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Parry foul. The “P” word should never be mentioned anytime, ever, in relation to your relationship or how someone is acting or feeling. Whether it's true or not. And especially never blame someone for something they can't physically control. That's just being a douche and disrespectful honestly.
The new gf is ridiculous and your friend is being a doormat. I would be very uncomfortable in that situation too and I'd also not text this person anymore. If he can't see it for what it is then he's an idiot. The group chat is for chatting between close friends. A new gf is not a close friend, and everyone seems to get that except for them. Good luck to your friends.
I think you should text her, and maybe ofder support if you can. If you have pictures or chats of you and him together, send them too, so she has proof and won't just think it's a prank or you are bitter cause you had a crush or smth.
First, I’m sorry it sounds like you’re in a lot of pain. You have to tell him. You should also tell him why. Because he deserves to make an informed decision if he wants to stay together, that it’s not only the cheating that he will have to get past but the fact that you aren’t in love with him.
Life is messy and sometimes it gets ugly. You’re not Satan’s child for what you did. You did something bad, something that is probably unforgivable in that relationship. But in the grand scheme of things you could do a lot worse. What will define you is how you handle this mistake. Take responsibility and face the music and move forward in life having learned the naked way that you can’t pretend your way into a happy life, you have to respect what makes you happy or a lot of people might get hurt.
I know what you went through was difficult. I could never imagine how it feels like. But I was also here. We went through this situation together … so let me be here for you. Beside you. Because all I want to do right now is love you. But if you think you will be happier without me … I will do anything to make you happy.
Thank you. I have a naked time getting over the doubts but I've been a lot more aware of it.
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“i’m a dental student in debt and i still try to give tips between 15-20%.”
Yeah there's a reason your in debt, clearly.
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I think you either trust her to be fully into you or you don’t. Trauma from an abusive relationship isn’t something that just goes away. Sometimes it never leaves. If you’re willing to commit to her then you’re committing to at the very least standing by her as she processes her trauma. So just think it through.
What a terrible day for me to have eyes
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I don't not find my husband attractive. I never want to get to that point! It's about him caring about his body/health enough to work on caring for it/improving it. This is just one aspect of that.
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What is the point of bringing it up in therapy, we are done with therapy. At least for the next 3 or 6 months.
It really depends on who's fault the argument is. If my wife is being a bratty and unbearable shrew and then expects me to go smile and play nice at her party, she is sorely mistaken. You are getting upset at his coping mechanism, instead of addressing the root issue. Why are you guys arguing without a resolve? I think it's overdramatic for you to leave him over this; and I am glad he is letitng you, instead of chasing you and groveling for you to come back. If you are going to leave just because he doesn't want to be social when he is upset, then just go… let him find someone who will be more considerate.
you could've indeed gone with “hey, i heard you'e back in town, how's life been?”.
But then again, if he's interested, he won't make a big deal of it and he will understand the underlying signal of those words. 😉
Dude just walk away. She is clearly not putting effort into the relationship and doesn't seem to be into you. On top of that she is gaslighting you when you bring up your concerns. I'm sorry it is ending like this, but it is over whether you've realized it or not.
He does have a job. He works for 10 hours a day 4 days a week but most of his time is spent sleeping. Some weekends he barely even texts me cause he’s sleeping
This is a Him problem. Tell him he's an adult and you're not his mommy. From now on, he is responsible for getting himself up. Then stick to it!
You say you don’t want to come across as insecure or jealous, but you absolutely do. Your boyfriend and B have been family friends for years, there are great odds she is fully aware he’s a safe person that she trusts with the truth of what she’s going through. You’ve also mentioned you don’t know her well, so you have no prior context to judge whether she’s lying. Additionally, just because someone is not a “perfect victim” in your eyes does not mean they are not a victim. Of course she’s going to talk to your bf more than you, she knows him better. It doesn’t seem like you were being excluded from their conversation, either.
To be honest, your post makes it sound like you don’t like B because her existence as your bf’s friend is inconvenient, because you are not the only woman he’s close to.
Additionally, if you want to have a moment with your bf, ask him to go somewhere private. You cannot expect to be uninterrupted at a gathering of his friends and family.
