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My sister In law and her husband do a lot of cycling, including a lot of the type where you go down mountains, idk if it has a name, but anyways, it’s super time consuming.. you’re traveling to get to new trails, and then there’s actual time spent on a bike.. Then there’s the cost, if you’re traveling there’s the travel cost, and cycle equipment can be SUPER expensive .. so I wonder how OK the GF would be with basically being all alone a few weekends per month, in addition to possible vacations dedicated to JUST cycling.. I mean, if she wants that married+mommy life so much, maybe she’d be OK with it! My SIL and BIL are DINKs, and online in Germany, so every weekend they’re traveling to Austria or Switzerland, so for them it’s great and get to spend tons of time together
Cheers, I appreciate it.
And yeah I know what you mean/how you feel. Not to sound like an ass but you’re losing him one way or the other right now too.
You’re a few years younger than I now but I was 21 when this happened (29 now) but there’s only two options:
he says no
You feel hurt, question your value as a person and if anyone will ever love you. You hurt but take the time to heal and work on yourself, physically and emotionally. You come out of it actually developing a relationship with yourself and learning a lot about life and yourself.
You end up having a ton of fun and meet some amazing people and wonder why you were ever so hung up over someone who cares so little.
Trust me you’ll find someone who’ll be only too happy and ready to be official with you.
Mf’ll probably have some weak ass pull out game too so y’all can start a family and shit lmaooo
he says yes
Then it’s all good baaabbbyyy ???
Either way, don’t stress my guy. One life, online it up G
From your replies, it sound like he’s more likely the one gaslighting and manipulating you, not your mom.
But there is a chance she could come back by not initiating conversation with her and letting her do it right? Like if she realises I’m not contacting her or doing anything with her?
In all seriousness she’s already cheating
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Is it ever normal to call ANYONE dumb ?
Hey fluoxetine is actually the worst SSRI to drink on! I had a very similar issue where I would black out super easily and would behave almost manically when I was drunk. It makes your depression and anxiety significantly worse if you drink even a little regularly. Other SSRIs tolerate drinking better, but fluoxetine does not mix with alcohol
Sounds like we know the reason why you lost your boner
Just updated in the post.
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If she was actively snapping you the whole time/ on Snapchat then yes but if she was out of the app it’s entirely possible that she opened the app while she was by/in that house and then went to work after without opening snap
if you’re covered in bruises, take pictures. start building a case against him. after he goes to bed, take pictures of the destruction he caused as evidence. then go to the police. a REAL man would never lay his hand on a woman. you are in your 20’s and should be experiencing the best of the world, not chained to some asshole pushing 40 who has temper tantrums. don’t fall victim to the sunk cost fallacy of wasting 3+ years on this guy, it’s not worth it to online your life in fear.
with that being said. you need to protect yourself. from one woman to another, he could kill you. i’ve experienced this kind of thing before and please trust me when i say it does not get better. save yourself before it’s too late.
Paternity tests, asap.
Thank you so much for your response, seriously
You say she is having a manic episode? She obviously needs to see her psychiatrist then and adjust her medication if she is so unstable that she is blowing her whole life up.
It also means that she will likely come crawling back to you once the episode ends. Don't get back together with her – she is obviously not mentally healthy enough to be a reliable and trustworthy partner.
If you just wrote “manic episode” but didn't really mean it in an illness sense, then she probably did it because she's only 23. People that age do dumb shit all the time. Regardless, if you think she can be held mentally accountable for her actions, you might want to look into a free consultation with a lawyer to see if you can sue her for half of the savings. I understand that you don't have the money to do it right now, but once you find a new job, it might be possible.
Besides that, you need to now do whatever you can to get back on your feet. Obviously, cancel all shared expenses. You're not a team anymore – cut your losses. Get a new bank account and basically new everything – make sure you are financially separated ASAP so that she can't drain even more.
The next thing is obviously getting some money to survive. Ask friends if you can crash on their couch. Hell, ask a neighbour if you can mow their lawn for a few bucks. Ask if someone can lend you a bicycle so that you can expand your job search radius at least a little bit. If you have anything you don't absolutely need, sell it online. See if someone is looking for a roommate. Basically do everything you can to get a job – no matter how shitty – and a new roof over your head – no matter how cramped and even if it is just temporary.
Alternatively, if your ex does suffer from diagnosed manic episodes, approaching her father might be an option to let him know what's going on with his daughter and ask how long you are allowed to stay. The more information you have, the better.
….Also, that said, you dating a 19 years old at 27 is pretty gross and you kind of got ruined by karma here, dating someone whose brain hadn't fully matured yet.
I’ve mentioned it in an other comment but I always said no in the beginning. You know what happened? I was slapped in the face. On another occasion, I was followed by a group of guys. Another I was screamed at “that I was a stuck up bitch that thought she was too good for them”.
Eventually, I started lying about having a boyfriend, being married, giving out fake numbers. That didn’t help either. I’ve been SA on multiple occasions. I ended up moving from the city to a more rural place and while men still approach me, the difference is immense. And while this isn’t the only reason for me moving, it played a huge part in my decision.
Note: I definitely don’t want to give the impression that is just a “city” problem, it can occur everywhere. I’ve lived in the city for most of my life so that’s my personal experience. Where I online now there are mostly cows and horses and there is very little to do so the difference is noticable for me.
From your post it seems like you GF wants you to make the effort to plan things. She never said “please spend more money on me”.
After the Valentine & birthday, maybe you should try less expensive, but more thoughtful dates. For example:
a romantic picnic in the park. You plan/bring everything (location, tablecloth, picnic basket, wine(if permitted), etc…). The food can be as simple as you want. It's the idea that counts A group painting/wine class a romantic night out to look at the stars a romantic morning where you get up early to see the sun rise. Bring coffee.
