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Someone who has cheated in the past does not really deserve the benefit of the doubt. Not only that, but his reaction tells you what you need to know. Someone who has cheated but is actually trying to remedy their mistake and become better would instantly show you. Him being so defensive it is clear that he knows he is in the wrong.
I would suggest not marrying him and then deciding if this is what you want for your future. If you are okay with having him do this and likely cheating again in the future, then proceed with the wedding. If you are not okay with that, then you need to break it off.
Long story short, came back with GF, with the condition she also started going to therapy, we agreed that my limits would be respected, some time passed
How much is “some time” and has your GF actually held up her end of the bargain?
If it's really been 2ish years of toxic controlling GF and now 1ish year of not toxic controlling GF, where I seriously doubt she's been significantly better about manipulating you. Has she ever apologized? To you, your family, your friends, Luna?
Since, I assume your GF has been “attempting” to right the wrongs of your first 2 years, is her behavior/change significant enough for forgiveness? Considering her response to not be invited I doubt it.
Your GF has basically caused Luna to almost lose a friend, and treated her like crap for minimum 2 years. Despite this;
Luna knew the situation and she came to me saying “I know your girlfriend doesn't like me but now she is my best friend's girlfriend and I respect that decision, we are still friends”.
Luna is probably sick and tired of your GF treating her like garbage and ruining your life. She's possibly also worried that your GF would cause problems at her wedding. If your GF really understood the damage that she has caused then her reaction would've been one of understanding of not being invited, not what you got;
We ended up fighting about the invitation to a wedding that she “doesn't even want to go in the first place” (quote from her) but because she wasn't invited now she wants me to ask for a +1 because if not I'm not giving her “her place” as my GF, the other option she is giving me is to not go to the wedding of my best friend that way she would also feel that I am giving her “her place” as my GF.
This is ridiculous, and her trying to use her “friends” as a way to manipulate you is more gaslighting and manipulation. “me and all these other people say you're wrong”.
I'm on Luna's side, I'd respect your terrible decision to allow yourself to be with this toxic person, but I will never let her sabotage my own life for you, let alone my own wedding.
He's always with people. Gym, breakfast, lessons, lunch, studying in the library, dinner.
Exactly. And the issue with this is because of the long distance, you aren't a part of this. You aren't studying with him, going to lunch with him, etc. You didn't see the cute cat being rescued from the tree, you didn't see the waiter drop the tray (examples). You can tell each other these things, but a second hand story is never the same as experiencing together. Those things are what creates and keeps a bond. That's why there's a compromise when you each want to do something different on a date – the time together is what makes it count, otherwise you'd each just go do something different and tell each other about it at the end.
Now, even flirting is awkward cause either me or him won't feel like it.
This sounds like what I mentioned before – growing apart. When you're close to someone, that comes naturally. Going through the motions just makes it feel empty and meaningless.
You'd reject someone who flirts with you because you have a girlfriend, but you won't even make your girlfriend feel like she's your girlfriend because of the distance?
If he isn't entertaining other girls, then I doubt it's on purpose. In all likelihood, he's feeling the same distance you are describing.
My suggestion would be to schedule a time, where he agrees to be free and alone so that you two can talk about this. Ask him how the distance is making him feel about the relationship, tell him how it is making you feel, discuss whether or not you both feel like you want to continue trying to make it work and if you decide you do, what each of you can do to make the other feel more connected. You can schedule time where you are both free and able to concentrate on other, share screens and watch a movie, play a game, etc.
I’ve told him his actions are abusive and he’s said I was the abusive for breaking up with, trying to get back together then breaking up with him again. He puts me in a mental minefield and I just give up.
I am one of those people. I dislike ritual. For example, I never went to any graduation/ convocation ceremonies (high school, university, doctorate). I don't see any point in telling people I like my partner. It is obvious because they are my partner.
My common law partner died last year, we had a home and a child. I stuck with her until her death. But I still can't imagine what a wedding could have added to that.
These things aren’t going to change.
INFO Is your boyfriend paying your rent? If not get the hell out of there and find better roommates.
Well … it seems pretty clear that whatever friendship you had earlier in your life has, in his head, turned into “this is the right girlfriend for me”
There’s a high likihood that if you try staying friends, he’ll once again shove a bunch of “I feel so much for you let’s be together” stuff on you. And then when you (understandably) back off from him, he’ll act all offended that the friendship is one sided and you’re selfish … and then when you rekindle your friendship, he’ll again throw himself at your feet hoping for love.
Point is: he is not acting like a good friend. He’s acting like a shitbag who is entitled to have you as his girlfriend simply because he’s been friends with you for so long.
Maybe he can be a good friend. But for that to happen, he needs someone to tell him, plainly, that you do NOT want a romantic relationship with him, but do want to be friends, and nothing more than friends.
Ok will do, Thank you
I really hope you tried getting evidence of all that even if you was in complete chock.
That dude is terrifying. And a danger for this girl. She needs to know so she keeps herself safe from him.
Please, if you can. Update us about how it is going. Such a sick person worries me what he could possibly do. Keep yourself safe too.
