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The concerning thing is her treatment of you and unwillingness to broach the problem. And you wanting to wait another week to ask what’s really going on.
What will you two do when a real disagreement or problem shows up?
This is not 35 yr old’s serious problem. It should be a discussion to learn if any changes or healing are needed.
I didn’t take her side actually. I said that neither of them should even want to be going through each others phone. That’s unhealthy trust issues that needs to be worked out between the two of them.
I did say that it sounds like his wife is making the right call after everything he listed. So I guess you could count that as me taking her side, but ultimately it sounds like they both have issues. But he writes journal entries about divorcing her, watches porn he can’t share with his wife, and shit talks her to all of his friends. So much so that he doesn’t want her to see the conversations.
I’m not only using my past experiences, I’m also imagining myself doing any of these things to my husband. And I can’t. I love and respect my husband dearly, I don’t run to everyone I know every time we have a disagreement or conflict, I don’t shit talk him, I don’t ever speculate about divorcing him, and most importantly I don’t hide anything from him. I don’t say anything to anyone else, including my journal, that I wouldn’t also say directly to my husband.
So, I stand by what I said. They both have trust and communication issues and should probably seek out therapy if they want to fix this marriage.