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best of luck with this one.
you're already engaged, but his behavior is scary, and i don't think the traits that he is showing are likely to go away anytime soon. people keep the behavior that your describing for life, the redirecting criticism back onto the person who brought something up in the first place. you have to live in a house with him for the rest of your life if you get married, and if you haven't found a way to split up housework already, then you're kinda doomed imo. its his house too, so he should be trying to keep up with the chores without you having to tell him.
his response to you being overwhelmed about the state of the house is a crazy red flag to me, as well as bringing up a boundary in advance. i'm sorry, but what? you have establish a boundary first, otherwise its not a boundary, its trying to fix your partners behavior after a line was already crossed.
best advice to redirecting the conversation is speaking calmly, or having a sit down with him to talk about everything that's been going through your head. however, if hes saying you're constantly being negative, maybe try going a couple of days without saying anything about the housework. clean what needs to be cleaned on your end, books, shoes, your stuff, but maybe leave a few things around to see if does anything. if he doesn't, then you might need couples counseling to find better solutions from a professional
best of luck with this one.
you're already engaged, but his behavior is scary, and i don't think the traits that he is showing are likely to go away anytime soon. people keep the behavior that your describing for life, the redirecting criticism back onto the person who brought something up in the first place. you have to live in a house with him for the rest of your life if you get married, and if you haven't found a way to split up housework already, then you're kinda doomed imo. its his house too, so he should be trying to keep up with the chores without you having to tell him.
his response to you being overwhelmed about the state of the house is a crazy red flag to me, as well as bringing up a boundary in advance. i'm sorry, but what? you have establish a boundary first, otherwise its not a boundary, its trying to fix your partners behavior after a line was already crossed.
best advice to redirecting the conversation is speaking calmly, or having a sit down with him to talk about everything that's been going through your head. however, if hes saying you're constantly being negative, maybe try going a couple of days without saying anything about the housework. clean what needs to be cleaned on your end, books, shoes, your stuff, but maybe leave a few things around to see if does anything. if he doesn't, then you might need couples counseling to find better solutions from a professional
Maybe they’d be confused and laugh it off, or if it makes them angry say something like, “why’d you call me that? i don’t like being called that. Do you know what means to me? the reason that makes me upset is because ___”. Communicate not using violence
Wait, maybe this is a match.
Your husband is fucking other men. Get tested, and fond someone who is willing not to do that to you.
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Gently, if grooming victims could recognize it from the inside, it wouldn't be very effective.
When you were a child, he was in a trusted position of authority and used it to gain your trust and present himself as the only person you could rely on. He leveraged that trust into a sexual relationship when you reached the age of consent. A normal, well-adjusted adult does not see a 13-year-old child as a romantic prospect, period.
Even if we set aside the issue of groooming, the relationship you describe is deeply unhealthy. He is trying to isolate you from everyone in your life so that all you have is him. Up to this point he's been successful, and when you pushed back he punished you. Now he's trying to manipulate you into continuing the relationship with the fear that if you ever try to defy him again he'll dump you.
Even if we set aside the fact that your relationship is currently abusive, he wants kids and you don't. That is maybe the biggest dealbreaker there is. Please do not go back to him and be thankful he didn't sabotage your birth control.
You can't retroactively waste the years you were together, they're spent. The only years you have any control over are the future ones. Please do not waste future years with this man.
In the British military we call them “tree beaters”
I’ve been with my SO since March but we’ve no plans on moving in together anytime soon. I actually just resigned a lease at my current place until May 2024, so probably not until after that. But I’d say a good 1-2 year timeframe should give you plenty of time to decide if moving in with each other is something you’d like to do.
I think it's odd. I had an ex spring poly/open life style on me and kind of force me to agree. But I was allowed do what with who ever though she already crossed that line by already sleeping with some else which was cheating this reminds me of that just more straight to the point and it's about control. They want it how they want it comply or by. So in my situation it was good bye and she went off with other dudes or people she had lined up I was told you dont control me I do what with my body. I wanted monogamy so I had no choice comply or get hella out hurt 6yrs down the drain. This dude is literally like no I want it this way same thing but only difference everyone knows everyone is ploy/open. But he commanding versus pulling a fast one like my ex did. Regardless this is boundaries issue and need real conversation or it not gonna go well. I not into this life style but I get what goes on different strokes for different folks.
Love this. ?
Who would you say should move out?
Your relationship ended 8 months ago, you met Jane and moved her in after a couple of months of knowing her? That's called a rebound romance and it isn't a good decision. Look at how she's behaving! She has no right whatsoever to have any say in what decisions you and your ex make about splitting your joint finances and property. None!
You get to handle it in the way that works for you and your ex. But Jane is saying she has rights because she lives with you so it's her problem. She is pushy, controlling and aggressive about this. I think she needs to be the next ex. You moved too fast.
So maybe it's time to wake up and realize it's not her sex drive that's low it's your ability to satisfy women.
You’re right
We are exclusive to each other but we never really put any kind of label or anything on what we really are. We’ve known each other for a while and I know what I want and I feel I’m ready for more. I get worried about what he feels because he talks about having me in his future while also assuming that I won’t want anything because I don’t express myself all the time.
Thank you so much!!
It's a pretty bad time in my life right now which probably has a big factor. Like I said I'm on a nose dive as she's just begging to start to feel better. It was opposite for a long time. In any case she's been asked if she wants to go many times. I in no way pressure her to stay.
Well how am I supposed to know if I'm doing good or not. I'll think we are good for a while and then she will bring that up when we have a talk.
