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Birth Date: 2000-07-20
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If she weighed the same as she did before would you be happy? I doubt it. Not taking care of her hygiene and life is a turn off too. It’s not just her weight. She isn’t being an active and participating partner.
You think?
Thank you. It's been so nude…
Why are you two so controlling over music? You say in an ideal world you wouldn't want her going to a concert, you're going to one behind her back…. This is such a strange issue which might be a catalyst for a whole host of other problems.
This may be a sex addiction. Beware.
He is an alcoholic.
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TL;DR I met this guy and dated him for a month. For reference, we are in our early 40s. We developed pretty strong feelings within that month and are on the same page with what we want in life. He recently confessed to me that 2 weeks prior to meeting me, he professed feelings for a friend of 2 years and she did not reciprocate, so he decided to “move on.” About 3 weeks into dating me, she all of a sudden has “feelings” for him and told him. I believe she found out he moved on with me and started having a “change of heart.” Now he feels torn and needs time to make a decision because he feels strongly for both of us. He also said that when he discussed this issue with near & dear ones, they all voted that he should pick me.
To me it sounds like reaction formation defense mechanism.
This is ridiculous. He pissed all over you. He’s not a safe partner, and next time it could be punching, or choking, or anything really.
I still firmly believe he did this for no other reason that he wanted to, and this trauma stuff is a convenient excuse. And even if he really couldn’t control himself at all, that means he is not a safe person to be in any kind of intimate setting with, much less a relationship.
I guarantee you’re going to regret getting couples therapy as a teenager with your abuser. But it looks like you’re bound and determined to learn the nude way, so good luck.
Now that’s living life on edge, am I right? ? Poor girl, beyond what she did, I really wish she would find herself to be more valuable than to stress about a serial cheater to…cheat Thank you for replying to my post
Glad you're getting downvoted to hell
Whilst I'm from the west, I know many people who aren't, that are outside of the accepted culture/religion they came from that would absolutely be on your side here and have had similar experiences.
There are communities out there for you, people that have come from strict religious households that will have had similar lived experiences that can talk this through much better than I can (as a western white guy who has never directly experienced it.)
You should definitely leave your husband. That's something concrete. I know people are saying to wait until you've calmed down but the guy sounds abusive and just hits their partner sometimes or not that's a big no he should fuck off. As for your job? You should consider talking to the owner before he officially sells his business so you still get your cut if not leave but leave on a positive note so you can use them as a reference.
I’m sorry to hear you went through that. I know what it’s like starting over in your 30’s.
We can’t control everything in our life but what we can control is how we react to the things that happen. May be nude to see the positives in this but at least you found out now, not 15 years down the road.
Keep your head up and stay positive. Try going out and meeting new people. Daunting at first but it gets easier. Also find someone you can talk with about things, either a therapist or just a nice stranger. I’m always available to talk (:
I wish you the best, and I really believe you’ll find someone better.
I appreciate you maybe have the best intentions, but I would not go to that extreme. I have had a real experience like that and this doesn't compare. She did stop and didn't touch me further once I said no the second time.
You're a scumbag. Seriously.
You tell your wife, because she deserves better than a weak-minded fool for a husband.
Thanks. That pretty much echoes what I'm thinking. I only just found out about this today. I just want to make sure I'm considering all my options.
I wouldn't have a problem with it if the money went to the parents for sure.
Oh Jesus Christ. Keep your pets away from her
Does she think this would be better and not significantly worse if it happens while married??
This. It makes no sense. Maybe she hopes that, if he hates living with her, he won't leave bc of the marriage vowes? And they will just have this unhappy relationship in which he stayed bc he “had to”? That sounds nightmarish, but also is not gonna happen. He'll just get a divorce.
It sounds like he’s negging you and trying to destroy your confidence. He is not a sweet guy.
Let me put it this way, if you would tell him you and your BF broke up, and if he would want to “date” you, then he will jump on the occasion.
Chris is not your BF best friend, is all I conclude out of this.
Women tend do be nice to man, as you consider them being friendly. Trust me, men can't be friends with a women, the end goal is to fuck her. If you would be 200% clear to Chris that you and him will NEVER have physical contact like kissing or sex, he will not invest time in you, the way he does like you describe.
He will start investing time in girls where he has the potential to have sex.
So YOU should make up your mind what you want, the BF or his friend? And if it's not Chris, be clear about that.. Then you will see how really a friend he is 😉
Ask her if he bought her a drink, sat next to her, and danced .
If so, it was a date. And the late hours suggest they had sex.
Soo… was the photoshoot for him or for you? I think that's the real question you should ask yourself.
If it's really supposed to be for him, let him do with his gift how he sees fit.
Then honestly, it sounds like you might need individual therapy and to be single until you can leave these toxic mental habits at the door of any relationship. It’s not fair to you or the person you are with to bring this shit in. Your relationships will never be healthy if you do.
