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Nah.
Keep the past in the past and enjoy your new adventure.
I even laughed at this comment pretty nude
ARF!
I just want the freedom to say yes to everything anyone invites me to, without having to consider someone else.
You want to be single then. Being in a relationship means you should always consider the other person. I'm not saying they always come first, just that you should always consider them.
If you move out with the intention of staying together, it won't feel like to him. You've lived together for so long now that to move out would seem like you also want out of the relationship.
Given what I've said, I can't say whether you should move out or not, only you can. I get wanting to not waste your 20s but if you are with the right person, it's not a waste. You need to reflect on the relationship and determine whether he is the right person for you
Seriously, the guy literally “needs” to have sex every night and is oblivious as to why the amount of sex he has with his wife is decreasing steadily.
Hang on so you are struggling to support her now but she’s expecting you to carry on supporting her when she leaves and lives her dream without you….is there a nearby tattoo shop that can put mug across your forehead….oh yeah can’t afford that
I think it’s important to remember that she has done absolutely nothing wrong here, and any resentment you feel is because of your own insecurities. Like you said yourself, “it” makes you feel inferior and as if you’ve missed out. SHE doesn’t make you feel that way, just that one detail about her past does.
To be honest if it weren’t for this issue, I think there would just be something else causing you to feel this way because of how you view yourself. I’m not saying any of this to be mean, I’m just trying to give some clarity to the situation.
Maybe you should have an open and honest conversation with her about this. If you do, please keep in mind that there’s obviously nothing she can do to change what happened in the past, even if she wanted to, and do your best to not make her feel ashamed. In my opinion, 9 is not a huge number for her age, but regardless of the number, it’s just not right to shame someone for their sexual history. If you can realize that the way you feel is not because of anything she’s done, but instead because of your past and your mental struggles, please emphasize this to her.
Maybe by putting your feelings about this out there you can either move past this, or she can decide she wants to move on from someone that judges her so harshly without legitimate reason.
OP your partner is verbally and physically abusive to you, please do yourself a favor and leave him. He’s immature, selfish, and does not care about anyone but himself- not even his damn dog. Get away from him and if you don’t take his animals, call animal control and report neglect. He doesn’t deserve you or anything that you do for him. His ADHD is not an excuse to be a slob and put all of his responsibilities in your lap.
I hate the notion of “man s/he's too good for you” no. Nobody is too good for their partner if one is not being a PoS to the other. I see this a lot when an Indian subcontinent guy gets a beautiful foreign girl here. The girl looks genuinely happy in the photos while single dudes are sharing the pictures and crying about unfairness… making fun of the guy, calling her a gold digger (most guys are middle class people or the girl is a successful model herself) and I just facepalm realising why they've never been in a relationship.
I am so sorry but I've been there. When he quit therapy he was telling you he wasn't going to change. I ended up with STDs- 3 times. I had to have a hysterectomy. He has had multiple chances to change and he's turned them all down. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Imagine telling your grandkids one day how wonderful it was that their grandpa made you lose weight before he'd date you.
Would you want your future children to have someone who wouldn't accept them due to their weight? You know this is wrong. Don't do it.
She would feel more comfortable in her current relationship if she knew she wouldn't have to worry about money after it ended? Does that make sense to you? If she wanted to stay with you, wouldn't the money you have and spend while with her be enough?
Be very careful she's not trying to get you to agree to something with the plan of leaving you afterwards. You might care for her, but you're not obligated to give her the life she wants, and this situation seems very odd.
I have no idea. I don't know anything about him or their relationship except what OP has posted.
Good glad to hear, goodluck getting them back!
Honestly, I don’t think long distance is the issue here. I am comfortable with not seeing him everyday and I never get worried about what he’s doing. We weren’t long distance the first 1-2 months and I still had these insecurities. It’s just me, I’m the problem. I need to fix my self destructive behaviors before I drive him away like what you said. You make a good point at the end, I’m visiting him in 2 weeks. Thank you for this.