You deserve better than his shit treatment
He’s attracted to you he’s just telling you something different.
I understand that you like the attention and gratification. He will not stop wanting more. It will become a chore and should probably continue dating someone else.
HORMONES??? You are a total jerk and clueless
Yknow when I have my panic/depressive episodes I get a TON of stress hormones flooding my syste. Causes more sweat just passive as I sit even, and the smell of my whole body changes to like a different person.
We joke about it like “stress stink” etc. But it's only when my mental health is Real Bad. But for sure I'd call it SHARP. So uneducated but if she's prone to stress it's one more reason to shower daily. When in those bad places I'll force myself to shower twice a day (one shower, one “rinse” to be safe)
But there are seriously SO many reasons aomwone might smell off. Her whole body smelling off is imo a sign it may be multiple things. Like messy home, moldy clothes, hormones issues, poor diet/hygiene. Some kind of combo.
You really need to leave her alone. She may talk to you again but I'm betting she won't. There are some things you just can't come back from. The way you treated her is one of those things.
I am building two little men to carry on the tradition lol
Your girlfriend is trying to cut you off from your friends. Is that a life you want?
What is actually wrong with you?
That’s not too bad! It’s a day drive or so. He can probably even come home on weekends at times!
I am just reading a bunch of Redditors debate amongst themselves with zero followup
You trust her, fine and well. How much do you trust him? What do you think she does when he turns the conversation to flirting. She can't just shut him down hot right? He is her boss what if he makes her job unbearable because she didn't flirt back. That's just one example, meant to illustrate why her BOSS has no business spam texting her all day. Also, you've been asking yourself why, why would she sit on her phone all day keeping that convo alive when you are RIGHT THERE. She is putting herself in a shitty situation and putting you in one as well. Start texting her alot while she is texting him to remind her to talk to you too. Except that won't work will it because then she would say why on earth are you texting me so much it's wierd and now we have come full circle to wtf is HE texting her so much. ITS WIERD.
There is a difference between making you feel protected and actually protecting you. I guess you would feel protected if your boyfriend had gotten out and given the dude the ol' one-two. Maybe your boyfriend would have won the fight. Maybe not. On the other hand, maybe your boyfriend protected you by being there, helping you stay calm, and taking a defensive posture.
Game this out. What is really important here? Having a confrontation, maybe a fight? Or keeping you safe? And what would have happened in either scenario?
This is clearly fake, if it’s not, get a therapist
He responds saying we will or stop talking about it etc?
Same. I feel like people are acting like you can only have same sex friends once you're in a relationship.
I was being raw dogged by my now ex abuser so I really didn’t want a kid with him. I also thought there was a chance he cheated on me while we were long distance for over half a year because he was incredibly illogically weird about a woman he’d had sex with shortly before we were together.
They also refused to screen me first time I got an IUD when I graduated high school because I’d only had one intimate sexual partner, this was even after explaining I’d been raped repeatedly by my father before I hit puberty and that’s why I wanted the test.
That same place didn’t place it very well and it came out in about a year, the one I have now though very uncomfortable to get (despite topical anesthetic and heavy ibuprofen use before going) is overall more comfortable now and took a lot less recovery time. It isn’t messing with my periods like the last same copper IUD did, I think it was partly due to her being more thorough about measuring me and taking her needed time for insertion at planned parenthood.
I needed a break to grab the wall and calm down because my mind is hot linked to my body and I started panicking. That was equally shit to find out when I attempted suicide (stopped myself before I got too far) and couldn’t decipher between physical and emotional pain.
Is there any chance that there will be someone who will hate/turned off by bigger dicks?
Basic rule for all women is to realise all men are self-conscious about their dicks, length, girth, shape, feel, look etc…. Op is a normal example of this. Always be kind as it will only affect you when he gets ED.
Is this real? You
You mean EX-BF, right?
Bc the guy is banging a girl in a motel room right now…
So what other aspects of your life does he demand control of?
Lying by omission is still lying. She should have told you her real age when you first started dating.
And she's not the same person. You might not even know this woman. How do you know anything else about her is true? How long was she willing to let you believe that she was 23 and not 19??
It sounds like ADHD to be honest. Especially the hatred of being reminded all the time, it used to make me intensely angry when I was unmedicated.
I felt like all the joy I derived from doing my tasks or helping someone was taken away, since it was now something that was expected of me.
I didn’t take an amazing opportunity to do a semester abroad because I didn’t want to leave my boyfriend. I regret it immensely. This is your time to experience new things and meet new people. If you and your boyfriend are “meant to be” then you will be. But don’t pass up the chance to explore who you are because you are afraid to lose someone else.
…why'd someone comment and then block me? I can see the comment notification but it won't bring it up lol To reply to user CanRough3900. I wouldn't care if he literally talked about his game on the phone I'm just lonely lol he doesn't have to focus on me just being present would be enough.
He sounds like he's really bad in bed. Happy to read you blocked him. He doesn't deserve your body.
You just can't make this shit up
I don’t think telling someone you want to try something new is the same as what happened.
You shamed her for her very vanilla fantasy. How was she supposed to feel exactly? Did you tell her what you wished she had done instead? Or just say “I don’t like it when you talk about things we havnt done yet in detail”?
He sounds very strange to be suggesting this to you. Of course your comments were normal and based on the unusual situation. A 14yr old is not another adult, he’s a kid!! Your bf sounds odd and a bit concerning.
Exactly. If he doesn’t mean it why does he say it when he knows it upsets you? That alone should be a good reason to stop doing it.