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You sound addicted! Stop minimizing the issue and have an honest conversation with her about it. Think about if you want to end your marriage over this.
I understand that you’re making a true effort to improve the relationship, but sometimes one partner making the effort is just not enough.
He is mooching off you to support what he wants to do for himself.
I understand that 100 people can tell you this, but until you’re ready to hear it, you’ll just wish we’ll tell you something different or easier to do. But there isn’t. You asked him to give you a little more attention and you said in your post he said “he goes on the attack and that I’m asking a lot from him.” Asking a lot would be making him get a job and actually start contributing. You’re asking for attention and he can’t even give you that.
You get one life. Please do not waste yours on this immature man-boy.
Please, even though it’ll feel naked, kick him to the curb and move on. Even if you online together, figure it out. One of you must go.