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Who knows what else she is hiding from you
So. I had a hysterectomy a year ago. Everything is pretty much the same except I am dry af. Lol. Probably tmi. But nothing a little lube won’t help.
I’ve actually been using silicone lube because it’s extra padding since I feel like my hormones, well lack of aren’t keeping things well padded and sex’s hurts so bad when I don’t use it.
But note. If you use silicone lube with toys, silicone does eat toys and thus creating bacteria and nobody wants that.
I don’t know if any of this helps, but a hysterectomy was the best option for me and I wish I could have gotten it done sooner because holy crap. It is so nice to not have to bleed all the time anymore.
So. I had a hysterectomy a year ago. Everything is pretty much the same except I am dry af. Lol. Probably tmi. But nothing a little lube won’t help.
I’ve actually been using silicone lube because it’s extra padding since I feel like my hormones, well lack of aren’t keeping things well padded and sex’s hurts so bad when I don’t use it.
But note. If you use silicone lube with toys, silicone does eat toys and thus creating bacteria and nobody wants that.
I don’t know if any of this helps, but a hysterectomy was the best option for me and I wish I could have gotten it done sooner because holy crap. It is so nice to not have to bleed all the time anymore.
Where did she on-line before you two moved in together? Was she like this where she lived before? Was she living alone before she moved in with you? Was she living with friends/family before you two started living together?
What did she do BEFORE you two moved in together?
Why do you wanna be friends with her at all??? Drop her out of your life.
I feel like what you have just said is that all that you and your partner have in common is sex and that isn't working out either.
He “cried” because he got busted! You won’t be able to see past this every time he checks his phone for messages moving forward. He will always look shifty in your mind even if he doesn’t do this again. You have to have a real heart to heart and agree to part as friends or risk this relationship becoming toxic and ugly. Explain to your friends and family what has been going on as people May takes sides if they don’t know the truth. I wish you well and let us know how you get along. Stay strong ? and remember this is not a rehearsal, don’t waste time on cheats! Have an awesome weekend buddy and keep smiling:)
21 and 53 was all i needed to see
Good women never use sex as a weapon.
i shouldnt say a break…. i left him bc he was pulling some sus stuff and thats a non issue now but it seems acknowledging my feelings might be an issue however i could very well be in the wrong i just need help understanding both perspectives as i feel clouded rn..
I love this idea
Wtf? Just no.
Not even close but ok. Spankings aren't beating your child with alcohol leaking out your divorced eyes screaming profanity. It's physical discipline and if you seriously think you can raise a kid on rainbows gumdrops and unicorns, again, prime example why the generation we have has no respect, motivation, or self thought. I was spanked 4 times in my childhood, 4, and I remember every one of them a decade and a half later; but that isn't 'trauma'. They're reminders to do better and listen. Kids don't understand boundaries and there's indeed circumstances in which they need to be put in line when they think there's no consequences. Emotional discipline isn't the only way to raise children, and that shit isn't going to raise the economy either
I’ve read a lot of good advice here already, and I’ve read some of your comments too.
One thing that I’ve had a really naked time accepting: we can’t make anyone do or say anything. We can’t make them understand, and we certainly can’t make them think the same way we do.
I get that you love this person, and you just know that if this one thing changed, it would be okay. I’m really sorry, but it sounds like this guy is full on incompetent and I don’t think that will change. He’s not getting it- can you imagine him having to take care of children, or you if you were sick of injured? If he can’t remember to take the trash out and needs to be nagged for his only other chore, he’s not going to be a good partner in the long term.
OP is in denial about fiancé’s capacity to change. He is telling you he’s given his maybe 90% and you see 10% and this has been it for 6-8 years.
It doesn’t take that long to build a habit. My bf had these issues very early on when we started living together. He’s already improved in less than 4 months. If you want to keep putting up with these fights for another 8 years only to see a minute improvement to 20% and he’s thinking he’s at 100%, you’re are the delusional one here. At this point you either accept he’s lazy and irresponsible and love him for it anyway because honey, there is not much of anything else you can “fix” from here on out.
Yeah I mean guess you're right. I just wasn't sure entirely if I should incase Andrew found out and things got naked between us ??.
Is there a possibility they already have slept together and he said that to you to see how you'd react?
If she is a stay home mom she is freaking wore out . Try chasing around kids all day
All about sex and how nude it is for you…
Like to hear your wife's version.
