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You don't. Just leave. Abusers don't change.
There are two new prescription weight loss drugs that have been getting a ton of buzz in the last sixish months. It makes sense that he would have a blood test for that first and it even makes sense that something abnormal could have come up on that blood test. He would have been sent for a bunch of other tests to actually get a diagnosis though, and then there would be many more appointments to work out treatment and possibly a surgery eventually. A lot of pituitary tumors are treated with medication instead of surgery because the placement makes it very difficult and risky to remove them.
He gaslit you and made you feel crazy for an entire year. You are understandably angry that the entire time he pretended you were insane for asking if there was someone else there was, in fact, someone else. Someone he planned to leave you for while you went to joint therapy and were trying everything to save a relationship he had already left and was just stringing you along in.
And now he's just trying to get you to tell him that was okay so he can feel good about it.
Personally I feel like limiting contact with him is the only way to have a decent co parenting relationship going forward. He sounds exhausting.
You're going to get shit on, and rightfully so, so I'll just be civil and simple; you're long since checked out of this relationship. End it immediately for both of your sake. That's all there is to it.
Marry him and have a divorce lawyer on speed dial. Wait for the evidence to build up then snoop through the phone, build the infidelity case, take half his assets and bounce. If you act fast you can move onto another man before you're 25
Right? Also, the physical part is a huge betrayal, obviously, but it's almost beside the point if they were close enough to move in together after a month
Did he say any of this in Spanish because it's karma for looking down on people, baby girl
You need to stay away from your coworker. The entire thing is so inappropriate that I truly cannot see any positives.
The relationship your in sounds like an unfortunate situation and on that alone I’d tell you that you likely need to leave.
However, whenever you start fostering an inappropriate relationship out side of the commuted one you are in, you pretty much lose my sympathy.
For the past year you’ve been putting your time and energy into another woman instead of either working on fixing your own relationship or exiting it all together. You are now the bad guy. You are in a pretty serious emotional affair at this point. You don’t really get kudos for not sleeping with her yet.
The red flags you give starting this relationship with a 22 year old, who was 21 when this started if it’s been a year, are bright and huge. Your her manager, so there’s a power dynamic here that’s inappropriate. You’re in your thirties and she’s barely not a teenager- inappropriate. You’ve been carrying on with her while being in a relationship that she also knows about – inappropriate. Do you see a pattern?
If you end it with your girlfriend and jump into this with this younger girl, you solidify your fate as being that guy. Everyone already suspects, but you’ll confirm that you were basically cheating on your girlfriend with this girl. You’ll never come back from it once the people at your job find out for sure. Say goodbye to any respect you get.
Definitely end it with your girlfriend because if you loved her and cared about her, you wouldn’t be entertaining the new girl. If she’s as bad as she says she is, you need to get out of there. But do not jump into anything with this other girl. Be single. Go to therapy. It’s not fair to her or yourself.
Do you and regularly invite him. Inviting him should defuse his insecurities.
It’s been 6 years, either get married or leave her. She obviously want to get married and you’re not a kid anymore.
If it's making you uncomfortable tell him you went in his phone for something and came across them. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. His response should dictate what you do about the situation.
I’d just take it slow and see. Normally this is a big red flag so keep your head on a swivel. But there is a chance he’s simply missing being in a relationship and all of the fun it brings. At least he was honest with you when asked…it’s not an easy answer to give to the person you’ve gone on multiple dates with
If he enjoys going out for drinks and activities with his friends, but not with you when you’d like to do that, then he’s not treating your relationship as important. You should be his best friend and he should want to hang with you wherever. Sounds like he’s unlikely to change – you’re his comfortable alternative to hanging with his pals.
This is working for him, so why would he stop? He doesn't care what you think. He doesn't care about doing something meaningful. Your parents have made clear that he won't be suffering any consequences (they'll probably leave him everything when they pass away because he “can't take care of himself”).
