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This is grooming behavior and very serious
This is grooming behavior and very serious
yes i do, i started producing my own electronic songs, and its the main thing i do most of the time.
And i do flaunt it, cause i produce, write my own songs, play a bit of drums and guitar, and im learning to dj.
It really is, i just gotta get out more and meet people with similar interests.
Become better for yourself, not because you want to date someone. Don’t bother what the statistics say, there is someone out there who will love you for who you are no matter what. It’s just about the “when”, which you have no control over. In the mean time, continue working on yourself, become the best you.
Did you ever get to the bottom of why your BIL was trying to kill his father?
sounds like a depression i would say. depressed people have a very hot time expressing or feeling love towards others. i would tell her that she needs to start therapy if she wants to continue the relationship because you don't feel comfortable with her anymore.
You need to put an end to this so-called friendship and tell her husband. She is using you, and if her husband finds out, she will throw you under the bus and blame you. Do you want that kind of drama in your life? What if she accuses you of rape? Get rid of her. She isn't worth it.
Don't be too insecure about your gf liking a picture of a shirtless guy. Most of the 'likes' happened before you guys started dating. So don't sweat. Whatever happened in her past is her past. She's with you now. I know it's easier said than done, but you need to focus on where you guys are heading instead of stalking her past. All of these issues should be discussed with her in person. You ask her if they had a thing, if they slept together, if they were dating etc etc.. Sometimes reddit doesn't have all the answers. So you need to do your part as well.
Good luck!
Any common day off is a good day for family.
Lots of people who hit their partners say this. First they say never, then they say never again.
He's already making excuses for his violence rather than taking responsibility for managing it.
OP said in another comment that he’s not. So all she has to do is kick him out.
OP said in another comment that he’s not. So all she has to do is kick him out.
Your post history is very worrying.
You have a choice.
Either stay in a sexless relationship or leave.
She has been clear. Stop trying to coerce her into sex. She said no.
Sorry this is happening to you. It sucks.
Because of other trauma because of one of the other grandmas doings that im not feeling like talking about rn
No because the AS part doesn't exist anymore. They stopped being a thing hundreds of years ago
You can hate the brother but it’s not the kids fault. Spend 250 on the kid and nothing on the brother or his latest wife
Eh. Would that make your partner feel any better? Or would it make them feel worse?
If you’re absolutely comfortable with this situation, gently remind your partner of that and reassure them of your feelings. Perhaps they could make you a little something? Or they can plan a nice day/evening out that’s Christmas themed or something. Even if you’re paying for it, they can plan it and surprise you! (Just give them a ballpark budget, lol)
It’s his head, he can do what he likes. It it bothers you that much, find someone else to talk to. It’s only been a month, you barely know each other.
He’s cheating. Sorry to tell you. I wouldn’t trust him at all.
You should examine why you want to break up with him and think things over. Dont make any rash decisions.
Don’t stay. It is dangerous. He has to want to get better on his own.
Maybe don’t include that straight sex is not a problem. That’s going to make your partner insecure. You’re not the first or last person to struggle with flashbacks with sexual trauma. Communicate. See a therapist. See a couples therapist. Work on intimacy instead of sex for a while.
During the argument, Dad told hubby that he wasn’t good enough for me, Hubby responded and said if it wasn’t for me, Dad wouldn’t ever see the kids again once we moved out. When we came back to the house, Hubby told dad that he was sorry and that it was wrong of him to weaponize the kids just to make Dad mad. Dad had accepted the apology and also apologized for what he said and they were okay (or so it seemed) for the months left that we lived with them.
You need to let her go – she is now just someone you used to know, and there are more fish in the sea, who won't leave you for a crush.
Just keep reminding yourself that she is his problem now, not yours anymore. If her bubble bursts sometime in the coming months or even years, don't take her back – she is not a safe and trustworthy partner.
I don't understand how people turn into petulant children just because they're hungry.
Seconded
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Listen, narcissistic and toxic people often project an appearance of loving and kindness on Facebook, it's not reality. People don't go NC with their family for no reason, trust me, I'm NC with a few members of my own… It's usually after years of toxic interactions. The fact that the sister came in very hot with the old, “she lied about the reasons” shows me that family is no good. You admit you never asked the reasons so you should respect the woman you knew and trust she had a good reason to keep her daughter away from those people. Don't bring potentially toxic people into your step-daughter's life, that would be far worse than her growing up without them.
