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Unless you are changing your job then it's no point. He will continue to have the same issue with you and your job. There will be another blow-up and break-up. Save yourself anymore heartache and don't go back.
I believe that it's an illusion, it happened to me too and the guy was obssessed not with me but with the image he had of me. 2 months is nothing and not seeing him makes me think that your chemistry might not be the same in real life?
I don't think the person asking for advice is the one who decides which the best advice is. My advice is guys at that age don't know how to get woman yet, so they always, generation after generation, decide to befriend the girl they like in the hopes that life is like a movie where you fall in love slowly with him. In real life that's not how it works, and you endup with a lot of guys that get friendzoned and then go out and tell everyone how woman in this generation are rotten when they get rejected. Guys do this because they are scared of rejection so they decide, well I'll just be her friend even tough I really like her. But the reality of it is and you will learn this as you experience life, if you have more friends than fingers in your right hand your are either very lucky or have no real friends, real friends are hard to come by.
Get rid of the boyfriend. You only have one dad.
Are you having a stroke? He doesn’t want police shutting down a function where he JUST purchased! Maybe you just like to argue?
She's a fucking wackadoodle leave her crazy ass dude not worth it
If he’s not interested then I would first ask what his reason is but if he refuses to say anything, then leave
Same happened to me, i forgave him and months later i got a STD ?
Updateme!
Are you a person people actually WANT to date? Do you have hobbies? Interests? Passions? When someone proclaims they’ve had 3 relationships and all have ended terribly, it begs the question…. Why? You are the common denominator here, and it’s impossible to know what kind of person you are based on a a few sentences. But if you want a partner, maybe some soul-searching and asking WHY your precious relationships didn’t work, and why no one wants to date you currently, is a good place to start.
There are a lot of reasons people are selfish in bed. Porn is only one of them.
You know the answer. He's the same person. He BEAT YOUR CHILD. Get the fuck out of there! That is not a safe place.
Greta asks me to buy stuff and most times I say no, but when she asked for this sports jersey for Christmas (100+ dollars), I almost did it, but my girlfriend said “you are not SERIOUSLY thinking about buying her a expensive jersey for Christmas” and then I realized how dumb it was. Greta honestly didn’t talk bad about Fran until the location thing happened. I’ll try to talk to Fran
It sounds like she’s not into you and I know that’s just awful but that’s what it sounds like. She has checked out. It doesn’t sound like she has disconnected from everything, emotionally retreated from the whole world, but she has unplugged from this relationship
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My grandparents did what your wife wants to do. Had my oldest aunt when they were barely adults, waited 20 years, and then had more kids when my aunt got pregnant.
They had twins.
And then 2 more after that. I never asked why, but I also found it extremely weird. Called my cousins Auntie and Uncle because they were older than my dad.
Even if you were a straight couple it would be unprofessional for you to show affection at work. He's clearly got some issues with his coworkers. Who knows, maybe they are all criminal bigots willing to go to prison just to beat up a gay guy. Probably not, but if that's his perception you kind of have to take it at face value. Try to negotiate the ability to just say hi in passing as you would with anyone else. Remind him that if you obviously ignore him while you're talking to everyone else you're likely to get tarred as “homophobic” (since it's almost a certainty others know he's gay). Tell him you don't want to get the rep of being the idiot who ignores the gay guy. He's being a little extra (in a bad way) here. Good luck.
assuming the worst about OP and the best about OP Gf nothing he said suggest she was not on board with the mutual agreement cause he had lost friends too and people who are like you trying to paint him uselessly use “the rule is for them not fo me” tactic but OP seem to willing and ready cut off people for her..
The relationship is done and you should end this marriage. Its a matte rif time before he gets his ass kicked by his friend or his wife for acting inappropriately. End it before he starts humiliating you in stories or irl. Keep all the proof of the conversations he had with the other girls and talk to a divorce attorney.
I can't make sense of this post. Are the pronouns mixed up?
What boundaries did u decide on? How did he react?
Acts of service parenting his kids and taking care of the house? Really? Grow up, man. She is pregnant. If she slips and falls because she is too tired, would it make you feel better? I hope you are a bot, because if you are a person, your empathy is at 0.
