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He just wants a hookup. You have kids and he doesn’t want any. There’s no reason to foster an emotional connection.
If you hang with a pedo, you ARE a pedo.
FWB, social media obsessions…stories like this one make me so glad I’m not going through young adulthood in the 2020s. On the surface it seems enviable, in reality it’s a completely empty existence. You entered into a casual hookup arrangement with this guy – seems like that’s precisely what you got.
Nah it aicheating cause yall ain't together but it is for sure a bitch move but my gut just like how you got your wife ima need you to just do you and go and have some fun and enjoy yourself because don't sit there and let her do what she want and try to justify it and you be sitting here being depressed, nah bro you got this .
Sit him down and tell him you've had enough and that it's not fun or funny, and that if he continues to do so from now on you'll take any 'accidental' contact as him deliberately trying to hurt you and you will react accordingly. He knows what he's doing. He wants you to know how easily he could hurt you if he wanted to.
Fucking throw that b**** under the bus,you are at the risk of losing friendship with other guys here.
I am not a fan of strip clubs or lap dances or bachelor parties. I have seen so much heartbreak for women here over this stuff. Marriages have ended, and weddings have been canceled. You name it. Depending on where you live and what type of club it is, anything can happen. Some clubs have a strict no touching rule, some clubs don't and anything is fair game and some clubs are in the middle. For one hour, I am guessing he broke your no touching rule. Now, I have no idea if bjs or hand jobs happen at this club. Like I said, they are all different, but even a one hour lap dance with no touching at $800.00 is a huge betrayal. Since you have been to them in your area, what are the rules? What did you mean you know how he gets when he gets a lap dance? Does he get out of control?
I suggest you get a new boyfriend or at the very least don’t let him take nudes of you. The pictures are his last vestige of control over his ex. He’ll d
Sounds like two mature adults, in a secure relationship, who are very self aware and accepting of each other. I wish you all the best in your relationship (it sounds very loving) x
I am polyamorous, and I can say that ethical non-monogamy can work, but this isn't ethical! The reason I stress that is that in unethical relationships, whether they are monogamous or not, someone is always being harmed. And it sounds like you've been getting hurt for a long time.
Sometimes, we make mistakes in relationships, but we can correct them and recover. But that's only possible if we're sorry for the hurt we've caused. Neither your husband nor his mistress have expressed repentance. And you're not considering staying because you like that he can get other needs met by someone else, but out of insecurity and fear. This is not the kind of relationship that gets healthier over time. You're just going to become more unhappy.
Also, getting divorced could get harder (depending where you are in the world) if they can prove you know he cheated and you stayed. So, it's absolutely better to leave now and reclaim what's left of your life for yourself.
You’re faithful and he’s not. That’s the whole point. Leave him.
I think, she doesn't need to leave her friend group just because some dude can't comprehend that some girls only want to remain platonic with them.
That said, 3 things need to happen here:
1) You need to have a conversation WITH her about expectations for this scenario. She shouldn't expect you to act like a hot-headed teenage just because some dude from caught the feels. And, you should tell her you expect that she will distance herself from this friend at least in the short term so that his crush can blow over. Especially, considering that he was pressuring her with respects to your relationship. That doesn't mean she can't be in a group of people with him. Just that she shouldn't go out of her way to interact with him and shouldn't communicate privately with him.
2) Your girlfriend (and maybe she already has done this) needs to make sure she communicates to this guy that they will never date and that he needs to respect her relationship. Even if you broke up that they won't date – he's just a friend. period. That they should only socialize as a part of their friend group for now – no private texting, etc… That way she has communicated to him that this is inappropriate.
3) You should actually hang out with her new friends, like she suggests. And, let her develop her friendships with people. One day his crush will be a thing of the past and hopefully this will all be a big nothingburger. Just act like a charming, well adjusted adult and don't go and get into a pissing match.
Book it
I guess you missed the part where they both have jobs. I don't know any jobs that will let you just take off 3 months at a time. So no alternating 3 months in the uk and 3 months in China was not and is not an option. And again she has a job and can't just up and leave to go see her parents in China, but clearly they can come to them. And here's aittle factoid for ya, many many westerners would absolutely allow their parents/inlaws to stay with them for 6 months or more. Hell some of us are even buying houses with our parents in order to live together with them to care for them.
And yes his post absolutely is anti parent. Especially when he stated he wouldn't want to even on-line with his own parents for 6 months. That is of course unless he can use them when they have kids as free child care. And we are not yet in 2023. And if you're going to start counting a year from the beginning of the year you'd have to count 2019 as a whole year. So that would be 2019 =1 2020 = 2 2021 = 3 and 2022 = 3 and 2023 = 4. So that would be 4 years.
Bringing it up would not be rude just do it calmly.
It's not out of the blue. He knows you're with someone else, that's why he's doing this. Tell him you're not interested and ignore him.
