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If that happened to me, he's for the streets. You deserve better
Most important, can you provide (at least for yourself) ?
so a little thing about BPD is that stuff emotionally traumatising like that can make us split and hate the person. You have no power over that and only time will tell if she wants to continue be in this relationship
Perspective
Thank you for reading and for the reply. I think it is definitely a possibility that she is scared and doesn't know where to start – and a big part of it is, after 7 years and a lot of weight gain I wouldn't call myself attractive. So part of what I tell myself is, oh I just need to hit the gym and then she will want to do it. Part of me knows that is a lie though. Even when I was attractive she didn't want to, why would it be different this time.
But one of those parents is supporting her and all of the children
1st guess is he’s got other girls that he’s going out with.
There was no encouragement that I could see in her response to your ask. There's no need to apologize for it. You seem to have exchanged contact info, so she could contact you with her response if she wanted to. If your conversation went better than I think, you might remind her, I suppose, but I think you have your answer.
In Canada we have actual apple juice, and then we have both alcoholic and non-alcoholic cider. Cider for me here is usually a nude spiced apple juice basically! (I don’t drink)
You should have broken up a long time ago, you two are not compatible
You're being too dramatic. I don't see her remark as flirtatious at all. If the cook had been a 70 year old woman, she might have made the same remark. This was just small talk.
What’s done, is done. There is no forgiving. Go on with your life and be happy.
OP, abusers show their true selves in relationships. I was friends with my abuser for 4 years before we dated and he was always kind and understanding. After we started dating, the abusive behavior started. It almost ended my life. RUN, do not walk, away from this man.
You being arrested and possibly tortured and/or executed by the government will put a much greater strain on your daughter than having to FaceTime her grandmas. Your wife is an idiot, I'm sorry.
From a woman’s perspective, my fiancé has asked me to pick up the tab a few times, he makes a lot more than me and he also picks up the bulk of the dates and spoils the crap out of me. Now, I don’t love it when he asks me to pay, because I would rather offer, but I don’t make him feel bad about it. I’m very aware of how good to me he is and I can let this slide when it happens. I also assume if he’s asking he is feeling like he’s stretched a little thin.
Just have a chat with your gf so you can understand each other and your approach to this a little better. It’s a bit awkward BUT it does sound like something that a quick conversation could easily clear up.
Not a good sign but could be his unconscious way of driving you away because of his adamant feelings about your partying. It’s time to break it off as incompatible for any long term or meaningful relationship. Don’t entertain his pleas of remorse. It will not get better but possibly worse
Because the daughter is a literal child.
I’m a guy and generally prefer the company of women.
I was going to post about the art room ??
If you’re at the point of going through his phone just break up and move on.
“she had a big meltdown with tears and continued to argue” – you never continue to argue with someone who is making a scene and behaving like a baby. Her reactions are not normal, she doesn't have the reason to feel like that. Understand that she needs professional help and remove yourself from the situation until she's behaving like an adult.
“rude to me, I called her out for it, saying it was hurtful, and I got screamed at to shut my mouth as I was trying to explain why” – you can't explain anything to her. Understand that you can't reason with an unreasonable person! Don't even try it! Remember that if you wrestle with a pig you'll only get dirty and pig will love it!
Try telling her that you are being disrespected and just leave. Don't explain to her why you feel the way you do, don't try to make her understand what she's doing wrong, don't try …
Using gray rock method, silent treatment, stonewalling is the best that you can do with her. It's impossible to make her understand anything, she can lie, pretend to understand if she wants to make peace because she's needs you in the near future but if she doesn't need anything you will somehow apologize to her for feeling hurt when “obviously you shouldn't feel hurt, you are too sensitive, you don't understand the situation”.. crazy making!
Your parents accepted her behaviour but you can either accept it (she's sick) and try not to “upset her” by setting some boundaries or you should set boundaries and remove yourself every time she acts like an idiot.
Here are basic things NOT to do with someone like her:
DON'T:
tell them what's acceptable behavior in order to be in your life
continue to engage them in conversation (argue in circles)
continuously allow them to bait you into arguments
fail to address when they damage your property
defend your boundaries, feelings, or emotions to them
entertain their gossip and instigating.
You’re too old to act like this. You don’t bring an animal home without discussing it with all of the people who on-line there. You just hoped she’d cave when she saw the dog and felt bad for it.
Firstly, my boyfriend is very lovely and romantic
OP, you’re too old to write this BS
It only gets worse, my guy. I got a vacuum from my GF for Christmas.
Sweet. Stealing!