Try to get the divorce settled on before you send her to her moms. If you don’t once she gets there her mom will be in her ear about getting this and that. Just get what you need and give her enough to make her do this quick so you can move on.
You break up with him and tell him to have his ED checked out.
Hey hun, first off I'm really sorry for your loss. I don't think this has anything to do with the money, I think he's suffering and he's grieving the baby you should've had together. He might not be ready for a lavish holiday when he's feeling so down, after all he just lost his child too. But nor do I think you're selfish. Everybody grieves differently. But maybe postpone the honeymoon for now, and go again at a later date when you're both feeling more up to it, and you can both get the full enjoyment you both deserve.
In every relationship i was, i always thought about my girlfriend as a 10/10 and i would say that's also how it should be. I don't know if you should stay with this person when he says stuff like that.
To the Reddit question: Reddit is really buggy sometimes. Sometimes you need to wait a little bit or go to the comments and search for the comments manually. It suck.
So he told you he only had eyes for you? Which was a lie.
He told you he would delete the apps and never go on them again? Which was a lie.
He has been messaging other people and is now actively trying to meet up with them for sexual relations?
This seems pretty cut and dry for me. You can confront him and try to work through this, but all evidence points to him just doing this again. You need to break up with him and move on.
Only thing is that my boobs touched him and we are naked
I wonder if the situation was reverse if that whole “your money is my money and my money is your money” would fly with her
What would you do?
I'd dump him so he can go fulfill his fatherly duties. I personally don't deal with situations like that.
I've been with my husband 11 years old. He has only met my parents (not my choice, his), my sibling, my grandparents (that are alive), one aunt and uncle. Everyone else I protected him from. He only sees my mother like 4xs a year, and she is 20 minutes away. My father he hasn't in many years because he's an asshole. But my family is cut throat and will do anything to get someone's trust taken out of a will. My grandmother's own siblings tried to steal her and change her will on her deathbed. The drama that is in my family is mind-blowing, and I don't tell my husband half of it in fear that he will start questioning why he married someone with such crazy family.
I've been to many family members' weddings without my husband because I didn't believe in the marriage now, like the soon to be spouse. Out of the 10 marriages in 11 years, only 1 is still married.
It sounds like OPs gf is really unhappy and doesn't want to go herself. She is feeling very hurt by her brother not communicating with her. They have only been together near a yr. This is more complex than he gets. His last part about her liking to keep her life separated makes this even more that he's taking this the wrong way. That she isn't in the same place as him, that she isn't comfortable with him going at this time.
I remember when my husband and I were six months into our relationship. His grandfather passed away, a man who helped raise him and was his hero. I offered to go with him but he wanted his family at that time. I completely understood and never felt hurt over his decision to need to go on his own with his family. He had his needs, and it was his own feelings and his family, not my business.
please dump him and then get your sister and tell everyone what he did
The growing up fast equaling trauma and not maturity is very true and I haven’t thought of it that way. I just find it naked to see why it’s weird when really we met in passing on accident and all he knew was i was at least drinking age, cause it was a 21+ event. He didn’t ask my age until the next day. Like if I was closer to his age I feel like it would’ve played out the same? I don’t know I guess but I assume. When I told him it was just “ok” and we continued talking.
I’m not in school. Never went to college. I join him when I can sometimes for weeks on end or he’ll fly me around to meet him here and there. I work in outreach, mainly with addicts. I have some random side things so I’m doing good money wise and he usually gives me whatever. Like I’m definitely spoiled but if something ever happened, I’d be living the same life pretty much just without the travel and expensive items
What he did is perfectly fine. And your thoughts on the matter and reaction are also perfectly fine.
Nobody needs to have been in the wrong for you to realize morals don't align. I'd say leave it as is, you have different values.
I entered a short lived dating around period about six months after my separation from a nine year relationship. I made it very clear on or before the first date that I was seeing multiple people, and sexually active. I think it's very important you communicate that up front.
Sex is very important to me. It inherently comes before settling down because I have to know we align sexually. I understand this doesn't work for every woman, so I'll respect them and move on.
Current gf and I both talked at length about remaining open sexually after our first date. But by date two we both realized this was really working for us and we discussed exclusivity. But had we not meshed sexually so well early on this probably wouldn't have been the case
You are mourning for the person he was and the person you thought he was.
You are mourning for the person he cannot be for you and your kids. You are mourning the future you dreamed about and can no longer have.
Stay strong. Don’t give in. Sounds like you’ve been like a single parent for a while so this part of your new life will be easier than for a woman who was a SAHM and suddenly has to work.
Your feelings are natural. It will get better with time.
Can I just say happy birthday ?
He had been molesting a child in your home. You are already involved. Turn the chomo in. That’s the only right thing to do. Otherwise you are allowing a child to be abused. That’s just as awful and disgusting. Turn him in or live with the guilt for the rest of your life. Period.
I would die
He can’t have it both ways; keeping the title of being with you but also effectively being single. It’s like he is keeping you on the back burner.