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Came here to say something similar. Maybe it’s because I’m older (think a Senior, if kind) but I’ve learned to get my “ducks in a row”, get safely away, then have a MAJOR cry, complete with boxes of tissues & Ben & Jerry’s chocolate fudge brownie ice cream.
To state the obvious, this relationship is over. Sooo, when your crappola BF reaches out (& he will, trust me, just to hear the chaos he caused) you be disgusting sweet, like sugar wouldn’t melt in you mouth. Reason being, YOU want to control your living situation, have the time YOU need to make YOUR plans. And if you can, keep him guessing about the relationship. That will make it harder for him to sell the house out from under you.
You said you go to Uni, so talk to Administration there about any help with housing, food subsidies (to save $), other resources they may be able to provide. Look on school websites to see if anyone may need a roommate. Know that’s a far cry from where you are now…but it may be better than the house being sold out from under you.
Make a list of what you need to do to be completely separate from your crappola BF. Realize that’s the last thing you want to do right now (figure curling up in a ball more likely) but have found doing this mundane but frankly necessary work, can help clear your mind. Remember Ben & Jerry awaits, once your stable in your life.
Omg. Fine. Let's take the dramatic bs one by one.
“so I’d be willing to be you know I’m right, just don’t want to admit it on the internet.”
Bad writing, so not really in a position to judge other's intelligence.
I know I'm right… because no fucking person irl thinks like you lot. ?? In fact I'm willing to bet some of you have it but it's just dormant lmao.
“you repeating objective misinformation (only contagious when expressing)”
Quote from a medical journal:
“When your skin has healed from the cold sore and looks normal, the virus is no longer contagious. However, because the herpes virus stays dormant in your body, you can still pass on the virus through your saliva, even if you don’t have a cold sore.”
You can *technically* pass it on, but it doesn't meet the bar for 'contagious'. Because it's simply negligible.
“you downplaying anyones right to be mad over lying by omission.”
Lying by omission is done on purpose:
“occurs when an important fact is left out in order to foster a misconception”
The 'in order' there being important. Not telling everyone my entire ass medical history isn't that. ?
And if someone is mad you didn't tell them something about you, when you didn't ask, that is undeniably you're fucking fault and you look like a clown.
“you calling me dramatic when you realize I’m right about everything I’ve said.”
You're not right so don't know what that's about lol. And yeah… it is really fucking dramatic.
She didn't gaslight you, she lied to you.
Always suspicious of guys who want their women to be virgins.
Must mean they’re shit in bed and don’t want their partners to know any better. Probably have micro penis issues too.
This is a highly personal decision that only you can make… largely on if you think he can put in the work to rebuild trust and you can do the same to recover from the betrayal. It’s very hot and a long path. Not impossible if you want it, but emotionally challenging.
sure, sweeping feelings because mEn ARenT allOwEd to hAS sADs…. but the rest of it ? no help, ignoring her needs completely? way past just avoiding the scary feels and into…. actively uncaring.
no where have i read of marriage vows of ‘in sickness and in health, but first i get the best blow job’.
OP, this is great advice. Especially the part about “I feel” statements. Focus on how you feel, rather than trying to ascribe motives to her behavior. She can’t change her past, but how she responds to you will help you figure out what to do next.
Exactly
My partner is a diesel mechanic that works long hours outdoors, in the very hot Texas sun. I’m also 8 months pregnant, and he is more than happy to help me put on underwear, pants, socks, and shoes. He sees I struggle to even bend down now and tells me to stop doing it, he can can whatever I need for me.
Your husband has no excuses to be acting like that. He sounds like a complete douchebag.
Lord. Another child being born into an emotionally shitty situation. You do realise that he’s going to be just as shitty of a human being to your child as he is to you, right? You need to have a come to Jesus moment with him and be prepared to follow through if he doesn’t change. Oh, and get a job outside the home because when this uncaring man moves on, you’re going to be screwed with no employment or credit history. You’ll also find it harder to leave him in the future if you’re completely financially dependent on him.
Does…he realize he will have to tie his children's shoes, or is he gonna be condescending about that too?
Idk OP a marriage should be a partnership and a friendship. If he's refusing to help with the little things NOW in your most vulnerable time, it says a lot about his character. You deserve better.
No. He’s treating you badly and asking you to give sexual favors to his FRIENDS?! No!
Anyone who values a person wouldn’t ask them to do that. He does not value you. You show people how to treat you by what you’ll accept from them.
If you don’t feel safe, listen to your gut. This advice goes for everyone, everywhere!!
There is absolutely no way to do it nicely.
He's 25. He knows better but doesn't do it. He's a child.
Call him out on it every night. Hold back the kisses and cuddles.
Welcome to motherhood.
Good! At least one person did.
No its not possible
Like others have said it’s very common. There is a high likelihood you will never contract it from her. Maybe talk to your doctor or do some research, but if you like her it doesn’t have to be an issue.
All these comments broke my heart. The worst part of it is that I understand where everyone is coming from and they're probably right. Who hasn't been betrayed by a good friend and had their heart broken? That hurts so bad. It's impossible to forgive.
This still breaks my heart because I know how insidious abusers are. The way they twist your relationships so you turn on your friends, or they turn on you. They leave you with no one so that when you want to leave them you can't. So your abuser is also your only support. So you have nowhere to go. It's an awful, horrible place to be and you do it to yourself.
Everyone blames you, not your abuser. You're alone when you most need help.
I don't know what you should do, but I wanted you to hear that. I hope the email contained apologies and that she knows the harm she did, because you deserve her contrition no matter your next choice. I hope if you don't help her that she doesn't actually need help and it's a scam, or there's someone else who can help.
I'm so sorry you lost your friends and your support system because of a manipulative asshole. Sincerely, congratulations on all your success since. Whatever happens, I hope you make the right choice; the one you can live with and keeps you safe.
Good luck.
He lives with me and it’s actually his mom that raises his other kid. I know, that doesn’t make the situation sound any better.
Do not give him your very hot earned money. You barely make anything being a teacher then to put that money into his house that you aren’t part owner heck no! And f him for talking to you like that. What a jerk trying to guilt you. Listen to your Dad.