So being held to different standards just because you are not made to biologically carry a baby. Never mind all the mental, emotional and financial contributions you've made to sustain the relationship, even in bad times? Smh
There are certain things that you just don't joke about…rape is one if them and high on the list. I'd be freaked out too if my partner said something like that, and his reaction to you being upset is very poor at best.
One of my biggest mistakes and largest regret in past relationships (now turning 34 soon) is having a boundary and allowing people to ever so carefully cross that line and continuing to give second chances. Especially when it goes against my better judgement.
Don’t make my mistake.
I would be happy to include her! Amy has said that she would rather it be just us, hence why I am here looking for advice.
Yeah everything you have said is true. My push to get him help has made him grown to resent me. He doesn't understand how his behaviors affect me. He claims he has nothing to work on, even though he is highly reactive and has tunnel vision about his beliefs. It sucks but you're right. Thank you
I’d definitely break up with you over this bullshit
You’ve left out so many details, but just on the question of motivations I believe your coworkers.
No one is blameless in relationship difficulties, but it doesn't excuse cheating. Did you cheat on her?
The thing is, “getting what you need” is sort of an impossible ask, because you won't ever be able to trust her. And why should you?
It's extremely difficult for a relationship to recover from an affair. It would take a lot of work from both of you, including couples counseling. But all of this is pretty pointless if your wife isn't trustworthy and doesn't care to respect your relationship.
IMO, you should start thinking about the possibility of divorce and talk to a lawyer.
Yeah you are right. I just don't even know what to say to her when she keeps talking about this stuff. I usually give some kind of platitude or whatever but i consistently say that she's better off now, or he did her a favor by ending it, or good thing she found out who this guy is so early on before she got too attached, or that this is the tip of the iceberg and could she imagine how it'd be with this guy in a relationship (based on the stuff she said happened on their trip).
we both hate the cousin bcos he’s a nasty guy, but yeah no after we had the argument he immediately jumped into getting offensive bcos he was jealous of a guy friend i hung out with after we broke up. like i get how he might’ve mixed it up after he explained it he said he imagined me in blue eyes and thought it was reality ? so i tried to explain to him why i flipped out but he just couldn’t understand at all until another half an hr of conversation
Oooh boy. From experience, these are very, very red flags. My ex was the type to take out $120 and then “lose” a large portion of it, but get mad if I asked him to look for it. I'd ask him to get receipts when he purchased groceries (since I was paying for literally everything and he was just an authorized user on a card on my account) and he'd always bring back the small ones, but would conveniently “lose” the receipts for the bigger purchases. I lose count of the number of issues we had on this front.
I can almost guarantee you he wasn't scammed out of that money from his own account — he spent it on something he didn't want to tell you about. Full stop.
While I trusted that my ex never cheated on me, I wouldn't trust a word out of his mouth about money. It ended our relationship.
C'mon dude be serious
Absolutely. I'll talk to her and be myself, but lay down some boundaries. If she doesn't want to change then I'll leave. I don't believe in being rude by any means though.
Yes, you have a chance. But she seems very moody and erratic, which does not sound promising for the marriage. You may be willing, but she may be too hard to please.
Of course you should help out around the house as much as you can, but drunk talk is often true talk.
This is exactly what I was going to advise. Get the DNA test and leave this relationship. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship for so many levels. He has already cheated on you. His reason is asinine. He CHOOSE to cheat, end of story.
He is projecting his actions onto you.
This is not a healthy relationship and definitely not a healthy relationship to bring a child into.
Get the DNA test. Leave. He's no one you want to build your future on, let alone your child's future.
Sounds to me like you don't really trust her. If you're already not trusting what she's saying about her past then I would imagine it will be hard for you to trust her when she is far away from you. If you don't feel like you can trust her then you shouldn't stay in the relationship.
So, why dont you both just get married?
He does suggest solutions which he'll implement for maybe a day or so but then will just not keep it up. He's off work today and the first thing he said to me was “I'll be sure to do chores today!” and he's been playing his games since. He started dinner but then begged me to swap in so he could finish his game. My exam is in a week..!
He doesn't actually have an explanation which is normally when he gives in and says he will help more. Probably worth another conversation.
I need an answer to my question.
Dump her rude ass and make sure to explain why. That she beat you in the rude department.
I think it depends on how long since she told him. If it’s only been week, I think he’s just still in shock. But if we’re talking months then yea, that would be punishing.