To you pull your load in the matting or just want to shoot your load?
She’s using mental health as a weapon
Yes. I'd also be upset if my partner turned a blind eye to my unhealthy habits. My SO and I redirect each other into making healthy choices when we stray a bit too far from our usual routine. It shows that we love and care for each other.
I think culture has a lot to do with how sensitive our feelings are about this topic. I grew up with a Korean mother, and weight was something that was openly and bluntly talked about. It was to the point where I became desensitized to the word “fat”… so the weight conversation never ended up feeling outrageously offensive to me. When I notice that my jeans are getting tighter, I think “ok, looks like I'm getting fatter, I'll just cut back on the sweets this week”. And then I do just that. I definitely feel self-conscious in the moment, but there aren't any overt feelings of shame that drive me into a state of denial about my weight gain… which is what I think happens when you sugarcoat the impact that obesity has on one's quality of life.
My best match ever used to be a gym instructor 25 years ago when we were both around 30, lean, strong, healthy; we both exercised regularly, ate very well and kept our homes neat and clean…Nothing has changed for me to this day…in her case, after about 9 years she got an office job, stopped working out, started binging on pot, carbs and dairy and let herself and her home deteriorate to the point where I just couldn’t bring myself to visit her any longer…needless to say we split up and today she is an unhealthily/unhappy whale girl who hasn’t dated in over a decade but insists that her lifestyle choice was not the problem, my lack of respect for them is what drove us apart…not sure if this is simply a personality change/development or some underlying mental health issue, but I’m convinced if Inhadn’t moved on I would be in a similar state today as well.
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Nope, I agree with you. If she is non-monogamous, she needs to look for a non-monogamous partner and you are not compatible. If she is monogamous, she has no business asking for an open relationship and was just looking for permission to cheat. Either is a naked pass in my book.
Too often, we see people that think the grass is greener, and that an “open relationship” is permission to cheat but with no consequences or losing your partner. 9 times out of 10, when someone asks for an “open relationship,” they already have someone they want to sleep with in mind. I've even seen posts where partner A pressures Partner B until they give in and agree to an open relationship…but not so fast, Partner B insists on some rules. Main one being, no sleeping with someone you already know; it has to be a new person you meet with the intention of dating. Partner A is shocked Pikachu because they had plans to sleep with hard new co-worker. But that's not an open relationship. That's trying to trick your partner into allowing you to cheat with someone you already had your eye on.
Ultimately, I did the same thing you did. My (now-ex) husband and I had been married for three years when he sprung on me that he wanted to “open up HIS side of the relationship” (not mine, mind you) and “be free to date other people and then come home to me.” As this had come AFTER he admitted to “falling in love” with three other women, I said, “Nope, that's cheating, I'm out.”
He wasn't poly, he was just looking for an excuse to cheat while making me wait at home for him like a good faithful wife. Gag me. Leaving was the best decision of my life. That wasn't our only compatibility issue, and it enabled me to find someone who fit me much better and makes me happy.
Good luck. You don't need anyone's permission to kick someone out of your life who you don't feel is either healthful helpful or a real friend.
Always remember you don’t compete for respect in your own relationship OP.
If he’ll drop you just bc you expressed boundaries, he’s probably already checked out. Go ahead and get on that highway.
if you want them done, get a free pair and dump him. if you don’t want them done, dump him. 🙂
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Yea I feel that, but the worst part is, is that even seeing the words “separate” kill me inside.
She's talked about going to grad school in the future potentially and spoke a little bit about how she would maybe apply to different places in different countries. I feel like asking, if that's something you would do, would you do it knowing I wouldn't be able to come along. Because she's asked me a few times, “would you stay with me if I leave.” Should I ask the same? Because for me, I keep thinking, what if she really likes it somewhere she goes short term, and tries to make it a long-term thing. Then I don't know where I would stand in that.
I mean yeah she should’ve told him but it wasn’t really your place to expose her like that. If he asked you about it, sure you could’ve spilled and just been honest I guess. Ultimately it’s her relationship to work out or mess up, getting involved really only hurt yourself for not much of anything to come of it.
If you want her to talk to you again, you should apologise for getting involved, even though you have your opinions.
Sorry my guy by the sounds of it you already are hope this will be a life lesson
Because his teeny weeny ego got bruised and he thinks he can fuck around for 3 months to get back at her.
