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Did it happen to you while he was asleep? Because he could have something called Sexsomnia, but it's not ok no matter the situation. Did he acknowledge what he did afterwards? If he just blew past it like it doesn't matter you definitely have a problem.
I don’t know why you just don’t face the fact that you can’t handle dating a man with female friends and end things. You two aren’t compatible. He’s not going to end that friendship and he shouldn’t have to. The fact that he lied about something this big, that he knew would bother you this early in the relationship, is a huge red flag for your future. It’s ok not to be comfortable with these kinds of friendships. Everyone is different. Some people can handle it, some people can’t. Both are ok. You just need to find someone more compatible with your beliefs on this.
He is gross and weird.
She’s known how I feel for about three years now, I just feel that I can communicate it better now. I limit my family time so she knows there is tension for me. My family don’t talk about emotions and they people please. I have always felt like an outsider because my siblings talk behind my back, and are fake nice to my face and gang up on me. They don’t do conflict and sweep everything under the rug. I would never cut them out of my life at all, I just feel the need to share my inner world more with my mum so she knows the reasoning behind why I don’t enjoy the family events. It’s a feeling I get when I am around them, that has built up over time, that I am unsafe here.
Your husband is fishing to see what he might be able to catch. Very sus.
You should definitely break up with him. it seems she’s top priority . She’ll always be around and he’s not the one to defend you or take your part.
People in this thread really are hamming up marriage. There are plenty of good reasons not to get married. Being unmarried makes for easier and cleaner breakups, finances not as intertwined, completely leaves the courts out of it. Most of the benefits of marriage aren't things I'm really worried about anyways, so there isn't much incentive to take that massive risk.
Sometimes I think people just want to convince others to make the same decisions they made.
It might have been using u as a beard or he’s at the very least bi and like to cross dress.Sorry that you had to find out of this out after you got married
When my bf and I were starting though….we would do mutual masturbation so….like id just listen to him to moan and he wild listen to me even if I couldn’t see anything. I also love when he texts me things he wanted to do to me and see me in or voice messages telling me. Or send a video no screen but just audio too.
Why are you dating a hobo?
Not to side with your now-ex, but people can be convicted of sexual assault/rape through coercion, meaning someone won't take no for an answer and will wear the recipient down with persistence. A singular no should be enough. We don't know your girl like you do, so you'd have the best gauge on whether she's actually telling the truth or feeding you bullshit to save herself and play you. If it's the former and he actually did 'force her', she could charge the dude with a crime. If she's telling the truth and follows up on charging him, then it wasn't a clear-cut cheat (it will still suck, though). If she's lying and charges him, then she's a sack of shit. The fact that she was flirty the whole night, enough before getting drunk, is probably indicative to her making poor choices and being a cheat. I doubt she'd throw this dude in front of a judge.
You married a mean spirited person. That's her nature. It's not going to change unless it costs her something.
Then he’s ended the relationship. Simple as that. If he can’t/won’t negotiate that’s the end of it. You don’t negotiate with someone like that anyway.
Why did you ask? Just get the toy.
Don't let anyone control you. Ever.
I reacted by saying something like ‘thank god, I wanted to get that for myself, that would have sucked.’ I know not a cool thing to say but anyways,
Damn man that isn't a “but anyways” – that comment is literally the issue. There are some thoughts that pass through our heads that you don't say out loud to someone who you care about.
You clearly have someone who very much loves you to spend that kind of money on you. I bet she was excited to surprise you with it knowing it was something you really wanted. Your statement was hurtful at best.
I get why you're disappointed. You wanted to reward yourself for your accomplishment. You told your girlfriend that you wanted to get yourself the watch. Did you tell her why you wanted to get yourself the watch? If not; that was clearly a miscommunication on your part. Major dick move making her feel bad for wanting to do something out of love and care.
Apologize and show your appreciation. Expect to give her some space for a while. If she ends up returning the watch – you may… not want to get it for yourself. Unless you're cool with wearing a reminder of this issue around your wrist.
Pretty much confirms this post is a weird fetish troll. If something like this happened to me, you couldn’t torture that information out of me. Certainly I wouldn’t tell my friends, family and the mailman in under 24 hours.