When someone you trusted as a friend reveals that they've been thinking something entirely different it can feel like a betrayal. It's impossible to just continue going through the motions of pretending to be friends because you'll always know that you've hurt them by rejecting them. No one should ever make a pass at a platonic friend unless they're willing to risk the friendship. Things can never just go back to the way they were before.
You’re making the assumption that he’s “feeling the recovery of the divorce” as if you know that’s what’s happening here.
The only thing that can be stated as fact here is that she mentioned her wants and expectations of seeking marriage in the future and he stated his of wanting a prenup for a marriage.
So the double standard here is you’ve deliberately only wrote him off in a negative light while she hasn’t when they are broaching the same topic that she initiated otherwise there would be no need for your initial statement or saying it’s “a sign to watch”
Everything I've read about it seems like “all guys do it” “if a guy says he doesnt hes lying” “if a guy decides to stop for a partner he will definitely start again”.
All said by men who have convinced women they will shrivel up and die without porn.
No one can tell you if your partner is capable, but don't let anyone tell you that all men watch porn. It's simply not true.
I went through this exact cycle so many times. I eventually got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder by my long time psychiatrist. (Not saying that YOU have BPD, just letting you know it’s possible that there could be a cause behind these emotions and behavior!)
You are free to leave any relationship at any time. Only you can trap yourself in it. She is a capable adult, she will manage to on-line her life without your income.
Don't waste your time common sense isn't too common
Yes I am because OP didn't mention the dark web so we're basically talking about the mainstream internet, the other one you need a special browser so I'm pretty sure OP would've mentioned it
Go.
It’s normal and healthy for couples to do things with other friend groups. You’re not doing anything wrong.
I'd start a college fund/savings account, and every time she buys something $50 more than yours you can just say “well she wasted $50 on this, while I put it into my child's savings account”. It makes you the smart one planning ahead, and her the spendthrift.
Who invites an ex over to drink without the intention of cheating. She may not have cheated, but she definitely intended to.
I have not said anything about sex being a reasonable or unreasonable expectation in a relationship. Your examples were not applicable to the situation and (like many) you misuse the word boundary.
I think it is totally fine for someone to breakup over lack of sex. But that needs a good conversation instead of one side putting pressure on the other.
You have made this the central issue in your relationship, his response not knowing is “sex or I'll dump you) makes the two of you the worst match possible. I'd end things, and next time, but up front.
When you're in a relationship with someone who serves the community. You accept the fact that there are times you will come second. If you love them, you will understand.
Offer to babysit a small child with him so he gets to see some of the reality? NTA, you don't have to have children just because someone else wants them, especially so early in your relationship.
Sounds like you’re just not compatible anymore.
You both sound like alcoholics tbh. But this is fucking disgusting it would be an instant deal breaker to me
My mom has had dementia for years now and I've learned it's best to let her on-line in her “reality ” for certain things. It will only hurt her feelings or agitate her to constantly correct her about her siblings who've passed.
My SIL was the opposite with her mom, also with dementia. She felt she had to be honest about everything and make her mom face reality, but it led to constant arguments as her mom would get upset or didn't believe her. I just feel like it kept her mom in constant turmoil unnecessarily and didn't want that for my mom in her last years.
Dude needs some help, sounds like it's time to run.
Aw babe
+,
Wow, this is probably the clearest example of I’m not mature enough to be married to anybody else I’ve ever seen
I, for one, couldn't imagine saying to my SO “Hey, a woman I'm good friends with is coming into town, and she's getting a hotel room with one bed. I'm going to stay with her for the weekend, but I promise we won't have sex.”
I would think my partner was joking if he said this to me. And I would be mad because it's not funny.
Far too many people jumped into things prematurely owing to the global uncertainty of the pandemic. So you're certainly not alone in that. Lockdown also triggered various forms of agoraphobia in those so inclined. But it sounds like you're doing better so just focus on that. Until you're confident and happy on your own you won't be a good partner to anyone else.