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I had to double check this wasn’t best of redditor updates, again. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve seen this same type of story play out
Yea I never argued with any of that other stuff, I said I agree with everything else that they said ? the wife is clearly a bad person and is 100% at fault for ruining her marriage but imo it's still weird to say stuff that's just blatantly wrong. But I mean chances are this story's probably not even real anyway
2 months? Did she self diagnosis BPD or is it a real diagnosis, from a psychiatrist? You should NOT move in with her yet. Go to her place. If she's admitted she's chaotic, just wait. The instability, moodiness, impulsiveness and PRESSURE of being with someone who truly has BPD is often too much. It's not a reflection of YOU but you definitely need to know her better.
I don’t mean to be callous, but she may have given you the best Christmas gift she could possibly give. She sounds unstable, selfish, and cruel. I’m truly sorry you’ve had such a rough Christmas. But I suspect your new year will be much better if you cut this toxicity out of your life.
I'm so sorry you're seeing a friend down that path of self destruction. It must be incredibly sad and frustrating.
It sounds like he has given up, and you asking them to leave would mean them having nowhere to go and with no one acting as support. I can't imagine how you feel, the mix of guilt maybe but at the same time it's not your responsibility?
I don't know what the answer is tbh. If his prognosis is not too good, and you want to give yourself a time-line of how much longer you're willing to wait him out, that could help with your sanity.
I've read there are unconventional treatments that involve psilocybin for example, which have better rates of success. But at the same time, is this person close enough with you that you want to get into that road with him?
I would try to reach out to a support group for family members of AA patients. He might not be related to you, but they might have resources to help you navigate all the decisions ahead.
What do you do for work that’s leaving you so tired?
The unfortunate truth about being a man is that we have that expectation to have the energy to do what we need to do at any given moment. As you get older, there’s less and less opportunities to decompress, you start to focus more and more on work, housework, errands, children when you have them, aging also demands more from your fitness, and you still need to put effort into your relationship if you don’t want it to deteriorate.
Not to sound bleak but you may need to work on learning to balance things better, if you’re job is wearing you out too much to the point you can’t do your hobbies after, it might be a good idea to switch jobs that might not be so demanding. Ultimately in the grand scheme of things, hobbies should come last, you can keep a small amount of time dedicated to them, I’m sure you can tell your partner “I’ll see you at X:00, There’s a game I’ve been wanting to play all week or a song I’m trying to learn and I’ll make it up to you on a date”
You can find hobbies you enjoy with her or work on feeling less awkward with her around. My now wife used to watch YouTube on my bed while I recorded songs, I’d only do it for like 30 minutes but just the company was enough, we took up painting together and would do that once a week.
That’s never going to happen and I think it’s probably safe to say your friendship is over. She’s going to think you got pregnant on purpose and there’s not really any coming back from that.
Kicking him out would be motivation for him to get a job – he’s a parasite
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Yeah I mostly find myself to keep the least amount of margin of error when it comes to giving people thoughts about trying to approach me romantically, but I don’t expect the same when it comes to my girlfriend. If I find her checking out a guy, I’ll just make a joke about it and then kiss her or something. But when it comes to me, I don’t want to create any shadow or a doubt that I am not committed to this woman, because I really love her and I used to be blamed for a lot of things that i didn’t do. (Not from her though, she always takes responsibility and always tells me when something is not my fault and never tries to blame me for others actions) but I have for example been incarcerated for something I didn’t do, yet I felt guilty because I was oblivious of it and that I put myself in that situation.
This is the start of being abusive, this behavior is horrible and you need to get out of this situation
And again, instead of listening you are trying to be right
He sounds like a condescending creep.
Do you think what she's doing somehow negates that or something?! You were together and now you're not. I promise healthy and mature adults don't imagine that her behavior reflects on someone she's not even in a relationship with
No I think that makes a lot of sense. It’s not the dollar value, it’s the gesture of doing something for you that you really appreciate.
Try framing it like you just told me: you love her and want to give her the world. But you may have pushed it a bit too far and have found yourself in a position where you are straining yourself to do so. A good way to do this without her feeling attacked is taking responsibility for it. You chose the fancy restaurants, and did it because you wanted to treat her, but admittedly overdid it. Obviously this is not her fault, but you wanted to be honest and open because you don’t want something like that causing tension between you. Hopefully she will be open to discussion when she knows this all arose because you just love her and want to spoil her all the time. What girl wouldn’t melt a bit?!
I found doing a little reading about the 5 love languages helped these situations in my relationships too. Sometimes the way someone else is showing their love isn’t the way we perceive love, so you don’t feel loved,”. Example: you feel loved when someone says “I love you” but all your significant other does is buy gifts (they do that because THEY feel loved when they receive gifts). I honestly think you and your gf are just missing the mark a bit and both of you really care about how the other feels. You show love by planning nice outings and spoiling someone you care about, she might be showing hers in a way you aren’t picking up.
Does your friend like your wife or acts cold? I wonder if friends finances is feeding the delusion that she's toxic for you and that the right thing to do is break you two up. And so he's following along thinking he's helping both you and his fiancee whims.