I bet he can't believe his luck. Say No or Go. Do you really want to be doing this crap for the next 10 years? Men still do this in their 60s, so don't fool yourself into thinking he'll tire of it. I know it feels too far away, but you need to think of your future now, bc ageism is real and imagine looking back only to have these kind of memories? The people who love you wouldn't want this for you, believe me.
If you can't stop thinking about sex, and it impacts your life, then… Therapy.
High sex drive is fine. Thinking about sex all day isn't.
And well, you can talk to him about it, but if you are already doing it more than 3 times a week, and he doesn't want more, there is nothing much that can be done.
I think you being upset is fine. Imagine if you were reminiscing about an ex who had bigger boobs. “My ex had melons you could stick your face in”. I'm sure anyone would be offended by that level of detail.
However, you will have to get over your own mental comparison between you and her ex if you want the relationship to continue.
No harm in texting. Just be prepared to not hear back from him, OR hear that he's partnered.
This chick can’t find ANY OTHER MALE???? Seriously I’m questioning her motives. If you happen to bump into each other that’s cool. But if she found you on Facebook or reached out to you, she has ulterior motives. If it’s social media keep it on social media only but don’t go out of your way to talk to her. That’s a ticking time bomb. Respect your wife. Women can be sneaky especially if she’s single or in an unhappy situation.
My thoughts exactly ??
It’s just normal life, I don’t understand why she’s making it that big of a deal.
Whether it’s as a couple, situationship, one night stand, you do actively make sure you’re safe. One night stand, use a condom. Situationship or couple stable enough for unprotected sex, both do tests and check that you’re safe for the other, discussions about birth control are needed and then drop the condom.
It has nothing to do with judging anybody. Even people you trust can cheat behind your back and give you STD you’re not aware of. You can be born with one and never know. You have to know your status before having unprotected sex with someone, period.
Major red flag. You got checked, why can't she? Is it because they might find something, or an over the top guilt reaction because something has been happening that shouldn't be?
Thanks for the update. Yeah, that is indeed fucked up. And I can see why you don't want them interacting anymore
*Sigh*
Have you thought about confronting your mom? After all it is HER relationship with your dad and not yours.
Definitely ask your cousin how he would feel about it. If you aren't sure how to bring it up with him, I'd start with something like “hey, I want to ask you about a plan I'm making for the holidays,” and explain the situation, make it clear that you ask not out of a gesture or obligation but out of a necessity to respect him.
I honestly do not think those pictures are the problem here, because it was a shoot to share with more people. But him not standing up for you and talking to that friend in another language which you cannot understand, that is rude when you are walking besides them. I am dutch, live in the Netherlands but in a student city and work for an international company. When there is someone in the room or meeting that does not talk dutch, we will always switch to English. In this situation, where he was already was talking to a female friend that did ignore you, it makes it so much worse to block you out of the conversation in this way.
I think you should find a guy that will try to put himself in your shoes a little more!
If he has the confidence to do it even just live, then there will be subtle tell tale things she's picking up on even if he's trying to directly hide it
Thank you so much for commenting ❤️ Sorry I was at work why I didn’t read these till now I came home to all his belongings gone so he moved out (again) Oh his moods are so up and down I walk on egg shells before speaking to him about anything I never know what’s going to trigger him And I know it’s stupid I know it shouldn’t be like this but when we are good we are sooo good it’s just gotten worse the silent treatments are lasting longer As for financial he doesn’t pay bills I pay everything and no I don’t go out with friends unless he’s with us he doesn’t like any of them
His work has nothing to do with kids. He works in transportation. Just wondering if he’s thinking about a work hookup or something.
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For fuck sake, it won't be your last time unless either of you dies unexpectedly. It os probably gonna happen once every month or two untill your kids are old enough so she doesn't feel completely depleted(say, untill the youger one is 4?) Than it will go up again if you still care for it. On the other hand sex is not the sole purpose of a marriage, i mean you can have a healthy loving relationship and have dry spells for various reasons(work, stress, kids, depression, medication etc) the important thing is to love each, keep trying(without badgering) and find each other each time you drift apart
If your partner expressed a boundary, then respect the boundary or leave. People have different opinions on porn.
For the whole time I've been on Reddit, I've never seen that before using the same name. Guess I learned something new today.
You can? But it'll probably just make her uncomfortable and nothing will happen. Do what you do but don't expect anything out of it if you're gonna tell her you might as well add in you wanna get back together and see what happens then you'll have your concrete answer
Oh yeah, I'm sure they were the same people.
I think you mean you caught your EX boyfriend with tinder.
I find it really interesting that so many women are no longer tolerating the nonsense that previous generations just ate.
I recently left a 30+ year marriage and I can tell you with confidence that I didn't lose a husband, I lost another child that I was taking care of. The amount of free time I have now that I'm not picking up after and taking care of an adult toddler is astounding. I now have time to do the things I want to do.