Well you are being triggered, for a reason. They’re doing the same thing. Shut it down, doesn’t matter that he thinks he’s helping. You said no, it’s a no.
You sound like a hormonal 16 year old. You need to go have a good cry and move on.
Yeah right…..lol
Op didn't call the dad a bastard. Op called their half sister a bastard. As if it's the daughters fault for being born. That term is outdated and disgusting. Shame on op.
The thing that matters here is what do YOU want? Make a decision, work towards that conclusion whatever it is. Don't worry about what the plan was or what you had decided previously. All this talk about the wrong order of events is pointless, you are where you are now and need to work out how to proceed. If you have feelings for her and her for you, work on that and see if there's a future. If you think that your feelings for her aren't based on reality, then work on that and split up. Your feelings are the only think you need to be focussing on, not your friend's, not your wife's, yours. Your feelings are the only thing that should dictate how you proceed, and only your feelings should be making your decisions.
how can a relationship develop and grow
Feelings don't know social expectations and norms, and they don't follow logic. Feel what you feel, act on that, either way.
? I see so it’s ok to lie to your partner about a big life decision. You must not have kids or want to have a family she did a shitty thing. You you want to have a family then he is going to probably have to find someone else. What she did is certainly grounds for ending the relationship. So you are excusing her behavior?
Yeah, it won’t be a problem with insurance at all. I just need to make the appointment. If I may ask, what does your therapist recommend to you about this?
Do you call her out in front of your son? That’s the only justification I could think of for her being so adamant (assuming she has changed her opinion on how to teach him the game). If you are talking to her in private then I would be concerned. As others have suggested, perhaps it is time to play against her and see what happens. If she wins, then you know she is just doubling down on a lie and have to decide what to do. If she loses, remind her of your record with playing each other and suggest seeing a doctor.
Nothing loose about it, that's the heart of the issue.
She kissed another dude but youre the one not doing “enough” to keep the relationship going.
Yea. Its over.
He isn’t a full grown man. Perhaps that’s the issue here?
There is indeed a spectrum. He wasn’t sloppy or drunk at all. He seems to have a high tolerance for alcohol in general, whereas one glass is enough for me. He just poured himself a cup in the morning while making breakfast.
There was an option to kiss on the hand and cheek yet you still went with lips
Do you intend to use this car? Is she buying the car because you as a couple need one and her credit is better than yours?
If this is a “joint” purchase in that you both need this car, but a “her” purchase in that only she has good enough credit to be on the loan, then everything she’s asked for is reasonable. She’s taking on the majority of the risk so it makes sense that she gets the majority of the reward. At the same time, you are her partner so it’s fair to ask you to put your money in as well.
I think you need to consider counseling. With some of your previous posts/comments, getting some upside help and guidance would benefit you. It's benefitted a lot of people, me included.
Your university should offer a free service, or you can find low cost counseling online, through platforms like BetterHelp.
Ultimately, if you can't trust your boyfriend because he's just being nice, then you never will be able to. And its not necessarily his fault – you have some things you need to work through and it may be better for you to do that solo. There's a saying that you need to bandage your wounds before you bleed all over others. And that applies here.
I'm not judging you – it sounds like you're going through some shit and it can be very naked to navigate on top of school and life. It's OK to need help. The counselor can also help you move past the failed friendship and move on. People grow apart, for different reasons, and you can't dwell on that your entire life. You're far too young for that.
Bro she's just had a baby. She's dealing with the recovery AND now dealing with a newborn. Try supporting her instead of feeling so gloomy about no sex. I get it sucks, but it isn't forever.
Well there must be some forced interaction or else gf world still be going.
You are leaving out HUGE parts of the story.
If the conversation is whether or not Lily needs to be committed, I see nothing here about Lily's behavior to warrant such a conversation. You are leaving out a LOT here.
Oh my god I forced my boyfriend to give me an honest answer of his PREFERENCE and when he was honest and I didn't like his answer, I got mad!!! How dare he?!?!
You're 31 but you act like a 5 year old. People don't always date their dream partner. Why? Because they're still happy with you regardless of what his/her dream partner may be.
You sound like a nightmar to be with. He obviously knew you would not like the answer and he didn't want to lie to you so he chose not to say it. You FORCE it out of him by mentioning breeak up and then cry about it. Christ..
Thanks for the comments peoples. I guess I'm just hoping someone has magic words that we haven't thought of ❤️?