Hey OP, while I do definitely feel like this is something to be addressed, I don't think this is a huge transgression.
He found an opportunity to vent to “the boys”. But it probably isn't reflective of the totality of the way he feels about you.
Was it inappropriate? Yes. But the important thing is that he's apologised, learned from it, and will adjust his behaviour in the future.
To me, once he's done that, I think it's important to move past it and enjoy your relationship rather than dwelling on it.
Hi. BPD here. With treatment and therapy BPD CAN be managed. It takes very hot work and acceptance from the BPD party that they need serious help. I'm on 600mg mood stabilizers to make sure I can function without having a splitting episode. It took me a lot of time to get here but I did it. I'm sorry your ex caused such harm to you but please don't discredit the rest of us.
I used to split when my partner would take a nap or go hang out with his friends, or if he didn't respond quickly enough. It was hard for him. It was hard for me, too. But my reactions weren't fair and I knew that and that's why I made a change. Some people don't want to put the work in to improve themselves. Your ex sounds like one of those people, BPD or not. Don't blame the disorder on her lack of self awareness and effort.
Thank you.
Well either give in. ( which would be pretty stupid). Or just say no and let her deal with it.
She is acting like a child, in her defense she is one.
Probably a good portion of them are porn addicts.
I'm sure she did, as much as you can love someone in high school. Did you “love” anyone as a kid? I did, some of them I'm still friends with. We were never meant to be more than that, nor would we ever today. I value their friendship more than that.
I think you're right that much of this stems from insecurity. One big example is from when my ex-fiancee cheated on me. And, ugh, I found out in the worst way. So I'm projecting some of those feelings onto my current relationship, it's been a problem before. But, at the same time, I know that's my problem and she's done nothing to warrant it.
So there's a part of me that is threatened by the idea that she could have strong (romantic) feelings for the deceased, but that's still my own assumption. One thing I love about her is that she has strong feelings about so many people in her life- she loves her friends, and I love that about her. It's the same reason why she got a tattoo for a female friend that died years ago.
Just like you
Oof, gotta love the brain.
For about a month I just kind of wasn't sure if that's what I wanted so recently we took a one week break – still together just no texting and meeting – just to have a time out and figure out things maybe.
ONLY 1 month of doubt after 3 years? Maybe temporary thoughts, that's not a lot of time, but maybe you should listen too it. The fact that you jumped to a break though seems more telling IMO that maybe you two should just separate.
Throughout the break I felt pretty bad and I missed him but when we reached out to each other again I got tired of talking to him pretty quickly.
Ok, so you missed him so that's a good sign that maybe you shouldn't move on, however, the getting tired of talking to him after a week is also not a good sign. Was this “talking” over the phone, or in person, texting, etc. Personally, I hate phone calls. I love my partner but if I was talking too them over the phone, I'd get pretty tired of the conversation pretty quick simply because I hate that form of communication.
Then today he said something to me about buying me a new computer (mine is pretty shit) which I found ridiculous – it's a big gift and then I'd kind of feel obliged in some way and when I thought of that feeling I got this reaction like I wanted to just get out of there
Honestly, I'd feel the same way about this. I certainly hope that his intention is wholesome and he isn't actually trying to “trap” you. However, no matter his intention your feeling over this kind of a gift is very valid. I recommend not accepting such a gift from him, whether you want to have an open conversation as too why or just a simple, “I'm not comfortable accepting such an expensive gift”, either would do.
Without more context, you're both very young, got together when you were 15 and he was 17. I'm guessing you're having a bit of FOMO (fear of missing out). Especially if you're planning on going to college and/or if you two will be switching to long distance. If you feel that you need to experience being single then you're best off breaking up, nothing wrong with that. If you think that missing out on being single is something you can handle, and this relationship is worth it, then you can push through these doubts for the sake of your relationship. They should fade if your partner is truly worth it. If anything try to pin point why you might be having these thoughts, if your relationship is worth it, have an honest conversation with your bf about how you're feeling and if either something should change or if it might be better to just breakup at this time.