Please do.
Most guys I know would love to on-line with their girlfriend and would be overjoyed as soon as it happened. Because that's normal.
It doesn't sound like you guys are compatible on this big issue. Someone would have to over compromise and bend too hard to fit the other person. I think find someone who doesn't call other men pussies for loving their girlfriends and someone who wants to spend that time with you.
Let's be clear op your title is wrong.
You caused the rift in your family, you're responsible for Everything that has happened and the responsibility of mending this is on you.
Your sister and her gf has every right not to tell you because it's their own privacy no matter how close you and your sister might be you should be able to respect the things they won't tell anyone including you.
You single-handedly destroyed your sisters relationship with your parents. Right now you can't do anything but give her space and time she needs to talk to you.
Defend your sister from your homophobic parents. Make your stand in supporting her and be ready to apologise sincerely when she's ready to talk and accept the possible consequences of your actions.
Thank you
What if they haven't been together long enough to establish a strong foundation of trust?
Then they also haven't been together long enough to be making restrictions on each other, in my opinion. I don't think there's any point in a relationship in which you should not allow your partner to hang out with a friend, unless there's something that would actually justify that like a history of cheating.
Uhhhh your wife sounds….kind of awful. And I say that as a woman who’s been married for a decade.
Look, here’s the thing. You lied because you knew her reaction to the truth would be catastrophic. You lied because you felt there was no other way to preserve your relationship, because the standards your wife expects you to uphold regarding your purely aesthetic attraction to other people (and viewing of nudity in general) are both unrealistic and apparently not open to negotiation. Yes, if you were a more confident person you would have told her the truth, and told her to take it or leave it. But you weren’t, and she really didn’t leave you any room to have a difference of opinion on this without the relationship ending.
Lying when you feel backed into a corner by someone else’s emotional abuse, is not the same as lying to cover your own ass when you’ve done the wrong thing. You expressed a perfectly normal thought and got shamed and berated for it. And it’s clear that the continuation of a peaceful relationship was predicated on you pretending this lie was the truth the whole time. People who make you feel unsafe when you tell the truth, have little or no right to accuse you of betraying them when you lie to avoid their backlash. If your wife “doesn’t even know you”, it’s because she has only wanted to know the version of you that pandered to her insecurities and dysfunctional behaviours, and left no room for the version of you that was honest and therefore sometimes said and did things she wasn’t completely happy about.
Honestly, your wife doesn’t sound like a very nice person to be married to. At the very least, she sounds deeply insecure and probably quite mentally unwell – healthily adjusted people don’t storm out of the room because there’s a naked actor on the tv. After this much time together, you have to ask yourself if the “love” you feel for her is really just a force of habit. I wouldn’t want to be with someone so explosive and controlling.
Your wife is a lesbian lmao
this the same girl that was 24 yesterday?
It’s not a matter of personal preference when the concept of “body counts” didn’t even exist 10 years ago, it’s entirely over-hyped and popularized by social media.
Prior to that (as I previously mentioned) women couldn’t even have ONE partner before marriage or they were discarded as used or “trash”.
Throwing away human beings because they participate in sex is like if I threw you away for commenting too many times on Reddit. It’s a value judgment that if you are applying to anything, can be turned around on you just as illogically.
In its essence, you are placing value on a complex human life that you have absolutely no right to do, you can only judge and assess your own value.
Good for you
Obviously it's not a deal breaker for her that you aren't tall… So maybe ask that she doesn't joke about it, because it bothers you and let it go…. If she doesn't then I guess decide if her teasing about it is something you can on-line with or not.
I agree. I guess not everyone does lol.
Good luck to you, OP. You’ll need it. There’s nothing anyone can say to you that’ll get through to you right now. I get it. I’ve been there. I dated a puppy dog once. He cried in front of me while he said he’d “never met anyone like you.” And told me how good of a person I was. He was the most abusive, manipulative person I’ve ever dated. My friends tried to tell me but I refused to listen because I was in “love.” You won’t listen until you’re ready to.
If you had done xyz instead of 123… is blaming you. I read every word. Plus you watch your words very carefully so he doesn’t attack you.
What’s a “healthy” relationship to you.
Let's assume she is telling the truth (unlikely). Why in the hell would you date someone who covers for her coworker cheating? That's only one small step from doing it herself.
Now let's be realistic. She's cheating.
