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Ask your therapist if you can have a session with your boyfriend and she can kind guide you in how to tell him and kind of be like the moderator. Or you can also just straight up tell him. That's what I did, but I also included facts about my mental illness and things that he could do on his own and things we can do together to help me. Please do not be ashamed of your mental illness and never stop seeking out help.
I think you need to end your relationship and seek out therapy.
Now what? You discuss it with him like a pair of adults.
Doorbell cam. If he ever tried once you'll have plenty evidence to ruin things for him.
You sound like a sociopath. She is married, do you not care about her Husband at all? How about her family. How selfish are you to just be like, well I have to blow up the most important, most invested in relationship in her life because of my feels. Friends don't do that. Think of all the distraction of peoples lives you will be making. It's been 6 months.
Listen, grow up you can't have everything you want in life, just because it feels good.
Something is wrong here I think you need to get some counseling because best friend, 6 months, married but in love? For most people it doesn't work like that.
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I don’t know if that’s true. The people I know who say awful things in a fight just say the things they know will hurt the most. Like if you open up to them about an insecurity or traumatic moment in your past, they file it in their memory as ammo to use against you later. I don’t think it matters if it’s true or not or how they feel about it. For instance, I know a woman who’s husband was bullied as a kid and she called him the childhood nickname during an argument. It’s not because she thinks he’s a nerdy child or something, it’s because she’s mean and knows it’ll hurt.
1) I owned a coffee shop/restaurant and your customers want happy nice people to serve them coffee in the morning even if they are grumpy. It's literally called a customer service voice for a reason. Most of my day was spent being perky and nice to people.
2) I got hit on more than I ever did my entire life working behind that counter by men younger all the way up to three times my age because I was nice to them. Including even after I was married and dudes still tried to slip into my businesses DMs. I have no illusions as to where I fall on the scale I'm a solid 6 maybe 7 on a really good day. It's literally just being nice and remembering things about people.
3) I bounced a 70 year old customer after he made my 18 year old employee feel uncomfortable because he gave her a note with his number on it. He wrote that she was the nicest girl he had met in a while. Just so you know, my opinion of you is quite similar to my opinion of him. 4) if my husband told me he tried to exchanged numbers with a woman he had no personal connection to other than meeting in a coffee shop divorce. Idk if you are being dense or just intentionally stupid but no one here has any illusions that you just wanted a new friend for your wife.
If you have to “hint” about condoms either you’re not ready for sex or you don’t feel you can set boundaries with this particular person. Either way, maybe you shouldn’t be shagging him?
Thanks. I didn’t throw a tantrum I just simply left.
I mean, my spouse and I sometimes like to flirt with each other when getting our morning coffees with comments like “Excuse me, would you mind buying a lady a coffee?” “I don't mind at all, as long as my wife doesn't find out.” “What she doesn't know won't hurt her….or you!”
It's a game. He's not flirting with a random woman at a coffee shop, and there is no poor, wronged “wife” at home. We are married to each other- we're just pretending not to be.
For us it's amusing because we've both been cheated on, and the comments we make are kind of poking fun at the shit we imagine our cheating exes would probably have said to their affair partners. If someone were to be eavesdropping, they would think we were cheating scumbags. For us it's just flirtation, a bit of a thrill.
SECUNDED.
Honestly same. It's entertaining but sounds like rage bait. Otherwise jfc OP is insanely naive.
Thank you so much for this, you are amazing. Reading this made me feel… better is the wrong word. But more confident. Gah, this sucks.
We’re just talking and he asked me out and I don’t know what to tell him.
Talk to him about it. Be honest.
There is a lot to unpack here. First, you stepped way over the line approaching Ex-wife about something your fiance explicitly told you to leave alone. Major boundary violation there. Second, the terms of their divorce had nothing to do with you. You don't have the right to try to change them now. However, it is not unreasonable to expect honesty and transparency in your relationship. Fiance's unwillingness to offer any kind of explanation about the ending of their marriage and why he allows Ex-wife to live rent free in his apartment does seem off. He does have a right to privacy and is not required to share everything in his life prior to you, with you. But, in an intimate relationship, there is an expectation of emotional intimacy. Is he open with you about other areas of his life? Do you have emotional intimacy with him about everything but his prior marriage? If yes, leave this alone. It has nothing to do with you and is not your business. If no, is this someone you really want to marry?
Given that you are a software engineer, I’m assuming that he gets some level of yearly bonus or regular equity vesting. Do you add that to your total income to be taken into consideration for splitting expenses?
Sure, but why should he pay a full half the cost of rent, when it's not going to rent? I don't have a problem with OP paying rent, I do have an issue with his girlfriend taking his $1000 a month, and then spending it lavishly in his face. I could see him paying for their utilities, since those obviously will be higher with him there, but it's kinda scummy to make profit off of your SO. This is an extremely unbalanced power dynamic, and OP is basically dating his landlord.
You've dated for 3 months. You may not have been exclusive but sleeping with your friend was in poor taste. Your friend also sucks. I'd drop them both.
He keeps them around for ego validation, especially if he's still flirting. Moreover the worst part is that you're toxic to him and possibly vice versa. End this and get some therapy.
7 months hardly remember anything. Just saying. Don’t waste money taking your less than 3 years old children to fancy places “for the experience.” Save that money and take them to places when they are 5 or something.
Also 7 months probably doesn’t have all the vaccines yet, if I recalled correctly, MMR is given to one year old. So there are health concerns involving taking your infants to overseas. And plus if you are the only couple with kids in the group, you probably cannot go to bar at night with others because your kids need to sleep etc etc. Just not worth it.
How long have y’all been together?
He needs to be seen my medical professionals (mental and physical) and potentially get on meds. He’s 20 – there’s only so much help you can provide someone who doesn’t give a fuck. He’s also a legal adult so there aren’t as many public resources, like a psychologist or counselor through their school.
At the end of the day you can’t control anyone or anything in this situation besides yourself. Tell your gf that you won’t tolerate her behavior towards you. She needs to find a healthy outlet and coping mechanisms to manage her stress and other big emotions. Definitely support her, but it’s on her to regulate her emotions and communicate with you maturely instead of treating you like a punching bag.
She likes more words and private recognition. She doesn't like places with a lot of people
Agreed, but its still her preference…….regardless of logic. She can ultimately say no, give the terms, without any explanation and that should suffice.
i don’t see his name on the paycheck!
Ok well “single person that don’t (doesn’t) want to be a parent” I don’t actually want you advice. I’m almost 30 and men who are *actually mature, completely understand that I have to think of my child before anything else. I’ve never had anyone get upset with me for this. Sometimes it’s a dealbreaker but 99% of the time, at my age, it is not.
Sometimes, I’m looking for something casual. I’m not telling you about my child if I don’t see a future where you’ll meet her.
Sexual coercion is a form of SA / rape. It's disturbing that you don't know realize that.
Tell him you lied and never had Japanese before, then go and order a chicken teriyaki bento box and say sushi makes you squeamish.
Why dis you get drunk like that?..Dont you have any self control?
I had already planned to call out of work regardless, I was already working 5 days in a row and didn’t want to make it a 6th. Only reason I ended up going is because I didn’t want to stay home with my parents who I don’t have a very good relationship with. I drove to his house because I was worried about him. I have bpd, mental anguish will always be with me forever.