You're young and if he's not ready for the next stage after 8 years then I'd move on. I was in a high-school sweethearts relationship and they tend to end badly. Hopefully yours won't just don't get stuck in the sunk- cost fallacy.
“I’m really glad that worked out for you, it does sometimes but the truth is unless you’re Warren Buffett it’s akin to gambling to pick stocks. Over 100 years of back testing research consistently shows that the chances of picking a stock correctly are much lower than if you were to just buy a broad based index fund and hold it for decades. All this to say I have no idea what you’re invested. Regardless, I can say with certainty, whether it’s an individual or actively managed fund, this is for several reasons that aren’t possible to go into detail here, but if you’re interested, there are several resources available.” – a great man once said
From my under of the Quran he would have to treat you equally and that of course is unlikely to be possible as himself said. Just like that the first wife would have to be okay with it, so should the husband!
I forbid you. Hmmm, hit the road Jack……
What does he think separated means?
He shot his shot and lost. So did your folks, and his folks. They all sound hysterical and sexist – you don't say anyone said anything about him wetting his dick within a week.
Finalize the divorce and move on. It's clear y'all ain't good together, and at least this new guy is interested in you and you eventually child, instead of telling you to throw it away like a used napkin and “come back to your senses.”
As long as he isn't forced to pay child support for a kid that isn't his who cares. That would be my only hiccup.
Edited – typo
You did a bad thing and it's appropriate to feel bad about that. Stop trying to pretend that being “awesome” is justification for infidelity.
And stop trying to concoct a reason to get back in touch with this man. Leave him alone. Leave his girlfriend alone. Work on yourself. Find your own boyfriend. You're too young to be this messy with a man who's almost old enough to be your father.
well are you still with him?
Couple options. 1. She regrets having children and is giving you actual life advice based on what she thinks is best for you. 2. She doesn’t want you to have kids with her son, because she doesn’t like you, and wants to keep what binds you together at a minimum.
Stop washing his clothes, cooking for him and cleaning his stuff.
Go on strike.
Tell him if he doesn't do his share, he can go back to his mom.
Go for it and have fun uce.
Yeah anyone who talks about “needing to find themselves” is an immature jackass who I wouldn’t want to associate with. If I was in this guy’s position and my wife said she needed to travel for an undefined period of time to find herself and maybe not return, I’d make sure the paperwork was filled out so she can continue enjoying her single life upon her return.
Charlie is a grown woman, she is married, she has a child. She did this freely as an adult. She has committments and a higher calling than running off to Europe. Who, intellectual.honesty here please, believes that it will take more than 48 hours before she “discovers” herself with a French penis.in her? She as much as told him. This is some kind of delayed adolescence thatbhas infected modern society.
I want to be a bride, I want to have children but being a wife and a mother that's no fun.
OP, tell your wife to decide what is important to her. If she goes, she should have another place to online, assuming she ever comes back.
I would dump him
If there isn’t trust in a relationship, there’s no point in investing in it.
It would be different if you had given him reason to doubt it was his, but otherwise this is just toxic.
Good one lol
The hard truth I needed to hear ?
I'm not trying to be rude but you need serious therapy to address why you dont see how serious this is. him reacting to losing a video game by hitting you is not an “accident” or “carelessness” its abuse. Im not sure why you are posting this when you are telling everyone that its fine and defending him. you clearly are going to stay with him anyway which is unfortunate because will end up beating you.
OP have you researched autism? If so does e show any other cues?
Question: Did the two of you ever discuss getting married before this conversation?
Tell him that marriage is a greater risk to the woman and then block him on everything. We are statistically worse off when we marry men.
The fact that he never brought this up is a dealbreaker and is a huge flaw in your relationship that you’ve never talked about it. He’s hidden it for obvious reason and now you need to leave.
I’m so sorry. Your life will be better after this. It may not feel like this but it’s just the truth.
Drugs change you, they alter your brain and personality slowly but surely until all you can focus on is your next fix. Good people will do awful, terrible things under the influence of coke, and the longer it goes on the more her health and mind will deteriorate, and it is so addictive that it takes a lot of willpower not to give into it. I’m not saying your gf is a total drugee, but when you lean into this kinda stuff, you can end up that way
Yes. As callous as it might seem to some folks, both of those qualities are indicative of pretty serious incompatibilities.
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I've been seeing this girl for about a month and she's always been 30-40min late on our dates (she lives about a 22min drive from our meeting place and I'm 15min away. She would apologise and would say she would make it up for me but I just told her its all good. If she does it again should I say something and if so, whats the best approach?
Stop chasing an angry rude woman who doesn’t love you.