She explained that it was because her phone was charging in the bag, but I don't understand how she didn't feel it since it vibrates during calls. She had previously told me she didn't tell her friend she was in a relationship because he never asked.
He doesn't want biological children, I apologize for not clarifying this. And by accidents, “A” and myself did however I was no longer on the birth control then as I no longer has insurance.
nah friend dropped it big time by baiting and causing a weird situation that was otherwise normal ? like how are you gonna sit there while someone who's in an exact situation they're claiming is weird and looking you up and down all judging and NOT point out the hypocrisy? ?
Stop letting him mentally abuse you!!
Tell him to get all the girls that want him and block!!
She is working now but not enough to support herself. But yeah your not wrong, I am realizing this was probably broken a long time ago
You were 18 yrs old and he was 37? My oldest son is 18, and I'm 38. This was not okay.
He sounds like a sexual predator that groomed a teenager.. he's got you where he wants you and you feel trapped and like you have no way out. Sex with someone you love shouldn't' hurt and shouldn't' leave you hurting afterwards. He doesn't care about you, he cares about what he gets out of you. He has no problem using and abusing you to fulfill his sexual gratification. He doesn't respond well to you saying no because he doesn't feel like you have the right to say no. He feels entitled to use you however he wants regardless of how much it hurts you. Open your eyes, you are not a full fledged person to him. Makes me sick to my stomach to think about how any man can get off/enjoy sex while causing the person the “claim” to love pain. THATS NOT OKAY!
You have a child, and you say that's why you can't leave.. that's exactly why you should. That man is lucky you weren't my daughter.
She also says that it's because I used to not put in as much effort as she did
Define “many kids”? Like being upfront about wanting to have kids is good I think since not everyone wants children and you guys are already in your 30's. That being said, saying he wants many kids soon is sort of red flagish
Which of your names are on the lease?
She won’t suck it up and he won’t not go because he is scared she will cut him out too if he does that and he doesn’t want her to die alone (she’s physically very unwell and has cut pretty much everyone else off), he likes spending time with her, and so his son to can still see his nan – is what he told me. He tried to get her to come around and she won’t.
He has chosen her over you. So you need to end any romance between the two of you, but remain friendly enough to co-parent.
Start dating other people.
It’s totally out of line. And no man should continue with a “friendship” with a woman doing so. I don’t think men are as dumb as what is often made out.
we didnt start off hard and heavy – we are serious because we’re long distance and we made the choice for that commitment – we started very classically talking and dating before we became official. i didn’t think i was wrong in being speculative to cheating when i see something like a shirt that isn’t mine. i do know him well and this was just a big thing that we’ve had to process
Yes! And people still do this innocently! I’ve been out two stepping and country swing dancing while dating someone and still danced with other partners. It’s fun and light hearted because some people know different moves that they can teach you and it’s just a social thing. A guy might ask 5 different girls in the night to dance for one song each but not intend anything sexual to come of it. Merely being social. It’s still a thing, just not in many places I guess.
Yes I will. I will probably try the tracking route just to be safe and see what is going on. I wish I didn't have to do this and maybe it is just my anxiety but I really feel that something is up…
While you’re not wrong and she definitely should see a professional about her agitation, I also caution that OP doesn’t jump to “Oh, she just has PPD, this is a her problem” as a silencing tactic. Half of her problems stem from her environment and the person she’s with. Many women with shitty partners during the post partum period are told they just have PPD when really, they just have a shit support system. In her case, it doesn’t appear to be mutually exclusive. Hopefully OP can understand that.
Raising your kids in a toxic relationship will be more detrimental to them then if you separate and happily coparent them. Everything you feeling do they will absorb and then they will have that same mindset going into their own relationships. So for the sake of your kids you should go ahead and in this marriage marriage
I say this is a bad idea and does not in any way build love and trust and respect between you and your GF. What are your expectations of your relationship in a year?
and this, kids, this is why we just get a job lol
but in all seriousness you are talking about gambling. gambling with a tie on with someone else’s money. that was your grand plan for supporting your entire life somehow you are now surprised that a hitch is coming up. what you did was illegal. and when you spent all that time in the library researching i’m sure you came across the concept of a broker’s license many times so i really don’t feel sorry for you… like 50%?? there is no professional in the world who charges that. you were essentially trying to scam your parents and are now “hysterical” that it didn’t work out…. lol the jokes really write themselves
get and i cannot stress this enough a job
If you don’t want to live! where you do, and she doesn’t want to move away, you are fundamentally incompatible. I’m sorry OP.