I am applauding this generation of women who are waking up more quickly than I did. I was so proud of the years. Looking back, it's just dumb. Years of endurance is nothing to be proud of.
I'm proud of you OP for refusing to live with, pick up after, and manage a dead weight in your life.
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That's not what he did though was it. He told her that her friendship with him is over. I never said wah wah he's being controlling. Just that he had no right to tell someone who they can't and can't be friends with. He's having a sook, he should shut the fuck up.
Tell him to keep the earrings.
Sweetheart, you need to let him go. The kids come with the package. If it’s been 4 years and you don’t the “family life” you are waisting his time.
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Cut her off, it’s not worth losing your girlfriend. She left you, remember that? seems like you forgot
Welp, enjoy your own personal rendition of Sleepimg with the Enemy, i.e., yes this guy does give off creep vibes.
Nothing to do at this point but cut him off completely and really go over your social media's privacy settings and follower lists with a fine comb and pruning shears.
Just make sure she knows? Otherwise I don't see a big deal
No you said what you really meant, moment of anger or not. Own it.
Leave him alone. He'll contact you when he's ready to. He'll come home when he's ready. The more you text and call the more he's going to want to stay away from you.
Oh and FYI, if after ten years you had to issue an ultimatum, he never intended on marrying you in the first place.
PMDD
Except “cheating” isn’t what happened here.
Cheating is a willful deception of a partner or a violation of agreed-upon rules. I don’t see either happening here in this context.
Dump your cheater girlfriend, it's no excuse you deserve better
Thank you. People tend to think I hate children, when I only hate their irresponsible parents. Having a kid is fine and all, but 6?! At least make sure you can have a separate home before such a commitment, geez….
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First your communication, you should at least ask why she has done it and what has your friend been talking to her then and there. I wouldn't give him blank check and if he was openly flirting with her you (and her, assuming you would stay together) should do something, because of it.
Another thing is about not helping with your party. While I can understand not wanting dramas you should have asked for help. Yes, she should have thought about it herself, nevertheless it's better to communicate when someone acts thoughtless than just get upset. I also, unfortunately, act thoughtless like that more often than I should and I appreciate being called out on it while I still can help not after.
However it's still better to talk about with her right now than not at all.
As for trying to work it out. If you decide to try it you should lay down your boundaries that you would like both of you respected. You can make it a written list even, but do consult your gf on it so that it is made by both of you. With that said you should stay with her only if you can give proper second chance. If you can't forgive her it's either therapy or break up.
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I (M71) lost my wife (F73) about 12 months ago. We had been together 53 years. Have made a good recovery. Have pushed myself to get out and about. Be comfortable with my own company. Not feel awkward in social settings. Happy to have a drink at a bar and not look like ‘Mr Lonely’. Have travelled solo a lot.
Have had my daughters, a few social female friends and a great counsellor to help along with this journey. Highly recommend anyone in this situation try and find a good counsellor/therapist .
I have now reached a point where I think I would like to love again. But not in the traditional sense of husband / wife. I had perfection with that, and am totally fulfilled. There would be nothing for me in another traditional husband / wife relationship.
I would now like someone to chill with, go out with, travel with and so on. But we each continue to live our own separate lives. Care for each other of course. And importantly (and what I miss most) is sharing affection. The nurturing companionship, warmth and generosity of a woman.
Was wondering if any one has followed a similar path. Especially in regard as to what it is like to love again when you already have someone you dearly love in your heart. And certain will not change. Am sure I will love her just as much till the day I pass.
But what is love like second time around in this situation? Is it even possible?
“There has been friction”
Don't, you will get through this and you will get over her, it takes time to heal. Let your emotions out and get mad about the situation and let yourself heal. Remove all traces of her from your life and realize that she doesn't and never will deserve you! You will in time find the person who you are meant to be with.
He probably have another FWB person and neither you or his fiancée knows … I think his fiancée deserve to know .
I know this is a waste of time but what motivates you to be so deliberately dense?
Call the police and let them deal with him. He shouldn't be around your brother at all. Then get yourself into therapy. Hopefully your parents at least did that for you when it happened
He hasn’t slept with me .. he says he doesn’t want to take my virginity he says it’s unfair for me to be dragged into his 44yr world
Solid way to have parents not like you tho
I think this is a major issue and your stress will skyrocket with a gun in the house. This sounds like a deal breaker, especially as she seems insensitive to your point of view about serious issues like guns and where you’d like to eventually live. It sounds like she needs therapy for her PTSD. If you’ve only been dating for 4 months I definitely don’t think you should be moving in together or changing your values and goals for this person.
I was trying to ask for a female perspective for there are things that I dont understand like “what I should do in this situation”
he’s not trying to intentionally leech off me
Him not getting help for his addiction is intentional, and it's causing everything else. There is free help for addicts 24 hours a day anywhere in the world. He doesn't want to stop.
