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Why bother with all the kid gloves in this scenario? She’s your best friend? If my best friend betrayed me in the worst way possible, I would stop calling them my best friend. I’m a bit spiteful so I would be going scorched earth. Unless of course you were also fucking around on her? There are some details left out of this.
I wouldn't jump to abuse, but the way she described the relationship did raise some red flags for me.
OP sounds inexperienced, and this encounter seemed very one-sided (he spoiled me, he treated me, he bought me, he took me–all about the things he did to/for her). A child's fantasy of love, basically. It's possible she only included those details to show how into her he seemed to be, which made the breakup so surprising, but if a friend of mine described a new relationship in these terms I would be like Hmmm.
Jumping on this comment to beg you to please please please read The Gift of Fear.
Offer to go to marriage counselling with her.
Sure thing, I dream about having a house. But I also like to be realistic. And I cannot say for sure we'll ever get it.
Telling your wife, who mutilated herself in an attempt to be more physically attractive, that she looks worse would be a ridiculous choice. That is not honesty, it is cruel. Tell her that she looks wonderful but try to get her into therapy.
Read this again and then ask yourself if this person will ever be able to emotionally meet your needs. Highly unlikely. Not her fault. She's who she is. But I would break up and then spend your time becoming mentally healthy for yourself. Please take care of yourself. You deserve it?
Then say no over and over until you get tired and dump her for not respecting your boundaries.
Just ask her straight up do you like me or not? easiest way to get the answer
We've done mutual masturbation a couple times but he's just not into it I guess. I've even asked if he could do xyz and we can get intimate but it's only worked once. He mostly says that he can do it the next day or that he'll do it that night when I go to bed but nothing looks different or taken care of. He likes doing laundry but that only needs to be done once a week.
How old are you? Haven't you gotten any sex education?
Girl you betta go get your man. Tell him.
Is she still communicating with you? Let her take the lead. If you do reconcile, you will need couples therapy. Good luck.
You did a fairly good job of digging yourself into this relationship hole and I guess this is the consequences of your actions. I have a sneaky suspicion that you can say and promise anything you like but it will have no effect. Your past actions and behaviours have shown her that you just aren't that serious about changing. You now doing the same after she has walked out the door will just ring hollow.
Simply put, you now want to change because the consequences are there in your face. If you saw the signs and took active steps to change you would've had a chance. Instead you chose to wait until now. Too late my friend.
Hopefully you will learn and grow from this experience and that your next relationship will be a long and successful one.
Leave her be though. For someone to just up and leave is the surest sign as any that can be given that you two are done.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. However, I’m glad you’ve told your family and you have a solid support system in your corner. You and your sweet unborn child deserve better. You should get tested because any STI could affect your child. Get everything in order (make sure you get sufficient proof to take to a lawyer), have your family get you moved into your brother’s house, and then let your husband know that you will be filing for divorce or better yet have him served. There really is no excuse for cheating.
I’m sending you a big hug. Praying for you and your baby during this time. You’ll be grateful you left this undeserving husband of yours. Karma will take care of it.
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This is exactly what I went through earlier this year with my partner, and we’re about the same age as y’all. What IS going ON with these dudes. He was jerking off to pics of people we know MY FRIENDS, but fully clothed? I don’t get it at all and it was highly upsetting.
We did work it out tho. I really thought we wouldn’t, but we had an open conversation and he is choosing to leave his insta deactivated even tho I told him he didn’t have to.
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Have you tried wellbutrin? I know it is often used (in men, at least) to counter the sexual side effects of other antidepressants.
We have talked about this already. He stops for a few days but then does it again
I agree with this. If he's really penitent, he would move out and let OP and their baby have the place.
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Well, you don’t have to tell her. If you had no children with your ex, and there’s no real interaction frankly, it’s not her business and your relationship with her is over.
Oh my goodness. Your wife desperately needs to get help and get in touch with her issues and find some coping mechanisms. You CANNOT keep shouldering her issues for her. Honestly I would advise separating from her until she starts getting help.
I think the problem her is they keep the promise to this person, but they don't keep the promise to you.
On one hand I understand, especially is this person isn't someone extremely close. Sometimes it's easier to get your feelings out with someone you know and they know you well than with acquaintances. For example, when I am low energy and it's just my best friend I will text them and ask if we can reschedule but if it's someone I am not as close with it's very hot to reschedule because I feel guilty and it doesn't seem like a good “excuse” for a lot of people.
On the other hand of they do this a lot it may make you feel like less of a priority than an acquaintance or a friend because you want their time too. They may seem to muster the energy to be with friends and not with you.