You're the one who set the tone here, so you're the one who needs to speak up and change it. You rejected his attempts to give you head at the start of the relationship, and he's respecting that, doing exactly what he's supposed to be doing. If you want to change the dynamic, that's 100% on you. Time to put on your Big Girl Pants and speak up.
Can black men have pedo stache? Cuz I've never seen it, idk.
This is just absurd, not that I support religion, but many religions would for bid any kind of arrangement like that
You have to actually ask a question to get advice my man.
It's normal to lose your attraction to someone overtime if that attraction is based on superficial things. For example, if you are only attracted to someone because she has a big butt. What if she losses weight an no longer has a big butt? Or what if you start preferring other girl's butts to hers?
And you keep saying you love her but please. Explain to us. What does that actually mean to you?
Don't OP, this person is just like your bf, attempting to sound intelligent in order to feel better than you. It's so pathetic!
Looks like I'm telling him sooner than later ❤️
This is so sad on so many different levels.
OP, I hope you find genuine love and companionship with someone you personally know in real life, someone you can physically touch and embrace. You are currently “dating” a disinterested party at best and a scammer or catfish at worst. You deserve much better, you really do.
my support network are her friends, she's lost 2 because they've 'said' they want to sleep with me (spoiler, I know them pretty well, 1 would but i told my wife the minute i met that one that my gut says she's a bad one, the other one had a partner and had her own morals, she's said she wouldn't). as for my family, they're 4000 away and narsasstic as all hell
It's just natural that you will lose attraction for a guy who is overly negative, emotional, and unable to deal with tough situations etc. If he doesn't get his shit together I would argue that its not in your best interest to stay with him. He's gotta grow up and thats just the fact of the matter
Just based off of everything you're describing to me … All I hear is that he's great on paper and knows how to be very useful…. But like, you haven't told us anything about his personality.
The way you're describing him sounds a lot like a few people I know…. They seem great on paper, but they just don't know how to be genuine or authentic.
Maybe his personality just doesn't seem very present or just doesn't stand out very much?
I mean, even you haven't told us much about his personality quirks, only about his usefulness.
you know, that actually makes me roll my eyes a little less at the people who take seriously what is sometimes very clearly fiction. at least people are responding and keeping the sense of community going. idk hope that makes sense i’m high but yea thanks man
You need to break up with him.
Not that I know of….
I think it's a good idea to never get that drunk ever again.
Ooh, op, do this!!
So you were there to witness him not doing coke? Is that your evidence? And even if you’re wrong, he still treated you like shit. Just because he’s angry doesn’t justify his behavior. I would reevaluate the relationship.
I think it actually speaks well of him that he was uncomfortable with your age. As you said, you were both forced into this marriage. Lots of us folks in the west will come with ideas of how you two could’ve escaped this, but truly were ignorant of how some cultures work. You’re both doing your best with the hand you’ve been dealt. I agree with others that if you’re interested, date him. Be cautious, keep boundaries and go at a pace your feel comfortable. If you’re tied to him for life, it’s best you can at least be comfortable around each other. Good luck OP.
In your shoes I wouldn't be in this relationship. You've both cheated. Neither of you are truly in this relationship.
Well maybe you can change that and start working even part time
He’s calling women “Broads” now ??? there it is ???
You need to actually break up, as in living in different places and you seeing other people. This is very toxic, it needs to end
He is the one who has to stay there, you think he likes it? He is probably not happy with the surroundings but he had to stick to it for now.
And make sure you dont project your dissatisfaction on your face everytime you go there and try to focus on making your time together worthwhile, help to decorate his space or something.
Yeah he still needs to be registered at a doctor before he can make an appointment but he's doing that right now and I hope he can make an appointment for next week. Thanks for the reassurance, I needed that to make my head clear. It's going to be alright 🙂
What did you do to him? I feel like that's an important part of the story.
Why are you paying 75% of the bills?
Sure won't. You were a CHILD.