Not really seeing what's actually happening here is her obsession to try to breaks you's up to get to you.
my thoughts exactly, has got to be a troll cuz no one could be that insane to comment that, not even me when i’m manic.
You shouldnt put up with this from anybody, you deserve someone who treats you right, break up with him /s
“Never Re-friend a person who has tried to destroy your character, Snakes only shed their skin to become bigger snakes”
Your boyfriend is right, and she is not your friend.
He forgot how nude girls are? OP, did you ask him if he no longer considered YOU to be hard…or to be a girl for that matter?
He may have been drunk texting, but he was aware enough of what he was saying to tell you it was meant for his buddy…and to say that's just how guys talk. Well, sure, guys who don't have significant others might talk like that, but surely he doesn't consider himself to still be single…if you're in a committed relationship. Perhaps he doesn't consider that to be the case.
This is a test you are failing. Let her go, let her hang out with her friend. Trust her and do not be overbearing. Being mad about this and fighting will only make her mad at you while on her trip.
Trust is important, being secure is also important. Talking about it is one thing, trying to control a situation to not face it is another.
Its a simple solution to a lengthy story.
She lies, manipulates, reverses victim and offender. The asshole playbook. Your life will be an abject misery if you try to stick it out. Cheating, drugs, lies, money issues, emotional torture… leave all these behind. She cannot control herself. Your boundaries will be dissolved.
Get. Out.
IMO, if you want a family, at 38yo this might be your only chance. I would not make a rushed desition if I were you. Your baby isnt to blame than his father doesnt want children.
I mentioned that to him this morning! When it first happened I told him to please try to shake me awake, or even record it so that I can hear it myself maybe that’ll trigger a memory??? I’ll keep telling him to try to wake me up cause I really don’t know I do that. But I believe it’s true cause he’s always so hurt in the morning and any reassurance I give seems to not matter :/
Well, you can’t stop him being upset. It seems like he just takes time to process it and then moves on?
As long as he’s not taking it out on you I’m not really sure what else can be said or done. In my eyes he’s just as in control of those emotions as you are your dreams? We’re all human – a lot of this stuff isn’t in our control.
Maybe once he’s cooled off let him know it makes you feel sad to see him that way, and ask if there’s anything you can do to help him recover faster because you care about him. I don’t know what else to suggest though
You're a free meal and a joke to her and her friends.
So true.That made me start singing 'The Offspring.'
He’s delusional with a savior complex. That’s very easy to see. Very glad you are far away from him. You should also speak with a victim’s advocate about him preventing you from leaving, and the implied threats that you may have felt. I mean you literally had to escape when he fell asleep. That’s terrible and scary. You are not an entitled bitch, all you wanted was a normal relationship and you deserve a normal loving real man, far away from this clown. I will keep you in my thoughts, rooting for you to rise high above this! ?
If you hate trans people and refuse to respect their choices it typically comes from a place of fear, whether you realize it or not. That discomfort is a fear of facing the thing that makes you uncomfortable.
You set a boundary and he's violated that boundary. He cares about your trust so little that now he's weaponizing your insecurities. Do you want this in a relationship?
I have forgotten entire evenings, so I'm going to say it possible to forget what was said.
That’s not something you tell a coworker. That’s something you tell a licensed professional.
Use cash.
Hand over your credit cards.
You clearly have a problem.
An alcoholic doesn't go around sipping liquor. They have to cut off the temptation at the source..
So you simply can't control yourself when you have a credit card in your physical possession.
So get rid of it. Call your husband to put any large purchases on his card so he can manage paying it back.
And then you can carry cash around. Or debit cards with very limited funds on them.
But it's clear that credit cards are a trigger for you. You must report the trigger
The US cost includes those things too.
Don’t try to bring enjoyment about it. He fucked up. Tell him you don’t want to go and ask him to have another family member buy you out.
People cheating has NOTHING to do with the person they were committed to. It has nothing to do with your worth. A person who doesn't cheat wouldn't cheat on a stone either. She's a peace of shit. Just look at all the celebrities who got cheated on. They have money, the looks, a lot of them are putting a lot for their family and yet someone will throw away their marriage and family for an Instagram influencer… continue therapy and i hope you can heal from this
I'm not a pro but this isn't my first time. I've never heard such questions from someone I just me. I'm seriously interested why everyone is saying this?
> If you're intimate with someone, why is them asking you about STIs not ok with you?
Because I haven't slept with anyone in a while so I haven't bothered to get tested. But that's personal so I'd rather just say I don't have STIs (which to me seems more to the point anyway).
> why you're not comfortable answering.
To me questions like “are you vulnerable with me” are too open ended and unclear, as being vulnerable with someone has lots of different meanings.
You can study while doing laundry for every part except putting it in the machines and folding/putting it away
You have a bof problem not a dog problem.
This is the advice you need OP. People are suspect of relationships where there’s an age gap for a reason.
Urk that’s stomach churning. The poor child.