Your dad is absolutely wrong. You should definitely stop lending your car to your boyfriend. You're trapped at home with no car for endless amounts of time…. what the actual fuck?
Ouuuf, that is awful! You are not small, but she has a small personality. Go find someone with a bigger and better personality!
Commenting on those things is not ok. I know people think the size matters a lot, but I have never broken up with a guy because of it. There 100s of other more important things I value.
Oh honey, I'm afraid I would leave that one well alone.
I'll give the benefit of the doubt and say you never meant to walk in on her changing, her trying to normalise your mistake and pretend it didn't happen is not a sign that she likes you – it's a sign that she is doing her best not to make your household awkward.
Whether she is moderate or not you would have to ask her to know: wearing a headscarf outside of the home doesn't really indicate either way, and changing in front of your sister when she doesn't really have other options indicates nothing but her being practical.
She has given no sign that she likes you, she is just trying not to be awkward. Leave her be.
Calling an escort to have an affair is methodical. I'd consider it far more intentional than someone having an affair because they caught feelings. Whatever excuses he's giving you are bullshit. You don't accidentally call an escort service and accidentally pay a sexworker to accidentally have an affair.
I’m not surprised those kids wanted to be with their Mum and it’s not because of family size, fun or cookies. It’s because of him. He is on his “best behaviour” because you have only been together a short time and if this is him at his best, no wonder he’s divorced and he’s kids don’t want to be with him. You should go speak with his ex wife and tell her what happened, you might find out what he’s really like. I think you should run for the hills and never look back, he won’t change or get better. It will get worse.
Also, fwiw the worst partner I have ever had was in my teens (long ago) he charmed everyone else, made out like he was the nice guy and I was just shit. He is now divorced, not allowed to see his kids and an addict. He was abusive to me, always threatening to drive me into a tree or strangle me….. people like this are the Devil.
He smoked with me. His other 2 grown adult brothers who are here also smoke. He thinks it’s ridiculous that she reacted that way but isn’t surprised (as it has happened in the past) and is also very passive & hates confrontation. He would be happy to breeze by it all and pretend it never happened.
Eh, you're going to have to have that conversation with your husband. I've had to have it with my wife but our situations are different but similar in regards to having an insistent MIL.
My wife and I struggle for childcare as we have two (5 and 2), it's expensive so to bridge the gap we enlisted my wife's parents to help out with the childcare. However, MIL is the type of person that literally cannot sit on her hands for more than a few seconds. Whilst she is here she cleans our house, does our washing and then puts the clothes away, cooks, even mows my freaking lawn – I'm not ungrateful for it but they are here every week and it takes the piss and I don't mind it if people ask to lend a hand but there are times that it makes me feel low. Also there is a line that should not be crossed, and that is literally MIL being in my room going through my stuff to put it away. My wife and I are mid 30's and I feel like I'm at home with my parents when they are here, like my house and my space are not my own. We had a big bust up about this, they used to stay from Monday until a Tuesday evening to cover childcare but after nearly 2 years of them constantly being here, in my space, in my stuff. I snapped and told my wife that it's rather invasive. Needless to say they still attend a Tuesday and MIL still does everything listed above.
Long story short, be honest and upfront about it unlike myself. You should not be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home, it's your castle after all. Whilst the help might be well intentioned if you feel you need to say no, do so.
I can tell this was therapeutic for you to write this all out. It seems to me you have extremely valid reasons as to why you broke up, and it's ok that you feel guilty. It was a long time.
I would not encourage her to improve herself simply for the fact that you want to be together in the future; she should want to improve for herself and not use the relationship as the primary motivating factor. Same for you. Only so that if you do get back together, there will be no resentment about who did what for who/who changed for who. You both should want to improve for yourselves first, secondary to each other.
There is a lot of love here, and corny as it is, time will heal as you both continue to improve. I do hope you may be able to rekindle when the time is right.
UGH girl I know all about this. Except, what killed my libido was postpartum depression. Then I got medicated. And now I have one again.
Discuss your side effects with your doctors. Maybe something can get shuffled around that will help. You shouldn’t have to on-line like that to feel whole or normal.