But I told her it wasn't working and that I'd prefer a break up and that she moved out. She immediately changed her tune and started to apologize. She's told me about changes, she talked to me about finally going to therapy. She's been throwing her body at me at any opportunity. She's offering to take up all of the cooking and cleaning.
So, the only thing she has going for her is being naked – since, by your account, her personality is terrible. And guess what: nobody is nude forever; we all age, get gray hairs, have parts of our body sagging or making weird noises eventually. So, what does she have to offer long term? Not much, really. She did what she could to rope an unaware lad, and tried to condition him to be her servant. However, once her plan of retirement went out the window, she started backpedalling. Do yourself a favour and run far away from her. Find someone who loves you as much as you love them, and puts in as much into the relationship as you do.
As a person who has been on both ends of that situation ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TELL THE WIFE ANYTHING. You will absolutely be the only one blamed for the whole situation. End the affair and run and far away as you can from all of it. If you want to confess go talk to a Priest!
Wait, wut? 2-3 times a night? Lol! I can understand rubbing one out before bed, just to relax and enjoy a little dopamine to help you sleep…but 2-3 times?
Is he not sleeping at all? Or does he sleep for an hour, wake up and do it again, sleep for another hour, etc…wash, rinse, repeat?
True. I’m thinking of both our feelings here so thanks for being that to the forefront. I appreciate it 🙂
So funny how fired up people got from this.
A good relationship tip is find someone who’s bad shit you can live! with, and who’s good shit you can’t on-line without. I know it’s early days but if it’s getting you questioning things now, imagine yourself down the line living with this part of him that just doesn’t light your soul on fire x
Sexual incompatibility is a very valid and legitimate reason to break up. What are you waiting for?
lmfao what are you on???? She just said she's only overdrafted when she's had to help him and he overdrafts THREE TIMES A MONTH and you're harping on HER???? get real
I know a ton of gay men that would call it a girls trip. I don’t think what you said is confusing at all
Why can’t she have a bridal shower? That’s not something the groom would typically be involved in. Just put on the invite in lieu of gifts please consider making a donation to ______ charity as we are blessed enough to have everything we need. But recognize that some people will still want to give gifts and if they do, just accept them gracefully.
No, it doesn't. I've had this happen before, too. The guy realizes being with you would require more from him than he can, or is willing, to give. You want communication and vulnerabilty, which is fine. But, he doesn't want to give that. So, it won't work. You won't be able to convince him. He wants a relationship that requires less effort on his part. He is realizing that.
I thought who you liked and slept with defined sexuality. Not how you dress and act, personally I would give them a solid talking to and set a boundary of not talking about sexuality. I would say listen it’s not because I am uncomfortable it’s because you have it wrong.
I’m calling bs on her. This is for her to fix. It is not proper or loving behavior towards a loved one. Good relationships don’t make their partner feel guilty for living your life.
That's bullshit. She straight up told him she wasn't seeing anyone else. But she was getting railed on the side. Being official doesn't mean shit if you're lying anyway. It took away any choice he could have made if he knew what was going on. She's trash and for the streets.
Tell her based on her behavior you had suspicions and confirmed they are true. She can grab her stuff and leave. As for the friend group if they ask tell them, why keep trash around?
No need to tiptoe. She cheated and put you at risk for an STD!
I guess I never really thought of quite how upsetting it could be to read those things as a partner. I've never been in a relationship myself and the only person who's ever called me princess is my dad
If you are content with the contact you have, you shouldn't have to change a thing. She is scared and insecure and clearly marking her territory. That is not on you. Maybe her insecurity has grounds, but that is between her and her husband to work out. If she had anything to say about her husbands behaviour, she should tell him, and not play childish games via text
And? You can (and should) be engaged and not be roommates. Legally, an engagement is nothing. Living together before you're married complicates things too much. Just get married and combine your finances if you're going to be living together. Settles this whole issue. Or on-line separately until you're ready to do that. It creates tension and animosity in the relationship. I know because I lived it. I moved in with my fiance (now wife) about 8 months before we got married, and life got much easier after we were married and decided to combine our finances. We had similar disputes about who paid for what, and who paid more on somethings, who ate more of the “shared” groceries. We were roommates, not spouses yet. If you want to live! like a spouse, get married. I don't see why that's so difficult or controversial. Clearly, this common sense opinions offended you and that's why I got a downvote…