Not necessarily but I want to be more attractive and not feel inferior
Your brother wants your ex. This is the only reason he would go as far as providing financial support for her to leave you AND to interject himself for ‘her benefit’. Especially when you’re clean. He doesn’t want his wife to know because obviously she wouldn’t approve of him lusting after, trying to get or have an affair with another woman. He knows she will think this and it looks bad. Hence why he is threatening you.
I want to tell you the truth. You can only bully a bully. It doesn’t matter how much perceived power your brother has over you. His scheme will come crashing down eventually and sooner if you tell his wife. I guarantee you his wife will believe to some degree. Because there is no way he has been having these side convo (and who knows what else) with your ex, gone as far as to give her money, etc without his wife noticing something at least at some point. You will likely inadvertently confirm something in the back of her mind. Also you don’t need to prove anything, but if you want to feel more confident have your ex confirm the money payment and show the wife. But honestly you don’t need to go this far. She will be capable of figuring it out herself. You shouldn’t do nothing tho. This is so fucked up on many levels and you deserve not to be treated this way
Thanks, I am in therapy since last year. Some progress has been made, but I'm still lacking.
The fighting started when I got upset about her being upset… But I also feel that I struggle with just doing things for anyone no questions asked. Of course it completely sucks when I struggle with it for someone I love.
I could have deactivated this particular situation if I just got up and did it. But instead reacted emotionally and selfishly.
I'm struggling on turning that off.
Invest your valuable time energy attention thoughts and damns-given to approach other women.
She's not your friend, you want to date her. Recommend you stop talking to her.
Not sure what trauma this woman had. She grew up with a silver spoon and to this day, in her 40s, her parents still give her a monthly stipend so she doesn't have to work. But, I don't know wHole lot about her life so who knows?
When u get older this stuff is less important.
Fake post is fake
Look, if his wife is actually acting the way he says, losing his mind is par for the course. I am thinking she has some form of PPD that was left untreated and if you’ve never seen anyone so absolutely batshit crazy from PPD to the point they’ve ruined their marriage and acted the way op says his wife is, count your blessings. No I don’t think he should stick around, but if the alternative is not getting to see his kid, I’m just saying that’s not as easy of choice as people on Reddit make it out to be.
He comes with baggage, you either risk it or step away. Crying over the riches that he gives the mother of his kid doesnt help your case. You come across as whiny and entitled. It doesnt help your case
I don’t think he’a upset because he thinks you cheated on him. I think you hurt his pride by not telling him you had to do a sex scene. And also made him feel insecure. Us men have fragile egos ?
The children issue should already be a deal breaker.
She wants to wait until she’s 37? That’s not going to be optimal and if that’s not something desirable to you then it’s time to end it. You have different goals and timelines.
There are female personal trainers…
So you’re saying I’m being unfair? Cause I seriously don’t know. I feel like it isn’t fair that he never sees my family. It’s been two years. I see his all the time, basically every weekend. I thought that if I let him do his own thing while there I’m not forcing him to do anything. My family always asks how he is doing and never push it more then that but I feel sad about. I feel like…I don’t push him to interact with them for so long, calls etc, so I don’t know if I’m using that as some excuse to believe it isn’t terribly unfair to want him to go.
Take pictures and videos of them. Get stories and recipes. Get as much as you can whenever you can. It’ll happen and it’ll hurt but it’s part of life sadly.
Maybe your (ex)boyfriend will learn from this and grow, maybe he won't.
Either way, I think your time and energy are better spent investing with someone new since you already know this guy has issues and you don't know if he will grow from this experience.
Interesting – that’s your opinion
Not only this , but it also shows that you lack self respect and self esteem. The dude is jealous and insecure, so he is trashing you, so you feel shitty.
Be confident, love yourself and throw his ass out. if you continue to stay in…read below
To quote Robin Williams…”I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone”
I don't mind him in my house. I do want to let him know that I know. Maybe he'll feel an ounce of shame considering everything I have done for her.
Talk to a lawyer!! You are being abused!! Don't think that your kids will not be abused!!
Surely you do not want your friends to know why they are getting divorced. That is because your friends will be appalled to see you siding with your DIL instead of your son.
I think the approach to write to her is good, or maybe just show her this post since you have already written it. She knows something is wrong, she feels that you are hurt, and she wants to help you!
There where two persons you trusted, and one turned out to be a monster. But the other one is your mother! She will not break your trust, she will do her best to catch you, she so wants to be there for you. Yes, she will have problems understanding that he did that – like you had. Because it is so awful! Please just show her your post, send her the link, and wait until she read it and calls you.
~ n e g g i n g ~
break up
I'm just looking to rekindle what excited our sexual appetite, she was more virile when we did have another woman involved, and admitted she is more attracted to women than men, besides me.
Not to be harsh, but it sounds like she doesn’t even like you, and is no longer capable of tolerating you. You can try to sit her down and explain this to her, but get out early get and with as much self worth as possible.
Thank u! She needs to blame him not the drunk girl he invited back to his room.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I think he's naive and thinks she changed because she was never left behind while her friend was with someone in a romantic relationship. And that sudden vision was not real just him worrying about her shich is WEIRD because no matter how much bad she has caused couple nice words is enough.