I think this is very important for OP to hear, and I completely agree.
This feels like a trap. Also, don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. Let her know it’s not your thing and that she should respect that.
Your mom dealt with her trauma.
In the interest of your child, your wife needs to get off her high horse and deal with her own trauma.
As a parent, your wife is far more likely to be the source of trauma than your mother.
Left untreated, your wife will be the source of trauma, a controlling and body-shaming bully that instills low self-esteem and unhealthy relationships with food. You already see it in how she treats your mother; Don't let her go on to abuse your child.
I can’t stop thinking about who she is with especially with the reputation of staying in hostels and backpacking and how everyone just hooks up with each other.
I seem to travel wrong apparently.
Jokes aside, my man you need to get those insecurities and that jealousy under control.
Right now those feelings are all unharmful, but it can get really bad. I was together with a person like you a couple of years ago and I loved her so much, she was also very kind and just amazing in every way. Those issues that you have literally drove her mad till the end of the relationship. After some years it got so bad that I couldn't even go to work without being called a cheater. I had to explain my every move, because she didn't get help.
Get help mate. Behaviour like this pushes healthy people away or makes you end up in a toxic relationship.
There is nothing for you to worry about. She chose you, that means she likes you. If she doesn't and don't want to be with you, then that is ok too, because you don't want to be with someone who is not into you right? But when you are truly right for each other, then it will work.
Relax, give her space, be sweet, be sensitive, be open about your feelings. COMMUNICATE!!!
Everything can be worked on, but chances are that she has no clue what is going on in your head at the moment so you will just seem weird.
Yeah. He could improve on a lot but he does do good things. That’s why I’m so hesitant to make a move.
Your girlfriend's sisters are obviously horrible people and employers, but the real problem is that your girlfriend still continues to put up with their behaviour in both her private life and at work.
Your girlfriend needs to find another job so that she is no longer financially dependent on her sisters anymore and so that she can hopefully get into a better headspace and figure out how to deal with them in her private life.
This is something you can encourage and support her in, but it's not a decision you can force her to make or make for her yourself. Of course you should report her sisters anywhere you can, but that alone won't help your girlfriend find a new job or teach her how to set boundaries with her sisters in her private life
All six kids were planned when he refused to wrap up his dick or take any other birth control measures.
Like everyone else, yes, do your own thing.
I think you already know what you want to do, but you want others to confirm your instinct.
For those who are shaming your boyfriend being 030+ years old and still lives with his parents, just know there this is very normal in a lot of culture.
My main concern is you have a lot of potential ahead of you, so focus on yourself. Be the best you!
Congrats on accepting into nursing school!
Bro please grow a damn spine…..GROW A SPINE
leave this woman , she obvisosly hates you
Was the 1.30 AM an emergency thing? or a timezone thing? or just (drunk) howyoudoing calling? Makes a lot of difference to me.
As for the rest. You're 6 months in. He's going through your phone. Making demands. Anger issues. 6 months is still a honeymoon phase. It's as good as it's going to get.
Ya might want to set this one free… Especially with the 10 year age gap. He's showing every classic sign of behaviour of an immature older guy that can't date people his own age because they're wise to antics and bullshit. Poster boy red flag.
You do know that everything he's saying is how he thought and thinks about you and him and your own relationship, don't you?
It seems you have an unreconcilable incompatibility. Nanny or not, she has stated her boundaries. Its a shame you didnt find out much earlier.
He is definitely still cheating
Actually it did happen that a gift I got him didn't land so I told him I could return it or he could do whatever he wanted with it, no problem. A gift belongs to the giftee and as such they can absolutely do what they want with it.
If your gf don't mention they dislike the gits, I suspect it may be because you would not take it well, based on this post.
To go with my previous post, is she currently in therapy? If not, gently suggest it to her because that is a lot to shoulder, and couples counseling wouldn't be a bad idea either, as well as for yourself. Mental health is just as important, and both of you are carrying huge emotional loads both solo and and as a couple and mental will affect the physical, i know based on my fibromyalgia and MS.
Who in the world wants him to be the bad guy? None of my comments insist that. Is this personal to you? Are you the wife who forces your husband to exclude his previous kids because the family you create with him is more important? Lol seems like it. How was Disney? …..
The core of this issue is this: You have to clean up the cat puke. It sucks but it's better than losing the cat or worse the cat being out down. That happens. Just, clean up any puke when your dad sees it, or before, the cat's worth it. Your dad should be reasonable enough to let the cat stay if you clean up the puke That's the deal: You clean up the puke, the cat gets to stay.
Welcome to South Florida
I did it and it never hurt me. Trust me. Better life.
The best way to break up with someone is to be kind, yet honest.