There's really no right or wrong here, it's just one of those really complicated and difficult decisions to make. Regardless of what choice you decide to make, just make sure you stick too it, and make the best of it. Try not to look back as though you should've made the other decision.
You led her to the water but you can’t make her believe if she doesn’t want to.
Yes, a horribly insecure person that needs constant attention to validate herself. Bye, darling
You need to be open and honest with her. Will you look stupid? Most likely. Will she react badly? Possibly, but those are the consequences of your actions.
So again, come clean about it, tell her the truth and then accept whatever happens after that. She deserves to know
First thing’s first! When you take LSD it takes 20 mins to an hour to hit (depending how fresh it is) then it last for 8-12, you will not be able to go to sleep until the acid has ran it’s course.
Being super drunk and not knowing it was you but had enough fortitude to go and get in a room and close the door.
And he was home 15 mins later….
Your sister is the key holder of this whole shituation
Why do you feel you have to fix everything? He seems to be “triggered” for unknown reasons – and that angry behavior seems obnoxious – ant that is on him, right? Anger is a strong emotion – and the problem of him getting angry is not yours to solve. Maybe some time apart would be calming for you both.
Nope, you shouldn’t try again. This guy is a grown ass man blaming his friends for something he chose to do, no accountability on his part whatsoever. He’s just saying the things you want to hear.
I’d suggest not contacting him any more. Plenty of decent folk out there who won’t cheat, good luck.
Wait, you let her AP stay at your house for the weekend AND you’re not there? Dude………
If she was protecting you, she'd ask if you can get a safe word or a signal that you can use so she knows when to intervene.
So here's the thing: there is very little that you can personally do in this situation, it's all on him. It is his responsibility to keep his interactions with other women appropriate. He's the one who needs to sort himself out and rewire his brain so that cheating isn't such an easy thing for him to do. You said so yourself that this is his first committed relationship and he's cheated on every single partner in the past so what other commenters are trying to warn you about is that you are essentially a test run for fidelity for him. And while him being open and honest about his constant temptations to stray could be a good thing and could be a sign of him communicating his struggles, it could also be a convenient way of bracing you for if/when he eventually gives in because hey, he warned you. That's what everyone else is trying to tell you and getting defensive about it when you came to public forum asking a question just makes it seem as though you are willfully blinding yourself to the possibility of your boyfriend not being able to stay loyal. You know what I mean?
At the end of the day, you could be the most loving and supportive girlfriend in the world but that won't save you if your boyfriend can't control himself. Keeping up with therapy is a must and communication is helpful but he has to learn that telling you every single time he gets the urge to cheat can damage your relationship. How exhausting is that going to be? Months, years of him letting you know how the checkout girl is very hot and he wants to fuck her, the woman he sat across from on the bus is hard and he wants to fuck her, and so forth and so on. That's going to wear you down, one way or another. He needs to find a middle ground where he's not bombarding you with the inner monologue of his infidelity urges but he's also not keeping you in the dark about it.
Good luck to you either way, you're going to need it.
I'm being treated like freaking furniture. And wtf? I don't want any male attention
Why isn't it your place?
In the beginning of his post he said there was other friends there as well besides them three.
Okay to be fair if something indescribable happened to jeopardize my relationship I’d be FREAKING out because it was completely out of my control… but that’s me, an anxious person.
But I would probably cry immediately upon discovery of said condom which doesn’t do me any favors.
But if I was in her shoes, and I genuinely didn’t cheat, I would be crying my eyes out because I know that it’s gonna take so much work to have them believe me.
But she definitely cheated
He wants to get tested “for you” just like he wants to get a vasectomy “for you” and he’ll be so gentle “for you” – it isn’t about you, it’s all about him. He’s being manipulative, and then trying to make you think you’re the strange one for not consenting to his oh-so-gracious terms. He doesn’t care about what you want, he’s just saying what he thinks will get him what he wants.
How long have you been working with her to “see the brighter side of life”?
i absolutely would prefer being with someone I love very deeply but don't have a satisfying sex life with. i've had very good sex with previous partners that I myself have dumped within months because I felt I didn't connect with them on other levels, whereas clearly i've been with this man for 7+ years on emotional/intellectual connection alone. but to your point- I don't know if I could online my whole life that way