I never wanted to humiliate her and I hate myself for hurting her. I hope so badly that she will forgive me cuz I really fucked up
To me this sounds more like a “him” problem than a ” you” problem. You asked him specifically what he wants and HE doesn't know. How are YOU supposed to? Just a bit about me. I've been married for 26 years. Over those years my wife and I took care of each other. Recently ( last October) I had foot surgery. I knew I would need a bit of help but didn't realize just how helpless I would actually be. I was not able to help with the cooking or cleaning. I couldn't even fix my own plate of food for several days. She had to take me to all the doctor appointments and pick up any prescription. She even had to help me take a bath ( wasn't allowed to get the incision wet). She made sure I had everything I needed all while continuing to work 40 hours a week. I also did the same for her when she had her surgery. She wasn't down as long as she didn't have any complications like I'm having. I couldn't ask her to show me any more love than what she already does every day.
You don’t love him enough to believe that he has a good reason not to talk to his parents.
You don’t love him enough to realize you fucked up without turning it into how you miss him calling you pet names.
If you’ve never had parental trauma, I get why you don’t get it. You’ve never experienced the soul wrenching pain that is being emotionally abused and rejected by your parents.
People have boundaries for a reason. Learn to respect them.
This isnt about him, this is about YOU.
You need to take care of yourself and have some self respect to dump his nasty lying cheating ass.
If you dont respect yourself he will not respect you, proof is right in front of you
no it will not be her parents. they will never be her parents. even my own parents would never accept any partner as their 'child' theyre simply their childs partner to them. every family is different. but no she is never entitled to meet his family. if he was seeing them regularly and was connected to them than yes, she should be meeting them. but since he cut them off they are not his family anymore, she is not entitled to meet them. and literally what, as a poc, im marrying my partner FOR MY PARTNER if theyre familys racist? well guess what, im not going anywhere. a person is not a package deal with their family the fuck. and he DID tell her that he was not in contact with his family, SHE PUSHED IT EVEN THOUGH SHE GOT A NO. a no is a no! no one is getting wrapped into baggage, BECAUSE HE CUT OFF THE BAGGAGE.
I am not insecure, but I know men and I made a vow to never date a man who has close friends that are female that he used to have feelings for. It is circumstantial but you don’t want to waste 3 years on a man and possibly a marriage with someone who might still have those feelings or worse, put the friend before you (when you are long term and serious. Sorry folks spouses come first)
1 month is not serious and I wouldn’t expect him to put you first now but have general boundaries about past feelings is not insecure, it protects you from wasted time. At your age you are dating for serious commitment and close contact with a past love interest is not an unreasonable boundary to have. Everyone has different boundaries and at 1 month making him aware of your boundary is not wrong, it allows him to make the choice of a long term commitment with you or move on and find someone who’s boundaries allow him to stay close with whomever he chooses.
You are allowed to have boundaries, but he is also allowed to have boundaries (such as wanting to stay friends). Sometimes what we are comfortable with make us incompatible, if he did not put up a fight clearly he respect those and hey, maybe if he was in your shoes he would also want you to stop talking to a man you used to be interested in.
In the end, if you lay down a boundary like this be expected to follow the same rules
“Divorce.” That's the term you're looking for.
Ahhh…the weekly “my partner doesn’t bathe” thread. You don’t ever have to worry about anyone stealing your smelly partners lol
Oof. Post history is ?
Unfortunately, I had already confronted him about some of what you advised against in your last paragraph. I had also asked him to get a return, but he said no because he is splitting the room with his friends (they are each paying several hundred for the few nights) and says that he will work enough to compensate for it. He will start paying full rent next month, but I'm just upset that he made this purchase instead of paying off several other things. Especially considering that he has the option to stay at his family's or friend's house.
You should probably just cut things off now. Sounds like it’s just overall a bad idea for everyone involved.
Eh, 16 and 18 is whatever. Close enough in age, but it looks more like they were 15 and 18. Which is gross! Who goes out with a sophomore when you’re a senior?
I guess I’m just looking for someone to tell me that I am not tripping and that I really didn’t say anything but the truth because with the way he’s been around the house lately, I find myself feeling bad, like I’m the one who messed up.
Yeh its really not the cut and dry. Nice try though
Ever since they sent me that odd disjointed message, my feelings of wanting a romantic relationship went right out the window. I valued our connection as friends more than I did pursuing a romance, and that is more or less what I'd like to recover.
