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Married for 15 years, I don’t check her phone and she doesn’t check mine. I’m sure I wouldn’t find anything divorce worthy on her phone, If I lost trust in her enough to think that was a possibility we wouldn’t be married anymore.
pick a sex sub for this one, you will probably get better advice..but since you are asking for things to say go with “yeah baby roll around in that mud, really let the dirt and grime get into those clean cracks. I like seeing your feet blackened from the dirt on the floor. I am getting hot baby. Push me over the edge and hand me a plate from the stack in the sink. Rub that week old filthy dish in my face. Yeah daddy, now make me scrub the toilet without gloves one.
Honestly, why are you with this guy?
If you can't trust him, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with him. His behavior – all the lies – is untrustworthy.
I'm friends with several of my exes, but I don't lie about it, I don't hide it, and I don't make up a bunch of crap. That's because we are friends. My husband knows them, has met most of them (one guy is halfway around the world…) and trusts us all to be responsible adults. My husband is friends with some of his exes, too – same deal. We don't have to lie or hide anything because there's nothing to hide.
Your man is doing the opposite.
He's not going to change. He hasn't done so yet, and it's highly unlikely that he has any plans to do anything different in the future. He is showing you exactly who he is.
It's up to you what you decide to do about it.
You can continue on as you are going – snooping, crying, and feeding into your jealousy. It will be more of the same, if you are not willing to change something. You can't change him, so you will have to change yourself. You can want to stay with him all you like, but you have no power to change his behavior.
I'd suggest starting with therapy. That can help in a lot of ways. You can learn coping skills to help you deal with emotional distress. You can learn how to be more independent so that his emotional affair bothers you less. You can work out with your therapist is you want to stay or leave, and how to process what that would do to your life.