End this relationship. You’re not going to ever get better by being with someone who is forcing you to just “do it!”.
The right partner will stop, whenever you need them to, and while frustrated they would never make you feel bad or guilty over it. This person sound like my narcissistic ex, and they are not the right partner for you.
You need to detach yourself
20 or more guys is, from a logistical standpoint, a lot. Is your wife ok? Is she bipolar or does she have a manic disorder of some kind?
Your an adult do you tell them what to do ? If course not I moved out of my parents house before I was 17 but that's bc I was already in college at the age of 16 . My parents would never say anything about someone I was dating or seeing I would tell them to go to hell if they did
So it bothers you just because you think it's weird and not because it's having any sort of negative impact on her or your relationship?
I'd say approach it from a place of wanting to understand her better. Instead of telling her she's a weird lonely loser, make her feel like you don't think there's anything wrong with her, but you want to make sure she is happy and fulfilled in her relationships with people and to understand why she doesn't need more social interaction. Offer to help support her in efforts to make new friends if she wants to. Let her know that it is not weird at all for people in long term relationships to form friendships within their partner's social circle.
It sounds like she is a fairly introverted person who doesn't have high social needs to begin with, but that she might also lack the confidence to seek out new friendships even if she would appreciate them.
So it bothers you just because you think it's weird and not because it's having any sort of negative impact on her or your relationship?
I'd say approach it from a place of wanting to understand her better. Instead of telling her she's a weird lonely loser, make her feel like you don't think there's anything wrong with her, but you want to make sure she is happy and fulfilled in her relationships with people and to understand why she doesn't need more social interaction. Offer to help support her in efforts to make new friends if she wants to. Let her know that it is not weird at all for people in long term relationships to form friendships within their partner's social circle.
It sounds like she is a fairly introverted person who doesn't have high social needs to begin with, but that she might also lack the confidence to seek out new friendships even if she would appreciate them.
She acts surprised when I get upset about it
She goes on to say she didn’t think I would get this upset
This is what really raised my eyebrows. She'd have to be either braindead or completely lacking all empathy to think you wouldn't be upset. She sounds incredibly selfish and thoughtless. She straight up told you she wants her cake and to eat it too. If that doesn't scream 'selfish', I don't know what does. Everyone knows proposing a threesome to your partner has the potential to cause upset. Pretending otherwise is just her being self-serving.
This is dead in the water. She's not going to let this go and will coerce and manipulate you into going along with it.
I love pets, but OP willingly entered into a relationship where the other party explicitly said they don't want pets. I don't see how she can blame anyone other than herself here.
Don't say anything just be there to listen to him…silence and your presence is the best advice you can give him.
What a manipulative POS. I’d be out the door.
I'm very sorry to hear that. Thanks for the advice.
It's way more complicated
You have different values. He is not marriage material. Respect your values.
He wants to go somewhere in a company he has to play the game, receiving an award I'd a good way to leverage into a higher paid rolls, sounds like he has a shitty attitude and is willing to work a dead-end job where he is “respected”, truthfully I don't know if he would survive retail if he wants respect. I would be very cautious of having kids with this man, he obviously living as if work was a movie and is gonna self sabotage his life due to his ego.
The fact his advances were rejected is reason enough to stfu and try and be a mature adult and see where things go. Looks to me like you’re both immature.
Assuming they’re in the US— the father can choose not to be a part of the child’s life, but will have child support obligations if the child is his.
I’m sure happy for you.
I’d 100% do it! Like others are saying though, make sure it doesn’t make your divorce process worse. If you can tip them off anonymously and be Scott free, do it.
I’d be uncomfortable with my in-laws spending time with my boyfriend’s ex.
There's a child involved here. Should they just give up the relationship with both the ex and the child? I mean, if someone said to me “well, now that your ex is married, we cannot see you any longer but we still want unlimited access to your child” I'd be like… hell no.
He's emotionally manipulating you. I hope you realize that. If you're together so often, does that mean you're neglecting other friendships and relationships? It sounds like he wants all of your attention. He's immature at the least and controlling at the most. Be on the lookout for other red flags and signs of isolation or controlling behavior. It's only been 6 months and this is how he's acting about a scheduling conflict that isn't about him.
A normal response would be, “Have fun! Tell them I said hi and sorry I missed them.”
I would keep them in a safe place OP ….don't let him find them. I would also start planning if I were you. If you have access to funds I'd try and put enough away so if you needed to get out of there you could. I would try if you can to find out if he is having an affair. You have the right to stay there if he is with your child. But the main thing is that you are safe. Don't do anything that could make you unsafe…I don't know your husband obviously but that's the number 1 thing.
Your dad literally spat in his fucking face. Why the HELL would you expect him to be okay with that?
