to sooth her. You were her go to. Remember that before digging too naked. You have time on your side. Be patient.
No fuck him, you didn’t fuck up at all. Furthermore, fuck him for making you feel like it was all your fault. You may say it was not intentional but he sounds like an immature POS here. Have more confidence in yourself. Just because you have a mental illness doesn’t mean your thoughts and feelings are not valid and fuck anyone who makes you feel otherwise.
I kinda thought she knew why I didn't go down on her much but I guess not. I'm not a good communicator.
Wait until after you hit like the 6-8 month period and this will be A LOT more common even when sober.
Anyways.
I mean your telling people to stop spreading BS when you're the one doing it. Bye dear.