I would say talk it out. Not just express feelings (which is important and you should without judgment) but also find solutions. Try to find compromises so that you don't feel like less of a priority and that you can spend time together. Maybe give x amount of times they can cancel unless it's an emergency, watch Netflix live! together on TP when you don't meet up, reschedule and if needed they can cancel on another person to be with you, etc.
Well it sounds like it’s time to stop holding her back, she can move on in her new car.
I’ve finally exploded about it and he says he’s joking with me, and blames me being upset about on my bpd.
Oh boy, please collect evidence of this behaviour, and get in touch with a lawyer. This relationship is toxic, and you deserve better.
Oh fuck that, I wouldn't marry him at that point.
What exactly has he done to rebuild the trust he's broken on MULTIPLE occasions?
Yes, and worrying that he won't have the resources to take care of the ones he already has.
Hopefully they can stay out of court before it comes to tube litigation.
Not at all. I married him because I was attracted to him and he seemed like a genuine person. I felt comfortable with him and we would agree on a lot of things and clicked right away. I thought I found my person. That’s what I thought too that strong commitment would weather these setbacks and that’s why I didn’t considered his unemployment as a dealbreaker because financial stability is something that can be achieved when you put effort into it. And he assured me he’s moving to china soon for work anyways so I should not worry about finances at all. But its been more than 6 months now and nothing is happening like he told me. That’s where my doubts started that he might’ve lied to me as he’s not putting enough effort to secure our future.
Even if he paid with cash, he still needs to pay for tax, HOA, home insurance.
Idk where OP is, but I've seen really high $$$ HOA monthly payments. This is why I avoid HOA like a plague.
But yeah, you can't avoid paying property tax. Heck, our property tax amounts to $700 a month right now, it's still going up every year.
She's welcome to smoke weed if she wants. If that makes you uncomfortable, don't date someone who smokes weed. You can't go into a relationship expecting them to change their lifestyle for you. That's unhealthy
Mostly lies by omission but yes, you're right.
I text my friend more, but hang out in person with my wife more (although much of this time is “low quality” because it's with our kid or just after our kid is asleep). I shouldn't be texting my friend more, I completely agree.
And go get tested, OP.
I am not sure where I have read it back then, so I had to do my best searching it real quick.
I just think it’s weird that there’s not always a parental test by law. It’s taking on responsible for a life which might not be your responsibility. We all know it happens and you can’t get out of that responsibility later. The woman always know she’s the mother and the man never truly knows even if you 100% can trust that you are.
Sorry OP. Could you love someone you couldn't trust? Her issues are hers to deal with and not yours. This is not a viable relationship until she gets therapy for those issues. She's hurting you because someone hurt her, and that's not fair. You might want to seriously reconsider this relationship. Otherwise, you're going to spend the rest of this relationship walking on eggshells.
My darling have you heard the gone girl “cool girl” monologue I suggest you read/listen to it
Reading your story I thought you stated you were on birth control for what its worth. “i explained to him that i switched birth controls”
Your locking onto a strange part of this. I find what he said to her in that old conversation way worse than how he's handled this situation.
This. OP he's gonna impose rules on you like a relationship is a dictatorship.
You are going out with friends and he sees that as u being after other men's attention. That's stupid. I've been with my husband 12 years we don't have rules like this it's weird. Because we trust each other and want the other to have fun!
He can't say he trusts u and then in the same breathe say but i don't want u to do something I don't like simply because i say so!
What else is he gonna tell u? U can't hang out with friends who are single because they are bad influences? Dont smile at anyone in the service industry if they are of the opposite sex because you are disrespectful to him by doing that?! He sounds immature, childish and exhausting.
You are 20!! Fucking hell! 20! When i was 20 and my husband and i dated all id hear when i went to the club with friends and i like u rarely did all he would say was “watch your drinks be safe and call me if you girls get stuck”
This dude isn't responsible for you! You are your own person not an extension of him or the relationship. You are responsible for yourself!
He sounds like his behavior will likely escelate from here on out. You accept this bullshit behavior in a relationship and it's gonna get worse. I would never marry someone like this. Dude sounds like the type to tell you oneday that u shld be servicing him, basically be barefoot and pregnant and that as a woman you should be submitting to him.
Insecure fragile mentality. It's not cute!
I feel sad about this. More help is welcomed. Please and thank you. Maybe I'm to obsessive. Idk he said I've been drinking more and I'm starting to feel insecure
Boyfriends are temporary, tattoos are forever
OP doesn't owe this POS any explanations whatsoever.
He has hit her in the head before. She should not confront him.
What duration would you say infatuating lasts for?