You are a horrible person You are taking your unjustified anger on them and do not give two shiĹĄs for hurting your mother this is simple revenge He gave you a family and a childhood and a father meanwhile your sister had none of that .You are angry because you are paying for your studies when he is giving your sister not a bastard FYI a hand (don't you feel isn't a bit of payback for so much she lost ?)And by the way the money he is using are his money he worked for it unless your mother is the only one who is working and he is a kept man .You are the epitome of every grown child that do not love or take care of their parents but when said parents die cry in outrage why they did not receive a dime . What was he supposed to do close the door in her face just because your mother was insecure enaugh to ask to a parent to forget a child existence?
You fucked up pretty hard. I wouldn’t feel safe around someone who becomes upset because I want to spend time with them, cops an attitude, slams their jacket on the table, then spitefully changes their mind. You sound emotionally unavailable and incredibly immature.
Also, the fact that you describe her as spoiled and manipulative speaks volumes. You weren’t sticking to this “boundary” for any personal reason— you thought you’d use it as a teaching moment which is fucking manipulative on its own.
No wonder you resort to dating an 18/19 year old. Most women your age or older would see right through your bullshit.
You don't ever assume you're on the same page, you communicate. It sounds like you wanted a dog but your girlfriend can either take them or leave them. It doesn't sound like she wants one at all.
What’s she gonna do about it?
No comment.. going to wait on update whether AH apologizes.
You can't get closure from someone else. Closure is something you have to find within yourself. You need to distance yourself from your ex and maybe give therapy a try.
Nothing about that is normal if you two have a committed relationship and a planned pregnancy. I would file for both the dna test and the divorce at the same time.
This is not good, OP.
You either trust him and his reactions to things you know nothing about, or you don't. You can't minimize his reactions AND still trust him.
I agree, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him, he genuinely makes me happier then anything and he’s given me a beautiful life, but I’m so scared it’s gonna keep happening.
Break up with her. It's not even a question.
Chill-or she will break up with you for being controlling and insecure. Might be for the best if you can’t let it go.
Yeah, I always let my daughter use me as the bad guy. Sorry, I can't go XYZ. My mom says I have to do this instead…
Her attorney can request the court to have hubby pay her attorney fees.
Wait what
She clearly isn’t ready to buck their ideas and her father’s behavior is inexcusable. I think you need to be clear that any rapprochement on this issue needs to be done by her family and not by you. If she can’t accept that then she’s made clear where you stand in her priorities.
My friends are very heavy on SO being apart or things (they are all with SO from the same group or adjacent friend groups) so I’ve always gotten a lot of shit for him not being around. I know him not going to the wedding will just make matters worse.
Tell him his is average or normal. It's all anyone wants to hear about their genitals.
Cheat on her and ask her, which is really worse?
Well you clearly know absolutely nothing about behavioral or mental health.
i have some really bad choices fr
It's still religious. The idea of Juadism being maternal comes from Tanach, it's not based on genetics. Her doing a conversion is also a religious concept, nothing about her is changing inherintly on a non religious level. And getting a Bris is also a religious concept, as you can be a Jew and never had a Bris if you didn't know your mother was Jewish.
There's a distinct difference between that and being culturally Jewish; embracing the culture and heritage. Having pasach (Passover) Seder or other Yom Tov meals or events, teaching kids about the history, using Hebrew names, etc. Many ways to incorporate the culture without needing to do the religious ceremonies.
Especially as Juadism is actually DNA testable (which is kind of a scary thought if you think of those with evil intentions towards us) so regardless of what you do it's in your blood.
Also check sent messages and photo email attachments
Yes, the sister, who was clearly willing as she's a really sexual person, which absolutely never happens as a response to being molested as a child. OP and brother are really reaching by tying this to her sex drive.
Thanks. Yes, I moved out. Asked him not to be there when I come for my things, but he was anyway… Like a completely different person all of a sudden. But, you are right. Hope so. ?
A is mostly irrelevant in your explanation. B is understandable but it would have taken 1-2 min to say a proper hello along with I don’t feel great. C you embarrassed her so she is upset
INFO – how old was the other person? Were they the “13 1/2” year old?
Oh! I definitely didn't clarify that too much. He did! Afterwards he came to the door, and did ask if I was okay, what was wrong etc. I was honestly just to shocked to answer, and told him that I wanted to sleep alone. I asked him if he could bring and ice pack and he did.