You’re doing great, and I’m proud of you for getting the help you needed.
Listen to her, first and foremost. Let her know you are there for her and that you're open to anything she needs. Don't try and fix this for her, or find the perfect words, it's her words (or lack of) that are important. Be willing to listen if she wants to talk about it over and over, or not talk about it at all. Ask her what she needs. If she needs a distraction, give her one. If she needs to work it through, listen. If she needs to cry, offer arms and tissues. If she needs to get smashed, offer care, comfort and safety.
Be there for her, don't think that you need to or even can fix this. Be the support, not the solution.
Lol doormat. Fuck starting again. She's gonna keep doing it cause she knows you'll take her back
What’s wrong with your spaghetti, that’s the real issue here…
That’s my plan, trying to let time work thing out lol
Ok. I'm sorry if I creeped you out. I'm a mom and you sound like you are hurting. No worries, but DM me if you change your mind.
Holy fuck. That dude conned you into being with him. Obviously he’s got something wrong mentally and it sounds like he’s isolated you. You need to get out and build your life back.
This is very bad. Very very bad. You must leave. She masterbated to cp. That is really sick behavior. Those poor children:(
right, and as someone said above- you think that what you want is more important than what she wants. she prefers texting, you prefer verbal conversation you blocking her from texting is showing that you believe what you want is more important than what she wants.
You can't make someone be unselfish and honestly if he hasn't changed then he won't change now and he'd proven that time and time again
Personally if he can't be selfless and put you first sometimes and support you then I highly doubt you should marry this person you'll regret it
You can't make someone be unselfish and honestly if he hasn't changed then he won't change now and he'd proven that time and time again
Personally if he can't be selfless and put you first sometimes and support you then I highly doubt you should marry this person you'll regret it
She’s decided not to meet your needs and when you want to discuss the relationship, she tells you it’s not her priority.
YOU need to end it and not negotiate. You have no idea the length this will take. It could be years, not to mention you aren’t a source of strength (someone to confide in) about her life & problems. You are something she needs to deal with when she one day has time.
What did you do to trigger her? Is it something that is usually very unacceptable? An automatic deal breaker?
i did confront her about it and she said he needed advice on something work related so that was her story
We need to make assumptions though. It is the name of the game here. We need to know the context of their relationship to know if this was a known boundary or not.
Fair point
She’ll end up getting it covered up. I’ve known many people who get shit like that and then a few years later end up with roses or some shit covering it lol I think she’s just falling into the current fad of shock value tattoos. It’s most definitely a phase lol but I see nothing wrong with breaking up with her over it. That’s your prerogative. And that’s coming from a heavily tattooed woman, you don’t gotta stick around if someone is changing their body in a way that you don’t deem okay.
I would very seriously advise against this. You guys on-line together, if it goes wrong it could create an uncomfortable living environment
The fact that she knows she would be jealous is a sign that poly relationships aren't for her.
The fact that she knows she would be jealous is a sign that poly relationships aren't for her.
I know they can go unnoticed because how “common” the symptoms are and people might not give it a second thought BUT 4 people 2 of them at least had it for 2y (if you factor the being faithful through the relationship) and 2 people who got it 1y and only the op who had it for a year had symptoms?
If you don't want to be with her, just break up. There doesn't have to be some reason behind it other than you don't feel like the relationship is working.
Someone else having videos of her, videos that were made before you met or started dating, isn't something you should be upset at her over. You can be worried for her if they ever come out, but if you actually see a future with her then you should be the one to turn to if this ex of hers turns out to be a massive asshole and spreads them around – advise her to take legal action and stand by her. Don't give her shit.
Her giving her phone number out when you two are just barely starting up the relationship is also not really all that surprising. You're 10 days into a relationship, that's not really a point where you're emotionally invested, you're still testing the waters and getting to know each other. Besides that, she didn't deny that she had a boyfriend and I'm guessing from the fact that the only thing you mention is her giving out her number, it means that was all she did.
The thing that bothers me about anything you've said is that she kept her past relationship with a friend of yours secret instead of telling you. But that's because, for me, if I was dating someone and got introduced to a friend of theirs who I had previously slept with or dated? I wouldn't feel right keeping that a secret. I would want to sit down and talk about it, just us, so that they don't get blindsided by it later on down the line.
