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He learned she carried pepper spray, and then changed his plans over to manipulation.
Ask him why?
Communion here is important. You don't want him doing something he doesn't like but you don't want to get hurt either.
You’re right. I just don’t understand why he then begs for me back every time.
You had a traumatic childhood by any standard. You just did. You’ve never had any consistency in your life so the love for Eric makes perfect sense. But. The jealousy around his children and fear of him dying has to be painful. You need a really good therapist because you have experienced so much trauma. You weren’t taught, on any level, what a healthy relationship looks like. Do your research and find someone with great reviews who specializes in adults with traumatic childhoods. There’s a lot of crappy therapists but there are also a lot of great ones.