Dictionary definition of racism: “prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.” Dictionary definition of bigotry “obstinate or unreasonable attachment to a belief, opinion, or faction, in particular prejudice against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group.” They are similar but not the same. Yes, racism is more typically used in relation to marginalized groups, but I still think it fits in this case as he has a blanket, unwaverable objection to all people of a specific racial group, including his girlfriend and her family, that cannot be lifted/modified based on the way that they actually live their lives. You can be a bigot against an ethnic group, but also against someone on the basis of gender, national origin, or preference for condiments. Racism is specifically based the racial/ethnic group to which you are born. This is not to deny that racism is primarily directly against POC, but when you say that racism is only possibly when directed towards POC, you actually change the meaning and, I believe, weaken it by implying that the issue is not that it is wrong to condemn people based on one factor that they have no control over but that it is only wrong to perpetuate patterns of condemn against certain people. (And just to be clear, I believe Black Lives matter, I know I benefit from my white privilege – even though I don’t think that should be true, and I know that I cannot begin to understand the micro agressions that POC have to deal with on a daily basis.)
Wanting her phone pin so you can “double check her story” is the toxic part of this relationship.
Do her a favour and break up with her. She doesn’t need that kind of controlling bullshit in her life
They spit in his face. In what culture is that acceptable?
They need to apologize to him and to you. I suggest going low or no contact with them if that's how they are going to behave.
Did you say “I am only interested in you buying me dinner?”
If he makes you uncomfortable and you don't like him, why would you meet him at all? Are you really hungry?
Just tell him he's made you very uncomfortable and you don't want to meet him or talk to him anymore, end of story.
If he's trying to spin it as a once in a lifetime chance and he sounds like a creep, he's probably a creep, stay home.
I didn't say that was ok, YOU DID.
Sounds like Bob was the “little girl” this time and melted under the consequences of his own actions.
I think your note was EPIC and deserved.
However I think you should have ran it by the hostess first.
Take your time. At least for me I want to receive the same love I give. If it isn’t two sided I don’t want it
Take your time. At least for me I want to receive the same love I give. If it isn’t two sided I don’t want it
She is a very mature and driven person.
She is upfront with you and while you are obviously upset , I can fully understand her need to be unattached at only 21.
The 3 year gap at your ages is bigger than the 3 year gap when you are in your 30’s.
Don’t take it personally, the timing was not right
!remindme 10 days
Yup, OP living the good life is shooting daggers at both of them!
There are no accidents – Master Oogway
OP when I started reading I gasped. This was much like my marriage only I was a stay at home mom, so I was trapped financially and I stayed too long because of that. My ex became physically and verbally abusive because he couldn’t control me. I got out with the kids and the dogs. It was naked because I had no access to any money in the bank accounts. We were homeless but I had friends who stepped up and helped me get on my feet. Nine years later leaving is still the best decision I ever made.
I would recommend replacing your boyfriend with someone who cares about you, not just having sex with you
She’s mad I called her a rat. I feel she wrong for feeling that she’s not a rat.
Yeah… except there is no private sector in this case… it’s all public facing. Same goes for me.
I do think I should shut it down. I’ve gotten enough responses that have made me realize this now… super frustrating but it’s the truth.
Yours is a typical case and why porn sites are filled with amateurs video of couples (former) having sex. With high likelihood, your video n nudes will be leaked out to internet permanently especially if after a nasty breakup. If you are okay with that, then its okay. If you arent ok with that, you are in serious trouble with this dude. You have been warned.
Why dont ypu get back with your ex since you are such good friends now.
It looks like you have not.moved on from ypur ex. Sure, break up with your gf. Lets see how many other women out there likes to see her bf being very a good best friend and chummy with his ex who cheated on him.
I would argue that most people don’t tend to stop after they date someone, and I make that argument as someone who also has a boundary in place when it comes to porn. It’s a pretty standard thing for people to watch.
Him pulling out applications while you were physically having fun together though…that’s not the same at all and I would consider it to be a red flag. It sounds like this was more than just porn use.
But, it sounds like the two of you are incompatible based on this. He’s clearly not going to stop watching porn based on you catching him every month and boundaries like this only work when both people are ok with them and can deal with them. They ultimately tell us when a situation isn’t right for us.
If your home is yours, I would go through with kicking him out, personally. It’s clear that there’s an incompatibility here.
It's her house when all's said and done.
However, try and reason with her. I get her concerns, but just point out to her that you understand them too, and try and find a compromise. Unless she's really unreasonable, approaching her as an adult may make her realise you're becoming one
Christ, I would pick up my poo out of the bog and throw it in his face!
Dump him and flush him out of your life, girl!
Break ups suck, but they are a part of being a grown up. You need to put your man pants on, block her on everything and just live your life.
It sucks, and it's painful, but you'll be fine. You aren't the first person who got dumped.
The main thing is to realize she doesn't want you. So why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you?
Be sad for a bit. Then move on your life.
What if your relationship continue till he propose and both of you getting married.