These don't have to be as expensive as the dates you've previously planned. And then you can see if she appreciates the money you spend vs the time. Quite frankly it's easier to spend money on a problem than time.
Pay for the Subways. You should be happy she asked you to pick up the tab when it is cheap.
It's possible to online in the present, and still have a past.
I keep everything. Doesn't mean I spend time looking at it, but I don't keep a journal, so my old pictures are my history.
What's the difference between keeping those memories in your brain, vs keeping them on a phone?
Agreed. If I were him I might say nicely and positively (If I DO want to get married) that I appreciate her wanting marriage and that she took the initiative, but that I’d like the moment to be a little more direct and possibly more memorable. Tell her that while you’re happy, you feel bad that you didn’t quite understand what was happening at the time.
Or the tldr is to communicate that one of you needs to say “will you marry me?” I think if you just check that box and are open with her, you might have the best funny engagement story to tell.. “I was so oblivious that we got engaged, and I found out a week later!”
I find it alarming all you're focusing on is his feelings and proving the child is his. First of all he's calling you a cheater and a liar, causes scenes all the time and even takes it out on your friend which he suspects. You don't even comment on how this makes you feel or anything. Second of all this man is trying to put a baby in you. You don't comment on this as well. Do you have any say in this baby making manner…? It seems to me like you've lost touch with yourself because of this dysfunctional relationship. Do not have another baby with this man.
Yes, you should be afraid. He has serious anger management problems and this is clearly physical and emotional abuse. Please get out of this relationship ASAP while you have the chance
She's just cheating on her boyfriend with you. She's not going to break up with him for you because she doesn't want to, she is only stringing you along.
And if she cheats on him, she'll cheat on you.
How long have you been together?
If anything more than a few dates, that was thoughtless and something to talk about and get straightened out right now, because if you don't it will become a common thing.
Don't freak, just talk.
Wow i’m teary eyed. Thank you. I think he just doesn’t think about my side or realize how well i treat him. Maybe he’ll realize and maybe it’ll be too late. I don’t think i ask too much, im just a really hot lover. This comment means so much to me.
He is trying to spy on you. The end.
Are you following the rules? Does he have a good reason to spy on you?
Hmmmm what else do you call it when you intentionally lead someone along for a period of time knowing full well that if you tell them the truth that it will end the relationship?
Probably get downvoted for this, but honestly, if you love her and you’ve been living together and everything pretty much works, just get it done.
It was such a huge load off once we finalized things and could move on to the next phase. No more worrying/wondering/whatever. Just together, straight on till morning.
The only two downsides to marriage are 1: not having the freedom to date around anymore (but dating is fucking exhausting); and 2: it’s extremely expensive to back out if things go sideways.
Don’t make money your excuse in any case. If its not what you want, it’s not what you want.
A stay at home wife, no kids? Why can't i find a woman that wants to let me be a stay at home husband. I don't want to work.
My husband works in construction. It should be on him to remove stuff from his pockets. But life is full of shit without fighting about this. That's how I see it. So if he remembers, he'll empty his pockets. If I remember, I'll go through his pockets. In the end, a lot of screws and stuff go for a spin in a washing machine. No one cares one way or the other.
So, in conclusion, you are right. He is wrong. Everyone has annoying habits. For me, my husband saying “You're right.” Is enough for me not to care.
It’s never easy but it’s the not easy things that build character and make you a better stronger person. You’re gonna be just fine
She’s trying to make this about her BPD but in reality it’s just an excuse to cheat and leave the relationship without guilt. If she was actually committed, she’d work on it.
Can she talk to him whenever and however she wants? Surely she can only talk to him when and how he’s comfortable with it. I would hope that if the conversation became inappropriate somehow, your boyfriend would be able to shut it down.
That's what you think… If someone is this pathological about cheating, he doesn't just stop – or only long enough to make sure you stay. Then he'll have a second phone he hides in his car or at work.
You know the steps a cheating partner has to take, if they are seriously contrite and want to redeem themselves and rebuild trust: full disclosure, therapy and future transparency, to name just the basics. He is just pretending to do one of them.
Do you really want to marry a guy you could never trust? Do you want to be the spouse who always checks her husband's whereabouts and messages, has to check his phone for deleted apps or messages, frantically calls him when he's late getting home? Checks his financials for suspicious transactions? Don't do this to yourself.
I used to be close friends with a set of identical twins and I never could tell them apart. She was young and drunk and being lied to
What part of my post says “he has a total lack of empathy for anybody”? Check your hyperbole and misinformation before preaching to others
Idk what happened to you, man, but I must’ve misinterpreted myself here. We’ve been in a relationship like dynamic for a while now: dating, sleeping together, I’ve met her family, she was my date to my brother’s wedding over the weekend, and it’s been over 6 months of that and she’s only become more keen on making it official. My worry isn’t at all about her character, nor is it about her being genuine, it’s around me potentially fucking this up and losing a friendship I cherish as well as a person who’s been with me through tough times when she didn’t need to.
Being popular on a social media platform, being aware that your looks hold advantages, that doesn’t equate to a negative character. She’s not selling anything, marketing an OF, or any paid services, just utilizing the popularity on TikTok to push her yoga studio and online courses. Idk what led the response to think she’s a vapid, bad person but maybe that’s my fault. She isn’t and that isn’t the worry. The worry is me potentially blowing this and hurting and even maybe losing a person who’s been amazing to me when she didn’t need to.