That is just how I feel, though, and that would dictate my actions but it by no means that you are owed that information. She could have an entirely different view-point, and that would be 100% okay; you just have to figure out if what you're upset about is the fact that she slept with a friend of yours at all, or the fact that she kept that secret. If it's the latter, can you accept that you aren't owed that information, even if you – like me – believe that telling you and not letting you be blindsided would have been the more….hmm, respectful or perhaps mindful thing for her to do?
This is a gray area I would say.
From my perspective:
I consider a commitment like any marriage vow: you choose them, “for rich or for poor” and “through sickness and health,”
but where is the part about “through fat and skinny”?
Yeah, it's because weight and physical attraction is an important factor in sustaining intimacy. Personally I do not find myself agreeing with this statement. But I am aware some couples who have been together for years will tell you that their physical attraction to each other has intensified over the years while others say that their attraction to each other has lessened anyway, even without weight gain.
Changes in appearance are inevitable. Though the most common ones we find acceptable as they are usually involuntary.
It seems like a different story, however, when your boyfriend gains weight due to his own lack of effort in eating right and exercising. But is that really true? What changed?
Is it really the physical appearance that turns you off, or does he show a lack of care about how he's changing; after he worked so very hot to lose it in the first place?
It’s not unfair to expect that your boyfriend will maintain his weight and health over the years. But…You did choose him knowing he was already overweight or had issues with overeating or who was physically inactive or lazy. (I cannot judge but they are examples).
In that case, I personally find it unreasonable for you to become angry or hurtful at him.You knew who the person you were dating was and you should have accepted that a major change was probably not going to happen, and that even if it did, there was a chance it could go back for worse again.
But, the bottom line is that there’s nothing wrong with wanting your partner to look good to you, and while they don’t have to look like a million bucks every day, basic weight and appearance maintenance is not an unreasonable desire.
Still, in this case… it really depends more about how your boyfriend behaves and acts around it, rather than the whole situation of him gaining weight.Because if he's willing to work for it again, then I can imagine you'd be more supportive.
All in all, yes you should tell him. Be honest about your feelings. Is it really about the weight? Or is there a lack of care that he is presenting? What really happened? Is there depression involved? Or something else?
In general, I think many partners would lose sexual attraction if their partners would stop caring about themselves. Especially in terms of hygiene for example.
My bf and I started out the first 6 months LD. Before him, I was never one to send nudes. I kinda had to explore and get used to it. Nudes are fun and spicy sometimes, they can be a tease. If it’s shared with the right people. Otherwise it’s just an invasion of privacy
Besides the EWWW factor, he’s also putting your kids in the middle by asking them to keep her a secret. If there’s nothing wrong with him dating her, why would it even need to be a secret, right? It’s because he feels the EWWW factor and knows everyone else will too. That and he’s a dick to get your kids mixed up with adult issues. I’d be revisiting your coparenting situation. I wouldn’t want him around my kids at all to he honest with you.
I was waiting to see the response to your comment.
I think that's a really good path, all the best
You haven’t even been out once and you’re already asking what’s wrong and how to handle things? You don’t meet, you unmatch, you keep on-line dating and look for someone who doesn’t feel like drama
Yup. So many big red flags. It would be absolutely gutting and a huge betrayal for someone to send texts those texts to his “friend” so they can laugh about them together, when he is the one making you “crazy” with his asinine behavior to begin with. Other red flags: well, all the gas lighting. Why should you trust him to take a solo trip with a girl he just met 4 months ago when he doesn't do make time to spend with you? Which is another red flag – if he is spending his precious time with others instead of you. Also, “masking”? What needs to be “masked” – as in, make it look like something it is not? And he's only met her once! Finally, well, maybe not finally, but the fact that he wants to spend time with this girl just because she doesn't know all the stuff that he's going through – ugh. While on one hand, I can totally get the desire to take a “vacation from yourself” but at the same time…. He is just being an utter asshole and has no empathy whatsoever. But really, it's sharing the texts. That would have also been the breaking point for me. He knows what he did and he had no right sharing your worst moments out of context with someone else.
fair enough
For one night! It's his fav hobby now what next?
“No you can't go out with them to play dnd there because you are gone for too long”
My girl you didn't want them in YOUR house.