Just ask her about it? Or if you don't care, then don't.
If you are asking us about it, I feel like there may be a subconscious issue or concern you have with it, so I would lean towards asking her about it.
I think it's clear there are pains between them. She could be lying simply to squash the entire thing completely. “No, you weren't invited. Because if you were invited then you might want to go which means I have to go into deep self reflection and explain why I painfully do not wish to go to my brothers wedding”
She also has a lot of conflicting emotions about this and really it is primarily her family. Not yours. You may have snooped. Forgiveable. She can also be forgiven for REALLY REALLY REALLY not wanting to go to that wedding.
Shoot him into the void of space
Oi my dad's late 50s and we thoroughly enjoyed Lockwood & Co, he got me onto it. Sometimes “young adult” media is entertaining to all ages, that's when it's truly good.
It depends what you mean by sexually incompatible. Most issues can be overcome by a conversation on what you like and don’t like so you can make it work.
Actually, most relationship issues can be solved by sitting down outside of the situation and having a real conversation (which is naked, emotions and being defensive or insensitive can make this an argument instead of a discussion).
yeah you’re not even that short. Guys don’t care about the height of their partners. I’m literally a foot taller than my wife.
Well, because between 80-90% of all sexually active adults will get HPV at some point. Men don’t show symptoms, and he could have gotten it when he was single and had no idea and passed it to me. Again, I’m not making an excuse to make it seem any better, I’m just trying to be as analytical of the situation as I can be.
Are you really are a troll aren’t you? You’re completely negative
So your relationship is about you making HIM happy?
OP, do you get that this is onesided?
Do you get, what a manipulative liar you are with?
I don't know of any woman giving a man “head” daily.
Let him get head wherever he likes.
But not in your life. Does he do anything physical daily to get YOU into a good mood?
What a messed up crap is that?
Yes I was opened up during my sterilisation and the doc checked. No inflammatory conditiona and my uterus looks nice and normal according to ultrasounds (transvaginal as well). Bloodworks came back pristine, everything seems completely ordinary.
Oh, THATS one thought I hadn't gotten yet! @ exist at all.
You're only 3 months in, and there are major red flags here. I don't know you or your husband, but it isn't uncommon for controlling men to play nice until they've successfully entrapped their partner into marriage.
I dont think the guy is far off though
There is a clear trail to this stance when you look though the post from start to finish and how its structured
Why are you doing this?
Do you parents know they’re paying for a grown ass man to on-line there with you?
Yup, that friend will continue to do this to any other of her boyfriends. It would actually be fun to watch from the sidelines going forward.
What a selfish asshole. He doesn't get to just check out of his family's life so he can go off and on-line like a bachelor or hermit. Why this behavior was acceptable to you for 9 years and TWO kids is beyond comprehension.
Get a lawyer and figure out the best possible outcome here, which may exclude him completely (since that is what he wants).
p.s. I wouldn't be surprised if you discover he has an entirely 2nd life.
You cannot change anyone.
Hmmm did you actually read to comprehend or did you merely read to get some ammunition. Which turned out to be baby powder, when you thought it was a bullet. Bravo
it’s also doing yourself a disservice.
excellent point.
I get that you’re listening to her concerns and remedying it and she should communicate better, but I’d guess (based on the passive aggressive interaction you described) that she’s non confrontational. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s waiting for you to for the dishes got a while until she finally gets worked up enough to ask you to do them. Not saying it’s right, not saying it’s healthy, but it would make sense. I would also add that keeping common areas tidy should be a given. (If you don’t immediately jump to do dishes after a meal, fair enough, but leaving them for days isn’t considerate whether you’ve had a conversation about it or not.) She definitely shouldn’t be rude to you, but it does sound like she was stressed and venting and found your comment judgmental. I’d approach her gently and ask how she’s doing and maybe come up with a roommate agreement (or at least discuss expectations moving forward). It’s absolutely fair to ask for better, kinder communication but be sure to give her the same.
This is such a stupid assumption.
We don't know what happened – this is a story, at the absolute least it's biased to OP's friend. at worst is fabricated and irrelevant
there is zero reason to say that going to their friend's party means they condone cheating. That is not how logic works. if everyone who associated w cheaters meant they supported the act of cheating that would mean the whole world is made of cheaters
this is highly immature “thinking”