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Haha it’s okay, I will try to make the best of it
You have no obligation to accept a polygamous relationship if you don't want that.. its about respecting your own needs. It has nothing to do with controlling or repressing her. She wants to have her cake and eat it too.
You may be in denial about what this actually means for your relationship – I hate to break it to you, but its probably time to move on.
That may be illegal, (for him not to disclose his status,) depending on where you online.
PrEP exists. He could have just told you ahead of time and taken precautions so you wouldn’t be infected. He just didn’t.
I can see and understand both sides of this. Nothing good ever comes out of these arguments. I see this relationship failing because there isn't any respect or trust on either side. Neither one of you have trust or respect for each other.
Did you talk to your partner about it?
While you are together, set some boundaries and communicate clearly. You are making healthy changes. You’ll need to be ready to respectfully say no when you need put yourself first.
Do a check-in periodically where you talk about peaks and valleys of the relationship. Give him time to voice his stuff, but the rules are one peak and one valley, and no arguing. Just acknowledge your partner’s view.
He must want to change. It sounds like he has made some effort, but real change takes making new habits and it takes time.
The mortgage would not be hers. The mortgage is secured by the house and only his name on title. Worse case scenario, HE gets foreclosed and the bank takes HIS house. Yeah they'd both be homeless (after a year… it takes a while to foreclose on a house) but it has nothing to do with her unless they refinance and she gets added to the mortgage.
Car debt? Not really, especially if she has her own car.
Credit card debt? Maaaaybe. However, $5500 is not a lot, at all.
This guy loves you. What he’s saying is that he wants you and was hoping that maybe you really didn’t want to move. He isn’t saying he never would move.
But you need to keep in mind – this guy wants you. You are his top priority. If you weren’t he would have brought this up long ago and left.
That said, there is probably a compromise. Like moving and see how it goes. Give it 3 years and then reassess. Something like that. You two have plenty of time to go online somewhere else and experience different things.
Find something in the country that he can relate to. That will help.
But don’t forget that he has shown that it’s you he wants. He will end up moving because it’s what you want and he has no desire to lose you.
He will like it more than he knows. As someone near 50 – I wish I had the balls to do stuff like this when I was young