As I said, nothing is excessive.
Yeah, but does he know that? Most pictures of women identified as having lip fillers are those crazy looking inflated balloon lips. As a guy, I’m pretty sure that’s the only example he has of this. Because women with natural looking lips due to lip fillers are never identified by definition. Have you showed him examples of normal enhancement? And how you envision your own enhancement?
:- my boyfriend wants sex atleast once a week he says. we’re very sexually active, he refuses to wear a condom which i understand from his pov.:
You understand? Honey, no, heeds to wear a condom.
:- he doesn’t want to go to places in our home town together incase people see us because we’re “not married” however he doesn’t mind having sex even though we’re “not married” this doesn’t make sense to me at all.:
This really sounds like you are literally a glorified sex tool to him.
:- the days where i don’t want sex and say no we still have sex. he always makes it about his needs and i feel like he doesn’t consider what i want.:
Rape. Honey, that’s rape. He coerces you into sex by making you feel guilty.
All in all, RUN for the HILLS. Please.
GET OUT.
Your wife shouldn’t have hit you. Period.
Why do you willingly take pics of other people instead of the woman you are supposed to love?
Why do you cook meat? If you are cooking, you get to cook what you want. (Allergies taken into account of course.)
The chef makes the food. The lazy person eats… or not.
It's an issue because it could have been resolved with a quick question, and if he trusted his wife like he claims, he would have gone and asked the question straight up instead of waiting. Instead, he let his anxiety brain take charge for a full day, and then acted in a way we cannot say was either good or poor, as he only states he “confronted her”. (If he was aggressive and awful in the confrontation, he is in the wrong no matter how we spin it). The issue, and why everyone keeps pointing this out, is that he claims he trusts her, and is asking how to prove that to her, but his actions speak a very different story, and unless he admits to the issue and then works to resolve it, it won't be resolved.
And you say “obviously” this benign, repetative activity that people do a dozen times a week, couldn't have slipped her mind? Please. Not everyone has the memory for things that you do, and more important, not everyone has the need to tell their partners every little thing happening in their life. I didn't tell my partner I booked a dinner out a week in advance of going, because I totally forgot about it. He didn't tell me that he could pick our son up from daycare on my pick up day, until we ran into eachother in the hallway while there. We have a great relationship, and excellent communication, but life gets in the way sometimes, mistakes get made, slip ups happen to the best of us, and people aren't infallible. If either of us got pissed at the other for a silly little forgetful moment like forgetting to mention you have your friends phone and are charging it, and claimed that was a sign of shitty communication skills as a result, but only after our poor communication is pointed out to us…that's not only a huge fucking problem, but quite obviously an unfair attempt to shift blame for your own actions.
She thinks you don't desire her anymore. She enjoyed the attention.
My mother and her don't look alike too much but yes, I guess he has a type. If he'd find a woman my mothers age, I wouldn't have a problem with that..
I understand not trusting someone which is why I understand not wanting to go right now. And I've made that very open. But even the conversation of “if you could go anywhere, where would you go?” Gets nowhere. And it's very frustrating.
I really hope it's not an incompatibility thing.
How are you holding up. It is devastating to know that. It's almost like you're being cheated on, too. Find healthy ways of processing.
Any way you can talk to your dad? But, if you do, your mom could find oit and you'd be in the middle.
Their crap isn't your crap.
Truth, ugh
while she fully took the blame for cheating
Except for the part where she said it was your fault because you didn’t do whatever convoluted made-up-on-the-spot bullshit she said you should have done. She’s just going to do it again. Fool me twice, etc.
That’s the primary concern, that she doesn’t have her own friends anywhere near by. My closest friend and his wife are moving to the area and she gets on really well with them. My parents are 30 minutes away. To be clear the majority of my friends are in the city, it just so happens I’ve reached the stage where you move back out. I’ve experienced country living and understand it, I’ve lived in the city, I spend a day a week in the area of her family. The target spot is in my opinion a dream for raising kids. Idyllic English countryside with great schools etc. it wouldn’t just be her starting a new life but me too pretty much.
Repeatedly lying to you while talking to other guys behind your back is not a “red flag”. It is an active problem that is grounds for breaking up. Have some self respect.
Who calls their son “the child?” So detached, it's awful
Balcony or a walk around the neighborhood