There is no indication from his post that she would remotely start plotting evil things. She sounds like a mature reasonable human.
At the festival! It's a win-win.
If there is one comment he reads I hope it’s this one
No, this woman got on a crowded train and wanted to argue over other people about this nonsense. NOPE. To give you a sense of how crowded a train might be: An MTA subway car can hold 42 seating, 198 standing (A car) 44 seating, 202 standing (B car). An Amtrak holds about 50-75ish people.
This girl was on a crowded train, she decided to have this argument in front of 10-20 people (minimum) who just want to go home. She's the problem.
Your family sounds terrible, and somewhat similar to mine. My secret is not talking to them much and avoiding having them around my partner. Been much happier since
Just be honest. Tell her that you read her messages. Admit to it and know that its wrong.
Then you can ask her.
Are you the lazy boyfriend? Because OP is not being dramatic at all, just a bit of a doormat enabler
I really appreciate the reassurance. I couldn't tell if I should keep giving her slack, but you've helped me realize that it isn't going to get better.
I will definitely find the time to voice my concerns whether via phone or text.
Honestly there's no real timeline for this, some people are exceptionally good at hiding their dark tendencies and can do so for years.
It's actually normal. I did it as a teen and most men and women do it as an adult when they're watching Porn. You'd be surprised how many vcreepy things people think about in THEIR own head, As long as they're not taking unconsensual and criminal action, then everything's NORMAL
I’m not, I’m very ignorant on laws and birth certificate laws/rules.
It has to be taken through court and everything tho right? Which is an even harder process which can take even a longer time
In some places you can get police escort I belive to get your things.
Keyword here is “Before”
I suck for protecting my family?
Are you married to my ex husband? He did the SAME SHIT. Expect he didn’t bother to tell me that’s why he wouldn’t fuck me.
Then again, I also had two young children, a part time job and was in school. If your only job is keeping g the house clean…why aren’t you doing g the dishes every single day?
You either have to come to terms with it and decide whether your crush on him is more important than your friendship/if you can't bear the rejection and therefore have to back off as a friend altogether, or if you can let it go and keep being friends.
Trust your gut. If it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck…
This doesn’t sound good on his part and honestly why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t have the decency to at least not leave you hanging.
It’s only been a month, be thankful you’ve found out now before you invest anymore time and emotion into him. If he had a good reason then he should be able to at least send you a text, to say “sorry! I might be gone for a few days or hard to reach for a little bit.” At least the courtesy to let you know instead of ghosting you, since you were talking frequently and even flirting.
Since he didn’t even do that, and you saw he read your texts, then it’s probably time to move on. He’s either a dick, or he is having a really bad depressive spout where he doesn’t want to talk, but if it’s that then he should say so instead of leaving you hanging. He’s not considering your feelings and that should tell you all you need to know.
Please listen to everything everyone is advisimg you here. He is escalating. He will eventually do the very thing he threatens you with.
You need to make a plan to safely escape this abusive marriage.
Why won't he apologize???
Because there is more abuse coming your way. He isn't sorry because he meant everything he did and said.
We don’t need more children. That’s false. There are many reasons we are better off with the birth rate going down
The platonic dinners with a coworker aren’t an issue if you’re continuing to invest in your marriage. You’re not doing that however. In sounds even like you checked out of it.
So I think you’re asking the wrong question. Instead of “how would you feel…”, I think you need to be asking “Why don’t I care?”
Well, if it came from the horse's mouth then yes! If they are talking about personal things, then I am sure she spoke to him about you. She mostly likely spoke about your relationship with her. He is the type of individual who hides in the shadow and waits for the right moment to step in and be the hero. He is an opportunist.
It’s just I think it’s unfair to take these bad apples as a representation of all men but since I got downvoted, I guess that’s wrong..
Lawyer here.
Do not communicate with him or his family at all without a legal council. You don't owe him explanations. You told him you were pregnant, he refused to believe. You did your part. Don't be apologetic.