Le friend: ain't where's the jug?
Of course the friend will see it someday.. the size, not literally see it.
Boobs look great
Sorry didn’t mean to sound harsh, but it was always just a situationship ie a sexual relationship that isn’t going anywhere, if it wasn’t her it’s be someone else, he doesn’t see u as gf material
I think you need more physical touch with your girlfriend. And quality time. You’re only seeing her 3 times a month, that’s not enough. Is there a reason why you guys see eachother so little?
That’s why you may feel like you’re thinking of your ex more because you have the time to remember her. Why so randomly ? I’m curious what was it of your girlfriend that reminded you of your ex?
I think it’s a bad idea to bring this up to your girlfriend. It can end up in a bad argument and even a breakup . If my boyfriend were to tell me he was thinking of his ex I would be crushed, my heart would shatter and it wouldn’t stay out of my head.
I think it’s also a bad idea to talk to your ex behind your girlfriends back. You don’t need closure. You’re telling yourself that because you miss her a little. But I think you may be missing her because you’re not spending enough time with your girlfriend. If the break up ended bad and it’s been a long time— what is the point of talking to her ? What will it do help you forget about her ? No it’ll make you think of her more . And it will hurt your girlfriends feelings as well.
I suggest to spend more time with your girlfriend and try to forget about your ex. Associate everything negative to your ex. Do not remember anything good. Make everything about her negative. You guys broke up for a reason. REMEMBER that reason.
Yeah idk. She just always says how her parents get upset for her coming home as in back from school and not spending her whole time with them. She still has to ask permission to come see me and all that kid stuff. It sucks because sometimes when she is home she’s only 10 minutes away and even then I can’t see her. And she doesn’t get why I get upset at it. And by upset I just mean that I’m upset that I can’t see her and I just want to see her so so bad
By my own experience – if you need to walk on eggshells around someone and you are constantly afraid to do a mistake that make them mad….please end that relationship…talk to ppl about it….you are deeply abusive relationship. Please save yourself.
Just straight up tell him, this is not what I want; you’re not married, and it was only temporary. Those are the truths.
Again. What do you know?
im glad they had a good head on their shoulders, unlike OP's husband and brother in law. i swear, some men are so unbelievably evil and dont even realize it?? like what the actual fuck is wrong with them? i feel so bad for OP and all the ex girls involved with these scumbags ?
I mean it is all up to you. Your body your choice and all of that. However, you will just have to accept that it might lead to a breakup soon.
Please don’t stay with her. Picture 20 years from now you find out your child is being hit by their spouse. What would you tell them? Take that advice first so they don’t grow up thinking abuse is normal in a family household
Yes, I have an intense therapy hospitalization planned for the summer :'(
Depends how far she has to commute. If she needs to decompress after a rough work day, there’s no point waiting an hour til you get home, by then you won’t bother. But you will be grumpy.
That's my biggest issue, you only started doing this once you both stopped going out Saturday nights.
Being also form the UK, I do understand going out most evenings for a pint, and depending on the job (hospitality especially), a decompression every day is really good. BUT, you've only started doing this, has the job gotten more stressful the past week, or is it the same, and the reality is you miss a pint at the pub, because that's 2 very different things.
Everyone's covered the BF being potentially controlling, so I want to offer a different angle, and suggest that he thinks one of you two drinks too much. He either thinks you might be drinking to frequently, as he has noticed you've not been able to adjust to a life without going to the pub on a regular basis, or he has a problem and doesn't want you there as he has FOMO. Now, he should properly communicate this with you, but at the same time, you should communicate with him but instead you're on reddit, so neither of you are winning the prize there, but as someone who enjoys a drink, and have known people who enjoy it too much, oftentimes people don't want to tackle it head on, and would rather find a way around it without that still the alcohol.
If you were his “One” you would be the ONLY one. Everything else is just an excuse for him to bang other women because he feels like he missed out on something you didn't… Which, he didn't, he made a choice to be with you and stay with you even after the many attempts to get you to dump him instead of just ending things himself. And, on top of all that, he said he's only with you because he lost his virginity to you, and not because he loves and appreciates you as a person.
He's going to fuck around and find out that the grass is not greener on the other side. My advice would be to let him go off and do that, without you being tied to his mess, by breaking up with him. You deserve better than someone who blames his gf for things HE never managed to do without you
You have no reason to feel ashamed or disappointed about the things that turn you on in porn, unless it involves the sexual exploitation of children. Many people enjoy watching porn that is a far cry from their sexual preferences and practices IRL. Straight folks watch gay and trans porn, queer folks watch straight porn, pure-vanilla types watch all sorts of kinky porn and vice versa. Feel free to reassure your GF that you are indeed heterosexual, assuming that's true. She's making a big mistake to think that you must actually want what you watch.