She seems unreasonable and uncompromising. OP isn't being a dick about it. He's trying to accommodate her.
This right here makes me think this is fake. You have to be mid 30s at the absolute youngest and yet you think that's how work issues work?
No way. No. Someone your age should understand this. I don't think this story is real.
This right here makes me think this is fake. You have to be mid 30s at the absolute youngest and yet you think that's how work issues work?
No way. No. Someone your age should understand this. I don't think this story is real.
I say this as kindly as I can… this is a you problem.
You are clearly deeply insecure, and it is your responsibility and your responsibility alone to address & deal with it. It is not your partners responsibility to “fix” your insecurity and make you better. They can make adjustments & support you, but it is up to you to do the work to fix it.
If you are depressed & deeply insecure, the way to deal with it is not to control who your BF follows or interacts with on social media. It is to get yourself therapy to address your issues, and if necessary, start taking medication.
Accusing you of being ungrateful for focussing on this one thing that he hasn't done & ignoring everything else that he does to accomodate your insecurities isn't gaslighting. It's calling you out on your BS.
How would you feel if the roles were reversed, and you were adjusting your behaviour to make him feel better, but it was never good enough & he ignored it because there was one thing he wanted from you that you didn't do, and used it as a weapon against you to make you feel bad? How would you describe his behaviour then?
Aside from all of that – you need to get off social media. It is clearly bad for you.
Social Media isn't real life. You need to learn how to stop putting so much value on who people do or don't follow. And you need to stop comparing yourself to what you see on there.
I’m still very much processing what I’m thinking here, I heard the podcast about an hour ago. I’m not comfortable in what he’s said and I will have to have a conversation setting some very clear boundaries again. I’m just confused I think, our relationship was great and I can understand him not wanting to let that go fully but I’m just wanting to figure out what way of dealing with this will do the least harm to everyone involved (myself included)
Of course I'm going to buy my girlfriend a new (better) keychain. I'm asking for advice on how to tell my sister her product is dangerous.
Is this for real? I can’t believe this is real. Your boyfriends father is 58 and is in prison for 4 years for a rape committed when he was 14 against a 9 nine year old. She testified anonymously outside in Ireland. The victim is your BFs aunt and her brothers also testified against this guy and this was because of a $ 5,000 inheritance. At least make it $50,000 or $500,000. This is completely unbelievable.
They waited 40 years and convicted him in an outdoor trial with no physical evidence of a crime committed decades ago in a foreign country and your issue is that your boyfriend doesn’t believe this happened? I don’t believe this happened. You made this whole thing up.
Even if you said it’s real because of privacy laws you can’t post anything proving this either. So we have to take your word for it.
Talk to her about it.
Why do you want to be with someone who’s close family and friends are transphobic ?
Hi friend,
What are your hopes for this relationship? Also, can you say more about this feeling of stuckness that you said you're having?
Mate, what on earth were you apologising for? Having consensual sex with other people before you even met her? That's ludicrous.
And for her to enact a Greek tragedy over it like that…. its sweet that you care about her enough to want to comfort her, but this is your sign to run. She has issues that she needs to deal with herself, you're not so enmeshed that you need to make it your problem.
Play this out further – what are YOUR values? Are you ok with all of the other fundamentalist views she is going to bring with her? Do you have gay friends she is going to condemn? Any single parents or divorcees in your social circle that she's not going to want to associate with? If she is this far down the rabbit hole on this issue, she's going to be hardline on all of them. And I don't get the sense that you are equally bigoted and intolerant.
I think if you pull this trigger you’re not going to have a girlfriend anymore.
This makes you feel weird because it sounds like he wants more physical intimacy than you do. He's emphasizing sex and physical intimacy. For whatever reason, he's sexually unsatisfied and seems to be blaming you for that.
Invite him to lunch and do a private gender or sonogram reveal to let him know that you are pregnant. Agree to a DNA test. Then he has to do what is in his conscious to do. His relationship with his fiance could still survive this through shared custody or not. Wow, I hope for the baby's sake your interactions are fair and civil.
GOOD!!! Don’t let him back in! You are worth so much more than this guy.
