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Did he seem regretful BEFORE you found out? Did you notice him acting differently in any way that would suggest he WAS regretful before? Is he doing anything NOW to prove he can be trusted or are you just being influenced to forgive and forget? What he did took research, planning, and plenty of time to think about it.
I feel like she’s taking advantage of your Asperger's a bit here, as most neurotypical people would have broken up with her instantly the second she responded to this guy. It’s so far over the line she would need a telescope to even see the line. Her “well I didn’t know you felt so strongly about it” halfassed justification for pursuing this is ludicrous on its face. Anyone would expect their partner to object to a suggestion that they begin cheating on them in exchange for money.
I'm also going to add my red line – which is name calling.
Call me stupid once and I'm out. OP did significantly worse than that, and is very lucky that she's not already out the door.
You can try to get your mind off of it by having a guys night that night. Not sure what you like doing for fun but bringing some friends over, play some cards, drink some beers, go out, etc. Just something to get your mind off of everything. That might help. She will have a good time, you will have a good time and when she gets back you both can share stories of what you did.
You need to decide for yourself what is the line that your family can not cross to have a relationship with you and stick to it.
For example, you might sit your family down and say something like, “I have decided my boyfriend is right for me. Do you have any real character flaws to warn me about or real incompatibilities? He is my bf, dont worry, he won't be your bf. What is right for you in a partner is not the same as what is right for me. Starting now, you will not be insulting him or be rude to him or otherwise disrespectful of our relationship over the shallow things. If you insult his clothes when they are apropriate ill leave the event, or ill hangup the call, and you will apologize, or you won't hear from me . (Maybe something the shorter than that , but the point is if they act unfairly, ride again, you leave the family event early, or you just hang up)
(If you insist on trying to change your family members, you will only have like a 5% chance, but if you are going to try anyway watch Meghan Phelps-Roper TED talk about leaving the Westboro baptist church , using her 4 ideas is the only way I had any success more than zero when dealing with someone who is impossible or thinks very different than me)
Also, the slave remark! the projection is real it sounds like you have been the one slaving for your family paying for everything, and they dont want to lose you slaving for them.
Like real things that are predictors of a successful marriage (if that's in your future), are you both more or less on the same page or on agreement with:
Children: Do you want kids, how many , parenting philosophy
Goals: What are we trying to do 1 year 5 years 50 years.
Money: Will you be separate or joint , budgeting , retirement, spending , savings
in-laws: What is your united front when dealing with in-laws (sounds like this is good practice)
Spirituality / religion : Are you at least in agreement if not the same on this