I don't think you can be upset with her for finding your porn, if it popped up in your search engine when she went to order from Doordash. She didn't intentionally set out to invade your privacy, and IMO she was right to express her concerns rather than keeping them a secret, even though you felt embarrassed to have to talk about it. But if she's still upset after you tell her that you have no intention or desire IRL for the fantasy stuff that visually stimulates you, gently remind her that you are Not That Guy who broke her trust in the past, that you love her and plan to remain true to her. Good luck!
Divorce him and file a police report. He did not have permission to get rid of your cat and even if you did get your cat back, what’s to stop him from giving Benji to another friend or worse a shelter that kills its older animals to make room for new comers/younger animals. I wouldn’t chance it.
I'm with you. What's so wrong with looking forward to a gift on your birthday or a holiday anyway? Geez.
You need to leave and do it safely. Don’t look back.
Boo hoo idiot. Find a new friend, don't start affairs, respect others. Get effed.
Then it seems like the decision is simple for you though its not easy. I feel for you. Hopefully he makes the right choice as its rather easy to visit Spain from Germany.
If he wanted to. He would.
no this is very helpful for me thank u
I'm not saying she owes me anything. I just don't want to lose her.
That is no easy business for sure. Even watching the food truck wars (or whatever it was called) really showed that even if you get the space to work from, making a product that people will pay a lot for is not easy.
I LOVE food trucks, that's what I miss most about not going into the office. Every single truck I liked, they paid their people very well and everyone worked super hot. I don't think I would survive a day doing that job.
He cries because he got caught not because he did it. I would personally be leaving this relationship ASAP. You can do better than that.
Both non vaginal and non anal so non penetrative
Also! Doing (or trying) A and then doing pinv is a fast and easy way to get an infection. If you get them a lot they might get nasty, so do not recommend.
Aside from that this is abuse… and creepy due to ages. Leave.
Nope!
This is great and straight. Thank you.
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I get back from the bathroom and my coworker said he got a phone call on the work phone of a guy saying he was looking for me. I’m used to his jokes like this so I laughed and said I know you’re lying. He kept on being very adamant and added details like the guy sounded frantic asking for me and that he was on his way.
I have a controlling abusive ex that I left about 2 years ago, he’s the type of person who would call me out of the blue and do this sort of thing. I didn’t think it could actually be him until I saw that today just so happened to be his birthday. I continued asking if he was serious and I was visibly getting really scared but he kept it up.
I started grabbing my belongings and told him I was going into the back but my franticness was making him laugh more, I thought he was laughing because he didn’t know how serious the situation was. Went on for a few minutes more and then I told him “this isn’t funny when he comes in here do not let him in he’s a psycho his name is Blah Blah” Coworker: “his name is Blah Blah? That’s what it said on the phone!”
I got straight terrified and went into the back and he kept laughing. I don’t even know how long the whole thing went on for until he finally said a bit later “I’m kidding” under his breath and I had to ask about 3 more times if that was all a joke and I still had to yank the truth out of him. He chuckled and called me gullible.
I went outside to smoke and once I was able to breathe through that shit and come back he apologized for what he did, only after I told him how mad I was and how fucked up it was of him. I still don’t think he really grasps it. I don’t know where to go from here or how or if I should tell my boss without going into details, I didn’t want anyone there knowing about this part of me lmao! I only work one day with him so I’m hoping I can just switch it without saying anything, what do y’all think I should do?
Edit: there is no HR it’s a small business and I’m going to discuss it with the boss in a couple hours
It’s not that I don’t want it….I’ve just never done anything like that before and am generally inexperienced when it comes to it. I do find it naked and I think I would enjoy it, it does just make me nervous because it’s a novel idea and idk how it’s going to go Thank you for the suggestions!
3 months? come on
Imma need you to think a couple hours into the future and what’s going to feel better – her ignoring you after you’ve sent a final list of grievances and complaints, showing exactly how much you care, her ignoring you after you sent ‘lol k’, a message which she will share with her friends as an example of how childish you are. Or secret option 3 – where you never say anything to her again. Did you get her message? Do you care? Have you already moved on to that girl she was worried about? Have you changed names and moved somewhere fabulous?
She’ll never know. Silence is the most effective weapon you hold
Lmfao address your hate towards strangers. How smart of you to try to connect deepness of mind with alcohol resistance as if these two were related in any way.
Wait “HIS EX”? Is he bi? I’m so confused….
Honestly man sometimes you won't get the answer, my last relationship was like this. One day it's like things just stopped or turned off… And she basically made me take her through all the steps of breaking up because she couldnt do it herself, all the while I was just trying to figure out how to understand she just basically quit communicating with me even when I was desperate, and I gave her a lot of time just being there for her and with her for when she was ready to talk to nothing ever changed except she started treating me shittier and shittier, which tbh she wasnt great at to begin with. Signs in hindsight and all that.