If possible, delete any messages where you admit they are his kids. The last thing you want is for him to have proof to get his name on their birth certificate. That would give him parental rights.
(In fact, it would be great if your husband could adopt them).
Thing is, every child deserves a parent, but not every parent deserves their child. Your kids already have a stable life with a father figure, ex interfering now does not have their best interest in mind. He is, in fact, a stranger. And a hostile one towards their mother it seems.
If they are entering HS, I suppose they are old enough to be included in the decision of whether they want to meet ex or not, but under np circumstances are they to travel there. Ex can go to you.
Want him to back off? Tem him if he and his family keeps harassing you, you'll go after child support, and ask for back pay all the way back when your kids were babies.
Btw, I'd monitor your kids social media in case they start harassing them.
If you read the texts, they're actually not bad. They're playful and interesting. I did take a long time to text her again, though, so someone else could have grabbed her attention.
It's a big one, though…. This is crazytown.
I mean, if that person is the one pressuring you into an elective surgery that you don't otherwise want, then I would be tempted to ask them to pay for it too.
But I agree with the person that said that this relationship sounds way too hard for being only a month in. If you're resorting to pricy medical interventions and making your partner feel like their body is inadequate a month in, maybe just don't and break up?
Also, are there no other ways he can make sure their sex life is enjoyable for her? He could do the procedure and then still turn out to be sorta selfish in bed.
Sure
That’s true but it doesn’t sound like that it just sounds like he doesn’t want to spend money on the wedding.
You need to speak to a therapist. You have to relearn a decade plus of behavior and thought patterns, pithy answers on Reddit won’t do that for you.
Don’t respond, just leave
Why should he have to cook if he’s fine with eating take out??
She’s either super naive or an idjit. No 45 year old mf is trying to be buddies with a 25 year old single woman. Trust has nothing to do with what obviously happened.
Just exchanging numbers and agreeing to go “get coffee” alone with that middle aged mf is crossing serious boundaries.
You know damn well she wouldn’t be ok with you being chummy with a 45 year old woman, let alone exchanging numbers and agreeing to meet up alone. Is she an idiot or something?
“What Makes Love Last: How to build trust and avoid betrayal” by Gottman.
You need to tell him he’s an adult and use his eyes. If dishes are dirty than obviously they need clean. He has to stop giving you the mental load. Explain you are not his mother to give him chores, and he has to use his own initiative to get chores done.
Otherwise, give yourself a month deadline and let him know that if he doesn’t make necessary changes, then you leave. You tried. And if he ever reverts back to old habits of expecting you to do everything, you will also leave him and not give him another chance.
Im not allowing him to do anything I know he’s capable of making decisions it’s just a matter of fact that this isn’t a good idea. I do know this job isn’t good for him cause he’s had previous jobs that would be considered much easier and I had to take him to the hospital 3 time cause his knees couldn’t handle it. I’ve had to see him in excruciating pain and I never wanna have to again. A doctor has already told us his knee is gonna keep giving out and overtime he will need a surgery. I know he’s an adult and can make his own decisions but he needs to realize if he gets badly hurt he has a family to support I can’t work I’m taking care of a baby and have no family near to watch my son if I did want to work , so what are we to do if he’s out of work due to an injury. We aren’t well off we are barely making it by now we would be screwed.
Jesus … What's up with this guy? Sis… That is some red flag territory and BS overreaction.
He’s lying to you. He’s trying to make you scared & depressed & think you don’t deserve him so you’re grateful for him staying with you. He’s stupid & childish at best & actively planning to abuse you at worse. Your vagina is supposed to get wet making it feel looser when you’re actually turned on. Hes either only had sex with girls who weren’t actually turned on & penetrated them when their bodies weren’t ready or he is directly lying to you (which is what I hope the truth is).
You deserve better than him.
Lol. Ask him out. That'll tell you everything you need to know.