She has to want to get in shape herself and put in the work. Relapses may happen during the start of a fitness journey, it can be very hot to shift into a totally different lifestyle: IE: sendentary and overeating to a actually active and counting calories and micros/macros. Not everyone is cut out for it. Not everyone is into it. But if she really wants it, then offer her support, encouragement, ways to curb cravings and feelings of laziness, if that's what's holding her back. Idk what may be holding her back, but you can figure it out. But if she's happy with how she is, then that's that — you can't change someone. They have to want to change themselves.
Maybe you should find someone more in line with your interests if she's happy where she is and you're not.
Whose name is on your lease
You guys are young and you clearly wanna be with your friends more than your girlfriend. And I think it gets worse for her the more you’re with her and she did try to make an effort with your friends and they were jerks to her. Which I find really interesting that you can pick them over her when they treated her that way, but OK
But honestly, the truth is she wanna be with your friends more than her so let her go and let her find somebody else. I really think a lot of this is just about your age.
Yep, you did the right thing. It’s both’s responsibility and if she doesn’t wanna take charge of hers…
Bite his penis just as very hot as you can, warn him 1 time if you don't get off me I will bite your penis. Count to one if isn't getting off of you bite him. No he assaulted you, you are not overreacting.
Bite his penis just as very hot as you can, warn him 1 time if you don't get off me I will bite your penis. Count to one if isn't getting off of you bite him. No he assaulted you, you are not overreacting.
You lied of course he will likely end it. Had you been honest upfront maybe he could have gotten past it
As someone with severe ADHD the difference in my emotional regulation while on medication vs without is night and day. Obvious disclaimers aside, I’d imagine some form of treatment would help with the stress of moving and having a newborn
The hope is that your husband needs antidepressants and needs therapy. I have so much I want to say but I cannot fathom how it helps without them giving an effort. You discussed this planned this and he gave the seed. How the fuck could he not want this?
It seems like the move was a lot on him. It then there’s probably moving away from his kid? Idk. 47 isn’t that old. My dad was reaching 60 when I graduated college. It’s just the way things are. There’s something else also making him unhappy and that needs to be addressed
She doesn’t love you, she never loved you.
If she did she wouldn’t have kept in touch with him, she wouldn’t have fucked him as soon as she landed in Canada.
Come on, it's easier than that. Yes, he will be upset, but he should be upset and single. There is no point thinking about this, she either cheated or shouted the name on purpose. Just end it and start working on healing.
At the very least, cancel the wedding until you feel you can trust her, if you ever get there.
Of course it sounds better, you are of low moral character.
Good luck solving your problem. You’re here because there was POSSIBLY a chance that you don’t know the right answer on your own. If you’re going to cop an attitude, then solve it yourself.
Things shouldn’t be this very hot at 23 – is this much drama worth it?
You're putting it off. I'm like that too. If you continue to put it off, you will never leave, but instead waste away in an abusive situation until it's too late.
Other people here gave more specific advice on what to do based on their own personal experience.
You will find someone who loves you. You deserve to and will be loved. Actually loved. Cared for. You'll find someone who makes you feel safe, happy, and comfortable. You'll find someone so good you'll literally dream about him.
But for any of that to happen, you need to make a very important decision. Right now.
You matter, and you're a much more valuable and lovely person than you've led yourself to believe.
Even strangers care! See how many came here to offer you help and advice?
Give that special someone the chance to truly love you by getting away from this sick abuser.
You don't need to be as strong as you think. You have it in you to make that decision. To get away. Do it, and once you leave you can take your time to get stronger and heal.
So, I think you need to decide how much you can contribute, if you want to, and start saving towards that
I would probably be expected to contribute 100% since I'm the only one abroad in the immediate family and it's mostly an issue with currency exchange
You you're ready when you ask reddit this question.
I am sorry to tell you that they’re fucking. But you knew that.
This is so off
Just ask her. You can just ask “hey, what do you think about moving in together” if you’re low key, or you can do something cute. My boyfriend asked me for Christmas, bought me a new purse and told me my real present was inside, and it was a key.
Just make sure that however you do it, you have a good conversation about expenses, rent, personal space, chores, etc.
My last serious relationship was one where we lived together for the most part, I'm good with taking things slow and getting to know her better because when we do see each other sparks fly my last relationship had to much drama involved and I was looking for suggestions to keep the chemistry going while taking things slow, I guess I could work more or try visiting an old buddy