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I mean she said she’s bad with financies and wants to give me access to all her bank accounts etc so I can manage them better. She has adhd so she forgets to pay bills etc and pays late fees and I’m the opposite financially
Having empathy and caring about your feelings doesn’t mean catering to them to encourage behavior that he needs to be looking inwards to work on
That’s helping a symptom Not the root He sounds insecure, maybe even a little codependent and if you let that run your relationship that’s how you get isolated, have no friends, and basically narrow down your life as to not “upset” them and help make him comfortable Vs supporting him working through what’s really causing that deep down
So many times I see / experienced that it starts with small things like this and since there’s no push back for him to resolve the issue if OP caters to that
(assuming he’s even self aware of the jealous helicopter boyfriend behavior and not just pinning it all on OP) he naturally is not going to feel the need to work on it So OP will be stuck jumping through hoops and adding extra layers for HER to keep the peace.
There is a difference between love, empathy, and enabling toxic behavior that will likely get worse unless addressed early
From what it sounds like, you already know what you need to do. Your gut is telling you things, but it seems like your mind starts thinking otherwise which makes you feel guilty. I firmly believe in gut feelings and trusting your instincts – while it's not 100% always right, I feel it's a good indicator to know what's the best course of action.
From what it sounds like, you're better off without her. You make good money, have your own place, and, I'm not here to judge — but she has two kids from two different men. That, to me, is a red flag. While having multiple kids from multiple different men isn't necessarily indicative of her being bad, it's definitely something to look into and from what it sounds like, you know it's a red flag.
I won't tell you any other advice other than trust your gut on this one.
Someone will say the same but it will be about fucking OP's brother. After they had been dating for 2 years. In their bed. And then will show OP video so he can learn the techniques. And start a videoconference with the brother.
Why are you having to tell a grown man how to manage the house anyway? It sounds like he’s a grown up child, at least that’s how you see him.